Hits & Misses: The King of Fighters

DISCLAIMER: When I first reviewed this movie it really wasn't a review at all. So here's my legit review of King of Fighters.

Real Talk: This movie is a little too cheap to be called King of Fighters, King of Lazy Film-Making is a bit more accurate.

Miss: Discount Matrix/Sword Art Online...that's essentially what this movie is. No actually tournament with actually fighters, just normal people in some glorified Matrix/SAO Simulator.

Miss: No offense to Maggie Q but they really couldn't find any other Asian actress with big enough breasts to play Mai Shiranui? Also what's with the hooker outfit she's wearing in this fight?

Hit: But in hindsight at least they didn't whitewash Mai. This will have a point later.

Miss: What's with the weird electrical powers from Mai, I'm pretty sure she doesn't do that in any of the games. Good job shitting on the source material movie.

Miss: *This movie's opening credits.* Am I watching King of Fighters or an Avatar The Last Airbender knock off?

Miss: Here's Iori Yagami whom doesn't seem to have red hair in this movie. Accuracy, what's that?

Miss: *Turns out that two of these three mystical relics can open a door to another dimension, leading to the creation of the King of Fighters tournament.* OK...but why though? What practical applications does a dimensional tournament has in this movie's real world? Will this be beneficial to the homeless, to the sick, will children receive better education? Did they even explore this dimension before it was deem safe to start a tournament? Are there even any inhabitants in this dimension. Also is this dimensional fighting tournament available for everyone or just fighters only? 

Miss: Also, also is it me or am I getting Super Mario Bros. movie flashbacks.

Miss: They dragged Ray Park into this movie.

Hit: Also Ray Park.

Miss: This mirror relic is a door to the dimension that Rugal needs yet he carelessly uses it to beat up Iori with it.

Miss: If the Kusanagi Sword (one of the three relics) was a fake then why couldn't Chizuru Kagura have all three relics be fakes? Would've stopped Rugal from getting into the dimension. But then again this would've been a short movie.

Miss: Chizuru: "Rugal's going back in, people will die if we don't find the real sword." Mai: "It's just a game." Chizuru: "Not if someone submits to the Orochi, it'll turn into a death match." Then why the hell would you have a fighting tournament in a dimension where a demon is trapped and that it can become unsafe for everyone if someone submits to said demon?

Real Talk: Chizuru: "Without the true Kusanagi Sword Rugal can't free Orochi." Then just don't go get the real sword or just hide it. Either way Rugal's long gone and has no means to free Orochi, just shut off from the dimension and bam movie over.

Miss: Kyo Kusanagi, Japanese high school fighter from the KoF games, played by a random white guy in this movie. Also if I was Mai I be like "yeah right, where's Saisyu's real son?" What, you say that's racist? Well that's what happens when studios pointlessly racebend established characters for no narrative reasons.

Miss: So Chizuru did try to shut down the tournament but Rugal just magically takes it over anyway. The fuck is this guy Discount Akihiko Kayaba?

Miss: I get it movie, Mature and Vice are lesbians if you were any less subtle this might as well turn into a porn scene.

Miss: Despite the warnings from Chizuru to NOT accept new challenges, Mature and Vice go into the tournament anyway. I guess common sense is a foreign concept in this movie.

Miss: *Rugal intimidating Mature and Vice in a street hockey outfit.* I don't know what this is but it's neither intimidating nor funny. Also this is a waste of Ray Park's time with this character.

Hit: At least the Rugal vs Mature and Vice fight scene is OK.

Miss: Vice is forced to tell other fighters that "it's safe" to go now and none of them don't ask Chizuru to be sure. Again common sense is a foreign concept.

Miss: Terry Bogard, the bad ass Legendary Hungry Wolf fighter from the Fatal Fury/KoF games, some random CIA guy in this movie. If you think that's bad what until you see his in-tournament outfit.

Miss: Chizuru talking to Terry: "Rugal is consumed by the Orochi." Hold on, earlier Chizuru said that with the Kusanagi Sword can Rugal free Orochi. Rugal doesn't even have the sword so how exactly is he "consumed by the Orochi"? What's that....what's that sound I'm hearing....is that the writers throwing away the script?

Miss: Mai: "What about Kyo?" Iori: "Kyo's a half-breed." Uh in what way, Iori? That he's half white and half shitty casting choice?

Real Talk: So Kyo's father was in the tournament many times. This begs the question of how long has it been around? Because if it was around for decades (maybe longer) then how can fighters enter the dimension when those bluetooth earpieces were probably weren't invented at the early times of the tournament.

Miss: Mai talking to Kyo: "Someone's trying to harness the Orochi power and if Rugal succeeds we may never have a chance to stop him." But it's established that he needs the sword in order to do so, which he doesn't have. And so far he hasn't come out of the dimension to get the sword. Did no one in editing notice this plot hole, did no one call for re-shoots, was the director too lazy off his ass to give a shit? Why is this movie established a plot point if it's gonna forget about it later on?

Real Talk: Kyo's gonna make Rugal pay. Dude you got owned by Mai not too long ago, you have a better chance of fighting a tree sloth.

Miss: Iori enters the dimensional tournament still doesn't look Iori from the games. But then again how does he fight with leather strap attached to his legs?

Hit: Iori vs Mature and Vice.

Miss: *Mai and Terry at an abandon fish cannery as a field office.* You wanna know if a movie is on a shitty budget, if there's a scene that literally points it out. And no that doesn't excuse the movie at all.

Miss: I know I suppose to care for Kyo but this character's portrayal in this movie and the actor's performance are just so pitiful.

Hit: Rugal talking/fighting Kyo: "That's not fighting. Technically that's you taking a beating." Well he's not wrong, I mean Kyo did got his ass handed to him by Mai.

Real Talk: Why do I the feeling that this entire movie is just one big padding?

Miss: Chizuru: "Rugal is close to merging our worlds." Guess I'll add Discount Mortal Kombat Annihilation to this shamelessly made film.

Real Talk: Chizuru if you saw Mai kicking Kyo's ass earlier you wouldn't even bothered giving him encouraging speeches.

Miss: Terry's outfit in-tournament makes him look like a redneck Marty McFly. Hell his hat's not even metal plated.

Miss: I sure Rugal is threatening and dangerous in the games but in this movie he's like a Discount Freddy Kruger.

Hit: Terry and Mai vs Mature and Vice.

Miss: Movie please be clear of your story, is the Orochi a demon or an evil power?

Miss: Yes movie, further ruin Terry by making him a complete pussy.

Miss: *Rugal breaks the Kusanagi Sword.* But I thought it's the only thing to free Orochi? Oh that's right the writers threw out the script.

Miss: Magical Sword Ex Machina. 

Real Talk: (With the expectation of Mortal Kombat, Dead or Alive and maybe Tekken.) It really shouldn't be too hard to make a live adaptation of a tournament fighting game. But these filmmakers just somehow find a way to fail something so easy to do.