Miss: They just had to drag Samuel L Jackson into this remake.
Hit: Also Samuel L Jackson
Real Talk: Movie establishes these battle drones won't harm anyone when they're wearing electronic bracelets that deems them as Red Assets. Remember this for the ending because the movie pulls some Bullshit Ex Machina out of its ass that'll never be explained.
Miss: They just had to drag Jackie Earle Haley into this remake.
Hit: Also Jackie Earle Haley
Hit: Not gonna lie the remake version of the ED 209s are actually pretty cool. Not to mention that they're reliable and functional whereas the original ED 209 was made a running joke in the sequels.
Miss: *Dumbass terrorist kid confronts an ED 209 with a knife only to get shot to pieces.* What a way to spread fear and terror to the world, confronting a big bad ass drone with a knife just to get turn into red paint. What was this kid's plan for the EM 208s, attacking them with a super soaker?
Hit: The modern RoboCop theme is actually pretty good.
Miss: However, this theme only plays for a few seconds. One of the most iconic theme music in movies and the remake plays it for a few seconds. Not only that but the theme is played only three times in this remake, fucking lame.
Miss: And since I'm on the subject, this film's soundtrack is just weak and not all that memorable compare to the original.
Miss: When the original introduced Lewis she was quite the capable bad ass. Whereas the Lewis in this remake is already shot up and in the hospital when he's introduced.
Miss: And to top it all off, the remake made Lewis from a white woman to a black guy. Now don't get me wrong I got nothing against diverse characters it's just that Hollywood has this REALLY lazy way to push for diversity. Race/gender swapping existing characters IS NOT being progressive or displaying representation. It just makes the creators horribly lazy and making the race/gender swapped characters derivative as fuck. Furthermore, nine times out of ten there's never a narrative reason within the plot/story to justify these changes but rather usually apropos nothing to said characters and/or plot. Point being race/gender swapping is a lazy, superfluous concepts that needs to fuck right off.
Miss: You wanna know if a mega corporation is obviously evil? It's when there's an ominous music playing in the background at Sellar's office meeting. Subtly, what's that? And yes the people of OCP were scummy douchebags but the original (and the sequels) shows them being scummy douchebags rather than playing not-so-subtle evil music in the background.
Miss: "Corrupt cops" cliche. The movie doesn't even try to be subtle or shocking about it, just has the two corrupt cops talking to Antoine Vallon out in public.
Miss: And speaking of Antoine Vallon, this guy is no Clarence Boddicker. In the original he teases Alex Murphy before shooting his hand off then has his gang shooting the shit out of Murphy. And then to add the cherry on Clarence shoots a still alive Murphy in head. Vallon just gets some rando goon to plant a bomb to Murphy's car and call it a day. Clarence killed plenty of cops with zero fucks given while Vallon is too much of a pussy to kill a cop himself.
Miss: *Alex and Clara are about to have sex until his car alarm went off.* PG-13 my ass.
Miss: So this car bomb doesn't go off back at the hospital nor when Murphy's driving home. But instead it goes off at the house at night with the off chance of Murphy stepping out to switch off the car alarm. I guess that bomb was lucky the car alarm just randomly went off when it did. Otherwise the bomb would've gone off and killed fucking no one.
Miss: Also was the car bomb on a slowest timer ever? Why not have it go off as soon as Murphy got in the car? This just comes off as goofy narrative flow.
Hit: I actually like the RoboCop design to be fair, that is before they give it a new paint job.
Miss: Although it's a shame there's a scene that's cut from the movie explaining why Murphy still has his right hand. I guess the editors didn't think it was that important.
Miss: In the original Murphy's memories were erased and was legally dead when turned into RoboCop. Becoming one of the key plot-points in the movie of Murphy rediscovery his former life. In this remake Murphy still has his memories, going through the same arc as the original minus being deep and impactful.
Miss: And it really doesn't help how this Murphy's mannerisms and personality stays the same through the whole remake. Well that is whenever the script doesn't have him acting like a cyborg zombie for the sake of the plot. Hell he doesn't do the robo-voice like in the original.
Miss: Sellars and Norton were looking for a candidate who's mentally stable enough for the transition into RoboCop. Unfortunately when Murphy is revealed what became of him he practically had a breakdown. Good choice, guys.
Miss: *Norton shows Murphy what's left of him after stripping away the cybernetics.* I get it's meant for Murphy to be shocked as being left as a head with lungs and heart. But why not just show some fancy techno schematics to get the same point across? This reveal was no more than out of nowhere shock value in a PG-13 movie. Also PG-13 my ass...
Miss: The handcannon in this remake ain't got nothing compare to the gun from the original. This thing looks like a knock off Nerf gun sold at dollar stores.
Miss: Mattox: "Wouldn't buy that for a dollar." What a waste of a callback.
Miss: *Norton working on Murphy's brain.* What was even the point of being a PG-13 movie with scenes like this?
Hit: Callback to the original RoboCop design.
Miss: I know it's meant to be heartwarming with Murphy reconnecting with his family but I'm just not feeling it. Not sure if it's the acting, the mood, the tone or what but this just comes off flat to me.
Miss: *Murphy identifies a criminal and immediately tased him.* This one guy out of the crowd did absolutely nothing yet Murphy just up and tased him for no reason. I mean yeah the guy's got a criminal record and maybe probable causes but still. At least in the original Murphy was stopping crimes as they were happening rather then gunning down criminals without probable causes. The remake doesn't even show him stopping such crimes in progress.
Miss: Also why was this guy doing at a public event in the first place? Did he really went there hoping he won't get notice by the dozens of people who are attending?
Miss: Right in the middle of news report scene a slightly longer RoboCop theme can barely be heard over Sam L Jackson, what the fuck?
Miss: *Murphy is connected to CCTVs and smart phones in order to track down criminals.* Detroit doesn't need RoboCop it just needs some people watch on these CCTVs and some rapid response forces. Kinda a waste of tech and resources to have one cyborg to do the whole job.
Miss: When RoboCop discovers his own murder and the people who did it in the original it was a revelation that drove him into recovering his life. The remake on the other hand has no such plot revelations that drives Murphy forward due to him still retaining his memories of his murder and knows who've done it.
Miss: *Murphy practically tortures a guy to find where Vallon is.* Now he's being less like RoboCop and more like the Punisher.
Miss: Oh wow, a shootout scene shot completely in the dark (accompanied by night and infrared vision). Guess that's one way to have a PG-13 action scene, even though the movie had no problem with that drug factory shootout earlier.
Miss: And clearly turning off the lights didn't do shit since Murphy has infrared vision.
Miss: In the original Murphy went personal with Boddicker, he wanted him to pay for what he did until he's reminded that he's a cop. In this remake Murphy finally confronts Vallon only to shoot him and that's the end of the scene. No retribution, no personal payback just BANG villain dead, next scene.
Miss: Just maybe if Sellars had Murphy's memories wiped and legally dead then he and cohorts wouldn't have to worry about Murphy investigating their clients. And wouldn't get any stink from Murphy's wife.
Miss: And just like that Sellars is evil because the script say so. At least Dick Jones had reasons and motives on why he's the bad guy. Sellars on the other hand suffers from "evil corporate guy be evil" cliche by counterintuitive plot-points.
Hit: Gonna be fair the fights between Murphy and the ED 209s were pretty good.
Miss: Sellars is wearing the Red Asset bracelet that's preventing Murphy from arresting/shooting him. Yet somehow Murphy just wills himself long enough to shoot Sellars dead anyway. Now in the original Murphy can't harm any OCP official due to Directive 4 until near the end the Old Man yells "Dick...you're fired!" Giving Murphy the chance to shoot Dick Jones dead. Murphy in the remake was able to shoot Sellars in spite of the Red Asset bracelet because fuck it, the script says so. Great storytelling right here folks.
Miss: Oh fuck off movie, you don't ever bleep Samuel L Jackson. Ever!
