Real Talk: The only reason how this movie has any plot is because most of the characters are made of dumb.
Miss: So Isla Sorna is deemed restricted by the Costa Rican government yet haven't take any measures to keep people away from the island. Hence why there's a couple of dipshits para-sailing near the island.
Miss: The boat's approaching towards an out of nowhere spooky fog but they don't bother to just turn the boat around and go the other way.
Miss: *Eric asked what happened to the guys on the boat.* You're para-sailing near an island of dinosaurs the fuck do you think happened?
Real Talk: *The boat doesn't explode after crashing into a mound of rock.* Hmm...usually things explode when they crash into other things.
Hit: Alan and Ellie are back.
Miss: Sadly they're not married or have kids together.
Miss: Also "dumb annoying children" cliche.
Hit: Ellie bellybutton shot
Miss: Alan: "No force, on Earth or Heaven could get me on that island." You say that now but wait until the green comes a calling.
Miss: Paul Kirby should've hired better guys, like the Avengers or at least the Expendables, just saying.
Miss: Udesky: "Nothing to worry about sir, it's gonna be a walk in the park." Bullshit it will....
Real Talk: Pollux Troy sure has grown a lot more of a looker since Face/Off.
Real Talk: So does this movie pre-dates the 3D Printer?
Miss: Paul: "No, you're the best, you've seen these animals in the flesh. There's no one even comes close to you." Well that's a damn lie considering there's Ellie, Ian Malcolm, Sarah Harding, Roland Tembo and Nick Van Owen. They've seen these animal in the flesh yet Alan was the first person to go to. What if he actually said no would the Kirbys go to the others who've been up close to dinosaurs?
Hit/LOL: Alan Grant is familiar with Darwinism.
Miss: If this is the movie's way of establishing Alan's PTSD from the first island, a talking Raptor in a dream was a dumb way to do it.
Miss: Amanda Kirby stupidly uses a megaphone as if no carnivore's gonna hear that from miles away.
Miss: These guys sure were the best, Udesky and Nash come running out of the jungle back to the plane. And Cooper's all bloody and crying before being eaten by a Spinosaurus.
Miss: Also this line from Udesky. "Cooper's a professional, he can handle himself." Yup, he sure did handled himself, Udesky.
Miss: *A T-Rex appears and Alan tells the group not to move but they all run after it roars.* If this was meant to be funny please try again.
Hit: T-Rex vs Spinosaurus
Hit: Paul gets punched in the face by Alan and rightfully so.
Miss: So Paul didn't even bother to confirmed if Alan was on Site B or not, just assumed that he was and Shanghaied him into going.
Real Talk: Tea Leoni has a nice body, too bad her acting in this movie almost ruins it. Almost.
Miss: Yes Amanda, let's split up while there's a shit ton of animals that can kill and eat you in that order. What an excellent idea!
Miss: I know these are concerned parents looking for their child but for the love god they need to stop yelling while in a jungle full of carnivorous creatures. The fucking Predator wouldn't have any trouble tracking these two with their constant yelling.
Miss: So this one raptor was standing perfectly still behind an incubation tank just waiting anyone to show up. Guess the movie needed a cheap, predictable jump scare. And just how long that raptor was standing there? What if no one came along would it just keep standing there for shits and giggles?
Miss: Hey remember that scene from the first movie where Alan, Lex and Tim were running away from a herd of herbivores? Let's copy and paste that scene in a much inferior sequel.
Hit: No joke there are some nice moments between Paul and Amanda.
Miss: There's no way in hell that Paul's satellite phone can be heard that loudly while inside the Spinosaurus' stomach. Unless that Spinosaurus has really thin stomach and muscles this should not be possible.
Miss: Also how did they not heard this big dino coming from a mile away? A dinosaur that big is not that stealthy to just pop out of nowhere without making a sound.
Miss: Oh bullshit, that Spinosaurus busted through a giant fence with no problems but can't break through a dinky metal door. How fucking convenient.
Hit: I'm surprised that Billy didn't go full "greedy scumbag" cliche and try to kill Alan (or the others) to keep the raptor eggs.
Miss: Clear and visible when they run into a small building, dense out of nowhere fog when they're crossing a bridge.
Real Talk: As Ian Malcolm would said it best, "Now that is a one big pile of shit."
Miss: Alan tells Ellie's kid to give the phone to her only to get easily distracted by Barney The Dinosaur on TV. Yeah to be fair kids are distracted by the simplest shit but still a miss. And a really stupid way to build tension.
Miss: Earlier in the movie the Kirbys went to the Costa Rican government and the US Embassy for help but didn't do anything. Now near the end after Ellie calls god knows who and the Marines and the Navy show up in no time at all. Who did Ellie called to get this rapid response while Paul and Amanda gotten zero help from any government officials? Also do these armed forces have permission from the Costa Rican government to be on Site B?
Real Talk: Pay no attention to the Pteranodons flying off to god knows where, they're never mentioned in the later Jurassic movies.
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