The Cast House: WildC.A.T.s

I've never read much of the WildC.A.T.s comic, my only knowledge is from the 90s cartoon series. So just gonna go with that and see who portrays whom.

The Film Vindicator Review: My Best Friend is a Vampire

You know what’s embarrassing yet surprisingly impressive than a vampire comedy film? A vampire comedy film that makes far better sense than Twilight.

We open in a dream of Jeremy Capello (played by pre-House Robert Sean Leonard) as he narrates. Jeremy has his eyes on a Darla Blake (played by Cheryl Pollak) as he receives a letter from her saying “FOLLOW ME”, Jeremy complies. Now is it me or does Darla looks a hell of a bit like Janine Melnitz from Ghostbuster? The dream continues with Jeremy magically ends up in the girls locker room and joins Darla in the shower; the two start making out until Darla changes into another woman. The dream ends with all of the girls in the locker room grabbing Jeremy out of the shower and are about to chop his dick off with large garden scissors. Luckily Jeremy wakes up before that happens; a little bit later Jeremy heads downstairs for breakfast until his friend Ralph (played by Evan Mirand) arrives. As the two head off for school Ralph is confused of why Jeremy is having the same dream about Darla when he has an eye for a cheerleader name Candy (played by LeeAnne Locken). At the school Jeremy is in the same class with Darla; Jeremy continually stares at her until he gets a letter from her. This time the letter says to Jeremy to “STOP STARING CREEP”. Soon after school Jeremy stops at grocery store to makes deliveries in the neighborhood. Jeremy makes his first stop at an old mansion; he knocks on the door but a voice invites him to come in. Inside he leaves the groceries in the kitchen only to get scratch on his finger by a black cat. A woman Nora (played by Cecilia Peck) enters the kitchen and to Jeremy’s surprise it’s the other woman from his dream. Nora apologizes for the cat scratching him and proceeds to suck the blood off his finger. Feeling rather confused and nervous Jeremy makes his leave, but not before Nora asked him to come back tonight at midnight.

Later at a restaurant Ralph is appalled that Jeremy didn’t take advantage of the situation and that he should go back tonight. Jeremy is hesitant but gets a nice motivation from a group of girls at the next table shouting “DO IT NERD”! Cut back to later that night at the mansion, Jeremy enters the mansion while Ralph stays in the car. Meanwhile, unknown to Jeremy and Ralph they’re being watched by a Professor Leopold McCarthy (played by David Warner) and his feeble assistant Grimsdyke (played by Paul Willson). Grimsdyke suggest that they should warn Jeremy but McCarthy thinks that he may be “one of them”. Jeremy makes it to Nora’s bedroom as she’s been waiting for him; Nora ask him to look upon her as she strips to her bra and panties. Well she’s rather forward isn’t she; wish I could meet a woman like that. I wouldn’t care if she is a vampire I still go for it. Oh spoiler Nora’s a vampire; back outside Ralph ducks down as McCarthy and Grimsdyke arrive and break into the mansion. Meanwhile, Jeremy and Nora are in bed making out until she starts biting him on the neck. McCarthy and Grimsdyke enters the bedroom stopping Nora as Jeremy freaks out and runs out of there….naked. McCarthy sends Grimsdyke after Jeremy but literally falls on his ass down the stairs. Jeremy makes it back to the car and the two quickly drive off. However, Grimsdyke gets a good at the Milton High School bumper sticker as we hear Nora screaming off screen. McCarthy and Grimsdyke leave the mansion as it set ablaze, covering their tracks. Jeremy is dropped off at his house and goes off to bed, however, things are not as normal as he soon to realize. Before he heads to bed Jeremy hears a pack of stray dogs barking outside his bedroom window. After scaring them off with a slingshot he sees a dark figure across the street watching his house.

The next morning, Jeremy’s mother notices that he hasn’t touch his breakfast, and that he looks rather pale. Jeremy claims that he’s OK that he’s just not hungry…..gee I wonder why? He notices on his dad’s newspaper that mansion was burn and immediately leaves for school. On the way there he spots the same dark figure from last night. At the school Jeremy informs Ralph the mansion is burn and that it be those two guys setting them up. Also that he maybe being followed by a cop; Ralph gets worry about the situation but Jeremy is certain that there’s nothing to worry about, however….. Cut to McCarthy and Grimsdyke arriving in front of the high school waiting for Jeremy as he leaves the school and drives away with Ralph. The two start following them but Ralph notices their van and because McCarthy kinda sucks at tailing people. Ralph manages to lose them, having McCarthy and Grimsdyke being chase by the cops. Back at Jeremy’s house after skipping out on a homemade protein shake with a touch of blood dripping raw steak…….gross…..he’s approached by the dark figure who introduces himself as Modoc (played by Rene Auderjonois). No relation to the Mobile Organism Design Only Conquest; just felt like pointing that out. Modoc tries to explain to Jeremy that Nora was a vampire therefore he too is vampire; obviously Jeremy doesn’t believe him. His mother enters the bedroom thought that she hears Jeremy talking to something but Modoc is already gone like Batman as he convince her to leave. Yeah I thought I compare Modoc with Batman here; because there’s no way in hell I’m comparing him to Edward Cullen. The next day as Jeremy leaves for school he’s approached again by Modoc inviting him to his car and Jeremy complies. Modoc explains himself that he simply a tutor who’s here to help Jeremy with the transition from human to vampire. He then tells Jeremy about the man, who’s following him (McCarthy), basically he wants to rid the world of vampires. Once again Jeremy has enough of this and asks Modoc to pull over at a bus stop. But before Jeremy leaves Modoc gives him a vampire guide book and a card to a place to purchase (pigs) blood….you heard me a vampire guide book. And as silly as it sounds this guide book makes better logic than what Stephanie Meyer farts out of her ass in Twilight.

Back at the school Ralph is set for a Student Driver test with Jeremy in tow as McCarthy and Grimsdyke are watching them. As Ralph starts his test McCarthy and Grimsdyke are tailing him but once again he spots them. Seriously they REALLY SUCK at tailing, where did they learn to tail people Inspector Gadget’s Jackass Academy? Anyway Ralph stops the car and gets out to kicking some ass but sadly McCarthy and Grimsdyke drive off. Jeremy returns to the school, as he’s walking in the hall he starts hearing a saxophone. He follows the music and finds Darla playing the saxophone; Jeremy immediately asks her out and she accepts. Cut to nighttime Jeremy arrives at Darla’s house; after meeting the parents the two head out to a pizza place. Things are cut short as it seems that Jeremy is having trouble eating his pizza which turns out it has garlic in it. Cut to Ralph’s house as McCarthy and Grimsdyke are outside watching, assuming he is a vampire. However, Ralph spots them (AGAIN) from his window. Seriously these guys just suck at being stealthy, how do they even function? Also did they not see that ONE OTHER KID who was hitting it with a sexy vampire earlier? Well apparently they did and just assuming that it’s Ralph without a doubt. Anyway has enough of this shit and sneaks up to the van with a baseball bat. He sees Grimsdyke who’s out watching the place and surprises him. And given how Grimsdykes is…..about as useful as a plank of wood he runs back to the van and drives away like a pansy. Cut to Jeremy and Darla at a (insert a place where teenagers go to make out in a 80s film here) and the two start kissing. It gets very intimate between the two until Jeremy starts kissing her neck as if he’s taken interest to bite her. Actually he almost did but he stops himself; Jeremy panics, asks Darla to get out of the car, and drives away. He stops at a Whole Foods Market to purchase some pigs blood from the meat deli. The deli clerk seems to be aware about vampires as he teases the kid. Jeremy heads home and tries the pigs’ blood and to his surprise he likes it.

Cut to a montage of Jeremy adjusting to his new life as a vampire quite nicely. Such as having a mini-fridge stocked on pigs blood and blacken his bedroom windows. Even he really doesn’t need to do that considering he’s a “living” vampire not an undead one; therefore he can go out in the sun just fine. Jeremy and Modoc are celebrating with delicious can of pigs’ blood soda but Jeremy is still rather bummed out that his old life is over. Modoc explains that there’s a positive side of being a vampire, such as for every ten years a vampire can age a year. Of course to Jeremy he’ll be stuck as teenager for the next twenty years. Modoc even tells him about vampire powers such as hypnosis and yes Jeremy does it on Darla trying to get a second chance but plan FAILED! Cut to Ralph leaving a store when…..ugh spots McCarthy and Grimsdyke again and quickly drives off. Could these guys at least invest on a cloaking device or something? Ralph drives to Jeremy’s house to tell him that McCarthy is after him. Jeremy explains that McCarthy is after him because he mistakes Ralph of being a vampire. Jeremy reveals that he’s the vampire but of course Ralph doesn’t believe him. He gives Ralph a bottle of pigs’ blood which he takes a whiff and is convinced that Jeremy is a vampire. Not even saying a word, Ralph calmly walks out of the house. A little bit later Jeremy is approached by Modoc one last time saying that he has taught Jeremy enough and is about to move on. Jeremy is still unsure of his new undead life but Modoc gives him confidence that he’ll do fine.

Jeremy heads to Ralph’s house trying to set things straight; Ralph is a little unease but eventually believes that Jeremy won’t him because of their friendship. The two head to a nightclub to get a date for Ralph via Jeremy’s hypno powers. McCarthy and Grimsdyke enter the nightclub to hunt down Ralph. Jeremy tries his attempt on a few women but gets nothing but misfires; one of those misfires is Grimsdyke being unknowingly effective by it. Jeremy tries one last time on another woman; it seems to work this time as Ralph heads towards her but gets cock-blocked by the mind-controlled Grimsdyke. This gets in the way McCarthy’s crossbow as he tries to take the shot but Ralph sees him and ducks just in time. Grimsdyke tries to stop McCarthy but he snaps him out of it before things got weird. Jeremy and Ralph use this distraction to leave the nightclub; the two head to the pizza restaurant where coincidently Darla is there. Jeremy goes over to her and asked for a second chance; Darla’s hesitant at first but she allows him the second chance. Meanwhile Ralph is taken out of the restaurant at gunpoint by McCarthy. Jeremy is wondering where Ralph went off to but see McCarthy’s van driving away; he goes after them with Darla in tow. Jeremy manages to catch up to them but Grimsdyke sees them approaching and attempts to lose them. While this is going on Jeremy tells Darla that he’s a vampire and she takes it immediately well. The chase continues until Jeremy’s car gets tipped on two wheels and gets wedged onto other car. Jeremy and Darla got out of the car just fine as cops show up at the site. Jeremy tries to explain to the cops about the whole “vampire hunters trying to kill my best because they think he’s a vampire” situation but of course they don’t believe him. Let’s face it cops in 80s horror films can be severely dumb sometimes. They put Jeremy in the backseat of the police car while Darla quickly jumps into the front seat and drives off. Shortly after the two switch places and continue to search for Ralph. Darla spots the van outside of a church and the two quickly head into the church just in time to stop McCarthy from killing Ralph. Jeremy convinces him that he’s about to kill an innocent person instead of a vampire, McCarthy eventually let’s Ralph go.

Jeremy and the other were about to leave the church but the jig is up when Jeremy reacts to the string of garlic on Ralph’s neck. McCarthy and Grimsdyke chase after them as the three head to a nearby cemetery. The three are cornered and McCarthy proceeds to slay Jeremy. Jeremy uses his vampire strength to stop McCarthy and decides to let him instead of killing him. Jeremy only asks for vampires to live in peace but McCarthy isn’t seemed too generous of that request and attempts to slay him again. The conflict comes to an end when Nora (still alive) appears; she persuades Jeremy to drink McCarthy’s blood but he refuses. This pleases Modoc who shows up as well; McCarthy takes out a gun shoots him but has no effect. McCarthy is still rather obsessive to eradicate vampires, so Modoc calls forth a group of sexy vampire women to help him…..reconsider…. Yeah let’s go that and all I can say for McCarthy be happy that Mathilda May isn’t among these women; just saying. Also the time it takes for the transformation to take hold must be insanely sporadic, because about a minute later McCarthy is now a vampire. Modoc simply explains to Jeremy that one way to get rid of your enemy is making them an ally; not sure what sense does that make but OK. Anyway Modoc, his sexy vampire entourage, and the newly McCarthy vampire run off into the night as they turned into wolves. The film ends with Jeremy and Darla now together, Ralph is hitting it up on one of the sexy vampires, and Grimsdyke…..ah fuck it who cares about him.

My Final Verdict: The comedy may not be rolling in the aisles humor but still funny at times. The characters are likable and not balls out annoying. The rules about vampires don’t insult your intelligence in comparison with the rules of Twilight. At least in this film they explain the rules after they’re been established. Such as how Jeremy can walk around in the daylight is explained that he’s a “living” vampire instead of an undead one. Yeah the explanation sounds silly but it’s not as retarded as “vampires that sparkle in sunlight” because a shitty writer says so.

Well that’s one horror comedy done and you know what I’m gonna review another one. Next time it’s Once Bitten stay tuned.

The Film Vindicator Review: Virtuosity

Sorry for the long delay folks been rather busy drawing a new comic issue and among other things; but anyway on to Virtuosity. We open at a subway station where we’re introduced to Parker Barnes (played by Denzel Washington) and Donovan (played by Costas Mandylor) in police uniforms. The two are heading out of the station, tracking down someone as they take notice of their surroundings. Such as how the walls of the subway station are warping and by-standers are walking through each other as if the place is glitchy. Even the sky and clouds are glitchy; Parker spots a :) emoticon outside of a Japanese restaurant and the two head inside. They search throughout the restaurant until coming across someone they’re looking; Sid 6.7 (played by Russell Crowe). They open fire on Sid but he fires but as he’s making his escape; Donovan follows Sid but gets taken out. Parker searches the restaurant as Sid appears from behind chef’s cooking area and open fire. Parker jumps for cover but gets shot in the arm in the process; Sid holds the chef like a human shield but Parker shots him down able to get Sid by the shoulder. Damn, am I watching Training Day by mistake? Parker finds Donovan dead by electrocution as Sid sneaks up behind him. Sid jams his thumb into Parker’s gunshot wound putting him in a lot of pain. Parker starts turning all digital or pixelated then he vanishes; same goes to Donovan. Apparently it turns out to be virtual reality as we cut to the real world with Parker and Donovan suffering a neural stimulation overload. Parker is released from the VR harness while Donovan goes into shock and dies. Long story short Parker use to be a LAPD officer; now serving jail time he has volunteer with the Law Enforcement Technology Advancement Center (LETAC) to test their VR. In order to be sure that it’s safe for cops as a training simulation. After Parker is sent back to his cell, we cut back to LETAC where a Dr. Darrel Lindenmeyer (played by Stephen Spinella) is speaking to Sid about the incident. He knows that it was Sid who increased the neural sensitivity on the inmates, killing Donovan. Lindenmeyer informs Sid that after the incident his higher ups want to shut down the VR project. However, Sid has other plans than being shut down. Back at the prison Parker is being interview by a Dr. Madison Carter (played by Kelly Lynch) a criminal psychologist working with LETAC. She’s willing to help Parker to have his prison sentence reduce if he cooperates. Madison asks him about a criminal name Matthew Grimes, apparently he was responsible for the death of Parker’s wife and daughter. Matthew Grimes was a political terrorist who kidnapped Parker’s wife and daughter because he was cutting Grimes off from potential targets. I’ll get to why Parker is in prison later.

Cut to a Clyde Reilly (played by Kevin J. O’Connor) having a “conversation” with a simulation name Shelia 3.2 (played by Heidi Schanz). He’s interrupted by Lindenmeyer who has taking an interest of Clyde’s nano-tech androids he’s been incubating. Lindenmeyer proposes to incubate Shelia into a nano-tech android, Clyde accepts. As Clyde leaves to prep for incubation, Lindenmeyer retrieves a casing containing the character module of Shelia 3.2. But only to replace it with the character module of Sid 6.7 to trick Clyde into incubating him instead. At Clyde’s lab he demonstrates to Lindenmeyer how these nano-tech androids work with a snake. Basically when these androids get injured nano-machines that are released from the open wound and absorbing any glass object. Then the glass particles are assimilated, regenerating the android. The nano-machines are silicone based therefore they require glass for the regeneration. However, upon separating the character module from the polymer neural net the nano-machines die out. Clyde places Sid’s character module into an apparatus fill with the nano-machines. Minutes later the incubation is complete and now we see Sid in the flesh….and naked. Damn check out that ass maybe he should stay naked, gets some tan on those cheeks. Clyde is confused of why he’s seeing a naked man instead of a naked woman but Sid fixes the problem by strangling him to death. Later Parker is brought in by his friend Billy Cochran (played by William Forsythe) who is the LAPD’s police chief. The LETAC commissioners object to this but Billy believes Parker is the only who can stop Sid. If Parker succeeds LETAC will give him a full pardon. Before Parker is sent out he’s been implanted with a micro-locator in case he tries to make a run for it. Madison wishes to go with him to better he chances to capture Sid; despite his objection Parker agrees. As Parker and Madison set out to find Sid, we cut to Lindenmeyer hiding out at motel watching the news about a murder at a residential home. He figures that it was Sid behind the murders. Parker and Madison arrived at Lindenmeyer’s home to learn more about Sid. Apparently Sid was “psychology grown” by Lindenmeyer using genetic algorithms of history’s most dangerous killers and psychopaths. Parker takes notice that Matthew Grimes is one of those genetic algorithms that’s a part of Sid. Cut to Sid entering a nightclub and is completely in awe of this place. Cut to Parker and Madison stopping by her place to freshen up; there we’re introduced to her daughter Karin Carter (played by the Pre-Charmed, Pre-Big Bang Theory Kaley Cuoco). While Karin goes off to talk to Parker, we cut back to the nightclub as Sid shoots down a robot bartender….not kidding and holds the people in the place hostage. Back at Madison’s place Parker hears over the police scanner about a shooting at the nightclub. Parker asks Karin to get her mother then the two head out. Sid starts lining the hostages up into different sections like a symphony orchestra recording their screams and cries. This John Williams symphony from hell continues until Parker arrives to the scene and shoots Sid. Not effected by the gunshots Sid makes a Spider-Man leap to the exit and escapes by stolen police car. Parker and Madison follow suit soon after; Sid is cornered by a wrecked tanker truck at a bridge. Parker and Madison catches up to Sid as he open fires on them. Parker grabs a shotgun and fires on him forces Sid to jump off the bridge and disappeared into the night.

The next day at LETAC, Parker believes that Matthew Grimes is a part Sid and is becoming the dominate personality. How Sid was taunting Parker, how he treats his victims just like Grimes whose specialty is bombing populated targets. Any place where there are a lot of people that can die and can be seen on the news media live. Madison believes that now Sid is in the real world he’s no longer bound by his programing in VR. Free from any behavior limits while in the real world. Cut to Sid walking in a mall with his new suit that he ripped off from one of the victims at the nightclub. To add we get the Bee Gees’ Stayin Alive playing in the background; which makes the Sid walking in the mall scene very awesome. Brownie points goes to you movie. And speaking of the nightclub, Sid stops at a TV store and watches the news converge of his handy work. The store owner gets annoyed that Sid keeps changing the channels on the TVs so Sid takes care of that problem by snapping the store owner’s neck. Minutes later Parker and Madison arrived at the mall watching a video recorded by a nearby store owner of Sid just smiling evilly to the camera. Parker notices a live converge on the TV of a MMA fight and some of the cameras are suspiciously focus on a young woman in the crowd. He figures out that Sid has chosen a new victim for a live execution and hurries to the LA Olympic Auditorium. At the Olympic Auditorium Sid has already arrived and killed the camera crew. Inside the Auditorium Sid spots his prey and flirts with her; he gets creepily flirty which made her very creep out. Her boyfriend sees them and attacks Sid but he beats up the boyfriend and throws him off the balcony falling to his death. Sid grabs the young woman and is about to kill her is interrupted by a cop armed with a shotgun. Sid grabs the front of the shotgun but gets his hand blown off….dumbass. Sid punches the cop and makes a jump off the balcony. After hitting the ground like a Looney Toon character, Sid makes to the MMA ring as Parker enters the Auditorium. Parker tries to shoot him but can’t get a clear shot with all people in the way. Sid escapes the Auditorium and reached a nearby train to heal himself on a window. Parker follows him out of the Auditorium but lost him at the train stop. Sid peeps out of the train door holding a hostage at gunpoint as the train begins to depart. Parker takes careful aim at Sid opens fire; he misses but the woman gets shot and killed by Sid. Despite what happened eyewitnesses think that Parker shot the woman. OK apparently nobody notice the bullet ricocheted off the side of the train. Or that nobody doesn’t seem to recognize the guy from the news about the nightclub shooting. Hell in the next scene there’s news footage of Sid attacking the young woman. Also for a criminal psychologist Madison sure got some convenient Sherlockian skills to tell that the woman was shot from behind by Sid. I guest in the future either CSIs don’t exist anymore or they took a second job. Take your pick?

Anyway Parker is taken away by the cops as we get a flashback of him infiltrating Grimes’ hideout to rescue his family. Cut to Matthew Grimes (played by Christopher Murray) being interviewed by a news anchor, as Grimes makes his statement Parker finds his wife and daughter in a room with a bomb about to blow. Parker gets the door open only to trigger a motion sensor which activates the bomb to go off sooner. The explosion killed Parker’s family and blown his arm off (hence why he has a metal arm). Grimes hear the explosion and believe that Parker is now dead; however, Parker arrives to Grimes’ location and starts gunning down the lackeys. Parker comes face to face with Grimes and immediately shoots him dead; he’s then approached from behind by the news anchor and cameraman. Still in zoned out kill mode, Parker accidently shoots them dead (which explains why he’s serving time in prison). The flashback ends when Sid kills the escorting cops and frees Parker, but not before telling him that the micro-locator has a build in poison capsule that LETAC can set off if Parker goes rogue. Madison gets a call from Parker telling her that didn’t kill those cops and about the poison. She informs Cochran about the micro-locator poison which then he immediately heads to LETAC stops them from activating the poison. Madison heads off to meet with Parker at his family’s grave, but little does she Sid disguised as a repairman is outside her home as she leaves. At the cemetery Parker figures that Sid will go somewhere to get massive feedback to satisfy Grimes’ appetite. Cut to a TV station where a political debate is taking place, Sid has begun taken over the station and shoots one of the political debaters dead. This public execution was broadcast live, sending the station’s viewer ratings skyrocketing. Parker and Madison arrived at the station as Sid begins his “Death TV” debut; Madison sees the broadcast only to notice a little girl being held somewhere along with a bomb. That little girl is none other than her daughter Karin, Sid has given two hours for Karin to live before the bomb goes off. As Parker heads inside the station, Madison orders the owner of the station to cut the phone lines from the broadcast. Woman you’re a criminal psychologist not an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., it’s a bit unbelievable that she has federal authority to do such a thing in her position. Anyway she spots Lindenmeyer watching the broadcast and takes him at gunpoint. Parker reaches studio B as the phone lines are cut which makes Sid very angry. Parker open fires on him but Sid does a Spidey jump through the ceiling making his escape to the roof. Parker quickly follows him up to the roof and continues gunning him down. A fist-fight breaks out on the roof; Sid seems to have the upper hand. The two of them jump on a moving platform and the fight continues. Parker grabs a rope and ties it around Sid; they both jump off the platform and crash through the window. Parker lands on a catwalk while Sid falls through panes of glass; though still Sid has his arm and legs chopped off. Parker tries to get the location of Karin from him but with his other arm Sid grabs Parker, pulling him towards the protruded glass shards. Sid starts healing his arm and legs from the glass shards as Parker breaks free. Parker punches him at the back of the head ripping out his character module, killing the nano-machines thus killing Sid. Madison arrives with Lindenmeyer in tow; he congratulates Parker for stopping Sid but states that they now have no way of finding Karin.

Cut to Parker fighting Sid and……did the filmmaker hit the rewind button? Anyway this time in this fight Sid stops Parker from grabbing the rope and holds him in a wrestling press slam move. And just like that Sid drops Parker off the roof falling to his death. What the hell….did the movie redo these scenes to have the villain win? Madison arrives without Lindenmeyer this time, seriously what the hell? Madison demands Sid to tell her where Karin is and he complies. Meanwhile, Parker somehow recovers from the fall, gets back up, and heads back up to the roof. Is Parker a Black Lantern now? Well not really, it turns out Sid is back in VR while Parker and Madison are in the VR Harnesses trying to trick him to revealing Karin’s location. And surprisingly it works as Sid takes Madison to one of the fan exhaust ports on the roof, implying that Karin is in one of them. Sid is rather shocked to see Parker alive again and even more to learn that he’s back in VR. Parker signals Cochran to get the two out of VR, Lindenmeyer gets Madison out first. Cochran is about to get Parker out but Lindenmeyer stops, taking a metal pipe and beating Cochran to death. Parker is trap as Sid gets so pissed off that literally distorts VR. Parker starts falling and his neural stimulation is starting to overload. Madison awakes from the VR only to see Cochran dead and Lindenmeyer watching Parker die in VR. As Parker falls to his permanent virtual death, Madison sneaks pass Lindenmeyer to the control console to free Parker. Lindenmeyer spots Madison and tries to kill her but she grabs Cochran’s gun and shoots him dead. Madison manages to get Parker out of VR before the stimulation overload kills him. Parker takes out Sid’s character module then he and Madison head back to the TV station. Back at the station Parker enters the exhaust port to find Karin on a pressure plate that will trigger the bomb if she stands up. Parker tries to access the bomb’s console but Sid apparently rigged it for the time to go faster if tempered. So Parker tries to bypass the timer by connecting a fiber optic cable to certain input/output ports. He makes the connection but goes even faster about to go off until timer starts to reset itself. Apparently Parker has set the bomb’s timer on a loop, making it unable to explode. With Karin now safe and reunited with Madison, the film ends with Parker throwing Sid’s character module from the roof to the streets below. Smashing into pieces and gets crushed by a passing car.

My Final Verdict: This film has a unique look and feel with its present day setting with advanced technology. The acting is impressive especially with Russell Crowe, his performance is just beautiful. Kinda like a 90s Joker if The Dark Knight was made in the 90s.

Next time I think I’ll start reviewing some comedies and I may have the first film in mind. Stay tuned as I review My Best Friend is a Vampire.

The Film Vindicator Review: Eve of Destruction

Before we get started I wanna point out something that I didn’t get the chance in my Runaway review. Killer robot spiders are FUCKING scary.

We open in a hotel room where a man is getting dress only it turns out it’s not a hotel room but a testing area. And the man in question is actually a robot starting to malfunction in the hand. We’re introduced to a Dr. Eve Simmons (played by Renee Soutendijk) who is the robot’s creator. Simmons gets a call that Eve VIII (which was modeled after Simmons herself) is ready for a test run. Cut to Eve VIII traveling in San Francisco while a handler is keeping watch on her from a distance. Eve VIII stops at a bank as it gets held up by two armed gunmen soon after. The handler draws out his gun and shoots the first gunman dead but gets taking out by the second gunman. Shocked and confused, Eve VIII approaches the second gunman; the gunman shoots her but still approaches the gunman. Eve VIII disarms the gunman, throws him out of the window and leaves the bank with the gunmen’s stuff. Cut to a small village where a band of soldiers are ready to raid the place and rescue the hostages. The soldiers storm in taking out most of the guerilla fighters and proceed to save the hostages. However, a guerilla sleeper quickly takes them out. But it turns out this whole raid was a training mission and the sleeper in question is actually Colonel Jim McQuade (played by Gregory Hines) who’s in charge. After McQaude gives the Big Ass Motherfuckers-in-training a harsh prep talk, he’s approached by an officer with new orders. Cut to Simmons spending time with her son Timmy as she gets an emergency call to return to the lab. McQuade arrives at the NSC where Eve VIII was created and is being brief by military officials. Through the briefing it’s established that NSC’s goal is to create a robot that completely resembles a human being and Eve VIII is that robot. She was designed for surveillance work but NSC found her more potent as a battlefield weapon. Judging by what happened at the bank Eve VIII was in Battlefield Mode which is her highest state of readiness. Meaning that she will use force to protect herself from what she proceeds as terminal harm. This also means that in Battlefield Mode she won’t follow any orders she’s given. Long story short with McQuade’s impressive specialty in counter terrorism he’s brought in to work with Simmons to find and neutralize Eve VIII. Wait a minute….a man is brought in by an agency to take down a rogue robot…… Now I’m not saying this film ripped off Blade Runner but I will say this film was inspired by the very best. We cut to Eve VIII stopping at a gun store and a clothing store before checking into a motel room to dress her gunshot wound. Simmons shows Eve VIII’s schematics to McQuade describing that she has similar vital vulnerabilities as a human. Her motor functions are controlled by the spine and her heart and blood system have no medical functions. So a bullet to the heart won’t kill her; she can bleed but it won’t kill her. The only chance for McQuade to stop Eve VIII is to aim for either eye, putting a bullet to the brain. Now what Simmons hasn’t told him that Eve VIII has a small nuclear device cylinder at the base of the spine? She’s given an alert device by one of her superiors in case the cylinder is triggered and to keep McQuade out of the loop about it.

NSC gets a trace on Eve which places her somewhere in northern California. We cut to Eve showing up at a bar near the Pine Hill Motel and she’s immediately getting attention from some of the male locals. She invites one of the men to a motel room and about to have some kinky robot/human sexy time. Meanwhile outside of the motel a police patrol spots the parked mustang registered to Eve. Back in the motel the guy unzips his pants, whips out his junk and asks Eve to “say hello”. Come on dude you’re doing it wrong you’re supposed to say it like this. “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND”! Eve gets a little hesitate but complies however, she gets upset when the guy calls her a bitch. Being a stupid douche the guy continues to call her a bitch so she decides to do a pre-Teeth reenactment. The guy’s friends are outside the room as they hear him screaming; they come storming in seeing their douche friend on the floor and proceeds to attack Eve. She throws the first guy out of the room and breaks the other guy’s arm. The guy who was thrown out runs away into the awaiting squad of cops. They ready their guns as Eve appears out of the motel. They order Eve to show her hands but instead she shows them an Uzi, guns them all down and leaves. Later McQuade and Simmons arrived at the motel/bar; Simmons gets a feeling that she’s been at this place before. Cutting to a back room Simmons explains to McQuade that she use to live nearby when she was a teen. She would pass by this place but never went inside given that the place is a hooker joint. But she used to imagine of what would be like. With all of Simmons’ memories, she believes that Eve VIII was acting out on a fantasy….sexual fantasy. McQuade finds this unsettling that a robot is not only deadly but horny as well. Simmons is not too sure what Eve will do but McQuade believes by gathering everything from her past they may find Eve. McQuade reports to NSC on possible places that Eve may go to; he also has them search for Simmons father Bill. Cut to Eve on the road as she’s being troubled by memories of Simmons’ abusive childhood. Namely her father was abusive towards her and her mother. Distracted by these memories, Eve is unaware of the pissed off driver behind her. He managed to go around but he just had to be a stupid douche by provoking her as the guy speeds off. So course Eve goes into Battlefield Mode again and proceeds to chase after the guy. She catches up to him and starts ramming him down until he’s knocked off road. The guy gets back on the road but is unaware of Eve waiting for him. She speeds towards the car and completely plows it down however, in doing so the impact has cause the nuclear cylinder to be triggered. Simmons gets the alert signal and immediately calls NSC on the situation. Afterwards Simmons is left with no choice but to tell McQuade that Eve is a battlefield nuclear weapon. Designed to deployed in hostile countries but now that she’s activated they only have 24 hours to shut her down or she’ll explode with enough force to level 20 to 30 city blocks. Eve arrives in a town of St. Helena after stealing a jeep and stops at Bill Simmons’ (played by Kevin McCarthy) place. A little bit later McQuade and Simmons arrived at Bill’s place along with some BAMs for good measure. McQuade goes into to the house alone cautiously searching for Eve. McQuade finds Bill unconscious then gets attacked by Eve; he tries to fight back but he’s repeatedly overpowered. Eve has him at gunpoint saying “I saw what you did”, apparently she’s confusing McQuade with Simmons father for killing her mother. Simmons is listening in from McQuade’s com she then tries to talk down Eve as enters the house alone. She finds Eve holding her father in choke before she snaps his neck. Eve opens fire on Simmons but she quickly jumps for cover. She makes her but before she gun downs “three” marines. By that I mean we only saw Eve killed TWO marines, where the hell was the third guy just magically fallen into the BLACK HOLE? Great continuity movie.

Anyway McQuade approaches Simmons asking what she meant that he didn’t kill her. She’s been hiding a memory for long time which is night her father killed her mother. Her father was heavily drunk at the time her mother try to talk him down from driving them all home but it only made him angrier. The two started fighting only for her father to push her mother into an oncoming car killing her instantly. Simmons now believes that Eve is trying live her creator’s life only without barriers. And her next stop in Simmons’ life is New York where her son is. With only ten hours before the big bang, McQuade and Simmons head out to New York. There a few NSC men are keeping watch on Simmons’ husband Peter (played by John M. Jackson) and Timmy in case Eve shows up. However, this proves futile as Eve is already in the apartment complex with one of the NSC men now dead. Eve arrives at the apartment, Peter unaware that it’s not the real Simmons is surprised to see her all different. Eve becomes much actuated as she keeps asking to see Timmy making the husband become rather nervous. She gets very excited to see Timmy actually a little too excited to the point that Peter moves her away from Timmy. Peter calms her down and heads to the kitchen; he gets a call from Simmons telling him that the Eve in the living room is a robot. She tells him to act normally, take Timmy out of the apartment and take the elevator down to the lobby. Peter calmly heads to the living room and gets Timmy but Eve is nowhere in sight. Peter and Timmy quietly head to the door but are stopped by Eve. Cut to McQuade waiting at the lobby gun drawn at the elevator; the elevator doors open but only sees Peter unconscious. McQuade heads out the complex to find Eve with Timmy in tow as she guns down a few NSC men. With only 15 minutes until the big bang, McQuade and Simmons follow Eve to a subway station. McQuade continues to pursue Eve while Simmons tries to head them off at other station. Eve open fires on McQuade badly wounding him but McQuade shrugs it off like he’s Inigo Montoya and keeps pursuing her. With only 5 minutes until the big bang, McQuade has Eve cornered at the tracks and readies to take the kill shot. But Eve has Timmy held in the path of McQuade’s kill shot unable to aim for one of for eyes. Simmons arrives at the tracks while train is heading towards them; she pleas to Eve to throw Timmy to her before the train come. Seeing a memory of Simmons playfully tossing Timmy, Eve feels a sense of happiness and tosses Timmy to her. With only less than a minute before the big bang, McQuade takes aim for one of her eyes and takes the kill shot. Quickly after he dives to the ground avoiding the oncoming train behind him. All seems over however, Eve still alive grabs Simmons and throws her down while it’s only 30 seconds until the big bang. Eve approaches Simmons as McQuade slides his gun to Simmons; she shoots at Eve but keeps missing the weak point and runs out bullets. McQuade verbally distracts Eve long enough for Simmons to stab her in the eye with the gun finally killing her and stopping the big bang clock at 9 seconds. And with that the film ends.

My Final Verdict: Even though Eve of Destruction was made in 1991, something about this film has a rather 80s vibe to it. Not sure if it’s the story, the tone, the music or maybe all of the above. It just screams of 80s cheese and I kinda like it. The acting is pretty good for the most part for an early 90s film. The interaction between McQuade and Simmons has a rather impressive dynamic and Renee Soutendijk’s dual role though already been done in many films the performance here is creative.

OK that bad Host taste in my brain is fading away but I think one more sci-fi film might wash it away completely. So stay tuned next time as we look into Virtuosity.

The Film Vindicator Review: Runaway

The 80s really spared no expense when it comes to sci-fi genre films and if it weren’t so we wouldn’t have gotten the greats such as Robocop, The Terminator, Aliens, Blade Runner and so on. Even most of the lesser known sci-fi films gain some popularity over the years; I like to see The Host (2013) try to get any ounce of popularity for the next 20 to 30 years.

We open on the introduction of Sgt. Jack Ramsay (played by Magnum P.I. himself Tom Selleck). He’s soon introduced by his captain to a new partner Karen Thompson (played Cynthia Rhodes) as he gets the call of a runaway robot. Cut to Ramsay and Karen arriving at a corn field to stop a pest controller robot that’s running through the field ruining the corn in the process. Karen enters the field and managed to catch it but the pest controller shorts out causing Karen to drop it and the robot runs off. Ramsay catches up with Karen and the two go after the robot; they catch up and finally caught it as the robot harmlessly explodes. Afterwards Karen asked Ramsay why he transferred to the Runaway Squad and he answered that his fear of heights kept getting in the way of his police work. Back at the police station it’s further explained to Karen by Ramsay’s other partner Sgt. Marvin James (played by Stan Shaw) that his acrophobia cause a criminal to get away. Ramsay was chasing the assailant to a building that was under construction; the vertigo set in to the point that Ramsay couldn’t keep up and the assailant got away. It’s revealed that the same assailant murdered a family; since then Ramsay blames himself and that working in the Runaway Squad would make up his mistake. Seconds later the Runaway Squad gets a code 709 meaning that a robot has committed homicide. We cut to Ramsay arriving at the crime scene and gets an update that a domestic robot model 9-12 has killed a wife and her sister with a kitchen knife while the wife’s 10 month old baby is still in the house and alive. The police set up a Floater camera and send it inside the house. They get a glimpse inside the house until the Floater is shot down by the 9-12 now armed with a magnum revolver. Ramsay goes talk to a David Johnson (played by Chris Mulkey) asking what modification he put on the robot. Johnson replies that he made no modification and has no idea why it killed his family. He freaks out when Ramsay tells him that it’s got a gun going on about “he’s gone insane” and panicky leaves the crime scene. Ramsay gears up with an EM scatter suit and a laser gun as we are introduced to the film’s villain Luther (played by Gene Simmons….insert your favorite KISS song here) as he watches. Ramsay slowly enters the house while being followed by news cameraman; Ramsay warns him to leave but the cameraman refuse ending getting shot and killed by the 9-12. Ramsay continues his way to the baby’s room but gets cut off by the 9-12. He detours to the parent’s room on one entrance while the 9-12 enters through the other; the 9-12 opens fire but Ramsay takes it out immediately with a few laser blasts. After getting the baby safely out of the house, Ramsay and Karen head to his place. There we’re introduced to his son Bobby (played by Joey Cramer); the three have a chat until Bobby is sent off to bed by Ramsay’s series 12 house robot Lois. Ramsay offers Karen to stay for dinner but she decides to go home instead. The next day Ramsay, Karen and Marvin are inspecting the rogue 9-12; Marvin finds a non-standard black with red stripe chip that didn’t came with the robot. The chip then starts smoking and then explodes as if it self-detonated. Marvin comes to the conclusion that someone modified the 9-12 with this chip; meaning this was no runaway but murder. Ramsay and Karen return to the crime scene to find any clues; they look through a door-recorder and found a video message of Luther disguised as a robot repair guy before the message cut off. Cut to a company Vectrocon Security Systems where Luther is getting the chips from a partner. Luther pays the partner and leaves however, it turns out the money’s a fake and is killed by a killer robot spider. Cut to Ramsay and Karen outside of a hotel complex where Johnson is hiding. They head on inside and apprehended him immediately; back outside they about to take Johnson to the station but he panics as sees Luther across the street and runs away. Ramsay chases after him while Karen calls for back up; Luther soon follows Ramsay and Johnson. After a chase through the alley Ramsay finally catches up to Johnson. Luther appears drawing out a high tech gun and fires at Johnson; this is no ordinary bullet as it u turns around head towards Johnson. He quickly dodges the bullet runs off again with Ramsay not far behind. Luther fires another shot and the bullet follows the two through the alley. Ramsay tries to out run the bullet to no prevail and quickly moves out of its path. The bullet continues on to its original target Johnson; he tries to get away by climbing up a fire escape but the bullet chases up to him and kills him.

A little bit Ramsay and Karen head to Vectrocon where Johnson used to work as an electronic engineer. They come to a dead end on Johnson but immediately get a call of a runaway sentry robot in the Vectrocon building. Cut to one of the company’s secretary Jackie Rogers (played by Kristie Alley) being zapped harmlessly by the sentry robot. After a failed attempt to shut down the robot remotely, Ramsay goes on in to shut down manually. And by manually I mean Ramsay smashes the robot with a chair….SELLECK SMASH! Ramsay tries escort Jackie but she’s insists that she’ll be fine; while trying to leave Jackie drops her purse revealing Luther’s chips and the templates to make more of them. Apparently Luther has her getting the rest of the chips and the templates or he would kill her. She informs Ramsay that Luther is at a meeting at the Ritz Hotel. At the Ritz Hotel Ramsay has a squad of cops ready outside of Luther’s room. He quietly enters the room looking through a crack open door to see Luther making an arms deal. Karen busts in and has Luther and the arms dealers cover; Ramsay soon enters the room. Luther activates a Floater which releases a smokescreen; Luther gets his high tech gun shoots Karen but she’s only wounded. He then shoots the two arms dealers dead and takes a hooker hostage. He orders Ramsay to drop his and he does; Luther makes his escape through the stairs to the roof. Killing a few cops along the way. Ramsay soon follows up the stairs to the roof but Luther gets away by chopper. Back at in hotel room Karen is still incapacitated with the live microshell in her arm. Not taking any chances with a disarm robot, Ramsay decides to take the bullet out himself. Ramsay managed to get the bullet out safely and discards it before it explodes. While Karen is making a speedy recovery, Ramsay and Marvin are looking over one of the high tech bullets and Luther’s chips confiscated from the bust. The bullet itself has built in propulsion system, directional nozzles and electronics at the tip. These bullets can be programed to go after specific targets and the signature, a person’s body heat. Basically these bullet are like miniaturized heat seekers or smart bullets as Marvin would called them. As for Luther’s chips they are design to override CPU commands turning any computer into a killing machine. A little bit later Ramsay gets a call from Luther who has tapped into the police security cameras watching Ramsay. Luther demands Ramsay to surrender Jackie and the chips to him or he’ll kill her. However, Ramsay plans on moving her to a safe place. Ramsay and Jackie head out in a robot controlled police car while Karen follows in a regular police. On the road the escort is being followed by hired henchmen of Luther; they deployed a Lock-On (a small mobile smart bomb) that’s targeted on the escort. Karen arms a laser gun on top of the police car blasting the Lock-On. More Lock-Ons are deployed and approaching fast towards the escort as Karen continues blasting them. Ramsay and Jackie bail out of the police car and into Karen’s before a Lock-On takes the robot controlled car. Twelve Lock-Ons are approaching fast to the last police car; Ramsay suspects that they are somehow tracking Jackie. Jackie takes out the chip templates from purse tells him to throw the purse out the window. All of the Lock-Ons converged on the purse and explode.

Later at a restaurant Ramsay and Jackie wait for Luther to show up for the templates. Luther calls Ramsay through Karen’s earpiece to send Jackie to him. Ramsay asks to send Karen at the same time and Luther agrees but not before Jackie secretly splits half of the templates and gives it to Ramsay. Jackie walks towards Luther while Karen walks towards Ramsay. Jackie gives the templates to Luther but he soon after kills her knowing that he’s got only half of the templates. Luther open fires on Ramsay and makes his escape; Ramsay avoids the smart bullets but was unable to follow Luther. Back at the station they got a trace on Luther from a bug Ramsay put on the templates and head to a hospital. However, it turns out to be a diversion as we cut to Ramsay‘s desk as Luther disguised as a cop gain access to his personal files and finds out where he and Bobby lives. Ramsay and Karen return to the station and notice that his computer was accessed. This alerts Ramsay that Luther knows where he lives; Ramsay calls home but gets no response. Ramsay and Karen head on over to his place only to find it a wreck, Lois severely damaged and Bobby gone. As the two try to repair Lois, Ramsay answers a call from Luther demanding him to bring the rest of the templates to a construction site alone if he wants to see Bobby alive. Ramsay leaves Karen behind but she knows he’s via Lois replaying the call. Ramsay arrives at the construction site where he’s greeted by the killer robot spiders on standby mode. Ramsay goes up an elevator as his vertigo starts setting in. Ramsay gets off at the higher floors where he meets up Luther and Bobby. He tells Luther to let Bobby go and he complies; Bobby gets in the elevator and heads on down. However, Luther has programed the robot spiders to kill anyone who gets off the elevator. Ramsay shouts to Bobby to stop the elevator but the controls do not respond. As the elevator makes it to the ground floor Karen arrives entering the elevator and gets Bobby to the top of the elevator to the next floor. Luther gets rather piss and opens fire on Ramsay. He manages to avoid the smart bullets and makes it to the elevator but ends up speeding towards the very top instead down to ground floor. Ramsay looks at the elevator systematics and finds a reset button at the bottom of the elevator cart. As he about to go through an access panel on the floor, Ramsay gets some nasty company via three robot spiders. As he’s climbing on the side of the elevator, he managed to take out two of them but gets stung by the third one and ends handing on the edge of the elevator. Ramsay pulls out a live cable and takes out the third spider. He makes it to the reset button and elevator starts up again. The elevator stops at the floor where Luther is waiting on Ramsay. He has Ramsay at gunpoint but he starts up the elevator while grabbing Luther’s leg. As the elevator speeds to the ground, Ramsay slams the stop button bringing the elevator to hard stop causing Luther to fall to the ground with the awaiting spiders. Luther is covered and stung to death by the killer robot spiders. The film ends with Ramsay reunited with Bobby and just to bring this up because the film brings it up a few times Ramsay and Karen began to share feelings for each other.

My Final Verdict: The words fun, intense and entertaining seems to describe this film enough. The use of robots in commonplaces is quite practical and rather compliant it's believable. The music is freaking awesome; each score is not some average techno music you find at a night club. Each music score’s got heart in their tone. Making most of the scenes feel rather intense; of course that’s the kind of style of composing you expect from Jerry Goldsmith. And oh another good example of the man’s works Total Recall. Do I have to explain how badass Gene Simmons is; he’s like the 80s Tom Hiddleston.

So that’s one sci-fi film but I can still taste the stagnation of The Host in my brain. So let’s see if the next review Eve of Destruction will fix that problem; stay tuned.

The Film Vindicator Review: The Host

Hey everyone welcome to a new year and a new review. The Host is an adaption of a novel written by the same author that brought us Sparkly Vampires. In Stephenie Meyer’s own words The Host is “science fiction for people who hate science fiction. Sniff sniff sniff sniff….sniff sniff…..sniff sniff sniff. You smell that? That’s the foul stench of bullshit coming from this woman. You’re probably wondering why am I reviewing The Host first and not Twilight? Well as much I want to review Twilight it’s been reviewed to death by many many reviewers so I really don’t see a reason for me to review the series. What can I possibly say about the series that’s already been said by the reviewers before me? So instead I might as well review this film while it’s still recent and still has that “rip this film a new asshole” smell. Although I will do something different with Twilight; instead of a review I may do an analysis. A deconstruction of what is just systematically wrong with the series and actually point out a few positives that would’ve helped the series not to be so terrible. But this deconstruction is somewhere down the road so be on the lookout for it in the future.

We open on a narration that Earth is at peace; no more hunger, no more violence, and the environment has healed itself. But the narration continues that Earth is no longer our own that we’ve been invaded by an alien race Souls. Occupying the bodies of almost every human on the planet and the remaining humans are on the run. OK I gotta stop there for a moment just how exactly did the aliens invade us? The film never SHOW us how it all went down we’re just taking the film’s word for it. And keep this in mind the aliens in question are these tiny centipede-like creatures of light and don’t have any physical bodies before they came to Earth. So how did they manage to takeover humanity so sufficiently with no difficulty and on a worldwide scale? If I have to answer I would say humanity was made of stupid on that day. As the narration ends we cut to Melanie Stryder (played by Saoirse Ronan) being cornered by the occupied host Souls. She knocks a few of them and runs away; she heads upstairs as the OHSs give chase. She runs into a room and jumps through a window falling to her “death”. Her body is taken to a facility where later one of them OHS healers discovered that Melanie is still alive and has suffered no internal injuries. OK she fell at a pretty high up from a window and somehow she’s still alive with no injuries. Well at that height it’s possible you can survive through it but to fall from high up and live with NO INJURIES that’s a whole other can of bullshit. And when the film doesn’t know how Melanie is magically still alive you’re putting your own foot so far in your mouth that you’re shitting out your toenails. Anyway the OHSs healers prep Melanie for Soul implantation. One of the healers cuts a small slit at the back of Melanie’s neck then the healer opens a small capsule containing a Soul. The Soul then enters Melanie’s neck as she awakes but not as Melanie any more. The Soul now calling “herself” Wanderer has full control of the host body…..or so she thought. Later her in room Wanderer is taken comfort with her new body until suddenly she hears Melanie in her head apparently Melanie’s conscious is still alive.

Now I’m going ahead and bitch about this so that we I come to it later I won’t linger on it too much. Remember that show Jekyll where the character Tom Jackman is the descendent of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde therefore he has the Hyde personality as well. Anyway as the series progresses we see Tom struggling against Hyde. And I mean we really see Tom struggling against Hyde. The interaction between Tom and Hyde was done by visually means despite being the same person; making the dynamics between the two more believable and well done. Where as in this film with Melanie and Wanderer they act like five year olds in a pissing contest for the last piece of cake. Only to have the parents take away that said cake just to get them to shut up. That’s the basic dynamic between these two and it’s really pathetic. Not to mention how Melanie interacts via voiceovers can get annoying almost immediately. Wanderer is approached by The Seeker (played by Diane Kruger) who wants to find the human resistance which Melanie is a part of that resistance. Resistance, rebels you keep using those words I do not think they mean of what this film thinks they mean. I’ll explain what I mean later. Accessing Melanie’s memories Wanderer tells The Seeker about Melanie; how she, her brother Jamie (played by Chandler Canterbury) and their father escaped the initial colonization. Her family was hiding at a house near a pier where her father was found by other Seekers but he put a bullet in his head before being captured. Melanie and Jamie were hiding under the pier when it happened. Melanie tries to stop Wanderer from saying Jamie’s name to the Seeker but still does so. Cut to nighttime as Wanderer is asleep and apparently seeing into Melanie’s memories which triggers a flashback. Melanie is in a house stealing food from the refrigerator until she’s snuck up from behind by a human Jared Howe (played by Max Irons). Surprised to find another human Jared kisses her…..yeah you can already guess where this is going. Melanie breaks free runs off but Jared catches up to her and tackles her down. The flashback ends with Jared convinces Melanie that he’s human and offers her a ride back to Jamie. The next day Wanderer shows the Seeker a picture of Jared she drew after the dream she had. As she access Melanie’s memory again this triggers another flashback. Melanie and Jamie are staying with Jared as they’re staying at an abandon house where they not much hiding but rather frolicking around. You know in most alien invasion films humans usually hide away until things blow over or until the good guys win whichever comes first. But these guys don’t seem to be worry about things like the aliens having surveillance drones, spy satellites or tracking systems. Nope just hang around outside with no worries at all. Thankful for them and the other humans the aliens are just as equally stupid; more on that later. Continuing the flashback miles away from their home Jared spots a few Seekers who are scouting the place. Leaving them no choice but to pack up and head to their uncle Jeb; Melanie and the others hide at an old hotel for the night. Jared goes off to get supply while Melanie and Jamie stay behind. Moments later Seekers show up searching for the two; Melanie tells Jamie to stay hidden as she lures them away. This leads up to the scene from the beginning where she runs from Seekers and jumps to her death and flashback ends.

The Seeker asked for more info but Wanderer comes up with nothing and the Seeker leaves. Wanderer gets an image of a mountain range and starts drawing it down. Melanie pleads for her to get rid of the drawing and without any hesitation Wanderer complies. Cut to Wanderer standing near a lake until she’s approached by the Seeker again; she continues asking Wanderer where the resistance are but Melanie tells her to say nothing and she complies. Wanderer is really compliant isn’t she? Not even once trying to give any protest on Melanie just does as she says almost immediately. As if this character has no ounce of thought or will of her own; almost reminds me of someone. The Seeker informs her on a possible sighting of Jared and is in the process of locating him. This gets Melanie upset that has her temporarily regain control of her body and tries to strangle Seeker. Seeker quickly counters and incapacitates her. Later after Wanderer recovers Seeker is convinced that the host is too resistant and Wanderer will be implanted into more compatible one. As for Melanie, Seeker will inhibit her body, access her memories and locate the resistance. Melanie doesn’t want that to happen and convinces Wanderer to escape the facility. After Wanderer is locked in her room, Melanie instructs her to prop a chair under the doorknob and to go out the window. Wanderer refuses to jump off the balcony and into a fountain below but Melanie temporarily takes control again and jumps off the balcony. You’re probably asking does these temporary regains of Melanie lead up to anything. Short answer no, long answer will be given later. Wanderer swims out of the fountain and escapes the facility; she persuades an OHS to lend her his car and drives away. On the road Wanderer wants to head to Fort Worth to find a Healer to help them. However, being distracted by Melanie’s memory of her and Jared has them driving the opposite direction. Wanderer turns the car around but Melanie causes her to roll the car over and crash off road. Wanderer gets out of the car with no choice but to listen to Melanie and starts walking to wherever Jamie and Jared are. Back at the facility Seeker finds the torn up mountain drawing and uses (what I can identify) Google Maps Advance and locates the mountain range. And hell if I know where this mountain area is. Seriously this is one of many film’s problem it doesn’t give out any specific geographic location of where everything is. In one scene there’s the OHS facility, in another scene there’s this swamp area, in another scene there’s house in the middle of some field. Just where the hell is everything? The film pads out with Wanderer/Melanie walking in some desert looking Jeb’s cabin. So Melanie’s plan was to find this cabin in the middle of god knows where this desert is. And who the hell lives in a cabin in a desert you’re putting yourself in deep shit if anything goes wrong. Exhausted from walking in a desert Wanderer/Melanie passed out under a tree until later they are found by Jeb (played by William Hurt) and his group. Jeb is overjoyed of finding Melanie but soon to be shocked to see her as an OHS. One of the group members Kyle (played by Boyd Holbrook) is about to kill Wanderer but Jeb stops him at gunpoint. The rest of the group including Melanie’s aunt Maggie (played by Frances Fisher) are not at all pleased of Jeb sparring Wanderer. I just don’t get this film’s logic; Jeb’s group has a good reason to kill Wanderer. I mean what’s to stop her from giving away their location to other OHSs? How does Jeb know she won’t give him false info that would get them captured? I understand she his flesh and blood but most films that I’m familiar when a relative or love one turns into a vampire, zombies or possessed by some evil entity. You’re left with no choice but to put that relative or love one to rest because otherwise you’re screwing yourself and everyone else over. And not to mention the group should have kill Jeb just by his sheer stupidity that’s literally putting them in danger. This is just heavy handed tripe of telling us that she’s the main character and she has to live. Also this is just a lazy way to avoid any conflict build up or following up on that conflict.

Jeb has her blindfolded the group takes her to some type of cave inside a mountain. Wanderer sees Jared and Melanie calls out to him but aside from the audience only Wanderer can hear her. Wanderer walks towards Jared but he slaps causes her to fall down and hits her head on rock. Later she’s recovers in a holding area as Jared is on guard. Kyle and two other men show up promptly to kill Wanderer but Jared refuses to let them do so. A fight breaks out between Jared and Kyle; he calls for Ian (played by Jake Abel) to go kill Wanderer. Ian starts strangling her but Jeb fires his shotgun ending the fight. Jeb sets the record straight that Wanderer is off limits and that no one shouldn’t kill each other. Kyle and the two men disagree with this but they walked away. OK if a bunch of assholes are more rational and concern than the guy in charged you know you’re doing something wrong. And again his own stupidity is putting everyone in danger; sure we the audience know that Wanderer is actually no threat to no one. But it’s not like these people know that so in their defense it doesn’t hurt to be a little cautious. A little bit later Wanderer sees Jamie watching her; the two are talking as Jeb whose on guard listens in. Jamie wants to know what became of Melanie; she response that took her life in order to protect him and Jared. They continue talking until Jared walks in telling Jamie to stay away from “it”. Jeb goes off to watch over Jamie as Jared and Ian stand guard. Ian displays this abrupt keel turn (giving that earlier he was suspicious of Wanderer) is convinced that she’s not a threat while Jared remains cautious. Oh don’t worry more characters will display randomly abrupt keel turns later on. Jared, Kyle and a few of the humans go off in trucks to look for supplies. Meanwhile Jeb gives Wanderer a tour of the cave here’s where the film’s logic falls on its ass again. Jeb deduced that Wanderer wasn’t sent by the Seekers to find this place but instead escaped from the Seekers. Then he deduces that Melanie is still alive somewhere within Wanderer which is he believes that she cares for Jared and Jamie. Sherlock Holmes would call bullshit on this guy’s ability of deduction. While he is correct that Wanderer wasn’t sent by the Seeker but figuring out that Melanie is still alive….again Sherlock Holmes bullshit. Jeb calls for Jamie to watch over Wanderer; Jamie takes her to look at some glowworms and ask her if Melanie is still alive. Wanderer answers and Jamie is now relieved. Cut to a store (which literally says store on the front) where Jared and the others are stealing supplies to bring back to the cave. They load up and about to head out but are approached by an OHS. Jared Knocks him out, ties him up and puts him in the truck. Back at the cave Jeb has Wanderer working in a wheat field with the other humans; most of them are unease by her presence except for Ian. The two are looking at each other which make Melanie disgusted by this. Ian even offers water to Wanderer and she accepts which makes Melanie even more disgusted. She even goes out of her way of reminding Wanderer that he tried to kill her. Wow brownie points for pointing out Ian’s out of nowhere keel turn film.

Anyway cut to some Seekers that have been searching for Wanderer in the hope to find the human resistance. A Seeker helicopter spots one of the trucks and gives chase while other seekers converged in their silver cars. So these aliens who have achieved interstellar space travel, have advanced technology and have achieved a complete earth renewal. Yet when finding unoccupied humans their best way to do so is just go wondering around in silver choppers, cars and motorcycles and just hope for the best to find some humans just out and about for some reason. Not saying this film is dumber than Twilight but it’s REALLY getting there. The Seekers are chasing down the trunk while in the second truck Jared and Kyle are keeping their distance so they won’t get noticed. The first truck gets cornered so the human drivers decided to kill themselves by crashing into a concrete barrier to avoid being occupied. Jared and Kyle drive away but are spotted by (Kruger) Seeker. Soon after Jared and Kyle are being pursued by a Seeker Jared slams on the brakes causing the Seeker to crash at the back end of the truck. Jared goes off to put the Seeker in truck but (Kruger) Seeker shows up. She picks up a gun that Kyle dropped during the crash while Jared quickly gets back into the truck. She open fires but accidently shoots the Seeker dead as Jared and Kyle make their escape. Back at the cave Wanderer is having a conversion with some of the other humans until Jared arrives. He takes Jeb’s gun and is about to shoot her Jamie stops him telling him that if he kills Wanderer he’ll also kill Melanie. Jared does not believe this but he gives the gun back to Jeb and leaves. Wanderer wants to go back to her cell but Ian offers her to stay at his room. She accepts but she’s rather confused (and she’s not the only one who’s confused) by Ian’s sudden kindness towards her. Whatever Ian’s reason for being so friendly to Wanderer out of nowhere I can assume that it’s the film’s poor writing. Later Jared arrives to Ian’s place wanting to talk to Wanderer; not all too sure if Melanie is still alive Jared proceeds to kiss Wanderer. Melanie is in shock of what Jared is doing and demands Wanderer to stop. She continues pleading until once again regaining control long enough to punch Jared. This somehow convinces him that Melanie is still alive and still loves her as Wanderer leaves the room. Later Wanderer is by herself when Kyle is calling out to her; apparently Melanie has a spider sense and tells her to hide. Kyle doesn’t see her and moves on; Wanderer makes a run for it but is caught by Kyle. He tries to throw her in a nearby whirlpool but she tries to fight back. During the struggle Kyle hits his head on a wall and is about to fall in but Wanderer grabs him trying to pull him back up. I would bitch about it or ask why Wanderer is saving him but Melanie is doing the job for me. And when a film points the flaws it has the filmmaker REALLY needs to step back and think. That is assuming that the filmmaker in question did any actual thinking when making this film. Ian comes soon after she called for help; they managed to pull him out of the whirlpool. Afterwards Wanderer is being asked by Jeb of what happened but she lied, saying that Kyle slipped. However, Ian figures it out that Kyle tried to kill her; Jeb threatens Kyle to stay away from Wanderer.

A little bit later after Jared goes for supplies with Kyle, Ian approaches Wanderer asking her to come walk with him. I know I’m not gonna get a straight sane answer but it’s worth asking anyway. What possibly could Wanderer have done that has Ian going all lovey-dovey on her? Seriously what had she done? Not going into detail just yet she has literally done nothing as a character to prove her worth to anyone. Let alone to have some random human falling in love with her out of nowhere. Cut to Ian and Wanderer sitting outside the two start sharing feeling for each other while Melanie is being against this matter. The two began kissing but Melanie threatens Wanderer that she’ll hurt Ian and so she stops. You might be saying that Melanie is being a bitch and you are right but in her defense it’s still her body. Granted she’s not in control at the moment but consciously she’s still alive and aware of what’s going on. Back in the cave Wanderer goes to Jamie asking where everyone is. Jamie response that he doesn’t know but Melanie senses that he’s lying. Wanderer walks off only to wait for Jamie to go off to his room. She goes to see the Doc (played by Scott Lawrence) in the infirmary but is completely shocked to see dead Souls after being taken out of the humans who now lay dead. Wanderer runs off in anger and spends the next few days in her cell. She’s approached by Jeb trying to justify what they were doing was survival though he still feels sorry for what they’ve done. He then tells her that Jamie is severely hurt. Earlier during a harvest Jamie was distracted by a passing Seeker helicopter and ended up cutting himself in the leg. Now the cut has gotten infected and due to the Souls destroying all human medicines it can’t be treated and Jamie may die. Wanderer suggests to Ian that they should go to a Soul facility and get the medicine Jamie needs. At the Soul facility Wanderer cuts herself to be treated so she can steal some meds. This plan works and Wanderer leaves with the meds along with a Soul capsule. They hurried back to the cave in time to heal Jamie. Cut to (Kruger) Seeker still searching for the cave. You know those surveillance drones, spy satellites and tracking systems I’ve mentioned would make a far better idea instead of aimlessly driving around in a desert. Cut to the Store where Wanderer is getting supplies this time not relying on stealing. Making it easy for her to literally walk out of the Store with no problems; then she, Ian and Jared load up the supplies and head back to the cave. Upon making their return they find a dead body of a human who was scouting the area. The three of them are ambushed by the armed (Kruger) Seeker but gets shot by Jeb. Later they have her healed and put in a cell where Wanderer wishes to talk to her alone. (Kruger) Seeker is confident that other Seekers will her and the cave but Wanderer has other plans to keep the cave safe. Wanderer approaches Doc telling him there’s a proper way to remove the Souls without killing the hosts. In exchange with this information Doc has to promise that no Soul won’t come to harm and that he removes Wanderer out of Melanie. Doc agrees. A little bit later they have (Kruger) Seeker ready for Soul extraction. After Doc slits an open at the back of her neck Wanderer demonstrates to not forceful remove the Soul but to let it remove itself. Now I would say that’s clever but I’m my mind is too busy screaming bullshit right now.

I mean none of the humans couldn’t figure it out; it’s really that simply and no one figures it out. And I wouldn’t put it as a “secret” as Wanderer puts it more like trial and error and common sense. Anyway Wanderer takes the Soul and placed it in the capsule when later it’s taken to Soul facility and sent off into space. With the Seeker Soul now gone the host (named Lacey) is free and in control. Wanderer gathers Jeb, Jared, Ian, and Doc telling them that she wishes to be removed of a Melanie and go back into space. Now of course everyone is at a disagreement with her choice including Melanie. As much as I wanna bitch about everyone’s out of place concerns for Wanderer but I’m saving my bitchy mode for the main event. Later Wanderer is ready to be extracted and sent back into space but Melanie knows the truth Wanderer wants to die rather than taking over another life. Despite her disgust towards Wanderer she finally accepts her and doesn’t want her to die. This makes Wanderer very happy and accepts her fate with no regrets. Now with all bullshit aside despite their differences (or the lack there of) this is an honest to god moving scene. HOWEVER, the following scene decides to ruin all of that with a giant throbbing middle finger to the brain. Cut to a POV of Wanderer waking up in a new body (played by Emily Browning) despite her protest of taking another life. However, while she was out for month Jeb and the others have been removing Souls from the hosts successfully. But the host in question started dying after the Soul removal so they decided to place her in that body to give it life. Bitchy Mode ACTIVATE! Now this was a very nice gesture for them to do this BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT in doing so the previous scenes where Melanie and Wanderer set aside their differences and had a rather lovely closure to Wanderer’s character. WAS EASILY REDUCED TO NOTHING MORE BUT POINTLESS FALSE TENSION! AND NOW THIS FILM IS DUMBER THAN TWILIGHT! This film basically uses the same cop out bullshit from Breaking Dawn part Two. I can understand to some extent why Wanderer is so important to these people. But why ruin such a mood scene for the sake of keeping her around with a completely out of nowhere alternative? I call bullshit that they coincidently found the ONE host that was dying and decided to just slap her in to it without a single consent from Wanderer. I guess they really wanted to justify this action without feeling guilty with the possibility that they may have taken someone’s live. And of course this pleases Ian very much because heaven forbid if he doesn’t have a piece of alien ass to bring home…….fucker. Cut to months later in wherever the fuck they are as Melanie, Jared, Wanderer and Ian are just driving around until they are stopped by Seekers. They get out of the car to be inspected by one Seeker and to his surprise find one them to be a Soul. Soon after it’s revealed that the rest of the Seeker aren’t really Seekers but human survivors and the Seeker in question is on their side. I should go back to my Bitchy Mode but this film is already fucking over so I get to it in my final verdict.

My Final Verdict: Instead of the usual straight forward thoughts on this film I’ll be giving out three detailed points of how it has actual potential but embarrassingly falls on its ass.

1.Characters: While Twilight would constantly bullshits the audience to believing that Bella Swan is so strong, caring and selfless but in reality her actions completely contradicts her in every way. Melanie Stryder actually displays these traits without being such a ham handed character; when she’s first introduced she’s not some depressed antisocial with no aim or goal in her life. She actually has concerns for the people in her life. So much so that she’s willing to kill herself in order to protect her family. Where’s this level of concern and brass balls when it comes to Bella? Short answer nowhere. Now unfortunately upon having her body taken over by Wanderer, Melanie was reduced to an annoying voiceover. Do I have to mention Jekyll again? I’ve seen practical dual roles done basically but are well done whereas here the dual role is so basic it’s downright lazy. And this is not even the fault of the actress Saoirse Ronan. I’m sure she’s a great actress but it feels like they weren’t even trying to create the mental illusion of two conflicting characters in one body. Not to mention Saoirse is given two characters with the most weakest of dynamics. Nothing against Wanderer but she’s by far the blankest slated character that Stephenie Meyer has ever created. I mean she’s virtually unnoticeable as a main character she’s freaking invisible. At no point in the film does she show any kind of growth that didn’t felt forced on to the audience. It’s nice for her to show concerns and sympathy for the humans but it keeps leading up to the question why? Why up to this point does she care for the humans after taken over dozens of other alien races? The only reason why she feels so sorry for the humans is because Melanie completely guilt riddens her with her memories. Not once does Wanderer display or prove any self-development just bluntly has other characters do the development for her. She literally has no character motivation and even if she has they’re completely shallow. The Ian character was just a waste of space through the whole film. At no point do we know anything about this guy; at least with Jared we know a little about but it’s enough to understand his hatred and distrust towards Wanderer. But with Ian he’s just some guy with a random hard on for Wanderer his only character motivation are as follows. “Oh wow a sexy alien; I wanna go fuck it for no reason at all.” Captain Jack Harkness has better sex motivations than this ET raping twerp.

2.The World of The Host: The film sets up as this post-invasion story that I was honestly invested for the most part. Such as how the aliens have made a stable society instead of the usual film cliché of aliens taking over the world. This would have driven the story much better if it was focus on the conflict of the humans being replaced by the Souls that were going on in the film. But I feel that they explored this conflict halfway. (Kruger) Seeker keeps talking about resistance and rebellions from the humans but through the whole film I didn’t see no such thing. Sure a few humans had guns but they’re not exactly at the WOLVERINES level of resistance they were just a bunch people trying to live on. At one point in the film there’s a confusing assumption of who’s in the right and who’s in wrong. You have the humans stating that the Souls are evil while they do evil things just as equally. Another plot-point that isn’t fully explored is when it’s established that the occupied host can somehow resist the Soul. The film never explains why this is possible and also raises the question. If this is recurring problem why the Souls aren’t doing anything to fix it? Why not erase the human consciousness out of the bodies? Not only that the film never explores the possible tension of Melanie eventually overpowers Wanderer and regain control completely. And lastly how a few Souls can turn to the side of the humans on whim felt completely shallow. This could’ve easily been one of the focal points of the film if it wasn’t swept under the rug for the sake of an obvious copy-and-pasted SMeyer love story that doesn’t even try to carry the entirety of the story.

3.Overall: This film had a good story concept-wise but in its overall execution The Host is unbalanced. As I stated before most of the plot-points are thrown under the rug for the sake of SMeyer’s cookie cutter ham fisted love story. Rendering most of these plot-points completely unfocused upon. The characters range from decent to sexually driven moron(s) and the overall growth of the story feels deeply underplay.

I got a feeling I have more to say but I’m completely spent I just wanna be done with this film. The film obviously leaves itself open for a sequel but given that it’s not on the same level of success as Twilight. Chances of a sequel are not too promising and let’s pray to god that it stays that way. However, if any slim chance of a sequel I’ll be there to smite the abomination with an all righteous fury…..and Red Lantern Rage. I think I need to look into some REAL sci-fi films just to get the taste of this film out of my brain. So stay tuned next time as we look into one of my personal favorites Runaway.

New Years Eve Review 2013

Well as 2013 is coming to a close I'll just give an overall review of films I've seen this year.

World's End: My god the humor is flipping endlessly hilarious, just non-stop comedy at its best.

Elysium: It was a fun film was pretty much watching a video game movie just less made of stupid.

The Wolverine: It was pretty good the fight scenes are better and the story wasn't a slapped together glob of plotholes.

Pacific Rim: I'll put it like this....Gundam, Macross, Voltron.....MAKE THESE FILMS HAPPEN! If Guillermo Del Toro can get giant robots right then just maybe there is hope.

This Is The End: It's not bad really it's one of those "shut off your brain" films. Most of the comedy in it are pretty funny and you really don't wanna mess with a fire ax wielding Emma Watson. Just throwing that out there.

Iron Man 3: Worth watching however, I think The Mandarin really didn't need to be in the film given how the film actually plays out differently from the trailer. But I understand why the film went this way so I'm not that disappointed, surprised and confused but not disappointed. And Also Pepper Potts is a bad ass so there's that to forward to.

Oblivion: It's rather a good looking film.

Evil Dead 2013: Despite my personal protest I went to see it and........................it's really good........it didn't piss me off I enjoy it. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW GUYS?

G.I. Joe Retaliation:.....FRAKING A, it's like they took the flaws from the first movie and improved them. As much as I like the first movie this one is AWESOME.

Man of Steel: I feel I owe this film an apology. I have no words of how amazing Man of Steel, Zach Snyder in his own prerogative does his best representation of Superman. Where as Superman Returns fails because of how Bryan Singer tries to emulate what Richard Donner did.