Hits & Misses: The Black Room

Hit: Nice ominous POV homage to Halloween.

Miss: Obviously fake ass mist/fog/smoke effects are obvious.

Miss: Why would this woman let her granddaughter stay at a house that has some creepy supernatural stuff going on?

Miss: Wow, a few minutes in and already got pervy ghost rape. Thanks movie.

Miss: “Granddaughter being manhandled by demon hands.” I know this is meant to be scary but giving how she’s (re)acting and the cheesy music it feels like I’m watching a porno spoof.

Miss: “This movie’s opening title sequence” What is with the music, am I watching a horror film or a crappy Bond knock-off?

Miss: Ah fuck they dragged Natasha Henstridge into this movie.

Hit: Also, Natasha Henstridge.

Miss: Realtor: “Ever since that horrible incident with her daughter.” Don’t you mean her GRANDDAUGHTER? Ugh reshoot please.

Miss: I get it Mr. Electrician Man, Natasha Henstridge is hot. Now put that dick back in your pants please.

Hit: Jennifer: “No sexual activity until the creepy Mr. Fix It is gone” Agreed and I don’t blame you.

Miss: Yeah Creepy Mr Fix It, care to bang on that door a little harder and maybe shout a little louder as well.

Miss: Despite being naked in the tub we see no naughty bits of Natasha Henstridge.

Hit: But still, naked Natasha Henstridge.

Miss: I know this is meant to be scary and/or seductive but all I’m seeing is Jennifer and Paul being sexually violated by pervert ghosts. And it’s not like they can see the ghosts which even make it less scary and more like a lazy exploitation.

Miss: Oh great, undead, creepy Electrician.

Miss: Oh wow, Jennifer’s sister is an Emo Bitch.

Miss: “Paul gets possessed” Wow nice low budget lightning effects movie, it’s like I’m watching a Lets Play of Phantasmagoria 2.

Miss: “Possessed Paul fails at seducing two waitresses at a restaurant” It’s like if Paul was in a D&D game and rolled a natural 1 at seduction twice.

Miss: “Possessed Paul makes one of the waitresses’ breasts shrink to A Cups then soon after has breasts growing on her back.” I would find this scary if it wasn’t goofy at the same time.

Miss: So this sexual demon was summoned by doped up hippies back in the 70s. Why?

WTF: “Possessed Paul makes the other waitress explode with orgasm by fingering a cup of coffee.” How the fuck is this scary or seductive?

Miss: “Possessed Paul making out with a wall of demon hands.” More porno spoof action! This movie is just not trying to be all scary but rather have sexually situations ranging from silly to grossly uncomfortable.

Miss: “Possessed Paul even fails at seducing Jennifer.” Now just how am I supposed to take this Incubus seriously if it can’t even seduce the pants out of nearby women?

Miss: If the Emo Bitch sister is unimpressed by the demonically well-endowed dick, you got problems.

Real Talk: Emo Bitch sister dies via tentacle rape and not in a kinky way.

Hit: OK this time Possessed Paul is slowly improving on his seduction skills on Jennifer.

Hit: Natasha Cleavage!

Real Talk: Title Drop….

Miss: How does the granddaughter know about the Incubus or what went on decades ago? It’s not like her grandma told her or that “Hippies killed by a summoned sex demon” is public knowledge either.

Real Talk: Is the actor playing Paul British? If so I think his accent is showing.

Miss: Jennifer suspects something off is going in the house (and Paul) but doesn’t just get the fuck out of there.

Real Talk: “The Incubus is reborn in a sexy female body.” Not gonna lie I’d totally hit that.

Miss: “Jennifer stabs the female sex demon with a kitchen knife, killing her instantly”. Well that was fucking easy.

Hit: Paul has the right idea for the both of them to move the fuck out of the house.

Miss: “Jennifer is apparently possessed by the Incubus somehow as the movie ends.” Predictable shocker endings are predictable.

Hits & Misses: Logan

Hit/LOL: Drunk Logan.

Hit: Berserker Rage in the first few minutes.

Miss: Logan has a job as a Discount Uber driver.

Hit: Logan uses his real name.

LOL: Crazy Xavier

Miss: We're not shown how the Mutant population gotten stagnate, just told that mutants aren't being born anymore.

Miss: Discount Rick Flag

Real Talk: First Hit Girl and now Laura (X-23), I think it's about time for DC to step their game up with their kid heroes.

Hit: Xavier speaks Spanish.

Hit: Character dynamic between Logan and Laura.

Miss: We're not told much of what happened to the rest of the X-Men.

LOL: Logan needs glasses to read.

Hit/LOL: The most bad ass mutant in Marvel Comics and he gets punched in the face by a little girl. Just fucking adorable.

Miss: Reference to Wolverine: X-Men Origins.

Miss: Logan uses a gun.

Miss: The last movie with/about Logan and we'll never gonna get a Hulk vs Wolverine.

Real Talk: That little girl deserves an award immediately!

Miss: No after credit scene.

Real Talk: I'm sensing a possible Runaway spin off.

Hits & Misses: Dragonball Evolution

Miss: This film exist. And what does the title mean exactly? Dragonball Evolution, an evolution of what, I doubt it’s the evolution of the characters or the story.

Miss: Narration...

Miss: Grandpa Gohan: “First rule is there are no rules.”
Well it’s no wonder this movie fails so badly, completely ignoring the rules of the source material.

Hit: Here you go the only appearance of the Power Pole.

Miss: There’s no narrative reason to have Grandpa Gohan alive in this movie, especially since he’s gonna die later on. So the only reason why he’s here is to be a Discount Ben Kenobi/Uncle Ben.

Hit: Goku gets knock on his ass.

Miss: Goku: “Teach me how to be normal.”
You mean how to be a bland character? Don’t worry the writers got that covered.

Miss: Also this is pretty much the extent of Goku’s character, being a Discount Peter Parker/Jim Livingston.

Miss: I know they wanted to “modernized” Goku but it would’ve helped to have him in home school. Having him in high school makes him just like every other shitty high school stereotype from every other shitty high school movie.

Miss: Out of all the things Goku faced over the years (an evil army, a demon king, a mercenary, aliens, androids, gods, an evil doppelganger, fighters from different universes). All of whom really pushed Goku to his limits and beyond. But in this movie… (Sarcastic)Oh no, high school bullies! How will Goku ever gonna make it?! Oh dear me! (Real Talk)Man get the fuck out of here with that shit.

Miss: Hi obvious forced romantic inter….I mean Chi-Chi.

Miss: Goku, you’re not the Hulk so stop making that ugly ass angry face.

Miss: Previous on Final Fantasy. Seriously where the hell did Piccolo get this airship?

Miss: Also good job not establishing/explaining how Piccolo got out of the Mafuba. Details, what are those?

Miss: They just had to drag James Marsters in to this movie.

Hit: Also James Marsters.

Miss: Piccolo unleashed an energy ball that can take down a city block. But upon closer look at this village there are some survivors. Sorry but there should be NO ONE left after that blast. Nappa ought to teach this guy how it’s done.

Miss: I’m not buying that this Asian chick is Mai from the original series. For one her name isn’t mentioned once through the whole movie. So I’m gonna call her Asian Power Girl….for obvious reasons.

Miss: “Goku creepily stares at Chi-Chi” This isn’t a creepy scene at all and that Goku isn’t a fucking creeper.

Miss: Goku: “My grandpa would say beware of the Nameks”
And how exactly does Gohan know about the Namekians? Did he used to travel with the Doctor? This movie’s supposed to be based from the original series, as in before the whole Goku and Piccolo are aliens bit was established. I know this movie’s trying to get to the DBZ portion of the series, but its gotta shit ton of story arcs before getting to that point.

Miss: Also there was only ONE Namekian who was destroying the earth not an entire race. Were you even paying attention to the narration?

Miss: This is what the writers thought when it came to developing Chi-Chi. “Oh let’s have her know what Ki is therefore the audience doesn’t get the idea that she’s completely meaningless to the story. GENIUS!”

Miss: Also this is what it took for Chi-Chi to have the hots for Goku, using Ki to open a locker. And let’s not forget that she already has a boyfriend prior to this scene. GREAT ROMANTIC WRITING RIGHT HERE PEOPLE!

Miss: Also, also awkward Goku/Chi-Chi conversation.

Miss: Oh yes Goku, go right ahead and leave your grandpa without even letting him know where you're going. And on your own Birthday while he’s being slaving away in the kitchen no less. What an asshole.

Miss: I know I should be cheering for Goku as he gives the bullies their comeuppance but honestly he should’ve done it ages ago.

Miss: Goku’s rapey smile.

Miss: Well would you look at this, the moon is full yet Goku’s not transforming into a great ape. Granted he has no tail for him to do so but still a miss.

Miss: Goku: “My grandpa said he’ll explain everything when I’m 18 and I’m 18.”
Yet here you are at some hot chick’s house trying to tap that said hot chick’s ass. Again what an asshole.

Hit: Gonna be honest here this little tussle between Grandpa Gohan and Asian Power Girl was OK. Just don’t get your hopes on the other fight scenes later on.

Miss: Oh hey Piccolo, haven’t seen you in while, I honestly forgot that you were in this movie.

Miss: Wasn’t kidding about Gohan being Discount Ben Kenobi now that Piccolo pulls a Discount Darth Vader on him.

Hit: Chi-Chi cleavage shot, hey I’m trying to give this movie some good points. Take it or leave it.

Miss: Yeah, movie if you’re trying to make me feel sad for Goku of losing his grandpa, it’s not working.

Miss: A few minutes after being introduced and I already have a couple of problems with this Bulma. Firstly she has no knowledge of what the Dragonballs are, what they do and apparently what they’re called.

Miss: And secondly why does she even need the Dragonballs to create free energy? She’s a technological genius; she can just build that shit if she wanted to. Clear example of a meaningless character motivation.

Miss: Nice to see the Dragon Radar, sadly it’ll only serve its purpose whenever the plot calls for it. Enjoy!

Miss: Master Roshi’s place is some broking down house in a generic city. Because that’s where he truly lives instead of a house on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean.

Miss: They just had to drag Chow Yun Fat in to this movie.

Hit: Also Chow Yun Fat.

Hit: Seeing asshole Goku getting beat up by Roshi is pretty hilarious.

Miss: Now why did Roshi’s Dragonball gave Goku visions of what’s coming? I don’t think this was ever established in the original. Nor has it been established of one Dragonball gives you the power to sense the others.

Real Talk: And if these Dragonballs can imbue someone with DB senses then what’s the point of Bulma’s Radar in general?

Miss: Roshi mentions Airbending…. Airbending, a concept from a completely different series that has ZERO contexts within the rules of the Dragonball Mythos. I fail to understand what the writers were doing aside from insulting the audiences’ intelligence.

Hit: CHI-CHI SMASH!

Miss: Chi-Chi: “I heard about your grandfather’s accident, I’m so sorry.”
And how/when exactly did you “heard” about that? It’s not like we’re shown Goku telling the school about it. And it’s not like he Facebook/Twitter that shit.

Miss: Roshi: “I can’t train you here, my Ki is shriveling up”
Get it…it’s a double entendre…because he was also referring to his dick! GET IT!

Miss: But seriously though, what kind of a dumbass screenwriter has characters go to some random ass place (the Stone Temple) that doesn’t even affect the overall story? Could’ve easily skipped this scene and nothing of value would’ve been lost. Not that this movie had anything of value to lose to begin with.

Miss: Bulma: “At least it won’t be a total waste, got a signal from a Dragonball”
Then why didn’t your radar get a signal before you guys came to the temple of pointless? See what I mean by the radar only works whenever the plot calls for it?

Hit: And here you go, the only scene of Master Roshi wearing his sunglasses.

Miss: Also fuck this scene for ripping off the lifting a rock while upside down scene from Empire Strikes Back.

Miss: Goku and the others unknowingly fall in to a hole…. The fuck is this, Pokemon?!

Miss: First appearance of Yamcha yet he and Goku don’t even fight each other.

Real Talk: And say what you want about Yamcha but at least he’s not a complete pussy all time. And at least when shit got serious so did he.

Miss: Bulma: “You’re nothing but a low life bandit!”
That would be the real Yamcha you’re describing. This Yamcha on the other hand is some random blonde haired dude with zero characterization and motivation.

Miss: Oh that’s right, Piccolo’s in this movie. Guess I forgot again.

Miss: I’m gonna mention this right now; Piccolo has no real villain motivation. Just sits on his ass until the plot calls him to do something. Even his reasons for obtaining the Dragonballs are rather shallow. If all he wants is to destroy the world just have him keep blowing shit up until there’s nothing left. Or why not have him wish for immortality in case if there are any survivors they won’t live long enough to fuck with him.

Miss: Discount Minion Creatures from every Power Rangers show you’ve ever seen.

Miss: These creatures can regenerate upon damage yet immediately throwing them in to a pit of lava stops them completely. Gotta give credit to the writers when it comes to not giving a shit at creating intense action scenes.

Hit: Goku gets a surprise kick to the face from Asian Power Girl.

Real Talk: Goku: “I need to find a way to stop Ozaru.”
OK…how about killing yourself.

Miss: They just had to drag Erine Hudson in to this movie.

Hit: Also Erine Hudson.

Miss: The World Martial Arts Tournament is shown but has no importance with the story.

Miss: So despite learning from Roshi and Gohan all it took for Goku to learn channel his Ki proper was Chi-Chi essentially offering herself. Because the power of boners will always prevail.

Miss: Asian Power Girl can shapeshift with no explanation of how.

Hit: Chi-Chi vs Chi-Chi.

Hit: Goku gets shot in the face and almost dies.

Miss: Roshi uses the Kamehameha Wave to revive Goku, because that’s how concussive Ki blast work. And I’m aware that in the series Ki energy can be transfer from one character to the next. The problem is the Kamehameha Wave has never been known to do that. So unless Goku is a Ki blast absorbing android he should be all dead.

Miss: Also fuck this movie for not establishing the Senzu Beans.

Miss: Roshi mentions the “Dragon Temple”, a location that has never been brought up until now. Me sense shitty plot contrivance in this one.

Miss: And why even go to some random ass place in order to summon Shen Long? I’m pretty sure Piccolo can summon the dragon anywhere he wants now.

Miss: Now how exactly does Piccolo know that Goku’s from space or that he was “hiding” among us humans? Or that Goku is this Ozaru? Remember, Piccolo was in an evil containment jar for 2,000 years. So unless he got out 18 years prior to Goku’s arrival on Earth this makes no sense and stupid.

Miss: Ozaru in this movie is not a giant ape, how disappointing. And I’m not buying that Piccolo can control Ozaru Goku. Hell he couldn’t even handle Ozaru Gohan (in Dragonball Z).

Miss: Yamcha immediately gets knock on his ass by Ozaru Goku. The real Yamcha lasted a lot longer when he fought Ozaru Goku.

Miss: Bulma: “I had that under control.”
Sure you did Bulma, sure you did.

Miss: Goku vs Piccolo, lamest fight ever!

Miss: Goku: “I am Goku…I am Ozaru. To be one with myself I must be two.”
That makes no sense when you considered that you’re no Bruce Banner and Ozaru’s no Hulk. But I guess that’s the type of writing you get when no one gave a shit about the rules and continuity of the source material.

Miss: The overall series maybe goofy as hell but at least it doesn’t mess around when comes to physics. Because I find it impossible for Goku to be flying towards Piccolo while firing the Kamehameha Wave at the same damn time. More than likely he should be flying at the opposite direction.

Miss: Sorry but with a Ki blast explosion like that there should be nothing left of Piccolo. Or at the very least get scattered to pieces.

Miss: Shen Long’s rather tiny for a powerful wishing dragon.

Miss: Sure Goku, waste a wish on guy you knew for a week rather than wishing back the one person who raised you for years. Did I mention what an asshole Goku is?

Miss: Piccolo still alive…not that it matters due to this movie bombed in theaters to the point of the sequel getting canceled.

Hit: Also the sequel got canceled.

BONUS ROUND

Miss: Since this movie’s world had no anthropomorphic creature meaning there was no Oolong, no Puar, no Korin. Not even Turtle’s in the movie.

Miss: Every location in the Dragon Ball series has their own unique look and feel throughout the stories. Whereas the locations in this movie came off as being bland, generic and forgettable.

Real Talk: This film is pure shit and I mean bad shit. Bad shit like the shit is bad, it’s shit shit, this shit isn’t worth shit. Now I’m aware that there are people who actually love this movie and may get pissed of the criticism I’ve given here. And if you are these people please feel free to defend Dragonball Evolution. But please be aware that I don’t have enough fucks to care.

After A Long Dead Silence

Hey everyone so I've been gone for two years and for good reasons. Firstly I've been very productive with my webcomics to the point that reviewing movies was sorta in the way. More so, the process of writing a film review were getting a bit too lengthy for me. So this does mean I'm no longer doing film reviews, however, I am returning with something completely different. Something that'll let say won't take too long within the writing process. So there's something to look forward to real soon, stay tuned.

New Years Eve Review 2015

Project Almanac: It was decent, almost had a Chronicle vibe but still stands on its merits.

Kingsman: The Secret Service: Rather entertaining, silly at times but very entertaining. Also I'm giving the movie credit for introducing by far the most awesome character I've ever seen.

The Lazarus Effect: Although the movie would've been a little better without the predictable jump-scares it wasn't too bad. Originally I figured from the trailer where this movie was going but it proved me wrong, good job movie.

Chappie: I kept getting a Short Circuit vibe when watching this movie but I think it's a little better than Short Circuit with far more drama and realism.

Unfriended: Meh

Avengers Age of Ultron: Cut to the chase it's awesome go see it. Now there's scene at the end that had me at nerd-rage. This is not spoiler and this is not me hating on it nor implying that it ruins the movie because again it's awesome.
WHY, GODDAMN IT WHY COULDN'T THEY LET CAPT SAY THE LINE?! THEY HAD TO CUT TO BLACK IN THE MIDDLE OF CAPT SAYING THE LINE! JUST....JUST.....JUST......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Now again the movie was awesome.

Jurassic World: First off this was an entertaining movie; not as epic as the first one but far better than the third.
And now a pro tip to current and future filmmakers, if you're gonna have an a**hole character in your give us a reason they're an a**hole. Don't have them be that way for the sake of it and then force the audience to care for them. Also don't introduce a sub-plot that won't have a conclusion at the end.

Terminator Genisys: it's OK, although it could do without the scene after the end-credits.

Ant Man: Really good, not once it didn't disappoint. I was really impress with the de-aging effect on Michael Douglas; a nice step up from Tron Legacy.

Star Wars The Force Awakens: Up two thumbs this movie I give.

Happy New Year

Everyone IS ready for a female superhero movie but everyone ISN’T ready for is a piss-poorly made one.

I’m probably gonna get a lot of hate from what I’m about to say, but I gotta say it. People are complaining about why aren’t there any female superhero movies (specifically from Marvel and DC). But frankly I think their complaints are far misplaced; what they should be complaining is why there aren’t any GOOD female superhero movies. I mean I’m all for a Black Widow movie or a Wonder Woman movie or a Power Girl movie or (possibly) a Wasp movie. But more importantly I’m all for a GOOD Black Widow movie and a GOOD Wonder Woman movie and a GOOD Wasp movie. Because let’s be honest movies like Supergirl (1984) and Catwoman (starting Halle Berry) were ungodly terrible whether in writing or the acting. What bothers me is that people has this go to explanation of why there aren’t any female superhero movies or why people don’t like them is because “oh well people just aren’t ready for a female superhero movie”. Which I respectfully disagree with that shallow explanation. Everyone IS ready for a female superhero movie but everyone ISN’T ready for is a piss-poorly made one. So whenever a female superhero movie comes around it’ll have the same probabilities of sucking as do any male superhero movie. Not because “people aren’t ready for a female superhero” but because of how the writing is or what direction of the movie is going or what it’s doing.

The Film Vindicator Review: Drop Zone

We open on two U.S. Marshals, Pete Nessip (played by Wesley Snipes) and his brother Terry Nessip (played by Malcolm-Jamal Warner). They arrived at a penitentiary to pick up an Earl Leedy (played by Michael Jeter) whose specialty is hiding money for drug lords via computer. Pete and Terry were to escort Leedy to a penitentiary in Atlanta in order to testify in court. Though I would question why they escort him on passenger airline instead of a private jet? I mean have these guys ever watch Passenger 57? Seriously this movie came out two years after Passenger 57 so you would think Wesley would know better than to escort a criminal on a plane fill with potential hostages. Anyway while the plane’s en route to Atlanta, Pete is call to the cockpit listening to a message that says plane will be taken over. Meanwhile back in the passenger section we see five people gearing up with gas masks and guns and proceed to take over the plane. Terry quickly gets his gun as one of the hijackers approaches towards him; he’s about to shoot the hijacker but gets shot in the shoulder. Leedy is grabbed by the other hijacker as the remaining hijackers prep explosives on the rear airlock door. Terry soon recovers and shoots the first hijacker in the back only to be ineffective. The first hijacker is about to shoot Terry but Pete quickly tackles him down from behind. The first hijacker gives the order to blow the airlock door causing the plane to malfunction. In amidst the chaos the five hijacker make their exit out through the blown off airlock door. However, one of the hijackers was unmasked by a little girl before exiting the plane. Right after a few passengers are sucked out of the plane; the little girl is about to sucked out but is saved and pulled to safety by Terry. Unfortunately Terry gets caught in the vacuum and is about to get sucked. Pete quickly grabs Terry trying to pull him to safety but soon loses his grip. Pete tries to hang on as long as he can but eventually lost his grip and Terry sucked out of the plane.

Cut to the plane safely on the ground as Pete’s boss Tom McCracken (played by Andy Romano) arrived at the scene to get some details of what happened. The FBI is going through the airline records to find the identities of the hijackers. However, their computers start to crash and shut down. Pete suspects that it’s Leedy and that the attack on the plane was a setup; more exactly it was a prison break. The FBI are skeptical about it given how it’s unclear how the hijackers got out of the plane with Leedy. Pete believes that they may be using parachutes but still doesn’t convince the FBI as they got a call from a confirmation of what remains of Leedy. Cut to a boat house as the same hijackers from the plane show up along with a still alive Leedy (just missing a finger). Ty Moncrief (played by Gary Busey) seems to be the leader of this bunch. Cut to Pete’s place as McCracken shows up; Pete figures out where the hijackers may have but doesn’t matter as McCracken ask him for his badge and gun. Apparently the U.S. Marshal board of reviews are determine Pete’s and Terry’s responsibility of the accident. FAA and the airlines are having a shitstorm with the press and the relatives of the dead passengers; pointing fingers at Pete and Terry. So yeah forget about the five armed guys who took over a plane and killed a few people. Blame the only two guys who were doing their job.

This doesn’t stop Pete to investigate deeper as he goes to a paratrooper training camp the very next day. Learning from a CO that it’s possible to jump out of 747 but at 38,000 ft would be insanely unlikely. Another improbability is that most parachute rigs have high density metal; making it impossible for the hijackers to get pass the metal detectors. The CO gives Pete some info on two skydivers crazy enough to pull something like the mid-air prison break. Don Jagger (played by Luca Bercovici), a world campion skydiver and his old partner Jessie Crossman (played by Yancy Butler). Pete heads to a skydiving ranch in Sugarloaf Florida where Jessie holds skydiving tours. He finds a picture of Jagger (the same guy who was unmasked by the little girl) and hides it away before Jessie shows up. Upon meeting with Jessie right away she suspects that he’s a cop. Pete asked if it’s possible to skydive from a 747 but Jessie avoids the question. She invites him along the next jump for today; Jessie and Pete are in the air as a couple of people make their jump. Jessie explains how the wind forces the bodies open at 80 knots; a 747 at 800 knot would’ve required skill to avoid being ripped apart. Pete makes sly comment about skill which pisses off Jessie that she opens a trap door under him. Jessie follows suit, catches up with Pete and deploys her parachute. Both land safely on the ground but Pete is rather mad that punches Jessie and walks away. As Pete’s about to leave he’s approach by Jessie’s friends Selkirk (played by Corin Nemec) and Winona (played by Grace Zabriskie). He asked where he can find Jagger and Selkirk informs him about a big jump at Ocean Reef.

Cut to Ty and his gang doing a practice jump with Leedy; whatever they’re planning on breaking into they want him to handle the jump so he can hack into a computer within seconds. Cut to Pete talking to the little girl from the plane, asking if she remembers anything of what happened. She struggles at first but soon remembers bits and pieces; Pete pulls out the photo of Jagger and she quickly recognizes him. Pete got what he wants and leaves but is unaware of one of the detectives reporting to Ty. A little bit later Ty and his gang do another practice jump; after they deployed their parachutes Ty grabs Jagger’s chute and drags him down. Forcing Jagger towards a power station, lands on transformer and gets electrocuted to death. Cut to nighttime as Pete arrives at Ocean Reef and immediately he has rattled some cages by sitting in a table belonging to a group of Skydivers. The skydivers are about to beat him up but Pete does a bit of ass kicking of his own. Jessie soon arrives to stop the fight; she comes to a bit of a hiccup that Pete might fix. There’s big exhibition jump is coming up in Washington D.C. next weekend. However, her parole officer won’t let her go; meaning that without her Pete can’t learn anyway else on skydiving. So he has to square things up with the PO; also he has to pay her $15,000. Shortly after there’s a toast to a fallen skydiver that “burn in” (or crash landed to their death as it were). And it turned out Jagger who burn in. The next day Ty is at meeting with some client who are interesting to his offer. However, they’re a little concern about him since he used to be a DEA agent. Apparently he was honorably discharged eight months ago. So Ty decides to shows some good faith by doing a job free of charge. Cut to nighttime as Ty and crew parachute jump onto the roof of the Miami Metropolitan Police Dept. Inside the building Ty and Leedy head to the records room while the rest head to the evidence locker to gather some drugs. Leedy hacks into the system and gains access to the DEA personnel database; downloading records of undercover agents in Miami. Upon finishing up Ty and crew quickly make it back up to the roof and parachute down onto the waiting semi-truck landing pad below.

Cut to next day at Key Largo, Florida where Jessie and Pete almost have a team together. They just need to find one more and his name is Swoop (played by Kyle Secor). Jessie and Pete are at an office building, finding Swoop on a window washer rig. They offered him to join their team but he’ll join if he gets a free t-shirt….don’t ask. They come to an agreement and Swoop is now on the team. Cut to nighttime as Jessie sneaks into a storage building where Jagger’s rig is kept for inspection. She founds nothing faulty with the parachute as Pete shows up; he noticed that the D-links aren’t metal. Jessie explains that Jagger’s parachute is a smuggler’s rig made out of custom high density fabric; basically it’s what drug runners use to avoid radar. Pete suspects this is how Ty and his gang got the parachutes on the plane undetected. He cuts a piece of nylon from the rig before the two leave which Pete then sends the nylon to a friend at U.S. Marshals to get examined. Skipping a couple scenes we cut to Ty at a meeting with a client who’ll accept his services. Ty insures that once they’ve hacked into the DEA computers they’ll know every update the agency will make; having the names of every undercover agent in the world. The client will have the names delivered to him by July 5th.

Cut to “Drop Zone” in D.C. Jessie’s team and other skydivers are jumping to qualify for the July 4th jump. Before Jessie’s team head out, Selkirk gets accosted by one of Ty’s men, Torski (played by Sam Hennings). Thankfully this doesn’t go unpunished when both Jessie’s and Ty’s team are skydiving and Swoop does a “gift wrap” on Torski; both teams qualified for the July 4th jump. Cut to nighttime Torski is still pissed at Swoop that he, Deputy Dog (played by Robert LaSardo) and Deuce (played by Mickey Jones) go off to beat him up. Soon after Pete intervenes and beats the fuck out of them. A little later Pete asked Jessie about Ty: explains that He and Jagger did some drug carries three years ago. Pete is curious of why Ty would risk showing himself in D.C. Jessie explains that the 4th of July exhibition is such a large event that D.C. is a drop zone; any other day it’s a restricted airspace. Pete looks at a map marked with drop zone near the Washington Monument. After Pete leaves he’s identified by Leedy and Ty decides to ground the team by eliminating Jessie. Deputy Dog and Deuce sneak into Jessie’s trailer, finds her parachute and cuts the chute cord. The next day the qualified jumpers set off for demo jump. Selkirk is worry that he might screw up so Jessie decides to give him her rig for luck. Uh oh! All teams are in the air and make their demo jump for tonight; the demo goes well and all except Selkirk open their chutes. Selkirk opens his chute but it doesn’t deploy fully and gets all tangled up. Still falling to the earth Selkirk manages to cut off the faulty chute but is unable to deploy the secondary chute. Swoop cuts off from his chute and speeds towards Selkirk; he manage to reach him and manually deploys the chute. But it seems all too late as Selkirk crash lands into a lake. Jessie and the others got him out of the lake and try to revive him; luckily he starts to breath. Jessie spots Torski smirking of what happened; realizing who’s responsible she runs to her trailer and gets her gun.

Pete soon arrives only to spot Leedy boarding a plane with Ty and his gang. Swoop and the others are waiting for Jessie as Ty’s plane takes off. Pete shows up at Jessie’s plane asking Winona stating they’re going after Ty; Swoop and another team member, Bobby (played by Rex Linn) decide to join Pete. Cut to the Washington Monument where the 4th of July exhibition has begun; Ty’s gang sneakily stays behind as the other skydivers make their jump. Soon after Jessie (who was hiding on the plane) appears with her gun, ready to shoot the first douchebag in sight. Ty distracts her long enough to get the gun away from her. Jessie shows some serious brass balls by jumping out of the plane only to grab on to a foot rail. Pete and the others are searching for Ty’s plane; he suspects that Ty’s gang is heading to the DEA building near the drop zone. As Ty’s gang make their jump to the DEA building Pete and others have caught up with the plane. Pete grabs a chute and jumps out after Jessie; Swoop and Bobby follow suit. Jessie catches up with Pete and grabs on to him. At the DEA building Ty’s gang bypass the camera system and make their way to the computer room on the 20th floor. Pete and the others landed on the roof of the building and make their way inside. But Deputy Dog appears out of the roof entrance and shoots Bobby in the shoulder. Pete immediately attacks DD and the two are fighting near the stairway. They continue to fight until the two are tumbling down the stairs; DD ends up dead as he breaks his neck. Back on the roof Jessie gets into a window washer rig and rides it on down. However, Jessie gets spotted by Kara (played by Claire Stansfield) as she opens fire. Jessie swings into the building and squares off with Kara. Jessie gets the upper hand and kills Kara by face to the photo copier; soon after Ty gets the drop on Jessie.

Back on the roof Swoop tries to call for Jessie but almost gets shot by Torski. The two have a fight until Torski tries to throw Swoop off the roof. Struggling to hang on Swoop grabs a rope and wraps it around Torski’s neck while Bobby managed to sneak up on him and deploys his chute. Torski is dragged by the chute and eventually dies when his neck snapped. Back inside Pete makes it to the computer room and corners Leedy; Ty soon arrives with Jessie and a standoff ensues. Armed security arrived and a gunfight ensues; both guards are gun down by Ty. Cut to outside as Deuce sees some cops arriving at the building and tries to drive away. Back inside Pete and Ty exchange gunfire over a workstation until they’ve both ran out of bullets. So now the two enter into an intense fist fight; Pete decides to go fuck all as he carries Ty through a window. Pete deploys his secondary chute while Ty has a one way trip to hell as he SOMEWHERE crashes right into Deuce’s truck and presumably dies. I say presumably because the truck doesn’t even lose control and crashes nor doesn’t it explode. All seems over minutes later but Pete spots Leedy getting away; Swoop SOMEWHERE spots Leedy from a VERY TALL BUILDING, parachutes down and stops him. And with that the movie just ends.

My Final Verdict: As far as good, cheesy action films go this one doesn’t spare no expense in the cheese department. Nice concept honestly, the action scenes were well choreographed. The music just kicks ass of 90s cheese. The acting is decent; campy at times but decent. The green screen effects for those close-up freefall shots are a little meh but that’s no surprise giving what year this film was made.

Next time might gonna be a real endurance test as I dive into….an Asylum movie, to be more specific Mercenaries. Stay tuned.