Saturday, October 31, 2020

Hits & Misses Halloween: Siren




Hit: *Nyx and some cop find dead bodies and a ritual circle at a run down church.* Cop: "What are they? Cultists? Satanists?" Nyx: "Amateurs...." I like this guy already....

Real Talk: *Red shirt cop gets stealth killed by young Lily then is dropped to the ground with his mouth ripped out.*Nyx: "Well that's not good..." Thank you Captain Obvious.... 

Miss: Jonah and Eva making out while really sucking at roleplaying.

Miss: Jonah's brother, Mac is Discount Stifler.

Hit: Big Black Ass shot.

Miss: What stripper wears flip-flops?

Real Talk: *Some guy talks to Mac about a special underground club.* Suddenly I'm getting Bordello of Blood flashbacks.

Hit: *Jonah enters a private room with a woman popping out on the other side of a small window.* Beautiful woman jump scare.

Hit: The actress playing Lily has the most beautiful eyes.

Real Talk: Nyx: "I want the fondest memories of your mother, from each of you. All of you... Now you give me that and Jonah will have a night he will never forget." There is foreshadowing in what he says.... 

Real Talk: *Lily starts singing to Jonah and he starts having intense sexual flashbacks of his previous relationships.* It's like he just had a wet dream/acid trip combo.

Real Talk: *Elliot asked the woman bartender for a "leech drink" and she serves it up.* Elliot: "What's it call?" Woman bartender: "Murder..." *Elliot and the others laugh.* Given when the movie reveals what she can do later I don't think she meant it as a joke.   

Miss: I understand Jonah wanting to do the right thing of setting Lily free from her locked room. But this is a horror movie and that would obviously be a bad idea.

Hit: After Lily snatches the keys from one of Nyx's masked men. She and Jonah hide in the restroom where she manages to unlock the bracelet on her ankle and proceeds to do a raptor sneak attack the masked man and feast upon the man. While the same time she ripped the guy's junk off.   

Hit: At least Jonah got the right idea of getting the fuck out of there.

Miss: Jonah didn't even went out the front door, he just appeared out of nowhere at the car. How and where did he got out the club.

Hit: Jonah did the smart idea of grabbing his phone from the glovebox before running away from the bad shit.

Hit: Nice night sky shot of the thunderstorm.

Hit: As much as Mac deserves to get lectured by Jonah, he still has a good point when it comes to Jonah decided to let out a literal man eater.

Hit: *Jonah realizes that Lily is following him by scent and immediately covers himself with mud.* Suddenly I'm getting Predator flashbacks.

Miss: I guess Jonah and Mac are just lucky enough for Lily unable to just look down at her feet to see if they're hiding in the tall grass.

Hit: *Rand's about to get tortured as Nyx watches.* Nyx: "You boys stuck your hand in the fire tonight and it is my right to see you get burned." Rand: "Why?!" Nyx: "Why? Cause you messed with the wrong motherfucker." This scene along demonstrates what a mean motherfucker Nyx is. 

Hit: Movie muffles all sound when Jonah plugs his ears with earbuds to block Lily's singing.

Hit: *Lily finds Jonah hiding behind the cafe counter.* Lily talking to Jonah: "I like you..." Oh Lily, you had me at "I like you". 

Hit: Also really good makeup effect for Lily's creature face.

Miss: Does Lily have teleportation powers, how did she get ahead of Jonah on the other side of the cafe kitchen door before he reached it? 

Real Talk: If I was in Jonah's position I wouldn't stop Lily from having sex with me.

Hit: Even covered in blood, Lily is so beautiful.

Real Talk: *As the two of them having sex, Lily uses her tail to "drydock" him. Suddenly I'm getting Splice flashbacks.

Hit: So it turns out the woman bartender has leeches for hair that she uses to absorb certain memories from people. Then those memories are transfer to other via drinks, hence why Elliot was acting odd earlier he was experiencing memories of someone killing a person. That's an interesting concept. 

Miss: *Mac shows up at the church to save Jonah only to get stabbed and killed by Nyx.* Yeah he was an asshole but at least he was being redeemable. 

Hit: *Lily kills Nyx with her tail.* That's some awesome Mortal Kombat Fatality move there.

Real Talk: Despite the fact of Lily being a creature from god knows where, she not necessarily the antagonist of the film. You even kinda feel sorry for her as she watches Jonah leaving the church with Rand.

Miss: Obvious fake as fuck photoshopped wedding photo ever.

Real Talk: If you listen closely Jonah is humming Lily's song.

Real Talk: *Jonah and Eva make out on their one year anniversary only to be reveal a bit later that it was actually Lily while Eva was sleeping on the couch.* Well at least he didn't get drydocked this time.

Real Talk: *Jonah almost convinces Lily to leave until Eva wakes and reacts to her. Lily's about to kill her until Jonah tells Lily that he'll go with her, sparring Eva in the process. Lily then takes Jonah and two fly off into the stormy night sky as Eva screams his name.* I don't know about anyone else but I considered this as a happy ending.

Real Talk: Fun fact, this movie's a spinoff, feature length adaptation of the V/H/S anthology segment, Amatuer Night. They even got the original actress, Hannah Fierman to reprise her Lily role.

No comments:

Post a Comment