The Film Vindicator Review: Tekken 2: Kazuya's Revenge

Hey everyone welcome to a new year and a new review. Kicking off 2015 is Tekken 2: Kazuya’s Revenge and to tell you the truth I wish this film never came to being. Because despite the title this film is not a sequel, it’s a prequel. A really stupidly, shitty prequel.

We open a guy waking up in a hotel room and SURPRISE, SURPRISE has amnesia. (NOT) SPOILER ALERT its Kazuya Mishima (played by Kane Kosugi); and yeah he does remember his name but it takes forever to get there so I’m calling him Kazuya for the sake of time. As Kazuya gets dress a group of armed men are approaching the room. Some of the men break in the room to apprehend him but with the power of plot-convenience Kazuya REMEMBERS KUNG-FU and beats the armed men. So not only this is a shitty prequel but a Borne Identity knock-off; because those never get old. Anyway Kazuya makes it outside while fighting off more armed men but gets hit by a car and is capture by some random woman. And I said that very heavily because she not a character from the games. After a short yet boring narration from Heihachi Mishima (played by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) we cut to Kazuya awaking at the base of operation of the “Minister” (played by Rade Serbedzija) located at the slums outside of “Tekken City”. And believe me this guy is about as threating as Mai from Dragonball Evolution. Seriously this guy is just goes by the numbers in villainy like a cheesy Bond villain. The Minister informs Kazuya that he has a small explosive implanted in him and he doesn’t so what he say, KABOOM! So the Minister has Kazuya working for him for…..reasons.

Cut to next day, Kazuya is having memory dreams…I guess until he’s awaken by one of the Minister’s slutty hencewomen dry humping him. Or raping him whichever way you look at it. He’s then approached by the random woman from earlier Rhona Anders (played by Kelly Wenham). She takes him to gun ranch but despite Kazuya being a good shot he doesn’t like guns. A little bit later Rhona takes him to a fighting arena where pair off against some random dude as the minister watches the fight. Whose this dude that Kazuya’s fighting I don’t know and don’t care. And I highly doubt this random dude is from the games so again don’t care. After an intense fight Kazuya wins and walks out of the arena, meanwhile, he’s being watched by Heihachi WHO LOOKS NOTHING LIKE FROM THE GAME! Hell he doesn’t even look like Heihachi from the first movie WHAT THE FUCK?!?! To summarize the Minister wants Kazuya to kill a few guys; believe me it’s not as exciting as it sounds. Rhona takes Kazuya to some restaurant to kill some other random dude. OK I know I should give some ounce of care to these characters but this movie is not giving any reason to. About 90% of the main characters are even based off from the games and the remaining 10% are characters that don’t even try to show any importance to the plot. The Raid 2 has better characterizations than this and at least that movie promise the audience awesomely badass action scenes. Hell I rather be watching The Raid 2 instead. Anyway Kazuya just walks up, beats up the bodyguards, kills the guy with chop-sticks and just walks away. Yeah we don’t even get an interesting fight scene he just kills a guy and walks off like he just paid the water bill. I still rather be watching The Raid 2.

Cut to Kazuya checking into some apartment housing; afterwards he goes online to find the hotel he was in from the start of the film. The next day Kazuya leaves the apartment until he spots a woman Laura (played by Paige Lindquist) being harass by two men. Kazuya immediately kicks one of their asses and the two leave. Right away there’s an immediate connection between the two but trust me it’s gonna get horribly insufficient later. Kazuya continues his hotel search….dude why don’t you try Priceline? While the movie breaks into a mind-numbingly boring walking montage and it’s not like he’s out looking for the hotel either. Just aimlessly walking to random places as if they matter I suppose….expect no they don’t just complete waste of runtime. Movie you’re starting to remind me of Legend of Chun-Li NOT A GOOD SIGN! Kazuya is contacted by Rhona to kill yet another random guy who’s not from the games, I don’t care moving on. He heads to a nightclub where the target is a regular there. However, the target spots Kazuya and sends down his bodyguards. Unfortunately that was no good as Kazuya just magically shows in the VIP room, kills the target and then magically leaves the room without even fighting the bodyguards. Well this movie does a good job of building tension and suspense now does it…..and yes that was sarcasm. And just what were the bodyguards doing when their boss was being killed, giving Ladyboys blowjobs?

Kazuya returns home telling Rhona that he wants out but she responds that the only way out is in a body-bag. Laura shows up asking Kazuya to join her for dinner; as a thank you for the other day. Kazuya refused but changes his mind after Rhona tells him not to get attached. There’s definitely gonna be a sense of irony later. The two are having dinner and having conversion until Laura notices Kazuya’s arm bleeding (he got cut by one of the two assholes during the fight). After Laura stiches him up, Kazuya just leaves and goes back to his place. The follow morning Kazuya goes on his boring walking montage again but this time he finds the hotel from earlier. And this leads up to…..abso-fucking-lutely nothing only that his initials are K M. Oh gee I wonder what they stand for? Seriously this movie thinks it’s being clever and mysterious with the main character; especially when the character’s name is in the title of the movie. EPIC FUCKING FAIL! Cut to Kazuya back home pissed off until Rhona enters the room with another kill job. But this time it’s to kill Bryan Fury, yes the same Bryan Fury from the first movie. And yes that is Gary Daniels reprising the role. Though it’s too bad that he’s NOTHING LIKE THE FIRST MOVIE! At this point this movie clocks around at 55 minutes and so far there are only three characters from the games. And that’s just really sad.

A little bit later Kazuya tracks down Bryan and follows him; he seems to have lost him until Bryan sneaks behind him. The two start fighting which to be fair this is a good fight scene. Because unfortunately this is the ONLY fight scene that has two characters from the game fighting each other and I’ll get to what I mean by that later. In the middle of the fight Kazuya notices the Minister’s mark on Bryan’s arm; meaning that he use to work for him. Bryan soon overpowers Kazuya and defeats him but instead of finishing Kazuya off he just says they’ll meet again and walks away. Kazuya returns home as Rhona waits to kill him for botching the mission. Kazuya believes that he and Rhona can walk away from the Minister as well but Rhona doesn’t believe so. Stating that being on the run from the Minister’s killers is no freedom. Kazuya convinces Rhona to talk to the Minister to buy some time on finding Bryan and she leaves. Kazuya goes to Laura for help on something; since she’s good at patching people up she may be good at the opposite. As in taking things out of people surgically speaking that is; specifically the explosive implanted into Kazuya. Laura proceeds to removing the explosive and successfully takes it out with no difficulty whatsoever. So apparently the Minister didn’t install any measures to prevent the explosive from being removed, like a heart monitor or something? And that anyone working under him can easily get someone to take it out with no problems at all? So in case you haven’t figured it out the Minister is made of stupid. Kazuya recovers shortly thereafter upon which he and Laura start making out. I guess surgically removing bombs turns them on???

Anyway after that scene Kazuya is awakening by Bryan speaking via hacked radiowaves, electricity and UHF channels. And how the fuck does that work is beyond me so I’m just gonna call bullshit. And apparently Bryan has a camera in Kazuya’s room which means he may have seen him and Laura having sex. Fucking pervert. Bryan informs Kazuya that the Minister is not the righteous man he claims to be. Noooooo, really? I’ve never would guess that, do go on. Kazuya doesn’t believe him but Bryan shows him a fake news report saying that one of the guys Kazuya killed was an undercover cop. Apparently the Minister is pissed and is after Kazuya but Bryan suggested that he strike first before hanging up. Kazuya gets a text from Rhona asking him to meet her but Laura tells not to go that it may be a trap and just leave with her. But he goes anyway promising Laura that he’ll be back and go together. Kazuya meets up with Rhona at a restaurant informed that the Minister wants him dead and Rhona was gonna do the job. However, Kazuya tells her that the explosive is removed. Rhona is curious of why he still showed up and Kazuya replies that he wants answers and he believes in her. He speculates that Rhona had the chance to kill Kazuya but she didn’t. She didn’t even take the chance to kill him and Bryan; speaking of which. Bryan shows up with a fake newspaper this time about Rhona murdering the “undercover cop”. So apparently the Minister doesn’t give a shit for neither of them now. Rhona decides to take him out as Bryan just leaves off-screen like he’s fucking Batman. Later at the Minister’s place Kazuya and Rhona show up…..only to have Rhona literally stab him in the back. Yeah, that’s how pitiful the villain is in this movie. No epic hero villain standoff just a simple shank to the spine and they leave. EPIC TENSION BUILD UP, WHAT’S THAT?!

Anyway Kazuya and Rhona return to his place only to find it ransacked and Laura gone. Kazuya spots a GenTek Factory business knifed to the wall indicating that she must’ve been taken there. Ah fuck it I’m just gonna say it….IT’S A TRAP! The two head to the GenTek Factory to rescue Laura; Kazuya takes out a few guards and enters the building. Rhona goes off fighting one of the Minister’s slutty hencewomen….yeah I know that sounds mean but the movie never identifies them by their names so I don’t even care to look them up. Anyway Rhona takes her out with a quick jab to the throat and takes out the other one with choke-slam hold….I think. The movie just cuts away as soon as she has her in a hold. At this point the movie is just failing at creating tension; only differing from decent to lazy. Back inside Kazuya final confronts Heihachi and here is where the bullshit takes flight. Heihachi goes on a long boring exposition dump but I’ll summarize for the sake of time. Apparently he considers Kazuya as weak willed to be a weapon; that he’s incapable to kill without mercy. Kazuya starts to remember and we start seeing flashback of him angry at Heihachi. For what reason I don’t know and what did Heihachi do to piss him off the movie got very vague on the details. All we get from the flashback is when Kazuya had his memories erased due to having weak mind as Heihachi puts it. Kazuya is ready to fight him but Heihachi shows him a surprise in the form of Laura who was working for Heihachi all this time. And before we get an explanation on why she’s immediately killed by Heihachi. OK so what was the fucking point of this character if you’re just gonna kill her off for no reason whatsoever? And just what was her purpose in this plan of Heihachi’s; seduce the pants out of Kazuya? Well I guess she must’ve failed considering Heihachi killed her now. That or this movie just stopped caring at this point. Also did Heihachi just killed her with a kiss? Is this fucking Lifeforce all of sudden? Is he now a fucking space vampire?

OK enough bullshit we just want to see the two Mishimas fight. To finally see these two bitter rivals fighting to the death. Now that would be awesome to see except for onnnnnnnnnnnne small problem and you probably won’t believe it but. WE DON’T GET TO SEE THE FUCKING FIGHT!!!! That’s right this movie is so piss poor bad that we don’t get to see a Kazuya Heihachi fight scene. And I can’t believe I’m saying this but this movie is lazier than Legend of Chun-Li. So instead Heihachi who somehow jump cuts up to some stairs (OK how the fuck did he do that, does he possess the Devil-Gene now?) And just leaves two random guys to fight Kazuya. But you know what I’m too piss off of this bullshit that I’m just gonna skip the final fight scene. Oh yeah, if this movie doesn’t give a shit then I don’t give a shit either. You can go watch this piece of shit and see this fight yourself. As for me FUCK THIS MOVIE SKIPPING TO THE END! So after that storm of bullshit we cut to Heihachi monologuing to himself on a rooftop glaring at his city. Uhhhhhhhh…..because he’s Batman………. Oh whatever this shit is over with and so am I.

My Final Verdict: Not since Speed of Thought have I ever come across a movie this so ungodly boring. Seriously I had to leave out so many scenes that were just dragging this movie’s runtime so obnoxiously that I would’ve ended up spending forever reviewing this thing. I don’t mind if an action movie is cheesy or bad but I refuse to have any action movie to be so fucking boring in the process. This movie clocks in at 1:28:51 yet it felt I sat through three hours of this shit and given how much barely happens it really didn’t need to feel that way. The Raid 2 didn’t felt this dragged out and that movie clocked in around 2 hours at least. It’s just so shameful that the first movie managed to have most of the characters from the games yet this film only bothers to have three characters. And none of them aren’t like from the games nor from the first movie for that matter. The biggest problem with most prequels that barely stay in continuity to the first established movie; Kazuya’s Revenge is no exception. Like the audience is supposed to believe that somewhere between movies Kazuya evolves from a kind-hearted person to a grade A douchebag. That’s a lot bullshit to swallow that it’s just not funny anymore. It’s nice to see Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa reprising the role as Heihachi Mishima unfortunately he’s brutally put to waste in this movie. He’s pretty much reduced to voice-overs and just stands off in the background doing nothing. I’m calling bullshit on the movie’s subtitle; I mean revenge on whom exactly sure as fuck wasn’t on Heihachi. What you mean those two random guys were supposed to count for Kazuya getting revenge? Well one BULLSHIT and two KAZUYA’S REVENGE MY ASS!

Dear god this movie is such a piece of shit that I need a good 90s cheesy action flick to get the shit-taste out of my mouth. And I think I know the perfect one that fits the bill. So go make some dinner reservations folks because next time we’re diving into TC 2000. Stay tuned.

New Years Eve Review 2014

It's been a rough year but I got to see as much as I can.

Big Hero 6: It's the second movie that made me cry (the first being Wreck It Ralph). Good movie.

Only Lovers Left Alive: I'm still geeking out about a movie that has vampire Loki.

Tekken 2 Kazuya's Revenge: I really wish I didn't heard of this film let alone watched it. It's like if The Raid 2 was directed by that jackass who gave us Legend of Chun-Li. Hell this film hurt me just as much as Legend of Chun-Li; though not as much as Dragon Ball Evolution. And yes that day is coming for Dragon Ball Evolution to get verbally destroyed.

The Machine: In four words most fascinating movie ever. It's like if Ridley Scott made a Blade Runner equivalent of Ghost in the Shell. Caity Lotz's performance is absolutely beautiful.

Guardians of the Galaxy: So let me list down how beautiful this film was.
1. The performance of the actors was great.
2. The action scenes were phenomenal.
3. The humor was solid gold perfect.
4. The characters were amazing.
5. Starlord is half-human apparently....interesting.
6. Ronan the Accuser is no Loki but still gets credit for being bat-shit evil.
7. Nebula is down right gorgeous....(love you Karen).
8. SPOILERS, Howard the Duck....not kidding.

Lucy: I had a hard time watching this film because SOMEBODY decided to take a nap in the theater. Seriously this person kept making hmmm sounds through the ENTIRE MOVIE. I was deeply concentrating on the movie trying to block out this noise. Almost didn't get the full enjoyment of Lucy. As for the movie it was good, enjoyable action scenes, Scarlett Johansson was amazing.

Snowpiercer: It's like taking one part Raid and one part Bioshock. And you end up with a deeply magnificent film.

Knights of Badassdom: As silly as it is at least this film makes more sense than let's say Jennifer's Body.

Edge of Tomorrow: Emily Blunt with a buster sword, that's a good enough reason to watch it.

Maleficent: Though I have some minor nicpicks the film is still worth watching. Especially if you want to see Angelina Jolie with wings and horns.

X-Men Days of Future Past: just two words.....absolutely astonishing.

Godzilla: I was a bit worry that it was gonna flop badly the way the first monster fight was done. But later everything got better and the fights were GLORIOUS! THIS FILM WAS FRAKING AWESOME!

Amazing Spider-Man 2: For a lack of a better word it was amazing. A lot of improvements were made from the last film, Spider-Man's witty humor was handled more fluidly. This film's attempt on (SPOILERS) Harry Osborn as Green Goblin is vastly better than Spider-Man 3 with that "Back To The Future" reject thing.

Under The Skin: This is by far Scarlett Johansson at her very best performance. Overall the film requires to be watched on a different mindset, but it's still pretty good.

Transcendence: I say it's been awhile since The Astronuat's Wife to see a Spooky Johnny Depp on screen. He's like a evil Tony Stark, kinda makes think that they pick the wrong guy to play Ultron. Just saying.

The Raid 2: My god it just keeps one upping the first one in borderline brutality it's freaking GLORIOUS!

Oculus: Liked it a lot, and Karen Gillan was amazing. But my only, minor complaint is the ending, NO SPOILERS all I can say is DAMN YOOOOOOOOOOU!

Captain America Winter Soldier: Man did shit got real (in a good way) and shit may get even more real when Avengers 2 come out. Also I'm curious to see how the events of this film affect Agents of SHEILD. My only (minor) disappointment was my theory of the character Alexander Pierce was ALL wrong, well played movie.

Robocop (2014): On its own merit it may not be the remake that no one asked for but it was a good attempt of modernizing it. Also in a few scenes has left me with this PG-13 MY ASS!

What to Watch on New Years Eve

Here's something to the countdown to midnight going.

Ghostbusters 2

Ocean's Eleven (1960)

Strange Days

Doctor Who the TV Movie

What to Watch For Christmas

Sitting near a warm open fire with your family but have no idea what movies to watch on Christmas. Not to worry, I'm here to give you a list of Christmas movies that I recommend wathing.

Die Hard

Die Hard 2

On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Love Actually

It's A Wonderful Life

Home Alone

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Batman Returns

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

A Christmas Story

Scrooged

A Muppet Christmas Carol

The Long Kiss Goodnight

Gremlins

Friday After Next

Lethal Weapon

Movies to Watch on Thanksgiving

Getting bored of watching the game but have no clue what movie to watch, then look no further. Here's a short list of movies I recommend watching with the family. Happy Thanksgiving.

Jurassic Park

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Don't Say a Word

Dawn of the Dead (1978)

My thoughts on the Hellraiser sequels

I'm done, I'm finally done with the sequels. So on to my thoughts.
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth: Not as over the top as the first two but it tries its best to tie-in to them.

Hellraiser IV: Bloodline: Seriously what's the point of bringing these franchises into freaking space? Anyway the backstory of the puzzle box and its creator was interesting but it felt they didn't gone deep enough.

Hellraiser V: Inferno: Now this film has a much different approach with a psychological thriller aspect and that's a good thing. My only complaint is with how the previous films are so graphic and gory. This film is pretty tame in that department and I mean Alien vs Predator tame. Also I'm calling shenanigans on the sub-title; it's called Inferno yet there were no infernos.

Hellraiser VI: Hellseeker: It's nice to see they gave the character Kristy closure and once again has this psychological thriller going for them. However, like V it's all pretty tame in the gore department.

Hellraiser VII: Deader: Oh god was this the most boring one of the franchise, as if they got really lazy in the suspense. Not to mention they didn't thought through on the Merchant subplot.

Hellraiser VIII: Hellworld: This is the most BS of the franchise; this film is like an amalgam of Scream and Saw, if these films were tacky and low-budget. And for some reason it got this iffy meta stuff going on. At least when Scream and Cabin in the Woods did it there was a point. But in this film I just don't get it. And the real kick to the balls is despite Pinhead being in the film, he really isn't in the film at all. The whole time the main characters were hallucinating. And one other thing, this was just a Lance Henriksen revenge film. I mean he couldn't bother summoning Pumpkinhead that would help.

Hellraiser IX: Revelation: Doug Bradley couldn't reprise the role of Pinhead this time and frankly I'm glad he didn't. Because this was the most pointless film in the franchise. Sadly the replacement for Doug looks butt-ugly as Pinhead; his face looks like it doesn't fit with the Pinhead make-up. Even more weird they this even uglier Pinhead in the film. Um...passing-the-torch......sequel-baiting.......symbolism? Pinhead has the weakest presence in this film and at worst the antagonist has the weakest motivation. This film has a weak atmosphere and just immediately spoils the set-up and mystery. I mean it felt like I'm watching a Cloverfield clone at times.

TFV Anti-Twilight Month Review: Let the Right One In

And here we are, last movie in this special here we go.

We open on a snowy night at a suburb apartments as a boy named Oskar (played by Kare Hedebrant) practicing with a knife; cut away to an old man Hakan (played by Per Ragnar) and a little girl Eli (played by Lina Leandersson) in a taxi. Hakan and the Eli arrived at the same suburb apartments where Oskar lives. Oskar sees them getting out of the taxi and enter the apartment building before going to bed. The Hakan starts covering up the one window of their apartment; well that’s not suspicious at all <_<…..>_>. Cut to daytime at a school Oskar is being bullying by Conny (played by Patrik Rydmark) and his friends before they leave for P.E. At the apartments Hakan is packing up some items in a bag; two of which is a knife and some type of gas disbursal device with a breathing mask attached to it. Yeah still don’t see nothing suspicious here 0_0….>_>….<_<. Anyway Hakan is staying around at a footpath area until he spots a man walking by. He approaches the man only to force the breathing mask on him and gases him; OK may be there’s something suspicious about this guy. Later Hakan hangs the guy upside down, places a jug underneath him and cut’s the guy’s throat draining the blood out and into the jug. A little bit later a dog shows up as Hakan hears someone calling for the dog; he tries to scares off the dog but to no avail. Hakan quickly packs up and leaves the scene before anyone shows up, however, he leaves the jug of blood behind. Soon after two women show up looking for the dog only to come across the dead guy. Back at the apartment Oskar is outside with his knife stabbing a tree, apparently trying to toughen himself up against the bullies. Oskar soon turns around and sees Eli on a jungle gym and apparently not wearing a coat. Oskar asked where she lives and Eli response that she lives next door to him. Eli tells him that they can’t be friends; Oskar asked why but she doesn’t answer but goes back inside. Cut to Hakan returning home by train worried that he left the jug of blood behind; at home Eli (oddly her voice sounding older) is angry at Hakan. Hakan could do nothing but ask her to forgive him.


The next day Oskar is in class hearing about the murder that happened last night; after class Oskar is in the restroom as Conny and crew are looking for him. He stays in the restroom stall until they left; which gives him the chance to leave school and heads home. Cut to a café where a group of friends are having a chat; one guy Lacke (played by Peter Carlberg) noticed Hakan sitting by himself. Lacke sits with him trying to have a conversion but Hakan ignores him and soon leaves the café. Cut to nighttime Oskar heads to the jungle gym at the courtyard playing with his Rubik’s Cube. Eli shows up just watching him; the two started talking for a minute. Eli takes notice of his Rubik’s Cube so Oskar gives it to her to play; Oskar asked ain’t she cold and Eli answers no. Saying that she forgotten how; Oskar says that he’ll see her tomorrow and he leaves. Eli starts crouching in pain as her stomach starts rumbling. Cut to a bridge where Lacke and his friend Jocke (played by Mikael Rahm) are walking along and saying their goodbyes for the night. As Jocke walks under the bridge he hears Eli calling for help as she’s all huddled in the darkness. Say it with now, IT’S A TRAP! Jocke slowly walks towards Eli until he picks her up; however, Eli clamps on Jocke like a facehugger and feeds on him. Little does Eli know that a neighbor living across the bridge, Gosta (played by Karl Robert Lindgren) is watching the late night feast. After Eli finished her late night meal she snaps Jocke’s neck in case he comes back as an undead. Cut to the outside window of the apartment where there are noises from Eli’s place. Most likely Hakan is upset of what she done; Oskar is hugging to the wall of his room trying to listen. Soon after Hakan heads out of the apartment most likely off to get the body. Gosta head to the café and tells Lacke and friends about Jocke; he then takes them to where it happened but the body is long gone. Lacke finds some blood underneath the snow where it happened. Hakan drags the body to a small lake and quickly dumps it there. The next morning Oskar finds his Rubik’s Cube with all sides completed; which he meets her again later after school. He asked how old is she and Eli answered 12…“more or less”. Apparently Eli doesn’t remember her own birthday; Oskar gives her his Rubik’s Cube as a birthday gift but she kindly declines. He asked Eli how she solved and she shows him how it’s done.


Cut to the next school day, Oskar stays in school to write down some Morse code for Eli. Afterwards Oskar leaves the school heading home until he’s confronted by Conny. Conny asked what was Oskar writing but he avoids the question; Conny demands Oskar to show it to him but he refuses. One of Conny’s crew retrains Oskar while another has a switch (a beating stick) and starts beating Oskar in the leg. The first kid takes the switch and swings it across Oskar’s face; leaving a cut on his left cheek. The bullies immediately leave as Oskar stands there; upon returning home Oskar lies to his mom that he fell on a rock. Later Oskar gives the Morse code to Eli; she asked what happened to his face and he only answers “some classmates”. Eli tells him to hit back, hit back hard and they’ll stop and to hit even harder since there’s three of them. Oskar worries that they won’t stop but Eli says that she’ll help him as she touches his hand. While this is going on Hakan is watching them as the two leave. Eli returns to her room telling Hakan to leave and he hesitantly complies; rather bother that she has taken interest to Oskar. Cut to after gym class Oskar goes to his gym teacher Mr. Avila (played by Cayetano Ruiz) asking if he can join the after school weight lifting program. Mr. Avila tells him to show up at seven. Cut to Oskar and Eli hanging out at a candy store; Oskar offers some candy to Eli but she refused at but then she takes one and pukes shortly after. Eli apologizes and Oskar immediately hugs her; she asked does he like her and Oskar replied yes. Eli then asked “if I wasn’t a girl would you like me anyway”? Oskar replies “I suppose so”. We cut to some scenes where Oskar goes to visit his father; nothing important is going I just thought I bring this up. Back at Eli’s place Hakan is setting up for another blood run; he asked her not to see Oskar. She doesn’t even answer just puts her hand on the side of her face. Face it Hakan, you have been replace and this film takes place in 80s; long before Facebook and Twitter.


Cut to a high school basketball game as Hakan is outside watching them. Later after the game the school is closed and locked down leaving only Hakan about to drain blood from a tied upside down high school boy in the locker room. Two of the boy’s friends are outside waiting for him, getting worried of what’s taken him so long. Hakan is about to cut the boy open but gets spooked by one of his friends knocking on the window. The boy wakes up by knock on the door by his second friend and starts screaming for help. Oh what the hell Hakan, you didn’t even bother to chloroform the kid? God you suck. The two friends go get the janitor and start busting on the door. The risking of being identify Hakan takes a jar full of acid and pours it on his face as the two friends and the janitor enters the locker room. The next day after Oskar’s weight-lifting class, he finds his pants in the locker room toilet. Leaving him with no choice to walk home in the cold in his gym shorts; I can imagine what his legs must be feeling like in the cold. Cut to Eli’s place as she hears a news report about an unidentified man who was arrested and administered to a hospital. She figures that it’s Hakan who got caught by the police. Eli shows up at the hospital telling the desk nurse that she’s looking for her “dad” and that he was brought in by the police. The desk nurse tells her that her “dad” is on the seventh floor in a restricted ward. Eli takes her leave as the desk nurse notice that she’s wearing no shoes; feeling deep sympathy for her. The desk nurse heads outside but doesn’t see Eli, nor doesn’t her scaling up the hospital building. Spider-Vamp, Spider-Vamp! Anyway Eli knocks on the window asking Hakan “may I come in”; Hakan opens the window and without hesitation offers his blood to her. She feeds on him, drains him dry and Hakan falls out the window and dies as he hits the ground.


Later Eli shows up knocking at Oskar’s bedroom window asking can she come in. Oskar invites her in and she steps inside and immediately strips naked; OK I need an adult. Eli enters Oskar’s bed while he’s facing away from her but notices that she’s naked and cold as ice. Oskar asked if she “want to go steady” but Eli asked what he means by that. Oskar confesses that he wants her to his girlfriend but Eli replies that “she’s not a girl” and wants things just the way they are. She then asked does he do anything special when he goes steady and he replies no. So she asked that everything’s the same and Oskar replies yes; Eli accepts that they’ll go steady. That it’ll just be the two of them; they then hold hands as they sleep. I wanna talk more about this scene; yeah Eli just comes into Oskar room and immediately gets in bedroom with him. But at least she asked to enter his room instead of sneaking in like a creepy pervert stalker. Also the scene isn’t all cluttered with annoyingly heavy-handed abstinence metaphors. Eli seems to be way more mature and normal than Edward, the creepo stalker dumbass he is every time he’s around Bella. And one more thing, if you think I’m gonna make a “friend zone” joke because Eli said no to be Oskar’s girlfriend. Then you’re welcomed to kiss my ass. The follow morning Oskar wakes up with Eli gone but she leaves him a letter which sadly there’s no subtitles to read it. Later at a frozen lake Oskar’s school class are out ice skating. Oskar walks in the snow and finds a long plastic stick; Oskar is confronted once again by Conny and crew, threating him to go swim in the frozen lake. But Oskar stands his ground as he says no; Mr. Avila has his eyes on Oskar and the bullies. Conny continues to threaten Oskar as he walks towards him; Oskar still standing his ground until he swings the stick to the left side of Conny’s face making his ear bleed. Mr. Avila hears Conny screaming in pain but is distracted by two small school children. The two children show him something frozen in the ice. A little bit later when the authorities chainsaw through the ice it turns out to be the body of Jocke.


After that incident we cut to Oskar swimming at the gym as Eli is outside watching him. The two head to some place to hang out; Eli congratulates Oskar of what he did earlier. A little bit later Oskar takes his knife and cuts his hand to mix his blood with Eli’s. But Eli is drawn by the blood dripping from Oskar’s hand and immediately dashes to the blood on the floor and licks it up. Oskar stand there in fright as Eli looks at him (with her face all different) telling him to go away. Eli runs away and jumps onto a tree as Oskar still in fright of what he has seen. Later at Gosta’s place Lacke asked him to go tell the police but Gosta is very hesitant to do so. You mean this guy hasn’t report to the cops yet, what a fucking dick. Lacke gets very upset that his friend is now gone; his girlfriend Ginia (played by Ika Nord) tries to comfort him but he immediately pushes her away. Ginia gets upset and storms off; Lacke soon follows. Ginia is walking home as Lacke follows her trying to make it up to her but she keeps walking. Ginia walks up some stairs until she gets jump from above by Eli; Locke hears Ginia screaming and quickly runs up the stairs. He sees Eli feeding on Ginia but he kicks her off; Eli immediately runs away. The following morning Ginia is sleeping in bed until she’s awaken by a tiny sunlight beaming on her finger which starts to burn a little. She goes to the window to open the blinds but she quickly closes them after the sunlight starts hurting her. Ginia goes to the bathroom and takes the bandage off her neck; then she proceeds to sniff the blood on the bandage. Cut to Oskar at his father’s place just spend time with him. Oskar looks at Eli’s letter again this time we see subtitles that reads “I must be gone and live, or stay and die.” “Yours, Eli”. Cut to Ginia sniffing around the area where Jocke was killed and looks up where Gosta lives. Lacke is at Gosta’s place grieving over what happened to Ginia. Ginia shows up but for some reason all of Gosta’s cats are acting rather spooked by her presence. As Lacke goes towards Ginia, all the cats began attacking her; biting and clawing the poor woman until she runs out of the place and falls down the stairs.


Oskar gets back from his father’s and goes to Eli’s place. Inside Oskar asked her straightforward is she a vampire and Eli replied yes. He then asked is she old and Eli answers that she’s been 12 for a long time. The two talk some more until Oskar takes his leave. Cut to Ginia at a hospital as Lacke is planning on selling his Dad’s stamp collection to afford a nice for him and to live. Ginia soon wakes up asking Lacke for help; saying “that kid must have infected her somehow” that she “doesn’t want to live”. A little bit later Lacke is waiting outside her room while a nurse is about to draw blood from Ginia. She tricks the nurse to open the blinds and the nurse complies. Once the blinds are opened Ginia gets a good ray of sunshine and burst into flames; dying instantly. Back at Oskar’s place Eli shows up at the door; Oskar lets her in but she says that he has to invite Eli. Oskar is curious to know what if she comes in without being invite and continues to let her in uninvited. Eli walks in and nothing happens at first until she starts bleeding out as if she’s hemorrhage. Oskar dashes towards her, holding Eli in his arms and says that she can come in stopping the hemorrhage. A little bit later after Eli takes shower, Oskar offers some of his mom’s clothes to her. Oskar’s mom is at the door and Eli speeds out of the room and climbs to her place. The next morning Lacke is walking outside the apartment complex, looking at Eli’s bedroom window; thinking that it could be her. Oskar, who spends the night at Eli’s place, wakes up with a message next to him which reads Eli is sleeping in the bathroom and not to come in.


A little bit later Lacke shows up at the apartment and enters on in; he finds a pocket-knife and searches for Eli. Meanwhile, Oskar is hiding out of sight from Lacke. Lacke finds the bathroom and enters in to find Eli still sleeping. He readies the pocket-knife as Oskar readies his knife to protect Eli. Lacke was about to remove the covers off the window but Oskar shouts at him which wakes up Eli. Lacke is distracted long enough to get jump from behind by Eli; Oskar just shuts the door and walks away as Eli feeds on Lacke. Afterwards Eli appears out of the bathroom and hugs Oskar; she tells him that she has to go away. But before she so Eli gives Oskar a bloody kiss. The movie cuts into a montage of Oskar sadden that Eli is gone; well at least he doesn’t break into a four month comatose withdraw over her. Yeah I say it; Oskar has better character growth than Bella Swan. Anyway after that Oskar gets a call from a classmate Martin (played by Mikael Erhardsson), asking if he’s coming to Mr. Avila’s class tonight. Oskar replied yes; however, Martin turns out to be with the bullies setting up Oskar. Cut to nighttime at a bath house Oskar is taking swimming P.E.; meanwhile, Conny and his cronies set fire to dumpster which lures Mr. Avila away from Oskar. Oskar confronted by Conny’s older brother Jimmy (played by Rasmus Luthander) who wants to play a game. Jimmy tells Oskar to hold his breath underwater for three minutes; if he doesn’t make it then Jimmy will cut an eye out. “An eye for an ear” as he puts it. Jimmy takes Oskar’s head, counts backwards from five as Oskar takes a deep breath and dips his head underwater. One bully goes to sit at the benches while Conny and Martin are having second thoughts but Jimmy continues. Underwater Oskar starts losing breath until we hear a loud thud; all of a sudden we see Martin’s leg being dragged around the pool. Then we see Martin’s head fall into the pool; Jimmy’s arm is cut off and falls into the pool. Soon after we see an arm coming into the pool and pulls Oskar on out. Oskar slowly opens his eyes only for us to look upon the eyes of Eli as the two of them exchanged smiles. We cut to see three of the bullies dead while one is still sitting at the bench now crying in fear. The movie ends with Oskar on a train with Eli hiding from the sun in a large box as they talk to each other via Morse code.

My Final Verdict: Unlike Twilight this film has character interactions that aren’t so superficially stagnant and repetitive. Oskar and Eli don’t behave like instant lovey dovey couple on a whim; they behave how two people usually behave, LIKE REAL PEOPLE. We see what kind of character Eli is; how she relies on Hakan to get blood so that she doesn’t have to kill. But was left with no choice but to kill to feed after Hakan died; she does so in order to survive. Like Eli said she kills because she has to; it’s a better character arc instead of listening to her brooding away her life story. I love how this film established actually consequences to Eli (since she’s a vampire) upon setting up the rules. Whereas Twilight constantly avoids any kind of consequences just to keep it all safe (and boring). There’s an Americanize version of this film called Let Me In, which honestly it’s a good Americanization of the Swedish film. So yeah I recommend watching both versions.

Now before I sign off I want to say by the rest of this year and beyond my productivity on this site will be reduced a little due to getting my life situation back in order. Nothing seriously hopefully I just need to set things back on track; don’t worry I’ll still be writing reviews. Just not as frequently as I was for the past three years.

So once again another Halloween has come, more films have been reviewed and Twilight ain’t got shit on them. Looking forward to next year and as always have a safe and fun Halloween; see you later.