TFV: TOASTY OVERDRIVE Review: Fire Serpent

Hey everyone and welcome back to my TOASTY OVERDRIVE summer special so on to Fire Serpent.

We open in outer space as a fireball burst out of the sun and flies towards earth. Back on earth we see two forest fire fighters who are also a couple making out awhile on survey duty. One of the fire fighters spots a small flame and tries to put it out but in an instant the flame takes form of a serpent and possesses her body. The second fire fighter calls for help but was interrupted by his now possessed girlfriend as she discharges fire from her eyes. Cut to present day we’re introduced to fire fighter Jake Relm (played by Nicholas Brendon); HOLY CRAP it’s Xander. As he and his buddy Dave are leaving the burned forest a tiny flame “sneaks” into his Dave’s backpack. Hey no hick-hikers. Back at a fire fighter base camp the tiny flame gets out of the backpack and causes a trailer to explode; taking shape of a giant serpent and kills Dave. Later at another base camp we’re introduced to Christina Andrews (played by Sandrine Holt) an official from the National Fire Agency. As she leaves she’s being watched by an unknown man; more on him later. We cut to Christina returning to her office at NFA until she’s approached by agent Cooke (played by Robert Beltran) OH SHIT it’s Chakotay. Cooke informs Christina that he’s been assigned by Washington D.C.; reviewing the forest fires as threats to national security. He then shows a file of Dutch Fallon (played by Randolph Mantooth) (the man who was watching Christina) suspecting he’s the one behind the forest fires. Dutch was a career fire fighter until back at Sand Hills in 1966 (at the start of this film) where they claim that he started the fire and killed his girlfriend. We cut to a bar where Jake is playing pool until he’s approached by Dutch. At first believes that the fire was alive but immediately denies it and leaves. Jake heads to a recently burned down home and notices burn trail leading to cross broad fence when Dutch arrives. He tries to convinces Jake that the fire he saw was no ordinary fire and that this fire will do things to stay burning. We cut to Jake meeting up with Christina at a storm drain; afterwards she warns Jake about Dutch before he leaves.

A news reporter at the storm drain decides to investigate soon after the fire fighters left the scene. Inside the storm drain she unfortunately came across the tiny flame as it possesses her when she touched it. We cut to Dutch testing out a special type of halon bullet shells that when fire it releases a concussive pressure of water. Dutch is confronted by Cooke’s men but manages to get away however, after reaching his car he’s caught by Christina. At a NFA interrogation room Jake and Dutch share their perspective to Christina on what’s been happening as of late. A little bit later Cooke approaches Dutch and it’s kinda revealed that there’s something between those two. Cooke then releases Dutch and drops the charges. We cut to Jake following burned up power lines until he’s being followed by Cooke’s men; they toss a grenade into his truck but he immediately jumps out. Oh my I wonder if this may lead to Cooke being a bad guy. A police officer arrives at the incident to check on Jake; he then attempts to put out the fire but is quickly posse. Jake gets to the police car and immediately hauls ass before the possessed cop fries him. Dutch meets up with Jake at the bar and explain that this fire is been refer to as “Alien Fire” from the Old Testament and that there’s been more of them coming to earth for a long time. He then reveals that he was involved in the capture of the Alien Fire and so was Cooke which he wanted it as a weapon. Later at a morgue Cooke manage to retrieve the fire from the dead officer his men shot down. However, it would seem that Cooke has other plans as he kills one of his men. Christina meets up with Jake and Dutch they agree that Cooke is heading to a pumping station that reserves petroleum. Cooke’s intention is to release the creature there; providing the perfect fuel for the creature. Christina, Jake, and Dutch head to the pumping station to stop Cooke; they arrive and shortly thereafter Cooke shoots them. Dutch gets hit and eventually dies; ah damn it I actually like that guy he had the most awesome name. Christina returns fire and hits Cooke; now wounded he releases the creature and allows it to possess him. Cooke successfully delivers the creature through the pipes leading towards the petroleum reserves. The film ends with Jake and Christina able to destroy the creature by causing an explosion that forces the fire to get cut off immediately eventually starving the creature.

My Final Verdict: This film may sound over the top but it really doesn’t and that’s good thing. It’s got a solid plot; it’s not a solid gold plot but solid. The effects are OK…they don’t look too crappy. And one of the actors has a rather awesome last name Mantooth that totally screams BIG ASS MOTHERFUCKER. Also here’s the kicker this film was thought up by William Shatner; that’s right Captain James T. Kirk came up with this film. And I think I just killed a lot of brain cells.

We still have some red hot films to review in this special so stay tuned as I review a film that really makes you burn…quite literally. Next time it’s Pyrokinesis so bring A LOT of water.

TFV: TOASTY OVERDRIVE Review: Fireball

Hey everyone and may I say welcome to my summer special preferably named TOASTY OVERDRIVE; reviewing films that know how to turn up the heat first off Fireball.

We start off being introduced to the film’s antagonist Taylor “The Fuse” Draven (played by Aleks Paunovic) a pro football star that’s now suspended for drug use. Over his car radio we hear a key plot-point that Draven may have been taking special steroids that are keyed to his DNA. Draven stops at a gas station unaware he’s being followed by a news reporter Tim Timmonds (played by Colin Cunningham). Timmonds proceeds to harass Draven until he finally snaps and beats the reporter with his own camera until the police arrived and arrest him. Damn eat your heart out Quarantine. Later at a Cedar Hills courthouse Draven has been placed in local custody until he’s picked up by a federal agent to escort him to federal court. At a local jail where Draven is held a fire breaks out with him still locked up. The fire crew arrives at the jailhouse immediately and the fire is put out. Here we’re introduced to Ava Williams (played by Lexa Doig) a fire inspector and Lee Cooper (played by Ian Somerhalder) a federal agent whom both arrived at the scene. And may I say Lee sure is doing his best John Steed. The fire crew finds Draven among the wreckage with 90% of his body burned. You’ll start to cut scenes of his cells beginning to grow rapidly; another key plot-point. The following night at the hospital Draven recovers and shockingly fully healed and yet his hair hasn’t grown back. He takes out a nurse and escapes out of the hospital after which a car stops in front him and spontaneously explodes. The next day Draven arrives at his wife’s house just as a BBQ grill next to her explodes; Ava and Lee arrived at the scene to find Draven’s wife burned alive. Later at a truck stop, Draven steals a truck driver’s clothes and took his truck. Heh, play Grand Theft Auto much? Draven tracks down the judge from the Cedar Hills courthouse and proceeds to run him down until there’s another explosion which kills the judge.

Ava and Lee came up with the conclusion that Draven has the ability to create fire by sweating. Basically when his sweat touches oxygen instant ka-boom. Ava and Lee believe that Timmonds may be Draven’s next target; so they immediately head to a motel to guard him. Unfortunately it doesn’t go as well as Draven arrives at the motel room causing everything to burn including Timmonds. Lee and the local PD try to stop him but when you’re going up against a guy who can create fire and explosions. The odds are not in your favor; Draven disarms the cops and immediately escapes. The next day Ava comes to the conclusion that the steroids Dravens’ been taking have altered his blood chemistry. Basically when his starts to superheat he doesn’t burn up but instead causing his tissue to rebuild themselves rapidly. They’ve located Draven at Old Logging Road route 49 and proceed to halt his fire by smothering him tons of sand. But again guy who creates fire odds are not in your favor. So Draven superheats the sand turning it into glass and breaks loose. Ava and Lee make a run for it in their SUV with Draven on their tail performing his personal HADOKEN on the SUV. Ava and Lee got out of the SUV in time before the fireball hits. Lee somehow makes a conclusion that Draven is heading to a Nuclear Power Plant again somehow. While Lee tells the man in charge to shut down the plant, Draven arrives at the plant and kills the security team. They got the reactor core to shut down but Draven manages to get on top of the core and starts to re-heat the core. Lee conflicts Draven to distract him from re-heating the core. The distraction works and Draven chases after him to the interior core room where once inside they can suck out the oxygen permanently turning off The Fuse. Lee and Draven arrive in the interior core room with Ava following behind to seal the room completely. With the oxygen being suck out of the room, Draven continues to re-heat the core. The film ends with Lee pushing Draven into the core; while mid-fall Draven’s body began to breakdown and eventually explodes.

My Final Verdict: This film is...OK it looks cheap but at least not lazy cheap as most direct-to-DVD Sci-Fi films are nowadays. I’m not gonna this film got some good standout dialogues that actually makes you laugh. The fire effects are pretty impressive although there are a couple CG moments in the film that are poorly done but it doesn’t bother me too much. So I say give this film a browse look it up on Netflix or stop by at a video store.

So let’s continue on with this special as I review Fire Serpent. Until next time stay tuned.

Toon Closet Review: Project Blue Earth SOS

Its been awhile since I’ve done this so here we go again. I got in to this anime almost immediately when I first watched it; so much so that I brought the first volume disc at a convention (Anime Crossroads). The plot is simple but has its own interesting twist; earth is under attack by alien invaders and it’s up to a special defense force to stop them. The setting is a nice as well taking place in Retro-future (characterized by a blend of old-fashioned styles with futuristic technology) of the 1990s. The main characters are impressive for the part of the series and very likable in their own right. I don’t want to spoiler too much if you hadn’t seen it yet. But I can say the series is well scripted and beautifully animated. The series itself has a nice inspiration from those 50s sci-fi films. For a six episode series it does keep the story straightforward and self-explanatory within their 40+ minute marks.

My Final Verdict: There’s a plethora of animes out there these days but I believe Project Blue Earth SOS is a good way to start off. This anime displays some really amazing action and subtle drama; I highly recommend watching this anime.

The Film Vindicator Review: Die Hard With a Vengeance

Hey everyone sorry for the long silence been busy with moving to a new place and getting my net service back up and running so let’s get back on reviewing films. Now you remember Die Hard don’t you? One of the best Christmas/action films ever made you and your friends would gather together in front of the TV and watch John McClane up to his ass against terrorists. And it was some a borderline fun film ever made as a Christmas/action film. Die Hard 2 even though it wasn’t as great as the first one but it was just as entertaining; hell I’ve watched Die Hard 2 on VHS regionally when I was a kid. Now will Die Hard with a Vengeance have the same level of awesome as the first two? Well short answer unfortunately no, long answer let’s review this thing.

The film starts off with an explosion at a jewelry shop in New York City; well that’s a nice way to start a film out of nowhere. Was Michael Bay involved with this film? Later at a police precinct; an Inspector Walter Cobb (played by Larry Bryggman) gets a call from man named Simon. Simon demands Cobb to have John McClane (played by Bruce Wills) to be dropped off in Harlem, strip to his boxer shorts, and wear a sandwich board which says “I Hate N###ers”. OK that’s flipping subtle just randomly drops the N-Bomb for no relevant reason whatsoever. I mean it’s not like 90% of African Americans will get awkwardly insulted in the theaters. Also why’s McClane back in New York; did Die Hard 2 established that he moved to LA to be with his wife and family? Well guess what director John McTiernan decided to recon the happy moments between McClane and Holly from the first two Die Hard films. Resulting McClane magically brought back to New York and once again being kinda separated from his wife and kids. That’s right director John McTiernan who brought us the first Die Hard film pull a FLIPPING ONE MORE DAY ON DIE HARD. WHAT THE SHIT?!? Anyway we’re introduced to Zeus (played by Samuel L. Jackson ) who notices McClane with the sandwich board and tries to get him off the street. But unfortunately a group of African Americans spots McClane and proceeds to beat the crap out of him. Zeus intervenes by using a gun duct taped to McClane’s back and the two escaped by cab. Back at the police precinct Simon calls again and demands for McClane and Zeus to reach the Wall Street train station before Simon blows up a train with a binary liquid explosive. McClane decides that he and Zeus should split up for a better chance to stop the bomb. So McClane manage to get on train that has the bomb while Zeus heads to the Wall Street train station to answer Simon’s call on a payphone. McClane quickly throws the bomb off the train before it explodes; causing the train to derail at the Wall Street station. Of course McClane survives the derail with minor scratches that’s natural for most action films for the hero to walk from a disaster untouched. Later McClane and Zeus are approached by some agents informing McClane that Simon is Hans Gruber’s brother. Now does this revelation affect the film? No it does not and I’ll explain why in a minute. Simon calls again telling that he placed a very large bomb in one of the elementary schools in New York…SPOILERS the bomb is a fake. Sorry had to say it because the end goal of the fake bomb is bullshit. So we see all the cops in New York scattered to search for the fake bomb while McClane and Zeus go running around to complete Simon’s riddle that honestly leads to no pay off in the end. Except we learned that the fake bomb and the riddles are distractions for Simon (played by Jeremy Irons) and his men to infiltrate the federal reserve building to steal the gold. That’s right Simon places a fake bomb in a school and sends McClane and Zeus on a pointless trek around the city just as a distraction to steal some gold.

And here’s where I have problems with this grand master plan. First off the first Die Hard did this similar plan of robbing a financial establishment and the problem there DIE HARD DID IT BETTER. And not they set up the atmosphere for a robbing more sufficiently than With a Vengeance. What was the point of bombing random places when the end goal is to steal the gold? And upon stealing the gold why bother involving the ONE CHARACTHER WHO CAN STOP YOU IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA KILL HIM? YOU’RE LETTING THAT ONE MAIN THREAT TO STOP YOUR GOLD ROBBING PLAN TO LIVE! So apparently being Hans Gruber’s brother means nothing since Simon really didn’t care for his brother; just steal the gold and hope for the best. At least in the first Die Hard film Hans understood that McClane is a threat to his plan and he must eliminate him. Now remember my golden rule of revenge films from my Legend of Chun-Li review? Well apparently there’s a golden rule of revenge films for the bad guys. And that rule is if your family member, love partner, or partner-in-crime gets killed by the hero. Your better do the best of your knowledge to hunt down the person responsible and make that hero suffer. For example, remember Karl for the first film when heard his brother was killed by McClane? Now guess what he does through the rest of the film after he hears the news? If your answer is bat-shit pissed off congratulations you’ve seen a better Die Hard film. Now I hate to do this but I’m skipping ahead a bit because honestly some of the scenes lead to nothing exciting or important. McClane and Zeus trails Simon to a cargo ship where the gold is stash…SPOILERS no it’s not; do you see what I mean by some scenes lead to nothing important. So McClane and Zeus get captured and are left to die by a bomb that’s meant to blow up the gold but again the gold is not on the ship. Look Simon you’re no Bond villain so just kill McClane and end the film; gees Hans was more determined to kill McClane than you. Long story short McClane and Zeus managed to escape off the ship before the bomb explodes. Before I go on I’m gonna rewind for a minute; while they were captured McClane ask Simon for a bottle of aspirins and he does. I bring this up because that’s how McClane tracks down Simon and the gold by using the batch number on the bottle of aspirins that leads him to some warehouse in Canada. I can’t even begin to elaborate how illogical that sounds. Just out of sheer chance that the batch number actually leads McClane to wherever Simon is hiding. In what Bizarro world does McClane believe it would lead him to Simon’s hideout? Anyway the film ends with McClane tricking Simon into flying at a power line pole causing the helicopter to explode.

My Final Verdict: This film is a shameless pretender; it tries to be on the same level as the first two films but still comes up short at the end. How could John McTiernan given us such action film classics such as the first Die Hard and flipping Predator but years later in 1995 he gave us a film that’s basically THE SAME DAMN FILM HE DID ALREADY.

Now since we’re in the middle of summer already I’m gonna spend a few weeks reviewing films that know how to turn up the heat as it were. So stay tuned next time as I start off with Fireball.

The Film Vindicator Review: Street Fighter The Legend of Chun-Li

You know when I heard there was a Street Fighter film remake I could only think of two things at the time. One that it's about time that they do a remake because the original Street Fighter film was by far the worst game-to-film adaptation I've ever seen. Two was please do not screw this one up this time. Well considering that filmmakers still run on stupid went it comes to making a decent game-to-film adaptations. I didn't get my wish. I should have expected this film was gonna bomb even from the casting chose for the Street Fighter characters. I was gonna forgive this film for whitewashing Chun-Li, I was gonna forgive film for its poor chose of casting. But I just could not forgive this film for its poor direction and plot development. So what this film is...another film based off a popular video game. What this film isn't...a GOOD film based off a popular video game.


So we start off with a young Chun-Li being trained by her father Xiang (played by Edmund Chen) as the adult Chun-Li narrates. Oh yeah get use to her stating the bullshit and the obvious cause that's not gonna help this film at all. We cut to night time at Chun-Li's house where it's being broken into by Balrog(played by Michael Clarke Duncan) and some henchmen. A fight between Xiang and Balrog breaks out until Balrog gains the upper hand. As Balrog and the henchmen capture Xiang, M. Bison (played by Neal McDonough) enters the house. And you can see clearly that the filmmaker didn't even try to make Bison in this film nowhere close from game. At least from the first film they did a good job with their M. Bison in my opinion. Here he looks a lame Daredevil villain knock-off. Young Chun-Li watches as her father is taken away by Bison's men. And here's where the revenge part of the film decides to sit on its ass when we cut to grown up Chun-Li (played by Kristen Kreuk) performing a solo pianist concert. Not spending years perfecting her martial arts, not joining INTERPOL to search her father and his abductors. Just grown up as a talented pianist; I guess she didn't love her father all that much. Not to mention she appears to not be suffering any mental trauma despite witnessing her father being abducted. And I don't care what anyone says Kristen Kreuk has jack-shit of Asian in her when I saw her on Smallville she was just a white girl who Clark Kent has a hard-on for. Also I can easy list ten Asian actresses who are far more suited to portray Chun-Li. Anyway after the concert Chun-Li receives a mysterious scroll which despite being written in her language she can't read it...FUCKING FAIL! Later at a subway station Chun-Li spots a homeless man being beating up by a gang and runs towards them to fight them off. Yeah OK forget about going to look for your dad and rescue him that would intervene with your pursuit of becoming a pianist. But oh seeing a homeless guy getting beat up by a group of assholes bothers you. Sorry film I'm not buying your bullshit. In Bangkok it's revealed that Xiang is helping Bison on...something that's not even relevant to the plot and you'll find out why later. Anyway Bison announces to some shareholders that he has full control of Shadaloo before he has them executed by Vega (played by Taboo). Back in Hong Kong Chun-Li meets an old lady who translates the scroll for her again FUCKING FAIL! The scroll reads about a some half-ass prophecy involving Chun-Li; the old lady then tells Chun-Li to go to Bangkok to find a man named Gen. So we cut back to Bangkok where we see Chun-Li apparently ripping off exactly what Bruce Wayne did on Batman Begins by living on the streets. Only difference is it made since when Batman Begins did it but in this film no excuse except keeping the revenge plot on its ass even more. The film continues its pointless padding with Chun-li wondering through the street doing nothing as she sees some of the criminal activities. While her narration states the obvious of how shitty the streets are as if we the audience can't figure it out ourselves.

We cut to Chun-li fighting a group of thugs until she defeated them. Worn out by the fight (yeah right she got all worn out from a short fight) she's found by Gen (played by Robin Shou) and takes her to his place. It turns out Gen was the homeless man she saved back in Hong Kong. Then why bother having her going to Bangkok to find you when you could've just gone up to her right then? The logic in this film is sadly pathetic…as if the filmmakers had any logic when making this film. Gen decides to train Chun-Li in order for her to defeat Bison including training her how to use the Kikoken (Chun-Li's special move from the games). Now granted the special effects for the Kikoken is bad but at least when Gen use it it's half-OK but when Chun-Li well...I'll explain when I get to it. Later it's reveal that Bison is buying off some of slums in Bangkok; driving out all of residence to the streets. The reason being is to...build new clean neighborhoods for people who can afford it. Yeah remember what I said about that "something that's not even relevant to the plot" earlier this is what I was talking about. Bison's master plan for world domination is via property management; Lex Luthor will be so proud oh wait he just call he says EAT SHIT BISON! You know at least Bison's plan from the first film didn't follow the games but at least it made some sense in context. Chun-Li goes to an internet cafe to research on Bison's organization...um how? It's not like Shadaloo is well known to the public unless you're the police but if it is Bison's a flipping idiot. She comes up with information on Cantana (played by Josie Ho) who works for Bison. At an airport we see Balrog is telling a commerce secretary to make a safe passage for a shipment called the White Rose coming in to a Bangkok harbor. Unfortunately due to Balrog being too stupid to have an important conversation out in a public area, he's unaware of Chun-Li eavesdropping on him. We cut to a night club named Insomnia where Chun-Li's been following Cantana and proceeds to seduce the skirt off of Cantana. As much as want to point out how random and pointless this lesbian dance scene is but I'm deeply more annoyed by Chun-Li's baby blue potato sack outfit. And worse of all the film plays it off as a homage to Chun-Li's outfit from the games. Now if you ever played any of the Street Fighter games you would immediately call solid gold bullshit on that outfit being an homage from the game. OK the first film despite the outfit being in the wrong color it still looks like the outfit from the games. So Cantana follows Chun-Li to the women's restroom and Chun-Li attacks her. Chun-Li learns where and when the White Rose is coming in before Cantana's bodyguards come storming in. She fights them off and escapes the night club. The next day Gen tells Chun-Li about Bison past and that he and Gen were once friends. At a young age Bison learned about a ritual which will free a man from his good conscious so to do this he sacrificed his pregnant wife to transfer his good conscious to his unborn child. And now on what level is all of that has to do with Bison's Psycho Power from the games. Well it's on the same level with Super Conductive Electromagnetism from the first film. NOT IN THE SAME FUCKING BALLPARK!!! Bison receives some random non-Psycho Power related ability by reenacting the Temple of Doom's Kali Ma Shakti de on his pregnant wife.

Gen sends Chun-Li out to get some food when Bison's soldiers storm in and attack Gen. While that's going on Chun-Li is attacked by Vega and let me tell you he looks so pitiful. Remember in the the first film how Vega looked like? I bet you remember. He was tall and well-muscled and built, had that badass snake tattoo. And when he takes his mask off he's a good looking Hispanic man; he was dead on Vega. This film did the flipping opposite of that. They have some short as shit of a guy in some half ass ninja outfit and wears a mask that's been ripped off from The Predator. Chun-Li defeats Vega in a short disappointing fight and hangs him Predator style...lame. Chun-Li heads to harbor to but turns out to be a trap and Chun-Li is captured. Both Chun-Li and her father are finally reunited but the happy moment is cut short when Bison snaps her father's neck instantly killing him. Shortly after Chun-Li escapes and is rescued again by Gen. Later Chun-Li and Gen make their attempt to sneak in to the harbor again and get the White Rose. Gen runs into Balrog and two start fighting; during the fight Balrog reveals to Gen that the White Rose is actual Bison's daughter named Rose. After Gen kills Balrog he finds Chun-Li and tells this information which surprises her because she just came across a girl from early now knows that it's Rose. Unfortunately both Rose and Bison got away by helicopter returning to Bison's headquarter. Chun-Li and Gen fully infiltrated the compound Gen confronts Bison but is immediately defeated. Chun-Li intervenes and both she and Bison start fighting. At first it looks like Bison has the upper hand but Chun-Li turns the tide long enough to perform her shitty looking Kikoken. Seriously it looks like some lazy jerk-off took five seconds in After Effects; resulting a very pathetic composition of the Kikoken effect. And when Bison gets hit by it the thing doesn't even look like it cause any damage just knocked him on his ass. As if he got hit by a ball of fart she just shot out from her ass. Chun-Li finishes him off by twisting his neck to a full 180. The film ends with Chun-Li returning to Hong Kong and is approached by Gen informing her about a Street Fighter tournament and a strong fighter named Ryu. Film you're about 96 minutes late to even mention a Street Fighter tournament so in other words I've completely don't give a shit.


My Final Verdict: This film keeps farting bullshit out of its ass from beginning to end. As much as how bad the first film was Legend of Chun-Li is a far worse attempt on making a Street Fighter film. Not only this film fails as game to film adaptation but it also fails as a revenge film. Because it has broken the one golden rule of revenge films which is if your friends or love-ones are either murdered, raped, abducted, physically abused, or whatever. You better have that main character to go ape-shit on the people responsible they should go through some half ass cop-out to avoid character conflicts. I'm sorry but making a revenge film based off of a character whose backstory is basically getting revenge on the main villain SHOULD NOT BE SO FUCKING HARD! YET THIS FILM TREATS HER AS IF SHE IN A LIFETIME MOVIE SPECIAL! At least the first film got the revenge part right for Chun-Li. And how sad is it that despite the first Street Fighter film being so bad it's still far better than this solid gold shit stain? Director Andrzej Bartkowiak had the perfect opportunity to make a film where we see a live action Ryu performing the SHORYUKEN on Sagat but that seems not good enough for him. So instead remakes a film where Chun-Li is a soulless bitch who don't seem to care about her abducted father until plot convenience forces her to give a shit. Bison is a laughable comic book villain and everything else in between can be written off as a lazy boring action film.


Stick around as I review another film that gives the revenge golden rule the middle finger right up the ass. Next time I'm reviewing Die Hard with a Vengeance.

The Film Vindicator Review: Timecop

Yeah I was gonna review Wait Until Dark but apparently YouTube doesn't have it anymore and getting a DVD copy from Netfilx takes a bit too long. I guess I'll review Wait Until Dark another time. So instead I'm reviewing Timecop which is based off the Dark Horse comic that was later adapted in 1994.

We start off in 1863 where Confederate soldiers are transporting gold to General Lee until they've been stopped by a man in the road. The man asked the soldiers to leave the gold but they don't take that under advisement. So the man shoots them down with machine guns. Wait...what. We cut to Washington D.C. 1994 where a committee meeting is taking place. Apparently it's revealed that time travel not only it's possible but it's already happening. And that traveling back in time to change certain events may cause heavy consequences in present time. As a result the Time Enforcement Commission (TEC) was formed to policed time traveling technology and to protect time. We cut to a mall where we're introduce to Max Walker (played by Jean-Claude Van Damme) and wife Melissa (played by Mia Sara). They talk about whether or not he accepts the new job at TEC which he think so. Later at their house Walker gets a call from his station-house to report to duty. As soon as he about to leave he's attacked by armed man. They continue to beat down on until one shoots him but since he's a cop the bullets hit his vest. Seeing his wife in danger from the bedroom window he immediately rushes back to the house. But unfortunately before reaches the front porch there's an explosion destroys their house with Melissa still inside. We cut to Wall Street 1929 where a time criminal is manipulating the stock market gaining mass fortunes in well no time. He gets an unexpected visit by Walker now a TEC agent; apparently the two of them were partners. A fight breaks out between Walker and his ex-partner's bodyguards now considering that a couple of guy of the 1920s fighting a guy who knows more advanced fighting styles of the present. You can tell how this fight is going to end up. His ex-partner spills and tells him that he's been getting money for Senator Aaron McComb (played by Ron Silver) in attempts to become president. Refusing to go back to the present Walker's ex-partner jumps out of a window but Walker follows. During mid-fall Walker actives a devise that pulls them both back to the present. We cut to TEC HQ 2004 where his ex-partner is on trial he immediately pussy out not telling the judges what he told Walker. Therefore getting an on the spot death sentence which is returning him to the exact moment after he jumped out of the window; falling right to his death. Back in present time Walker warns his boss and friend Commander Eugene Matuzak (played by Bruce McGill) that Senator McComb is getting money from the past to fund his campaign. Not to mention half of the TEC agency under his money belt. But since his ex-partner refused to testify McComb is virtually untouchable. After that Walker heads home upon arriving he plays a video tape of him and Melissa. Now here you can see the conflict Walker is going through even though he can go can go back in time to save her. It's still against the law to do so whether it's a good cause or not. And more so he's a TEC agent meaning that has to uphold the law regardless of his own personal gain. And yet Walker remains completely incorruptible.

Later on as Walker was sleeping assassins sneak in his apartment and attack. Walker quickly reacts and takes them out. I can't exactly give this fight scene any justice by describing every detail. But I can tell this it's a pretty cool fight scene. The next day at TEC HQ, they've received disturbance in the ripple meaning someone has already traveled back to the past. Matuzak sends Walker and his new partner Sarah Fielding (playing by Gloria Reuben) to the past and investigate. Both Walker and Fielding abroad a time-pod which allows them to travel back in time sending them back to Washington D.C. 1994. The trail leads them to a microchip plant where they find the "younger" McComb being approached by the present McComb offering...his younger more money. Walker intervenes but surprise surprise Fielding is on McComb's payroll. A fight breaks out between Walker and McComb's men and let me tell you this action scene a really awesome music score. Walker takes out all McComb's men except for Fielding who McComb guns down. OK what kind of douche are you when you gun down your own guys? McComb escapes but Walker soon follows however, upon returning to the present a lot of changes happened. McComb is now ahead of the presidential polls and immediately shuts down TEC. So Walker convinces Matuzak to send him back in 1994 to bring back Fielding as witness. Back in 1994 Walker tracks down Fielding at a hospital still in critical condition. To prove that Fielding exist in the present, Walker steals blood samples but stumble across a pregnancy test of his wife which read positive. Back at Fielding's room Walker find her dead, poison injected in her I.V. Walker immediately leaves the hospital and heads to the same mall where his "younger" self and Melissa are at. He approaches Melissa convinces her that he's from ten years in the future before the two shared a kiss. Now remember it isn't cheating if it's the same guy from the future. So we come to the exact moments of the start of the film but this time Walker is ready for them. The scene turns into a game of hide and seek until both "past" and "present" Walker start taking out McComb's men. One goon shoots down "past" Walker but if you remember the first time BULLETPROOF VEST! "Present" Walker makes it back to the house where another fight breaks out but gets interrupted with McComb taking Melissa hostage. So it's a stalemate between "present" Walker and McComb. That is until "past" McComb arrives at the house by false pretense. Walker tosses "past" McComb right at "present" McComb causing a scenario where two identical people can't share the same place. Therefore causing the two McCombs erased from time. With only a few seconds left before the bomb goes off (which was set up by McComb). "Present Walker rushes Melissa out of the house just in time when the house explodes. With Melissa and "past" Walker safe, "present" Walker returns to the present with the timeline back to normal. TEC is still operational and Fielding is still alive. The film ends with Walker to his surprise returns to the same house from earlier in the film with a still alive Melissa and their ten year son welcoming him home.

My Final Verdict: This film is the perfect definition of both 90s action and sci-fi films. Sure the specifics of time travel could a little flawed but passable. Now I never read the comic so I can't say if the film follows the comic or not. But I can say that Timecop has a plot that's self-explanatory in my opinion. And apparently this film was made by the same director who made one of my favorite films of the 80s Running Scared.

Next week I'm taking a step backwards to a film that I kinda reviewed before started The Film Vindicator site. But back then it's was more of a rant because I hated this film so bad. But I can't leave it on a rant I really have to give it a proper review. So stick around as I review...ugh Street Fighter The Legend of Chun-Li.

The Film Vindicator Review: Parasite Eve

Now I know what you're thinking. "Wait there's an adaptation film based on the game from 1998?" Well...kinda. Though the film in question is an adaptation just not based off from the game. It's actual based off from a Japanese novel which was published in 1996 while the film was premiered a year later. So what does the game have to do with the novel or the film? Well if you actually played the first Parasite Eve game it does make a few references of the events that have occurred from the novel. So in a way the game itself acts like a pseudo-sequel for the novel. And here's the real kicker there were rumors of an adaptation of the game but common sense prevail and it never came to be. More so the film was gonna be directed by singer Madonna who was also going to portray the game's main character Aya Brea. Right... So let's talk about the adaptation that did came to be.

So we start off with an introduction of Kiyomi (played by Riona Hazuki) who serves a key part in the film more on that later. We cut to a Dr. Toshiaki Nagashima (played by Hiroshi Mikami) who is giving a lecture on the workings of mitochondria. And how would they serve as a medical remedy. Later he meets up with his wife Kiyomi having a small celebration of their first anniversary before Kiyomi heads for home. Toshiaki returns to his lab where he meets up with his assistant Dr. Sawako Asakura (played by Tomoko Nakajima). They both discuss that mitochondria were once different life forms possibly independent from other organisms. Soon after Toshiaki receives the unfortunate news that his wife has just been in a car accident; this bring him rushing to the accident site. At a hospital Toshiaki learns that she suffered from severe brain hemorrhage; virtually brain-dead after the accident. The next day things get worse for Toshiaki when a transplant coordinator tells him that Kiyomi has offered her kidneys for transplant. Apparently her kidneys match to a 12 year old girl named Mariko Anzai (played by Ayako Omura) who suffers from chronic renal failure. Of course Toshiaki doesn't want to believe that Kiyomi is dead so at first he refuses to sign her body away. The following day Mariko's doctor Takatsugu Yoshizumi (played by Tetsuya Bessho) approaches Toshiaki; pleading him to have Kiyomi's kidneys to help her. Once again he refuses; later he spends the night at his lab overly devastated of the loss of his wife. The next morning Toshiaki gets a revelation that may solve this dilemma. At the hospital where Yoshizumi works, Toshiaki approaches him with his approval but on the condition that he gives his wife's liver. The reason of this is for Toshiaki to culture his wife's cells in a sense keeping her alive. So he retreats to his lab and begins to do so. And you can tell that Toshiaki has really gone the deep end at this point. Meanwhile the transplant was successful although Yoshizumi is suspicious about Toshiaki's proposal. After the kidney transplant, Yoshizumi began to notice some odd changes to Mariko's body. Such as her mitochondria have grown three times their normal size and are replicating at an incredible rate. Back at Toshiaki's lab he continues to watch Kiyomi's mitochondria quite obsessively until there's some kind of odd activity. Looking even closer he sees the mitochondria beginning to form a face of Kiyomi. Cue the Twilight Zone theme music. Later he is confronted by Yoshizumi who is demanding to know what he is doing with the liver. Toshiaki plays it off so...flipping insane it's brilliant.

We cut to the back labs at late hours where Asakura is rehearsing her thesis for a medical conference until she starts hearing noises. She follows the noises straight to Toshiaki's lab discovering his notes she finds out he's been culturing Kiyomi's cells behind closed doors. A second later she spots a pile of broken test jars where Kiyomi's cells were once stored. What...what is this? Now what does this mean? After a subtle scare from a white rat and I do mean subtle scare. Asakura is unaware of an unexpected company crawling right above her. It's the liquid form of Kiyomi's mitochondria apparently having a will of their own. As Asakura is still unaware, the mitochondria send a tiny drop of itself on her ear oozing right inside. I could make a Wrath of Khan joke but you may already have. Later Toshiaki returns to his lab noticing the puddle of Kiyomi's mitochondria. And here's where things start to take shape...I mean literally take shape. Slowly the mitochondria begins to form into the very likeness of Kiyomi as Toshiaki watches in shock and awe. Confused but overjoyed he embrace her into his arms. Now what comes next is by far the most ACID TRIPPING SEX SCENE EVER in my opinion. Seriously it's right up there with the nightmare sex scene from Lifeforce. So after...that we cut to Toshiaki once again embraces "Kiyomi" until she starts to dissolve. We cut to Toshiaki returning home apparently not questioning what the hell just happpened. I mean no offense but if I just saw a puddle of goo forming into a beautiful woman and then have sex with it...or...her. I would be slightly concerned and freaked out. Anyway Toshiaki comes across Kiyomi's diary saying something that she has something inside that's watching...waiting from within. Something sparks in Toshiaki's head and rushes back to his lab and proceeds on disposing the remaining mitochondria. After that he's approached by Asakura telling him in the most spooky calm fashion that she's about to give her speech. Toshiaki follows her to a conference building where he's approached by Yoshizumi stating that Mariko's uterus and cellular structure are somehow changing. Asakura approaches the stage and here discovered that it's not Asakura exactly but Kiyomi's mitochondria controlling her. Through the mitochondria she/they stated that they been waiting for humanity to evolve to a point that's suitable for the mitochondria to use. Ultimately replacing humanity with an mitochondria offspring. Panic spreads throughout the conference building while Toshiaki and Yoshizumi tend to Asakura as the mitochondria leaves her. With this revelation, Toshiaki realizes that the mitochondria had sex with him in order to collect his sperm and to impregnate the "womb". Or specifically Mariko's womb since now her uterus is capable of giving birth to mitochondrial life.

As Toshiaki, Yoshizumi, and Asakura immediately rushes to hospital, the mitochondria inside Mariko continues to alter her body. So it turns out Kiyomi's mitochondria have a will of their own and planned everything from the start. Influencing Kiyomi to donate her kidneys, causing Kiyomi to crash her car, and even counting on Toshiaki to culture her cells. Toshiaki, Yoshizumi, and Asakura arrived at the hospital but unfortunately so have the mitochondria. Too late to reach Mariko before the mitochondria already has Mariko impregnated. So now the "Kiyomi/Mitochondria Eve" causes havoc at the hospital by manipulating the mitochondrial energy in living organisms (humans) causing the organism to spontaneous combustion. While Toshiaki and Asakura are trying to prevent "Eve" from leaving the hospital. Yoshizumi heads to a security room gaining access to the security blast doors. O...K why would a hospital have blast doors is anybodies guess. Anyway Yoshizumi has the hospital completely lockdown but this forces "Eve" to head to the roof of the hospital. Here is where is the last stand for humanity as Toshiaki confronts Mitochondria Eve trying to reach what's left of Kiyomi. Somehow somewhat it works but Mitochondria Eve tries to burn him but somehow he keeps going towards her. Yeah I really don't know how he's able to keep on walking towards her when both of his arms are on fire. Give this guy some brass balls. Distracted by Toshiaki, Mitochondria Eve lets Mariko go giving Yoshizumi the chance to carry her away. At that moment a bit of Kiyomi breaks through ultimately Mitochondria Eve loses control. This also means that the mitochondria in Mariko are dying out halting the birth of the mitochondria offspring. This causing both Kiyomi/Mitochondria Eve and Toshiaki being burn alive together ending the film with the two happy and together again.

My Final Verdict: Sure this doesn't have same survivor horror feel as the game does but it's still worth watching. The film has that David Cronenberg vibe at some point the pacing may be a bit slow but not foot dragging slow. The only downside is that the film is subtitled there is no dubbed version not even the DVD is dubbed. And honestly I don't have a problem with that. I know most people aren't that enthusiastic with subtitle films but the more you watch this film the more of the dialogues starts coming to you. Trust me. If there's any chance of a dubbed version or at least an Americanize version any time soon I might see it. But until then I'm sticking with this version go give it a watch.

Next time I'm review a really interesting film pretty much borderline of classic films. Stick around as I review Wait Until Dark.