Real Talk: Before getting started, I wanna point out two things that I've over looked in RE Afterlife.
RE Afterlife Miss: If Wesker wanted to control the T-Virus inside him couldn't he just use the same serum that cured Alice? Or was that serum meant to be a one time and never be mentioned again?
RE Afterlife Miss: Wesker survived the Tiltrotor plane crash due to the T-Virus which begs the question how did Alice survived the exact same crash? And again she was injected with a serum that eliminated her T-Virus powers.
Real Talk: Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice: Retribution
Miss: I don't care what the reasons were to have this opening action scene played out in reverse. Unless you're Christopher Nolan and your movie is Memento, this is pointless as fuck.
Miss: Movie shows Alice in this opening scene but Chris and Claire are nowhere to be found. Not even Alice's opening narration mentions what happened to them.
Miss: *Alice recapping of what we already know about.* I already know who the fuck you are and what has happened in the previous movies! Do you at least have anything new to add to the table? Like an actual backstory for yourself? No....don't have one of those? Then fuck off....
Miss: So Jill was just captured and brainwashed by Umbrella. Not even gonna show when she was captured or why Umbrella would brainwashed her. Just give a throw away line in the opening narration.
Miss: And since I'm here, where's Angela Ashford this whole time? You know, that one character who was such a big deal in RE Apocalypse? Not gonna mention her in the opening narration? OK then...
Real Talk: And of course the narration completely ignores that whole "earth is now a barren wasteland" subplot.
Miss: If this opening scene was gonna be shown again in real time what was the point of showing it in reverse in the first place?
Miss: After the car crash an Alice clone checks on her "daughter", Becky then the two of them make a run for it. But didn't even bother to check to see if the Rain clone was OK. What a bitch....
Hit: Naked Alice
Real Talk: Why would a holding cell have a skintight outfit in storage?
Real Talk: *Alice fighting several zombies in a long hallway.* I like this scene better when it was Black Widow in Iron Man 2. At least that movie didn't have those annoying slow-mos in every freaking shot.
Real Talk: *Alice throws away the handgun after discovering a small armory.* Alice, you can still use the handgun you didn't had to throw it away.
Hit: Ada Wong
Miss: Ada talking until Alice interrupts her: "My name is...." Alice: "Ada Wong... Operative for the Umbrella Corporation, one of Albert Wesker's top agents. I know exactly who and what you are." Really...since when within the five movies so far? Because Ada's nowhere to be found in any of them. So I'm guessing there are external supplementary materials explaining this and if that's the case two things. One, keep the important plot details in your main story instead of some random external supplementary medium that are most likely never heard of by anyone. Two, relaying on random external supplementary materials to tell your main story is a failure of storytelling.
Real Talk: Wesker's a good guy now why?
Hit: Barry Burton
Hit: Leon S Kennedy
Miss: If this is the same Red Queen from the first movie then how did she survived her mainframe being fried? Did she copied herself beforehand or something?
Miss: Also that's a bit of a step backwards going from an A.I. hologram to being a face on a screen. It's just not as menacing you know?
Miss: *Alice, Ada and Becky are confronted by Jill, Clone One, Clone Rain and Clone Carlos.* Becky: "Daddy?" Alice: "He's not your father." Becky is deaf, Alice maybe say that again while she's reading your lips.
Hit: Ada using her grapple gun is the closest thing to a live action Resident Evil you're gonna get from this movie.
Real Talk: *A zombie armed with a chainsaw kills a redshirt in Wesker's strike team.* Oh no, not Redshirt #893!
Miss: Ada just inform Alice that the people in the underwater simulation facility are all clones. Yet Alice still acts confused/surprised when seeing clones of familiar characters for no reason.
Real Talk: *Another redshirt in Wesker's strike team is killed a giant Licker.* Oh no, not Redshirt #23!
Miss: This giant Licker killed two people yet takes Becky away why?
Hit: Alice Ass Shot
Real Talk: Leon: "Where are you going?" Alice: "She's alive, I'm going to get her." How do you know that, Alice?
Real Talk: Leon: "Don't do this, you're more important than she is." Alice: "That's where you're wrong." I don't know Alice, this film series has a weird habit of having characters randomly going M.I.A. for no explanations between movies. So I'm gonna have to agree with Leon.
Miss: This might be a long one so buckle up. *Alice finds Becky in some kind of cocoon before the giant Licker shows up.* So this one Licker starts acting like a Discount Xenomorph just for the movie to rip off a scene from Aliens where Ripley goes to the Atmosphere Processor Plant to rescue Newt from the Xenomorph hive. And all I can say is no....this movie did nothing to earn it. In the Director's Cut of Aliens, Ripley and Newt developed a surrogate mother/daughter relationship as the movie progresses. Both characters have lost their love ones and are survivors of a deadly alien species which adds more depth and commonality to their relationship. Ripley was that willing to go to hell and back to save Newt due this newly motherly bond with her. RE Retribution on the other hand, there's nothing of similar circumstances with Alice and Becky. The movie barely slows down for their mother/daughter relationship to develop organically. Not to mention Becky is only attached to Alice due to her "mother" being an Alice clone and having implanted memories. While Alice is attached to Becky because the script says she should be. Now maybe if Alice was a mother before/while working for Umbrella and have lost her child at some point then this surrogate relationship might've worked a little better. It's just unfortunate that the film series is too focus on making Alice a super duper mega ultra bad ass to give her any characterization and motivations. So this mother/daughter relationship just comes off as a narrative obligation rather than being a natural progression within the story.
Miss: Now one last thing I swear and that is. Really Paul, you're really trying to compare Alice to Ellen Fucking Ripley? No....just no. Stop embarrassing yourself, man.
Hit: Barry's Last Stand
Real Talk: *Barry shoots the One Clone dead before he dies by gunfire.* This is the third time Colin Salmon died in a Paul W.S. Anderson, the second time being Alien vs Predator.
Miss: The one time where Barry and Jill are in the same scene together and they're not on the same side.
Hit/Real Talk: Not gonna lie, this film's soundtrack is really awesome. But it's such a shame that it's wasted on a shitty movie.
Miss: If the Rain Clone can get more powerful after a Las Plagas injection then why not have the other clone soldiers do the same? Would've make things a whole lot easier from the start.
Hit: Jill vs Alice, now clearly Jill is taking her anger out on Alice for taking away the spotlight and I don't blame her.
Hit: Alice getting the shit beaten out of her by Jill, because fuck Alice.
Miss: *Rain deliveries Alice a lethal death punch to the heart, yet somehow she just shrugs it off like it was nothing.* Uh bullshit! Alice should be insta-dead, how the fuck did she survive that? And I remind you again, she doesn't have her T-Virus powers anymore. So it's not like she blocked that punch with her telekinesis or rapidly heal from it. So again, how the hell did she survived this one punch? Is Paul Anderson really that protective of his super special character that he throws in some ever present fuck off plot armor to prevent any outcome that results in Alice dying? I guess so because otherwise in Anderson's mind there be no story if Alice dies in any way, shape or form.
Miss: And what about Luther? He died by the same lethal punch to the heart. Where the fuck is his bullshit no death plot armor? Oh that's right, he's not Alice. So he gets to die with the rest of the characters that Anderson doesn't give a shit about.
Miss: In RE Afterlife Alice removes the mind control spider-bot from Claire, resulting in Claire having plot convenience amnesia. In RE Retribution Jill gets her spider-bot removed yet still retains her memories, even calling out to Alice by name. Continuity, how do?
Real Talk: Jill you just got a spider-bot pulled out from your chest. Sure it hurts like shit but you seem to be moving around just find. Why not just get on one knee and kill Rain yourself? But OK throw the gun to the one person who should be dead or dying from a fatal death punch.
Miss: Rain talking to Alice: "You can't kill me...." That's still Chris' line who's not in this movie for reasons never explain.
Miss: Leon and Ada are in a scene together and it's put to waste by Leon groping Ada's thigh like a pervert. No banters, no memorable dialogues, just Leon reduced to a pervert. Good job movie...
Miss: If Wesker was just gonna give Alice her powers back why not have his strike team give her the injection after they met up at the underwater facility?
BONUS ROUND:
Miss: The Red Queen could've easily recapture Alice by gassing the entire facility for good measure. Because evidently sending hordes of B.O.W.s after her wasn't the smartest way to go.
Real Talk: I feel that all these zombies and other B.O.W.s are such a waste considering the facility has all these clone to test the Las Plagas parasite. Hell the place has plenty of Alice clones to duplicate the same process as with the original. Point being that an army of super clones seems more efficient than regular zombies.
Miss: At no point all the other Lickers behaved like Discount Xenomorphs (capturing victims to be cocooned) in the previous movie. But this giant Licker does so for no reason aside from what I've already outlined earlier.
Real Talk: Jill's outfit makes her look like Zero Suit Samus. Now a live action Metroid would be nice, just keep Paul Anderson (or Uwe Boll) the fuck away from it.
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