Real Talk: I honestly refuse to call this movie by the in-name-only title, so I'm calling it by it's true title Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice: Begins.
Miss: As much as I like the soundtrack, was it really hard for the studio to use soundtracks from the Resident Evil games?
Miss: This person secretly steals the T-Virus and the Anti-Virus with no problems whatsoever. So lets go ahead and toss open this one T-Virus vial for no real reasons whatsoever. Because how else this movie was gonna get the plot going?
Miss: The Red Queen (the A.I. that runs the Hive) sure takes its sweet time just long enough for the T-Virus to get airborne throughout the Hive.
Miss: And since I'm here, you mean to tell me that the Red Queen didn't notice this one person stealing the T-Virus/Anti-Virus vials out of the lab where they're kept? Or just let out a viral contamination for that matter?
Miss: So instead of sealing off the one area where the T-Virus was let out, the Red Queen's brilliant countermeasure is to kill everyone in the Hive. If there's such a place where the one countermeasure for a viral contamination is to murder everyone in the workplace, I'm not working there.
Real Talk: They're on an express elevator to hell, going down.
Real Talk: Oh hi Milla Jovovich, I'm looking forward to hating your character as this series goes on.
Miss: Apparently Alice fell in while taking a shower and yet hasn't broke her neck or cracked her skull open. Only a few minutes in and she already has her plot armor powers.
Hit: Alice side boob
Hit: Alice wondering around in a spooky mansion is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.
Real Talk: I'm not much of a huge fan of the RE games. But I postulate that most of the RE fans were really confused when Jill, Chris, Barry and the rest of the RE One characters were nowhere to be found in this movie.
Miss: Which I have to asked why even bother making a live-action RE movie if they're not gonna have any of the game characters?
Real Talk: Serious question, why's the super secret laboratory underneath Raccoon City and not the mansion?
Real Talk: And here's Michelle Rodriguez in her early basic bitch roles and trust me she's gotten better roles since then.
Miss: I'm sure the "character having amnesia" trope is a useful plot tool and all. But it really defeats the purpose when there's other people who knows said amnesiac character(s). Alice and Spence work for Umbrella as do the commandoes yet they never mention or call these two by name. Outside of telling these two (and the audience) that they're security operatives guarding the secret Hive entrance, the commandoes act like they don't know them on any other professional level. Or on a personal level for that matter, because I guess the script says so.
Miss: So in case of any security breaches the Red Queen can just gas people in the Hive and the mansion, hence the plot convenient amnesia with Alice and Spence. But if the Red Queen has defenses at the mansion as well then why bother having security personnel if the Red Queen can just gas everyone at any sign of a security breach? Kinda needless to have people on security/defense details when an A.I. can do similar jobs more efficiently.
Miss: Also that's a bit of a design flaw for an A.I. to gas its own friendlies.
Real Talk: Matt talking to One: "So you're saying this place was attacked?" One: "I'm afraid things are a bit more complicated than that." Well apparently not complicated enough to tell him and the others a few minutes later anyway.
Miss: There was no switch of any kind to be seen where J.D. was standing at, how did he get the lights in the Hive switched on?
Miss: These commandoes (and obviously Umbrella) knows about the Red Queen going homicidal and killed the Hive workers but have no idea on why she killed these people in the first place. Well that's pretty convenient for the plot wouldn't you say?
Hit: *Close up shot of a drowned woman as she opens her eyes and slams her hand on the glass.* Despite the trailer spoiling this particular scene, it's still a pretty good scene.
Miss: This scene with the not dining hall B would've work if this was the S.T.A.R.S. team arriving upon this storage chamber. Having these commandoes no clue about this chamber just raising questions of why would Umbrella keep important details from their own personnel.
Miss: The Medic character either has the slowest reaction time or has a death wish. Because when you watch the scene of the first laser sweep more closely, you can see Medic looking straight at it while the other commandoes duck out of the way. But the movie tries to trick you with a close up shot of the Medic turning her head at the laser as if she was caught by surprise.
Miss: On the third sweep the laser shifts from a single beam into a grid beam, killing One. And it didn't do that on the first sweep why?
Real Talk: And this is the first time Colin Salmon has died in a Paul W.S. Anderson movie.
Real Talk: I guess the one commando who had his fingers cut off is presumably dead. Because neither Alice, Spence or Kaplan doesn't check if he's OK or still alive.
Miss: You know Red Queen, Alice and Kaplan might listen if you just tell them about the zombies you got locked up in the Hive. At least they might stop from shutting you down and probably help you. But I guess there would be no movie if the writing wasn't cluttered with plot contrivance.
Miss: And also.... Red Queen talking to Alice and Kaplan: "You all going to die down here." Saying that line wasn't all that helpful.
Hit: Rain as she struggles with a zombie: "J.D. get her off of me before I stab her ass!" I don't know why I just love that line.
Miss: I know I should care about J.D. being eaten by zombies but sadly I don't. He's not an existing character from the RE games and I hardly know the guy outside of working for Umbrella. And if you think this film series will get better when the game characters are brought in, you are horribly wrong.
Real Talk: Kaplan: "Where did they come from, why didn't we see them on the way in?!" Rain: "When you cut the power you unlock the doors. You let them out..." Well in his defense the Red Queen should've gave him an actual warning.
Miss: *Alice takes out a zombified security guard in a closed room.* Alice was already told that she's an Umbrella security operative. Why is this scene playing out like it's all new info to her? Or why does she look so confused after taking out a zombie hand-to-hand?
Miss: Also what was with the memory flashback of One telling Alice who she is? Was it in case if she already forgot or in case if the audience did?
Miss: *After Alice takes out Lisa (Matt's sister), she gets a memory flashback of her giving Lisa security access to the T-Virus. Then Matt says exactly what Alice saw in the memory flashback on how Lisa was gonna steal the T-Virus.* It doesn't add any mystery if you're gonna just tell the same info that was shown minutes. It's called Show Don't Tell not Show then Tell. Maybe if the memory flashbacks were removed this would actually work. Otherwise it just comes off insultingly handholding to the audience.
Miss: Oh yes Alice, lets switch back on the homicidal A.I. to gain help in escaping the Hive.
Miss: Red Queen talking to the remaining survivors in the Queen's Chamber: "I did warned you, didn't I?" Bullshit you warned them...
Miss: Good thing for Alice that these zombies are attacking her one at a time instead of lunging at her all at once.
Hit: Matt shouting to Alice: "GET OVER HERE!" Not sure if that was a call back to a much live-action adaptation from Paul Anderson but I'm counting it.
Miss: Besides the regular zombies, Cerberus Dogs and a Licker, there are no Hunters, no zombie crows, no Neptune, no Yawn, no Plant 42 or no Tyrant.
Hit: Rain: "When I get out of here, I think I'm gonna get laid."
Miss: On the first watch of this movie I'm sure it was a shocking reveal that it was Spence who stole the T-Virus/Anti-Virus and caused the contamination. But upon multiple look throughs it's not that much of shocker. Considering that he and Alice are the only two people stationed at the mansion. The process of elimination would've been that obvious it was Spence. And it's not like the movie was making Alice a red herring in this scenario.
Miss: Spence's handwriting on the note in his memory flashback doesn't match the handwriting at the beginning of the film. Excellent continuity, guys.
Hit: The remaining survivors escaping the Hive by train while a T-Virus creature is attacking them is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.
Real Talk: *Alice shoots the Licker in the head but with no affect.* Maybe if Alice was armed with a grenade launcher and some flame rounds she could've taken it down more easily.
Miss: Umbrella Scientist Offscreen: "We're reopening the Hive, I wanna know what went on down there. Just do it..." Or here's a better idea, asked the one person who survived the whole ordeal on what happened. Also you mean to tell me that Umbrella didn't retrieved any surveillance videos from the Hive? I guess there be no sequel if dumb characters start making smart people decisions.
Real Talk: *Alice managed to pick the card reader slot to unlock the door.* Impressive that was, there's only one person who is the Master of Unlocking, Alice and you're not her.
Hit: Alice wondering around in the ruined Raccoon City is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.
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