Sunday, October 13, 2019

Hits & Misses Halloween: Full Eclipse




Miss: Max's partner practically signed his own death warrant by announcing he's getting married and is quitting the police force.

Hit/Miss: Jimmy: "I'm getting too old for this." You just had to make that reference.

Miss: Jimmy sure loves to complain, no wonder he's quitting the force.

Hit: *Max crawling through the air duct.* Suddenly I'm getting Die Hard flashbacks.

Miss: That gunman must have bionic ears because otherwise how the hell could he hear noises from the air ducts with club music on full blast?

Miss: Max is falling from the air duct in a way that you can tell he's being lowered on wires. And having the scene done in slow-mo makes it even more obvious.

Real Talk: *Max dual wielding guns.* Was this film's director a John Woo fan?

Miss: "Cop with a failing marriage" cliche.

LOL: "Diet Donut"

Hit: Mysteriously recovered Jimmy don't need no stinking car when chasing drive by shooters.

Hit: Spider Cop, Spider Cop!

Hit: *Jimmy jumps on to the same motorcycle the drive by shooter's escaping then forcing the shooter to crash into a wall. While the same time just having fun with no fucks given.* Awesome or fucking hilariously awesome?

Hit: Pre-Dungeons & Dragons movie Bruce Payne

Hit/LOL: "Bionic X-Men"

LOL: "Dirty Harry on crack"

Real Talk: *Max eyeballing Casey* Well these two are clearly gonna fuck. Don't get me wrong Casey is played by Patsy Kensit and she's hot as hell. Can you really blame Max?

Hit: So basically Garou's group is a bunch of cops who suffered in the line of duty. Only to be brought together by Garou to go on what Max called it "pseudo Charles Bronson vigilante shit". Interesting concept.

LOL: "Bullets and Butthead"

Hit: The group's tac outfits looks a hell of a bit like the X-Men outfits. Even their helmets look a bit like Magneto's. Guess Max wasn't kidding about that Bionic X-Men bit.

Hit: Tactical Slaughterhouse Action

Miss: But seriously what's the point of the these supercops sneaky to a criminal gun sales if they just gonna pop in and slaughter everyone like Wolverine.

Hit: *Max and Casey having Cinemax sex.* A better sex scene than Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1.

Miss: So somehow Max hasn't noticed Casey growling like animal, has fangs and growing bone claws during sex. Or maybe he did and he's somehow oblivious about it. All I'm saying is Max should've shown some acknowledgement of what he just stick his dick in.

Miss: A bit extreme there, Casey. I know you want him a part of the pack but be more subtle than just shooting him.

Real Talk: The original Game Boy, that takes me back.

Hit: Gotta give credit to this film's practical effects, them bone claw effects are very impressive from a 1993 movie. Also was someone on the production team an X-Men fan, that would explain a few things.

Hit: Casey looks like if Sabretooth had a very hot, sexy, bad ass sister.

Real Talk: Garou is such a controlling, abusive asshole to Casey that he makes Edward Cullen look like an altar boy.  

Hit: Garou and the supercops get blown up by a car bomb planted by some mafios only to walk out from the wreckage transformed and pissed.

Hit: *Garou and the supercops in an action pose.* Not much of an exciting action pose but it's a lot better than the one in Twilight Eclipse.

Hit: Garou talking to Max: "This is my brain.... This is you on my brain. Any questions?" 

Hit: Most werewolf movies have people getting infected by bites and scratches. This movie has an interesting concept of Garou creating injections derived from his brain.

Hit: Garou is like a werewolf Bruce Banner, was at the mercy of the lunar cycle but manages to control the transformations. And that he really wants to protect the innocent with his power. Also...because I want to shit on Twilight some more Garou has a more tragic backstory than Edward Cullen.

Miss: As much as Garou's werewolf vigilante justice worked in other cities he's been at. But what's to stop more criminals from taking over those cities? Maybe Garou should've supply his former teams with more injections instead of killing them off.   

LOL: Garou talking to Max: "I need someone to carry on after I'm gone. It's a hell of a gig. Sure you don't want some?" Oh no, I think Bruce Payne is starting to chew the scenery!

LOL: Transformed Garou talking to Max: "Go ahead, make your day." Yup, Bruce is chewing the scenery.

Miss: Oooooh Garou's transformation into a big ass werewolf was not so good.

Miss: If Garou's blood can turn a person into a werewolf completely then why bother with the injections?

Hit: Looks like Max has carry on the Werewolf Punisher mattle.   

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