Hits & Misses: Maximum Ride

Miss: This movie is like if Stephanie Meyer wrote a shitty X-Men script and Fox just went with it out of pity.

Miss: “The School” Well this isn’t the most vague as fuck of a location ever.

Miss: Hi creepy bearded guy, care to back the hell up from my personal space?

Miss: Creepy bearded guy in a SUV filled with kids; this doesn’t scream potential child molestation at all.

Miss: Creepy bearded guy leaves his own son behind, what an asshole.

Real Talk: Jenna Marbles is one of the Executive Producers but giving how bland this movie is she needs to make some MAJOR improvements. That or just stick to YouTube.

Miss: Narration…..

Miss: A few minutes in and already I find Max incredibly boring, unimpressive and has a weak presence.

Miss: Max, eating two cookies is not a meal let alone a breakfast. You could at least have some cereal.

Miss: I would care for these characters’ crisis if none of them didn’t sound like they came from a CW soap opera.

Miss: Angel can mentally hear the Erasers approaching the house but doesn’t bother to tell Max and the others.

Miss: Discount Sabretooth or Discount Jacob Black, take your pick.

Miss: “Max and Ari in a flashback” Yeah Ari could you say your lines without sounding like a speakonia robot.

Question: “Max and Ari in a flashback” Now why would Jeb (the creepy bearded guy) brings his son to a top secret facility?

Real Talk: Any person (fictional or otherwise) who’s named Gazzy has all of my sympathies. Because that name is such a low hanging fruit that’s practically begging for fart jokes.

Miss: Nudge makes a point that “The Nest” is no longer safe but Max is certain that the Erasers won’t be back. Although it’s too bad that the movie proves how wrong Max is later on.

Hit: I gotta be honest here some of the visual/special effects do have decent quality in some scenes.

Miss: However, the visual/special effects in other scenes have qualities that reminds me of some of the Asylum films that I had the unfortunate pleasure to watch.

Miss: Max was doing fine being a bad ass until the guy pulls out a gun and shoots her. Apparently being shot at makes her forget that she has wings and could’ve just flown out of the way or just simply dodge.

Miss: The woman who was just being sexually assaulted is not all that bothered of two people whom happened to have wings as she helps them out. I get that they saved her and all but still she should at least shown some unease towards them.

Hit: Max having actually breakfast.

Miss: Well Nudge has shitty priorities, Angel is kidnapped and their house is gone after Sabretooth Jacob Black Ari came by. But sure Nudge go scoop out some clothing store with no fucks given to your current situation.

Miss: I know what this movie’s doing with the whole “people with powers surviving while hiding from the fearfully, normal society” trope. The problem is this has been done to death since the X-Men. At least with the anime series Tiger & Bunny and My Hero Academia tried something different with people born with powers.   

Miss: Obvious forced romantic interest is obvious.

Miss: “Max and Ari in a flashback #2” Seriously what is with Ari as a kid, acting somewhat normal when he first met Max. Then he acts like a complete creeper psychopath to her later on. And again why is this kid at a top secret facility, ever heard of babysitters?

Miss: Ari: “We’re the good guys!” You are, because I don’t see it as much as I see you as a psychopath. Also whoever this organization is have not displayed that they are the good guys. So yeah Ari you’re full of shit.

Hit: Ass shot.

Miss: Jeb’s the one who captured Max and the others, even though he was the one that let them out years ago. I would be surprised if I wasn’t too busy of not caring.

Miss: “For the greater good” cliché.

Miss: Ari must be blind as a bat or as dumb as the bat nipples because how could he not see Max obviously going for the keycard. And it’s not like she’s even trying to be sneaking about it.

Miss: “Max running away from the Erasers” What is with these weird ass, quick as fuck cuts, they’re practically giving me seizures!

Miss: Obvious sequel baiting is obvious.

BONUS ROUND

Miss/Sarcasm: “The Institute”, “The Nest”, “The School”…. Clearly the pinnacle of creativity this movie has.

Miss: Apparently Iggy’s met to be blind but given the actor’s performance through the movie it was rather choppy to notice that.

Miss: What exactly are the motives of the Institute, what was the purpose of creating these children? Creating new species of humanity, for profit, for power? Maybe the movie should’ve taken the time to give out important details rather than having vague ass speeches that don’t explain anything.

Miss: This movie’s ability of being boringly mediocre with its story and characters reminds Speed of Thought. And I don’t need to be getting flashbacks of that pile of garbage.