Back in 2012 I’ve visited a horror convention in Indianapolis called HorrorHound Weekend. This particular convention had a very special presence in the form of Jamie Lee Curtis. And other horror actors such as some of the cast from Halloween (Nancy Stephens, Charles Cyphers, Will Sandin and Brian Andrews); some of the cast from Halloween II (Lance Guest, Leo Rossi, Gloria Gifford, and Pamela Susan Shoop). And some of the cast from The Fog (Adrienne Barbeau, Tom Atkins, and Ty Mitchell) even some of the actors who portrayed Michael Myers showed up (Nick Castle, Tommy Lee Wallace, Dick Warlock, Chris Durand, and Brad Loree). Anyway it was a rather lovely pleasure to meet and talk with these people; well except for Jamie Lee Curtis. I mean I got to see her (from a distance) I just didn’t have the money at the time to see her or talk to her or anything but still. OK enough back story on with the review; we start off at a college where a New Year’s Eve fraternity party is taken place. There we’re introduce to Alana Maxwell (played by Jamie Lee Curtis), Doc Manley (played by Hart Bochner), Mitchy (played by Sandee Currie), Mo (played by Timothy Webber), Jackson (played by Anthony Sherwood), and Ed (played by Howard Busgang). Doc, Jackson, Ed, and Mo try to get one of their pledges Kenny Hampson (played by Derek MacKinnon) to have sex with Alana; Kenny finally agrees with them. Cut to Kenny arriving at a room where Alana is waiting for him; Kenny strips his clothes off as Alana awaits for him. Kenny head towards the bed and starts making out with Alana but only to find out to be a dead body he was making out while Alana was hiding behind the bed. Kenny freaks out as Doc, Jackson, Ed, Mo, and Mitchy enters the room laughing at him. Apparently the whole thing was a prank with all except for Alana was in on it. After the opening credits we cut to three years later at a train station and its New Year’s Eve; we’re reunited with Alana, Doc, Jackson, Ed, Mitchy, and Mo now college graduates celebrating New Year’s one last time. As the train begins its departure Ed shows up stumbling around on the platform as he was stabbed through the gut. However, given that Ed was a class clown everyone on the platform believes that he’s goofing around. And as Ed dies an unknown assailant takes off Ed’s costume, quickly puts on the costume and aboard the train. Wow only thirteen minutes in and we get our first character death; this film sure doesn’t waste any time at all. The film pads out with Alana and the others reminiscing of their in college as the disguised assailant is stalking them. The disguised assailant comes across Mitchy and from the looks of it about to kill her however, Jackson shows up unknowingly became the assailant’s next victim. Jackson is murdered when the two entered a restroom offering a drink to the assailant as he still believes that it’s Ed.
Cut to the lounge car where Alana and Mo are approached by the Magician (played by David Copperfield) as he performs some sleight of hand magic. He even uses some magic to get Alana some free peanuts. A little bit later the Magician performs a magic show in lounge car with a lovely assistant. Later Pet (played by Joy Boushel) and Merry (played by D.D. Winters) are getting concern about their boyfriends Ed and Jackson. But Doc and Mo decided to help relief their concern if you know what I mean. Doc and the others are looking for place to play doctor when they came across a locked restroom. The train conductor (played by Ben Johnson) shows up to check the restroom as Doc and the others leave only to find the body of the now dead Jackson. The conductor asked the brakeman to watch over the restroom as he contacts the train operator to find a nearest town. The conductor returns to the restroom to get the body but upon opening the door there’s no blood and the body still alive. The conductor and the brakeman figure that it was probably a prank but we know better that it’s the assailant now in Jackson’s costume. Mitchy stops by and helps “Jackson” to her bed compartment; she seduces him only to get murdered off screen. Back at the lounge car Alana becomes rather charmed by the Magician until Doc shows up tell her that Mo is looking for her. Gee I never thought magicians would have the James Bond level of sex appeal. Anyway while the Magician makes another performance, the conductor finds Mitchy dead in her bed compartment and immediately closes the bed compartment. When Alana shows up shortly after, the conductor escorts her away from the murder scene as she’s looking for Mitchy. The conductor tells Alana that Mitchy is dead but she doesn’t believe him; she runs to Mitchy’s bed compartment to find her dead body. Back at the magic show Doc noticed Mo all hunched over; he tries to wake him up but Mo doesn’t seem be able to. Doc panics, quickly carries Mo to his bed compartment, and tries to resuscitate him. And by trying to resuscitate him I mean Doc just constantly yells MO every time. Well those four years at that med school sure have done wonders for Doc eh? Alana tells Doc that Mitchy is dead; he gets very upset and pulls the brake cord. However, there’s no response from the train operators which forces the conductor to dash all the way to the front of the train and slam on the brakes. After the train comes to a rough stop the conductor finds the two train operators dead. The train is completely evacuated leaving the train staff to look for the killer. Outside Alana comes to the conclusion that it maybe Kenny who’s behind the killings because of what happened to him. Doc doesn’t believe that Kenny would kill just because of a prank however, Alana tells him that she visited Kenny at the hospital to find out he killed someone.
Alana and Doc go back on the train…for no reason really except to get killed and locked themselves in their room. Doc looks through the college yearbook and finds a page of Kenny performing a magic act; claiming that it’s the Magician who’s Kenny. Doc goes kinda bat-shit crazy to the point that Alana leaves him; she gets spook by a dark figure but false alarm it turns out to be the brakeman. Back in Doc’s room he continues his bat-shit crazy mode as he searches the room for Kenny only to fall into his own stupidity of being locked in his own room to be killed by Kenny. Alana informs the conductor who the killer is and the two go off to get Doc however, they find the room a mess and Doc lost his head…literally. Cut to the lounge car with the conductor moving the people (including the Magician’s assistant) out to the next car; locking the Magician in the lounge car. Alana is sent to an empty room to get some rest with one of the train staff armed with a fire ax standing guard. Unfortunately that didn’t do much when a few scenes later we see the staff worker dead by sword through the gut. Kenny enters the room and takes a swing with an ax only to hit an empty bed as Alana stabs him from behind with a sword. Where exactly did she get that your guess is as good as mine. Anyway Kenny shrugs off that stab wound and chases after Alana; the chase ends at a storage car and Kenny starts strangling Alana. However, given that Alana is played by Jamie Lee Curtis she’s not going down that easily. Alana managed to get lose from Kenny and locks herself in some type of storage cage. Kenny gets a large crowbar and tries to stab Alana but she retaliates by stabbing him in the face with one of those pointy note holders. Alana tries to getaway but Kenny soon follows ending up between train cars. Kenny tries to strangle her again but Alana quickly gets an upper hand as she uses her foot to push him off the train. All seems to be over right….NOPE Kenny manages to grab hold on the side of a train and sneaks back on board. Alana is wondering around the train until she ends up in the Magician’s cabin. She’s looks through his stuff until she comes across....the Magician’s dead body….HUH?!?! Alana runs out of the cabin and into one of the train stuff only to be revealed that it’s Kenny who this whole time was disguised as the Magician’s assistant. OK when I first saw this film I honestly thought it was the Magician who was doing all of the killings. And when they revealed that the Magician’s dead and the real killer was disguised as the assistant I was rather surprised and impressed. The film did a good job of a subtle miss direction; yeah we see the Magician in most scenes but at he didn’t act predictively suspicious. And given how he was kinda flirting with Alana and how Doc was being a dick to him it helped made him even less heavy handedly suspicious. So yeah give this film some brownie points; you got me film….you got me. And oh yeah insert your own “Angela’s a boy” joke here. So Kenny has Alana cornered only to want her to kiss him; she does so and he gets a flashback of the prank then freaks the fuck out. The conductor enters the car and bashes Kenny with a shovel which forces him out of the train which is already passes over a bridge. So the film ends with Kenny falling to his death from the frozen lake below; flowing in the frozen water as the train continues on.
My Final Verdict: You know the difference between this film and films like let’s say Sorority Row for example? Terror Train is not all hand fisted and predictable while films nowadays have more red herrings to choke a T-Rex. As I said earlier this film does a good job of a subtle miss direction; plus even if we who the killer is off the bat. There’s still that mystery of is it the person from the past or where has the killer been for the past three years. Having the film take place on the train makes it almost claustrophobic at times despite there are ways to get off the train the film somehow makes it feel that you can’t escape.
OK that’s two films reviewed two more to go stay tuned next time as we look a film that makes more sense than all three I Know What You Did Last Summer films Prom Night (1980).
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