Hey everyone and welcome back before we started I would like as to ask for a moment of silence for my sister of 27 years Karen Wilson who passed away on December 10th. She will be missed but not forgotten by the Wilson Clan...................................thank you now on with the review.
We start off with a guy on a pay phone; this is our main character Ed Molloy a/k/a Brain Smasher (played by Andrew Dice Clay). After he's done on the phone, he then breaks the forth wall taking to the audience like he's Frankie Muniz. Right away I'm not impressed with this film folks. After the opening credits we cut to London, England we're introduced to Samantha Crain (played by Teri Hatcher). She receives a letter from her sister Cammy Crain (played by Deborah Van Valkenburgh) asking her to deliver a package to Portland, Oregon. At Portland Samantha arrives at a warehouse where she's confronted by Shaolin Monks of the Red Lotus sect who has captured her sister. The leader of the monks Wu (played by Yuji Okumoto) demands Samantha to give them the package which is a red lotus. As soon as Samantha is about to hand them the package Cammy breaks free from the monks and the two escaped. Before I go on the film has a shitty running gag of Samantha calling the monks ninjas that gets annoying rather quickly and Samantha is flipping retarded. Or at least the writer of this film is flipping retarded. On the run Cammy explains that the red lotus possesses some type of ultimate power and the monks want it. Cammy takes the red lotus and the two split up with the monks on the trail follow Samantha. She stops at night club where Ed works as a bouncer and don't get your hopes that this film will be just as awesome as The Bouncer video game. Even though Ed is rather competent that he took out two of the monks with no problem. Samantha enters the night club and Ed follows; the rest of the monks enter the night club and immediately start beating up everyone. Ed catches up with Samantha and she explains her situation but Ed doesn't believe her until the monks. The two escape night club and hitch a ride on a bus. They stop by Ed's parents’ house....for some reason and trust me there's nothing important here so let’s skip it. The monks catch up to them at Ed's place and the two make a run for it; Ed takes out a few of the monks before he and Samantha are arrested by the cops. At the police station they told the cops of what's gonna on but cops in this film are made of useless and kinda racist; so another pointless scene to skip. The monks arrive and as usually they beat the crap out of everything that moves. Ed and Samantha got out of the station leaving the asshole cops to die and honestly I don't blame them. Ed complains that he's in way over his head and decides to leave Samantha; I don't know what he's complaining about he's been doing just fine against the monks. Later Samantha tries to contact Cammy at a hotel and the manager asked her to come to the hotel. But little does she know that IT'S A TRAP by set up by the monks. Samantha waits at a strip club for a ride at the hotel until Ed arrives and soon after the monks. A fight breaks out as Samantha tries to get away; Ed holds off the monks as much as he could enough for Samantha to get away. Samantha arrives at a church where she meets up with Cammy. The two called the monks making a trade for Ed for the red lotus at a closed night club. The monks arrive with Ed as the sisters wait for them. And with that another fight breaks out; Cammy armed with a gun takes out the remaining monks leaving only Wu. Wu knocks out Cammy and starts beating on Ed but he gets an upper hand and punches Wu's face in...quite literally. Wu still around has the red lotus and proceeds to eat it GAME OVER right..... Nope it turns out not only the lotus is a fake it's also poisonous and Wu dies. OK....if that lotus was poisonous why bother fighting the monks? Just let them have it and just maybe they would all eat it and die. Anyway Ed and Samantha get together and the film ends and THANK GOD IT'S OVER.
My Final Verdict: Back in my Timecop review I said it was the perfect definition of 90s action. This film is the polar opposite of that; it's just one of the worst I've ever seen. And ever more worst it tries to be funny and FAILS! You want a good action comedy look up The Golden Child. This film kinda got something going for it but there's just so much stupid that makes your brain scream. I would really want to like this film if I wasn't so distracted by the stupid in most scenes.
And with that garbage out of the way stay tuned next time as we look into a film as a celebration of Twilight FINALLY DONE and hopefully to be forgotten in time. Next time it's The Vampire Effect.
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