Hits & Misses Halloween: Vampirella

DISCLAIMER: Let me tell you right now I have no knowledge of Vampirella outside of Wikipedia, pin-ups and cover art. I've never read the comics and considering that she's been revised/retconned by different publishers over the years I just don't got that kind of time to research them all for this movie. So instead I'm coming at this film as a moviegoer. I know it's disappointing but at least I'm not that YouTube twat who plays feign ignorance on comic based movies.

Hit: Movie's title design is spot on from the comics, nice!

Real Talk: So in the comics (and this movie) Vampirella comes from another planet of vampires. Might wanna buckle up for some Lifeforce jokes.

Hit: Oh hey, Angus Scrimm (the Tall Man from the Phantasm series)!

Hit: Gotta give this film's credit for exposition through casual conversation instead of assuming that the audience has ever read the Vampirella comics.

Real Talk: The actor playing Vlad is like the go to scene chewing actor whenever Bruce Payne is unavailable.

Miss: *Vlad's crownies breaks out of a execution trail and kills the council members.* Suddenly I'm getting Man of Steel flashbacks.

Hit: Gotta give credit to Talisa Soto with the role she worked with. Any other actress in the 90s would've been meh for the role.

Miss: Ella's father talking to her as he's dying: "Don't destroy your soul to avenge this act of madness." I don't think that speech is helpful, considering that the rest of movie is Vampirella hunting Vlad and his gang.

Hit: Talisa Soto is rather hot with fangs and red eyes.

Real Talk/LOL: Vlad: "There. Third one from the sun." You mean as in 3rd Rock from the Sun?

Miss: In present day LA, the vampire hunters' secret HQ is in a thrift store. I'm sure no one won't stumble upon this HQ by accident at all.

LOL: HQ's elevator has a sexy female voice.

Hit: Gotta give credit to the costume department for Vampirella's outfit. Clearly had more budget put in to it than Titans Starfire's outfit which is just some cheap purple hooker dress. And bare in mind this was made 1996 while Titans premiered in 2018. It just comes off rather sad that a B-movie from the 90s had an actual budget for the title character's outfit than a 2018 TV show that probably had to cheapen a few things to save money. 

Miss: No offense to Talisa Soto but they could've find an actress with slightly bigger breasts? I mean let's be honest here most people recognize/identify Vampirella by her skimpy outfit and her stacked rack. The film's director, Jim Wynorski went on record that Talisa's very pretty and sexy but she wasn't Vampirella. That the studio forced him to put her in the role. Furthermore, he wanted Julie Strain to play Vampirella (which I can see her pulling it off) but the studio didn't think she meant anything.  

LOL: "Miss T&A"

Miss: Even in the 90s the nerd stereotype was in full bloom.

Miss: *Ella kisses Ackerman before she leaves.* I'm not Ackerman in this scene.

Real Talk: Ackerman: "Ella...a vampire girl.... Vampirella." Ladies and gentlemen, we have a title drop.

Miss: So Traxx (one of Vlad's men) is married with kids, how can a vampire have kids? Oh god this movie made shitty rules of vampire/human copulations before Stephanie Meyer did.

Miss: Uh Vampirella...I'm pretty sure that pillar Traxx landed on missed his heart. Could you at least check to be sure he's dead? No...just turn into a bat and fly away, huh? OK then.

Hit: Vampirella booty shots! Now there are a lot of them in the movie so I'm just gonna chalk them all up for the sake of time.

Hit: That's an interesting use of holy water, inject it in a vampire and watch them melt.

Hit: *Vlad (going by the alias Jamie Blood) is singing in Las Vegas.* Well the guy maybe evil but he's got a hell of a singing voice.

Hit: Also Jamie Blood is a bad ass rocker name.

Miss: Ackerman came up the name Vampirella while she's already long gone. So there's no way she heard him say it or just came up with the name before coming to Vegas. Maybe she has super hearing but it's not like the movie established that.

Miss: So those shackles stops Vlad from turning into a bat but doesn't stop him from using any other vampiric powers like mind controlling the convoy driver into crashing the transport. That's a convenient design flaw.

Real Talk: *In Vampirella's flashback, astronauts came across her life support pod on Mars.* Well this is familiar, a couple of astronauts discovered a beautiful space vampire. I can only guess where this is going.

Real Talk: Vampirella: "I hypnotized the crew, making them completely forget about their discovery. When the shuttle landed I turned into a bat and flew away." Was that before or after you had space vampire sex with the crew? And was one of the crewmembers name Carlsen?

Hit: *Sallah strips naked as she arrives at Vlad's hideout.* Vampire boobs!

Hit: Say what you want about this movie but at least there's an explanation of why Vampirella is able to being out in the sunlight without turning into charcoal. Unlike some other adaptation where vampires can just be out in the sunlight somehow and that they sparkle like emo disco balls for some reason.

Real Talk: *Some vampire chick in Adam Van Helsing's apartment shows off her tits at him before he's knocked out by another vampire chick.* You know what if I was in his situation I would've just go went it and not question it.

Hit: Also more vampire boobs!

Miss: Oh yeah that's totally Adam in this exchange scene and not one Vlad's lackeys in disguise. That's not an obvious demonic voice, he just has a sore throat or something.

Miss: Sallah makes a good point to kill Vampirella but Vlad picked a bad time to be the Bond villain by having her locked up with Adam.

Miss: All that vampiric strength yet Vampirella can't even bust down a wooden door.

Hit: Vampirella chained up is kinda kinky.

Hit: Oh hey, there's that bad ass Jamie Blood song from earlier.

Hit: The overall fight choreography is no Guyver 2 Dark Hero but at least it's better than the telegraph game of tag of a fight choreography in the BloodRayne movie.

Real Talk: *Vlad helds up a metal rod after he got stabbed only to get stuck by lightning and then dies.* I guess Raiden must've been watching and decided to lend a hand. 

Hits & Misses Halloween: Full Eclipse

Miss: Max's partner practically signed his own death warrant by announcing he's getting married and is quitting the police force.

Hit/Miss: Jimmy: "I'm getting too old for this." You just had to make that reference.

Miss: Jimmy sure loves to complain, no wonder he's quitting the force.

Hit: *Max crawling through the air duct.* Suddenly I'm getting Die Hard flashbacks.

Miss: That gunman must have bionic ears because otherwise how the hell could he hear noises from the air ducts with club music on full blast?

Miss: Max is falling from the air duct in a way that you can tell he's being lowered on wires. And having the scene done in slow-mo makes it even more obvious.

Real Talk: *Max dual wielding guns.* Was this film's director a John Woo fan?

Miss: "Cop with a failing marriage" cliche.

LOL: "Diet Donut"

Hit: Mysteriously recovered Jimmy don't need no stinking car when chasing drive by shooters.

Hit: Spider Cop, Spider Cop!

Hit: *Jimmy jumps on to the same motorcycle the drive by shooter's escaping then forcing the shooter to crash into a wall. While the same time just having fun with no fucks given.* Awesome or fucking hilariously awesome?

Hit: Pre-Dungeons & Dragons movie Bruce Payne

Hit/LOL: "Bionic X-Men"

LOL: "Dirty Harry on crack"

Real Talk: *Max eyeballing Casey* Well these two are clearly gonna fuck. Don't get me wrong Casey is played by Patsy Kensit and she's hot as hell. Can you really blame Max?

Hit: So basically Garou's group is a bunch of cops who suffered in the line of duty. Only to be brought together by Garou to go on what Max called it "pseudo Charles Bronson vigilante shit". Interesting concept.

LOL: "Bullets and Butthead"

Hit: The group's tac outfits looks a hell of a bit like the X-Men outfits. Even their helmets look a bit like Magneto's. Guess Max wasn't kidding about that Bionic X-Men bit.

Hit: Tactical Slaughterhouse Action

Miss: But seriously what's the point of the these supercops sneaky to a criminal gun sales if they just gonna pop in and slaughter everyone like Wolverine.

Hit: *Max and Casey having Cinemax sex.* A better sex scene than Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1.

Miss: So somehow Max hasn't noticed Casey growling like animal, has fangs and growing bone claws during sex. Or maybe he did and he's somehow oblivious about it. All I'm saying is Max should've shown some acknowledgement of what he just stick his dick in.

Miss: A bit extreme there, Casey. I know you want him a part of the pack but be more subtle than just shooting him.

Real Talk: The original Game Boy, that takes me back.

Hit: Gotta give credit to this film's practical effects, them bone claw effects are very impressive from a 1993 movie. Also was someone on the production team an X-Men fan, that would explain a few things.

Hit: Casey looks like if Sabretooth had a very hot, sexy, bad ass sister.

Real Talk: Garou is such a controlling, abusive asshole to Casey that he makes Edward Cullen look like an altar boy.  

Hit: Garou and the supercops get blown up by a car bomb planted by some mafios only to walk out from the wreckage transformed and pissed.

Hit: *Garou and the supercops in an action pose.* Not much of an exciting action pose but it's a lot better than the one in Twilight Eclipse.

Hit: Garou talking to Max: "This is my brain.... This is you on my brain. Any questions?" 

Hit: Most werewolf movies have people getting infected by bites and scratches. This movie has an interesting concept of Garou creating injections derived from his brain.

Hit: Garou is like a werewolf Bruce Banner, was at the mercy of the lunar cycle but manages to control the transformations. And that he really wants to protect the innocent with his power. Also...because I want to shit on Twilight some more Garou has a more tragic backstory than Edward Cullen.

Miss: As much as Garou's werewolf vigilante justice worked in other cities he's been at. But what's to stop more criminals from taking over those cities? Maybe Garou should've supply his former teams with more injections instead of killing them off.   

LOL: Garou talking to Max: "I need someone to carry on after I'm gone. It's a hell of a gig. Sure you don't want some?" Oh no, I think Bruce Payne is starting to chew the scenery!

LOL: Transformed Garou talking to Max: "Go ahead, make your day." Yup, Bruce is chewing the scenery.

Miss: Oooooh Garou's transformation into a big ass werewolf was not so good.

Miss: If Garou's blood can turn a person into a werewolf completely then why bother with the injections?

Hit: Looks like Max has carry on the Werewolf Punisher mattle.   

Hits & Misses Halloween: Demon Slayer (2004)

Miss: This is not a good sign when it's late at night and it's foggy.

Miss: Oh look at that, a black man in a horror movie. Yeah you can take a guess where this is going.

Miss: So this one guy was sent to inspect an abandoned mental hospital late at night why? Was it too much to ask to just inspect the place in during business hours?

Miss: City Worker: "My mom use to tell me about this place, how fuck up it was. She told me if did anything wrong she leave here." Then why still come to this place if you knew some bad shit about it. That paycheck can not be worth this much of a risk.

Miss: These four cloaked figures were moving/surrounding him rather slowly, he could've easily got up and ran off. But nope he just lies on the ground long enough to get chopped to pieces.

Miss: "Alicia....The Goth, Claudia....The Bitch, Tyson....The Brotha, Phillip....The Punk, Tamara....The Bitch's Friend" The movie's not even hiding the fact of these characters having one dimensional personalities/traits with these labels.

Miss: So these Breakfast Club rejects have three days to renovate a run down hospital. Maybe because I was once a teenager when I say most teenagers tend to get lazy and whiny at doing house chores. Let alone renovating an entire building.

Miss: *Phillip laughing why Claudia and Tamara are in community service.* Tyson: "The fuck you laughing at?" Well clearly not you, are you hoping to have sex with Claudia or Tamara if you score enough Nice Guy points? I mean you're a black guy in a horror movie so chances are you're gonna die before that happens. And also what Angry Black stereotype crawled up his ass?

Miss: Phillip: "Jesus why don't you just chill, Morpheus? Tyson: "Listen motherfucker, just because a black dude dresses up does not mean he's fucking Morpheus." Oh wow a Matrix reference, that won't get too dated within a decade or so.

Miss: So Phillip's entire shtick is making  pop culture references that are suppose to be funny only coming off so randomly forced and annoying. Hell I make pop culture references but the difference is they're in context in discussions rather than spurring random nonsense for no reason. And at least most people understand the references I'm talking about.

Miss: Mr Cobb: "A nice religious man is turning this place into a community center." Then why could he just hiring a renovation company to do that? Was getting some Breakfast Club rejects really the smartest way to go?

Real Talk: And since I'm on the subject, has anyone wondered where the city worker went?

Real Talk: *The Breakfast Club rejects have ankle bracelets which will alert the police if they leave the premises.* A group of characters stuck at a place where creepy shit happens.... Eh, 100 Feet did it better and at least that movie has a character whom I sympathize from the start.

Miss: So there's no one watching over these kids at night for safety reasons. How helpful.

Miss: Mr Cobb: "One more thing, stay out of the boiler room." Well that wasn't ominous as fuck at all.

Real Talk: I'm sure there will be some explanations of Alicia's visions but until then I'm not holding breath for this movie to provide them.

Miss/Sarcasm: *Alicia checks a closet only to find nothing.* Oh no, a fake out scare OOOOOOH!

Miss/Sarcasm: * Alicia turns around and sees a zombie....ghost....whatever.* Oh no a predictable jump scare that was deeply underwhelming. THE HORROR!!!

Hit: *Alicia stripes naked and takes a bath.* Even shitty horror movies gotta provide some nudity.

Miss: *Father Patricio quietly opens the bathroom door and spies on Alicia as she baths.* Oh yeah, that's not creepy or pervy at all. Care to let your snake out of the garden while you're at it, Father?

Miss: Obvious CGI snakes are obvious.

Real Talk: *Phillip berates Tyson for playing with BB guns like a poser* I'm with Phillip, Tyson brought this on to himself. Being this one dimensional teenage thug still playing with toys. I hope it doesn't become a turn off to Clauda if she finds out.

Miss: *Breakfast Club rejects began slacking on the job.* See what I mean by lazy and whiny.

Miss: More fake out/jump scares!

Miss: Oh great, Father Horny Eyes is back.

Real Talk: The hell is Cobb doing?! Don't leave the Breakfast Club rejects alone with the horny eye creepo!

Miss: Alicia acts more like a anti-social edgelord than a goth.

Miss: *Tyson shoots a bowl of maggot filled flour with his BB gun.* Good job Tyson, you sure show that bowl of maggot who's the man.

Hit: Oh good, more of Alicia's visions interrupts Father Horny Eyes' preachy bullshit.

Miss: *Tyson and Claudia share their memories of their parents.* I know this scene is meant to be heartwarming and all but these characters are too shitty this scene is more lukewarm than anything.

Real Talk: So Tyson is actually getting some with Claudia, good for him. Probably still gonna die though.

Miss: So far the scares in this movie are really lame.

Miss: *Tamara reads a newspaper clipping about the city worker being murdered at the hospital a year ago.* So there was a newspaper report of what became of him at the hospital yet they still want to renovate the place.

Miss: Tyson wants to have some pillow talk but apparently Bitch ain't in to that.

Miss: This movie tries so hard to add depth to these characters but they start off so shitty and annoying that calling them assholes would be considered polite.

Real Talk: So this abandoned hospital was built where a brothel use to be and that the prostitutes were worshipping an Aztec goddess via human sacrifices. Somehow this makes more sense than a bunch of random hippies summoning a sex demon for no reason.

Miss: There's 30 minutes left in the movie yet none of the characters haven't started dying. Until Dawn didn't take this long to get the body count going. There are slow burns and then there's padding the damn film.

Miss: Father Herbert The Pervert is saying some creepy pervy shit to the point of me wondering does anything have Paul Kersey on speed dial?

Miss: It's not scary for Tamara's doll to up and disappear when you keep cutting to her looking back to see if its still where she left it.

Miss: Phillip: "It's like a goddamn soap opera or something." Is that the reason why this movie is so cliche and predictable as fuck? 

Real Talk: *Cobb gets his spine ripped out by possessed Tamara.* About time characters start dying, took this movie long enough.

Miss: Father Enrique claims he tried to warn them about the hospital. Which is bullshit because throughout the whole movie he's being hiding in the shadows for reason aside creating false tension. At no point has this character tried to warn the dead meat kids, Father Sex Offender and Cobb. Sure now he's here to help but maybe he should've done that about two days sooner.

Hit: *Father Enrique cuts off possessed Tamara's head in one move.* OK...that was kinda awesome.

Miss: "A baby carriage...from hell." That line and Tyson's and Phillip's reaction after that line was underwhelming funny than scary.

Miss: So it's revealed that Father Sex Offender was the survivors of a massacre at the hospital as a child. But instead of burning the place down or convince city officials to tear it down he just waits for Alicia to show up and take care of it. All because she's the descendant of one of the prostitutes who was pregnant with twins. I mean yes the movie established that she has a connection to this place but what exactly is she gonna do to stop these prostitutes turn demons? Slut shame them to death?  

Miss: Oh great, they killed off the bad ass priest.

Miss: Alicia: "They're not evil." Father Slut Shaming: "They're whores, that makes them evil!" Actually performing human sacrifices makes them a lot more evil so you're both wrong.

Real Talk: Oh no, Phillip dies except I really don't care. He was too much of a shitty character.

Real Talk: Oh no, Claudia is possessed but again don't care, shitty character.

Miss: Really Tyson, your immediate action was to take out possessed Claudia with your BB guns? Retarded is not even a strong enough word to describe this scene.

Miss: *Possessed Claudia's reaction after being stabbed in the forehead with a screwdriver.* Was that meant to be scary or funny because it looked too stupid to be either.

Miss: *Father Dipshit runs towards Alicia's ancestor only to get his neck snapped.* OK, what the fuck did that accomplished? So much for needing Alicia to stop this mess.   

Real Talk: Well this is a surprise, Tyson survives in the end, well done. But he's still a shitty character so I don't care.

Birds of Prey Trailer

I had to Wikipedia this movie just to figure out who these other characters are. That's a complete fail if I had look up these characters instead of easily recognize them on the spot. At first glance it's like Harley abducted a bunch of randos off the street.

If it weren't for the crossbow I'd never recognize that was Huntress instead of some random biker chick. The actress playing Montoya looks old enough to be someone's mom in a soap opera. Unless Montoya's a commissioner in this movie I'm not buying it. Cassandra Cain is reduced to a token Asian who's not a mute. Accuracy, what is that? And Black Canary is black, because screw bringing in existing black characters, right? That would involve studios to not be so lazy and giving a shit.

Hits & Misses: Avengers Infinity War

Miss: After everything went on in Thor Ragnarok, half of what's left of the Asgardian survivors are killed.

Real Talk: I want to be shocked that Loki’s dead but its Loki, there’s no telling with that guy.

Hit/LOL: Drax's ability to become invisible.

Hit: Hulk vs Thanos

Hit: Stark and Strange banter.

Miss: Banner can’t Hulk out.

Hit: The Black Order

LOL: “Space Donut”

Miss: Just how exactly is Vision capable to look human? Is it the mind stone, is Scarlet Witch doing that?

Hit: Thor goes off to get a new hammer, Stormbreaker.

Miss: Unfortunately this probably means that Beta Ray Bill won’t be in the MCU.

Miss/LOL: Star Lord’s annoying dick-measuring.

Surprised: RED SKULL!!

Miss: Gamora is dead…..

Hit: The movie spares no expense to make Thanos a flesh out character.

Hit: PETER DINKLAGE!!!

Miss: Stark, Strange, Parker and half of the Guardians almost taken off Thanos’ gauntlet only to have Star Lord to fuck it up.

Hit: Thanos calls out Dr. Strange for not using the Time Stone.

Hit/LOL: Rocket: “How much for the gun?” Bucky: “It’s not for sale.” Rocket: “Alright... How much for the arm?” “Bucky ignores him and runs off” Rocket: “I’m getting that arm.”

Miss: Bucky dead…

Miss: Black Panther dead…

Miss: Falcon dead…

Miss: Groot dead…

Miss: Drax dead…

Miss: Mantis dead…

Miss: Dr Strange dead…

Miss: Spider-Man dead…

Miss: Vision dead…

Miss: Scarlet Witch dead…

Miss: Nick Fury dead…

Hit: I don’t think there’s been any movie that’s left me emotionally drained in a good way like this movie has.

Real Talk: I'm probably speaking for myself when I say fuck Captain Marvel.

Hits & Misses: Justice League

Miss: Apparently Henry Cavil was starring in another movie the same time as this one and had a mustache. But for some reason the director of that movie didn't want to shave it off for the reshoots. So the studio behind Justice League thought it was a great idea to CGI the mustache. That explains why the hell his face looked so weird at the start of this movie.

Hit: Nice backgrounds of Gotham City.

Miss: Batman just says Alfred’s name within an earshot of a tied up criminal. Jackass.

Hit: Bad ass Wonder Woman action scene.

Miss: Luthor had notes about the Mother Boxes, since when?

Miss: Aquaman out loudly mentions Bruce’s alter ego out in public.

Miss: Let’s see, “a god-like being comes to Earth for a power source in order to conquer it”. Yup, Steppenwolf is Discount Loki.

Miss: And speaking of Loki that Boomtube looks a lot like a Discount Bi-Frost.

Hit: Amazons vs Steppenwolf

Hit: All these gorgeous Amazons!

Miss: This is probably because I’m use to the Barry Allen/Flash from the CW but this Barry acts more like Wally West. Not that I gotta problem with Wally but that’s what this guy’s acting like instead of being Barry. Guess he didn’t get the right memo.

Miss: “Three races band together to stop a common threat long ago” Gees I wasn’t expecting a copy/paste Lord of the Rings flashback from Diana’s story about Steppenwolf. Guess I should add Discount Sauron.

Miss: Also apparently the three Mother Boxes are Discount Infinity Stones. Just so much inadequate writing that if I roll my eyes any further and I’d be staring at my brain.

Hit: That Diana ass!

Hit: Mera.

Miss: As much as it’s nice to hear about Aquaman’s backstory but bringing that up AFTER Steppenwolf attacked Atlantis and took the second Mother Box is kinda random and out of context.

Hit: The Nightcrawler

Hit/LOL: Batman: “Sorry, didn’t bring a sword.”

Hit: Did they use the musical cue from the Burton Batman movies?!

Miss: It’s as if the writing is making Batman feel so unsure to lead a team. I mean sure the guy’s got a million problems but as far as I know gathering/leading a team isn’t one of them.

Miss: So Batman wants to use one of the Mother Boxes with the Genesis Chamber that created a monster that nearly destroyed Metropolis to bring back Superman from dead. Never mind the possibility of Superman would go ape shit and kill everything. For a guy who’s to be this genus detective and bad ass he really sucks at common sense.

Miss: Also how does he have any idea how these Mother Boxes work or if it'll work with the Genesis Chamber? At least in Avengers Endgame the team studied the Infinity Stones to understand how to use them. Batman is just pulling bullshit out of his ass.

Miss: Also, also good job making Superman’s death in Dawn of Justice completely meaningless.

Miss: And of course Superman goes ape shit soon after he’s back from the dead. Why was this a good idea again?

Hit: Wonder Woman v Superman

Miss: Flash’s ugly ass derp face.

Hit: Flash v Superman

Hit: Did they use the musical cue from the Donner Superman movies?!

Hit: Ape Shit Superman: “Tell me something...do you bleed?” Déjà Vu eh, Batsy?

Miss: Superman calms down after Lois shows up…. I guess when all else fails the power of boners will prevail.

Miss: Flash: “Is this a bad time to mention about my blood sugar?” OK seriously Barry you need to shut the hell up, you’re not funny.

Hit/LOL: Cyborg: “Just keep The Little Merman away from me.” Now see here, that was funny.

Real Talk: I see what they did, having the climax of the movie take place at a barely populated city. Just so people won’t complain about how the heroes are destroying a well-populated city while in the process of saving it. Somebody behind the writing was listening.

Miss: So after they shattered his axe, all of the Parademons just attack Steppenwolf. How convenient. Yes I'm aware of that the Parademons cans sense fear but still convenient. 

Hit: Cyborg: “Booyah…”

BONUS ROUND

Miss: So Luthor escapes from prison with no explanation of how or when….OK.

Miss: Darkseid’s name is mention but we don’t get a glimpse of him.

Hit: Superman and Flash have a race, nice!

Hit: DEATHSTROKE!

Hit: Luthor wants to start a league of his own.

Hits & Misses: Skyline

DISCLAIMER: I've already reviewed this movie but back then I was a bit bias to the movie. Maybe this time I'll be more fair.

Miss: "A Brothers Strause Film" Ain't these the same brothers who directed Alien vs Predator Requiem? I hated that movie.

Miss: Bright blue lights are coming from the sky and no one who's outside noticed this? I mean yeah it's 4:27 in the morning but there could've been a beat cop on control to notice or at the very least a homeless person.

Hit: Now this is how you do an In Medias Res, short, vague and doesn't out right spoil the plot.

Hit: Oh hey it's that guy from Scrubs...no idea what his name is though.

Hit: Seems like the Strause improved on how to make interesting characters unlike AvP Requiem where characters range from one dimensional characters to lazy horror film stereotypes.

Hit: The aliens of this movie uses the blue light to lure and capture humans like flies to a bug zapper. Interesting concept.

Miss: Unfortunately there are some inconsistency with these alien blue lights. For instance, Terry's assistant clearly looked directly at the blue light as one of the party goers is walking towards it. And yet she's in no way affected by the blue light.

Hit: A rather eerie sight seeing people being sucked up towards the alien ships.

Surprised: Terry shoots the door lock to the roof twice and it still doesn't open. That usually works in movies.

Miss: So these aliens have a technology that lures out humans but they don't have the means of tracking them when hiding. No bio scanners or anything, just peek through open windows and hope that some human randomly pops out of nowhere.

Real Talk: Look Elaine I understand that you don't wanna risk your unborn baby. But unless you have the Avengers on speed dial, shut the hell up and go with the "get to the boat" plan.

Miss: Really Candice, there's an alien invasion and you choose now to get all stink eye with Terry and Denise? Time and place bitch, time and place.

Miss: *A giant alien smashes Terry's car only for him to survive yet Denise dies.* Well that's the most plot armor bullshit I've ever seen and just how the hell did he survive without so much as having a crushed spine? 

Miss: And to make that scene immediately pointless he dies anyway when the same giant alien snatches him up and swallows him whole. 

Miss: So the blue light is altering Jarrod after multiple exposures, how or why exactly no idea. It's established that it lures out humans and the blue light is reduced to whatever the plot wants it to be out of contrivance. 

Miss: *Fighter Drones and Stealth bombers fighting against the alien attackers.* Suddenly I'm getting Independence Day flashbacks. 

Miss: As much as it's proven to be dangerous going outside, it's not like staying in a penthouse is any less dangerous. especially when most of the city is already nuked.

Miss: Getting Independence Day flashbacks, again....

Hit: *Jarrod kills one the aliens with LITERALLY his bare hands.* OK...that was bad ass....

Miss: *A falling fighter jet misses Jarrod and Elaine then crashes on to the giant alien, saving them.* Ladies and gentlemen the power of plot armor at its highest level of bullshit.

Hit: Is that the Nakatomi Building from Die Hard?!

Real Talk: And yes I know it's not really called the Nakatomi Building.

Miss: So Jarrod's brain is harvested and put into some alien bio mech only to end up taking it over completely. And fuck me if I know on how or why did that happen aside from plot contrivance.

Miss: Sequel bating and spoilers both Jarred and Elaine died in the sequel. Now was that really nice for them to survive in this film only to die in the sequel that came out seven years later. And yes its day is coming.

Miss: *This movie's ending credits.* Eh...Pacific Rim did it better.

Hit: But at least the music sounds cool.