Back in March of this year I went to see G.I. Joe: Retaliation and it kicked ass, pretty much improved on some flaws from the first film. So how does G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra stands out in comparison? Let's find out.
We start off in France 1641 where a James McCullen is being punished for selling weapons to both allies and enemies alike. And the punishment having a red hot metal mask placed on his face; worst facial ever. Cut to present day at a NATO Weapons Command we're introduced to a present day McCullen (played by Christopher Eccleston). He and his company M.A.R.S. (Military Armaments Research Syndicate) Industries have developed four warheads, each containing 7 million nanomites programed to destroy specific targets after being fired. Later at an M.A.R.S. Weapons Complex in Kyrgyzstan we're introduced Duke (played by Channing Tatum) and friend Ripcord (played by Marlon Wayans) on an armed convoy escorting the nanomite warheads. Cut to nightfall and the convoy is immediately ambushed by a high-tech attack chopper; all except for Duke and Ripcord are taken out. Duke is confronted by the Baroness (played by Sienna Miller) who he recognized her as Ana. Now I'm gonna point this out right now for time sake; it's revealed in flashbacks that Duke and Ana were engaged to be married. But the two had a fallen out when her brother Rex (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt) was killed in action and Duke couldn't save him in time. Moving on immediately afterwards we're introduced to G.I. JOOOOOOOOOOOE; Snake Eyes (played by Ray Park), Scarlett (played by Rachel Nichols), Heavy Duty (played by Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), and Breaker (played by Saïd Taghmaoui). They managed to fend off the Baroness and her troopers safeguarding the warheads, after the fight Duke and Ripcord are ordered by General Hawk (played by Dennis Quaid) to deliver the warheads to Joe H.Q. Later in an Egyptian desert Duke, Ripcord, and the rest of Joes arrived at the Joe H.Q. called the Pit. They're contacted by McCullen on the status of the warheads and unknowingly to the Joes it's revealed that McCullen is working with the Baroness to have the warheads stolen before NATO gets them. Other accomplices working with McCullen are Storm Shadow (played by Byung-Hun Lee) and Zartan (played by Arnold Vosloo) who they and Baroness are set out to infiltrate the Pit via located the tracking beacon attached to the warheads. At McCullen's underwater base we're introduced to Doctor Mindbender (played by [to be revealed later]) I know he's called just Doctor here but calling him that and Christopher Eccleston played the Doctor it's gonna get confusing. Anyway Mindbender reveals to McCullen the Neo Viper soldiers each injected with nanomites turning them into obedient relentless killing machines. Back at the Pit, Baroness, Storm Shadow, Zartan, and a dozen Neo Vipers have infiltrated the base, confiscated the warheads and made their escape. McCullen sends Baroness and Storm Shadow to France to weaponize the warheads and test out one of them on Paris. The Joes figured out that McCullen is behind the attacks and where Baroness is going with the warheads. We cut to Paris as Baroness and Storm Shadow arrived at the DeCobray Laboratories to get the warheads live and ready. Baroness and Storm Shadow about to make their escape via hummer but shortly thereafter the Joes arrived and give chase, Snake Eyes managed to get on the hummer while Duke and Ripcord follow on foot via wearing Delta-6 Accelerator Suits. Scarlett soon follows via motorcycle; Breaker soon discovers that Baroness and Storm Shadow are gonna launch the first warhead on the Eiffel Tower. So now its race to stop them from firing the warhead and destroying Paris all together. The chase continues until the hummer gets hit by a train, Baroness and Storm Shadow survived the crush and make it to their. Ripcord goes after Storm Shadow but fails to stop him from launching the warhead. The warhead makes a direct hit and nanomites starts destroying the Eiffel Tower. Duke chasing down Baroness who has the kill switch for the nanomites, she's about escape via high-tech chopper but Duke managed to jump on aboard and deactivates the nanomites but gets captured in the process.
The Joes are arrested by French police and are told to leave France and never return. The Joes figured out from a dead Neo Viper where McCullen's base is located which at the polar icecap but they have been ordered to return to the Pit so they've taken to take a slight detour along the way. At McCullen's base while Duke is about to be prep for the nanomites it's revealed that Dr. Mindbender is Ana's brother Rex. In a flashback Rex enters an enemy bunker to discovered information about the nanomites and found the real Dr. Mindbender (played by Kevin J. O' Conner), an airstrike is about to bomb the bunker no time for Rex to escape so Mindbender seals them both. Rex/Mindbender further explains that he and Mindbender survived the airstrike and continued the research nanomites until Rex/Mindbender perfected them. A little bit later McCullen has the three missiles (now armed with the nanomite warhead) to be launched, Snake Eyes shoots one of them down with a missile from their snowmobile. With only two missiles remaining Ripcord goes after them in a M.A.R.S. Night Raven jet while Scarlett, Snake Eyes, and Breaker sneak into the base. Rex/Mindbender is about to inject Duke but is stopped by Baroness after freeing Duke it's revealed that Baroness has been under the control of the nanomites; Rex/Mindbender apparently injected her with the nanomites in the hopes of helping her with her loss. But now she seems to be overcoming them momentarily before Rex/Mindbender immobilized her. Later at the Joes' submarine Hawk gives the order to attack the base with SHARCs (Submersible High-speed Attack and Reconnaissance Craft). Back at Rex/Mindbender's lab Duke arms himself Baroness's pulse gun and shoots McCullen who was firing a flamethrower at him causing the flames to deflect back at McCullen burning him. Duke switches off the nanomites in Baroness freeing her while Rex/Mindbender and McCullen escape. At the White House the President (played by Jonathan Pryce) is informed that a nanomite missile heading to the White House and proceeds to a basement bunker. Only to find out one of the secret service agent is a Neo Viper and another surprise Zartan is waiting in bunker now disguised as the President with the help of the nanomites. Back at the base Snake Eyes takes out the base's Pulse Cannon as Storm Shadow arrives and two began fighting. Rex/Mindbender and McCullen make their escape in a private sub while Duke and Baroness pursue them in a Mantis craft. Cut back to Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow still fighting until Snake Eyes gets the upper hand and defeats Storm Shadow. Cut back to Ripcord managed shoot down the last missile spreading the nanomites on to the Night Raven. Ripcord then flies to the upper atmosphere away from Washington D.C. before ejecting from the nanomites. Back at the private sub Rex/Mindbender orders a self-destruct on the base, every Joe begins to evac the base immediately. We cut back to Rex/Mindbender injecting McCullen with nanomites altering his face into a rather more familiar metal face hence forth McCullen is now Destro. While as for Rex/Mindbender has declare to reveal Cobra to the world and as taking the title of Commander. Duke and the rest of the Joes converge on Commander's private sub and he and Destro are put into custody. Later at a prison nanomites in Baroness are active and may take time to remove them all. The film ends with the Joes going on another mission and disguised Zartan has now taken the President place leading up to G.I. Joe: Retaliation.
My Final Verdict: This film may be silly but honestly at least this film has given us the G.I. Joes fighting Cobra ten minutes in unlike in the first Transformers film where it's about 45 minutes to an hour to see the Autobots fighting the Decepticons. Even the humor here is a bit more mature and subtle while the humor in Transformers is from childish to mind raping insulting. And lastly there aren't any annoying pointless characters that take up more screen time than the title characters again unlike the Transformers films. Granted there are a few flaws here and there but overall still worth watching and safe to say that the film won't rape your childhood and that says a lot.
The next film we're looking into won't be getting the same mercy as Rise of Cobra has. Next time its The Thunderbirds stay tuned.
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