Hits & Misses: Llamageddon

Real Talk: This was the most painfully awful movie that I've ever had the dishonor to suffer through. Just sheer mind-numbing pain in an hour long movie. If this movie was a weapon of mass destruction it'd be banned by the Geneva Convention. This movie would be the perfect method for psychology torture.

Hit: Movie has an animated opening sequence that gives the vibes of the classic animated movie, Heavy Metal.

Miss: Too bad the rest of the movie isn't animated, would've made it slightly tolerable.

Miss: Pay no attention to these random scientist people investigating the spaceship of a killer space llama. They don't serve no real importance to the story in any way sharp or form.

Miss: This lead....scientist guy....I think.... Gets out of the helicopter, assess the alien landing site, then heads back to the copter and leaves. Well that scene was a....relevant....maybe.....

Miss: This movie has the most uncomfortably awkward use of close shots you've ever seen. As if the characters are trying to eat your face off. If it was meant to be intentionally funny it didn't work.

Miss: I'm guessing the Floyd character is meant to be on the spectrum but the actor playing him really isn't selling it so well. 

Miss: *Mel on her phone inviting friends over.* The scene doesn't change to different camera shots/angles. While Mel is kept in center frame through whole scene and the jump cuts don't help with out either.

Miss: These scientists still don't serve any real importance, just nothing but padding.

Real Talk: Most of the party goers at Mel's and Floyd's place are just Redshirts, not wasting my time knowing any of them.

Miss: The movie really goes nowhere until the killer space llama shows up at the party.

Miss: The Dan character keeps changing shirts between scenes and I don't mean he takes off one shirt and slips on another. I mean he's wearing a shirt in one scene but wears a completely different shirt in the next. For what reason this happens, I don't know. But what I do know is that it isn't fucking funny.

Miss: After discussing on how get Floyd laid, Mel and Dan started dancing when some random music kicks in. And fuck me if I know why.

Hit: Random Party Girl Ass Shot

Miss: Just throwing this out there, the special effects of this are shit.

Miss: This movie made it possible to have the sex scene being uncomfortably gross.

Hit: *Mel sees a tit pic on her boyfriend's phone.* And there you go the only tit you gonna get from this movie.

Miss: And here's the scene that mentally broke me. Awhile ago Mel was calling people over for a party, hell she just texted someone not so long ago. But for some reason none of the characters' phones aren't getting a signal. How? Why? They phones were working just fine. Does the killer space llama have a built in phone jammer or something?

Miss: Mel's boyfriend gets slimed by some space llama green goo and starts mutating into some man-llama. And I can't bring myself to find it funny or scary or both. 

Miss: *Floyd, Mel and Dan finds the space llama's ship, Dan obtains an "alien weapon".* Oh yeah that's clearly an alien weapon and not an obvious wiffle bat wrapped in aluminum foil. This movie is so cheap....

Real Talk: Dan was such a meaningless character, the second he finished his motivational speech he gets vaporized by the space llama.

Miss: some of the scenes near the end felt like they're taking an eternity to get through. A fucking sloth can take a shit faster than this film's pacing. 

Real Talk: I swear that rap song at the end credits felt like it was giving me an aneurysm. 

Hits & Misses Halloween: Underwater

Hit: I'm really digging the music in the opening credits and I swear that wasn't a pun considering where the movie takes place.

Real Talk: The newspaper clippings essentially acts as a setup before shit hits the fan at the drilling station.

Hit: Not gonna lie, Kristen Stewart is a good actress when giving a decent script/role. Rather than coming off as just droning on with her performance like in Twilight.

Hit: Hell at least her character's narration sounds more interesting than Bella's pretentious blabbering.

Hit: Also Kristen's kinda cute with glasses.

Miss: Paul talking Norah after being dug up from the rubble: "You sweet flat chested elven creature." Well that's just rude, I mean yeah she is flat chested but still rude.

Real Talk: Although he did brought up an interesting concept of Kristen Stewart as an elf. It could work, have the right writer, producer and director it could work. And Kristen can totally pull off the appearance of an elf given her androgynous features.

Hit: Norah's no Ellen Ripley but she's no cardboard cut-out caricature either. Especially when she doesn't just conveniently knows and/or has every skill imaginable. I'm looking at you Rey (NOT)Skywalker.

Real Talk: No idea why Paul is carrying around a bunny plushie the whole time and to tell you the truth I don't wanna know. Somethings are better off as a mystery and never to be brought up again.

Miss: *Close up on Paul's ass while wearing ripped underwear.* I did not need to see that.

Hit: *Norah Ass Shot* Now that I did need to see.

Hit: Them diving suits look more like futuristic battle armor, they do look cool though. Also they make Norah look kinda bad ass.

Real Talk: An elven Kristen Stewart in a futuristic battle armor, that could totally work.

Hit: Seeing Liam wearing a bandana in these diving suits gives me Leviathan flashbacks.

Miss: *When the exterior hatch opens, Rodrigo's helmet starts to crack then eventually him and his suit implodes.* OK, why did that happened? Did Rodrigo not check the helmet for cracks? Or he did and just thought it be no big deal? Did he had a death wish?  That was a random thing to happen is what I'm saying.

Miss: Norah talking about Rodrigo: "He knew that helmet was faulty." So he did had a death wish? Why would he still use that helmet regardless? And it's not like the movie hint at it too well about the helmet being faulty when he checked it.

Hit: Gotta give the movie credit for making the characters likable and have camaraderie even in the middle of a crisis. 

Hit: Paul's and Liam's POV adds some tension when they're searching a destroyed escape pod.

Hit: Emily messing around with the weird sea creature gives me flashbacks of Ash examining the Facehugger.

LOL: Paul: "This better not be some Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea shit, man."

Real Talk: To anyone who has played the video game Soma may get a thrill out of this movie.

Hit: Movie turns into an underwater survival horror once the sea creatures show up.

Hit: You can tell the budget went into these different locations.

Real Talk: Paul talking to his plushie: "How are you doing there, buddy? You want your bunny heater?" I don't wanna know what the hell that is.

Hit: Look closely in the distance behind Paul and you see a monstrous figure among the blinking red light. No stupid music stingers just subtle tension building.

Hit: *Paul is being pulled under but Norah and the others try to pull him back. Until his been pulled so hard from the leg that he practically got yanked out of his suit.*

Miss: There are dangerous sea creatures roaming around and none of the characters didn't stay close to Liam so he doesn't get grabbed.

Hit: The characters POVs from their helmets make things look claustrophobic when the sea creatures attack.

Hit: There are some quiet moments to get to know the characters a little more.

Hit: Norah in her diving suit taking out a sea creature with a flare gives me some Metroid flashbacks.

Real Talk: After Norah takes out one of the creatures from swallowing her whole, she fires a flare and sees what I assume is the momma of these creatures. She's bad ass man and I mean big.

Hit: Kristen Stewart running around in her bra and underwear.

Miss: Two pods are operational for Liam and Emily to escape but a third pod isn't, leaving Norah to stay behind.

Hit: Seeing Norah punching Emily was kinda hot.

Hit: Norah's final narration after setting the station's core to meltdown, killing the big momma and the creatures: "You lose your sense of time in the dark. So let's light this shit up." 

Hits & Misses Halloween: Harbinger Down

Hit: This movie is like what The Thing prequel should've been versus what we ended up with.

Hit: Svetlana talking to Dock: "He's begging for an ass kicking." Graff talking to Svetlana: "If anybody's going be delivering an ass kicking, it's gonna be me. You pull a knife on my ship and I'll gut you with it." Graff doesn't fuck around.

Hit: Also ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Lance Henriksen!

Miss: Stephen sure can't document a video, Ronelle's try to get footage of the salvaged moon lander and he keeps telling her to stay on him.

Hit/Real Talk: Movie has likable characters, except for Stephen he's a bit of an asshole.

Hit/LOL: "Professor Asswipe..."

Real Talk: Just pointing this out but are Svetlana's eyes suppose to look like that or is she wearing contacts?

Miss: Sadie was wearing gloves when inspecting the moon lander and its pilot. But go right ahead Stephen, touch anything in there with your bare hands. I'm sure nothing bad will happen.

Miss: Stephen talking to Sadie and Graff: "Instead of leaving sealed human remains inside of a pressure suit. She chose to expose us all to who knows what kind of biohazard." He's not wrong but then again he did exposed himself to said who-knows-what-kind-of-biohazard by putting his bare hands on the dead cosmonaut. Jackass...

Hit: Graff talking to Stephen as he has him restrained: "You throw one tantrum and I'll bite your goddamn nose off." Again, Graff doesn't fuck around.

Hit: *Stephen is out in the cold complaining that he can't breath, he's then moved back inside until his back starts growing strange appendages. Afterwards strange goo shoots out all over the place.* One of many awesome scenes with impressive practical effects.

Hit: *Some of that goo starts moving, escaping via nearby drain.* Suddenly I'm John Carpenter's The Thing flashbacks.

Hit: Dock talking to Sadie: "I put this on you...you and this voodoo bullshit!" John Carpenter's The Thing callback.

Hit: They even use practical effects for the micro-creatures when seen under a microscope.

LOL: Graff: "We're gonna need a bigger bucket."

Hit: This movie is an Easter egg of The Thing references because there's a Chess Wizard game seen in the engine room.

Hit: After the infected Dock is burnt by Svetlana. Big G: "Did it had to be fire." Svetlana: "Freeze melts, fire is forever."

Miss: Ronelle just stands too close where the tentacled creature is flailing from a pipe, gets grabbed and pulled into said pipe.

Hit: The bottom half of Atka approaching towards Svetlana as it mutates and eventually snatches her away through the vents.

Hit: This film is a testament of how practical effects have adapted in the era of CGI.

Miss: Graff ends up infected.

Hit: *Big G is confronted by the now mutated Svetlana.* More impressive practical effects at work.

Hit: Also Mutated Svetlana Boob!

Real Talk: Sadie talking to the Dutch Harbor coast guard: "All souls lost, except one. Harbinger down...." Ladies and gentlemen, we have a title drop.    

Hits & Misses Halloween: The Mind's Eye (2015)

Hit: This film has a deep vibe of David Cronenberg's Scanners.

Real Talk: "THIS FILM SHOULD BE PLAYED LOUD" OK...but why?

Real Talk: Funding private research facilities to weaponize psionic beings is never a good sign.

Real Talk: I can't help it that the Zack character looks a lot like Daniel Radcliff.

Hit: Slovak has an injection that temporally subdue Zack's abilities rather than being an idiot for not taking any precautions beforehand.

Hit: It seems that the psychokinesis in this movie works by the PK's field of vision. As in they can use their powers whenever people and objects are in their line of sight. Interesting concept.

Real Talk: "February 1991" I had to be six years old at that time.

Hit: Movie takes place in the 90s and aesthetics really shows.

Miss: What did Zack expect when agreeing to go with Slovak? Of course he wasn't gonna keep his end of the agreement to let Zack see Rachel. That's how suspicious organizations with hidden agendas work. 

Real Talk: It's revealed a little later that Slovak has been taking injections derived from Rachel's spinal fluid to gain psychokinetic abilities. It starts off small but further on it goes into awesome body horror territory the more injections he takes.

Miss: *Rachel tries to get loose as she stabs two different people with the ONE syringe before Slovak subdues her with the same syringe.* That one syringe has been in three different people, they gonna end up with AIDS and shit.

Miss: Slovak's a bit of a creepo keeping Rachel at his house, away from his institute.

Hit: *While in his restraints, Zack manages to remove the sack with his powers.* Well that's one way to improvise. 

Miss: These institute security guys are aware that Zack and two other PKs have powers. Why even bother threating them with guns? 

Hit: *Zack and Rachel are cornered by one of the institute guards until Zack uses his powers to snap the guy's neck in a 180.* Just fucking gruesome....

Hit: Rachel: "You never told me you left after she died." Zack: "It's complicated...." Rachel: "Stop fucking saying that." I'm with Rachel, that line's way over used.

Miss: I understand that Slovak wants to be a PK but why not also give his security guys the same injection? May help even things up against two PKs he's after, just saying.

Hit: *Zack's father uses his powers on one of Slovak's men, Kurt until another PK, Travis stops him.* Almost had a Scanners moment there.

Miss: Travis is a PK, why the hell does he need a gun?

Miss: Also you what would be a big help for these Slovak guys when it comes to handling PKs? Some tranquillizer guns or at least some tasers. It's quite clear that threating them with guns ain't gonna do shit.

Hit: *Rachel uses her powers on Kurt until his head explodes Scanners style.* Now we're talking, some good old head explosions.

Hit: The injection spot on the back of Slovak's neck starts looking quite nasty with those impressive make-up effects. Even his voice starts to change just slightly.

Hit: A small PK fight breaks out until Slovak psychically rips Armstrong in two.

Hit: Another impressive practical effect when Zack shoots a Slovak guard at the knee, causing his leg to fall off.

Hit: *Zack managed to overpower Travis then proceeds to chop his head off with a fire axe.* Movie spares no expense on those practical effects.

Hit: Slovak gives himself the last injection and now he looks like something straight out of a Resident Evil Game.

Hit: *Zack takes out the last guard with the fire axe, splitting his head in half.* Fucking hell!

Real Talk: *Zack and Slovak have a psychic staring contest.* Suddenly I'm getting Vale/Revok fight flashbacks.

Hit: Zack use all his powers until Slovak literally explodes.   

Hits & Misses Halloween: Howl

Real Talk: I'm surprised this movie wasn't titled Werewolves on a Train, makes perfect sense considering what happens in the film.

Miss: Nina showing her train ticket to Joe while still on her phone: "Oh my god, this guy is totally staring at my tits." Well you're obviously lying given how the scene didn't hinted that at all. Not to mention your scarf's covering up any cleavage you have underneath it.

Real Talk: This one passenger has two sets of keys, that's not suspicious at all.

Hit: Sean Pertwee in a werewolf movie, this could get awesome.

Miss: The train driver is outside checking the track but either he and Joe don't have radios to talk to each other.

Real Talk: Rustling sounds coming from the woods behind the train driver, I'm sure nothing bad will happen.

Miss: And Sean Pertwee is killed off by a werewolf and I was hoping he'd kill a few be he died.

Hit: Joe telling Nina: "This is a no smoking train, miss." Nina: "Piss off...." *Joe then snatches the cigarette from her and puts it out.* Yeah, fuck that bitch.

Hit: *Joe, Ellen and the passengers are walking along the track as there are a set of scary eyes in the distance before they fade into the darkness.* This is one of those blink-and-you'll-miss-it scene but delivers a subtle scare. 

Real Talk: Oh yes Joe, go investigate all the rustling from the bushes. What could possibly go wrong?

Miss: *The elderly couple were practically left behind when they hear the monstrous howling.* What a bunch of assholes.

Hit: *Jenny's leg gets caught of the train door then gets bitten by a werewolf.* Damn that's a nasty bite!

Hit: The movie spared no expense in the practical effects on that bite wound.

Miss: Kinda pointless to be quiet, whatever's out there has a clear idea you guys are in the train.

Hit: In most horror films, the main characters' cellphone (and other means of communication) conveniently don't work. But in this movie, the emergency phone on the train is out only to be revealed that the line to the phone was cut. "How did they cut the power, man?! They're animals!"

Real Talk: I know Jenny's in pain and all but she sounds rather kinky making those moaning noises.

Hit: *A bonding moment with Kate and Nina.*

Miss: I don't know what Nina's Mom's problem is that she completely ignores her daughter's plea for help.

Miss: So after redeeming Nina just a tad with that earlier scene with Kate, she gets killed off.

Hit: It took an old man to tell these people to quit whining and do something.

Real Talk: *Adrian reveals to Joe that he's married with kids while having multiple affairs in secret.* What an asshole.

Miss: *Paul uses the restroom, outside of the barricaded cabin until the werewolf burst in from the ceiling and tears him apart.* Nice going, jackass. Why don't you have a dinner bell around your neck while you're at it?

Hit: Even after Job sees the werewolf, the movie still shows small glimpses of it to add more tension.

Hit: The werewolf design is most impressive.

Miss: *This one roided as fuck werewolf got taken out by normal, panicky humans.* Well that was fucking easy and disappointing.

Hit: *Werewolf tries to get up but Joe completely smashed its skull in with a fire extinguisher.* Nice!

Real Talk: Movie shows three more werewolves and they looked pissed.

Miss: *Matt's suppose to be Billy's lookout until hears noises from the woods and leaves to check.*  And of course the person hears some voices in the woods and goes to investigate all alone. Because that has never gone wrong at all.

Hit: Even hidden by the darkness, these werewolves are still terrifying.

Real Talk: I don't feel sorry for Matt one bit, it's his own fault for wondering off into the woods.

Hit: Jenny's reaction to all the howling outside.

Hit: Them some fine werewolf legs I've ever seen.

Hit: Jenny's transitioning into a werewolf.

Miss: *Adrian doesn't warn Kate that one of the werewolves is at the train door where she's standing at. And then the werewolf bust through the door, grabbing Kate but Adrian just kicks her out the door.* Again what an asshole...

Miss: Ellen: "Where's Kate? Adrian: "She'd still be alive if you hadn't tied me up." Bullshit she would, asshole.

Hit: Two of these werewolves clearly have boobs.

Hit: Billy's Last Stand

Miss: Joe stands behind to give Ellen the chance to get away.

Miss: Nobody at this train station don't even notice this one woman all dirty and bloody?

Hit: Movie ends with Adrian being maul to death by the now transitioning werewolf Joe. What, I'm suppose to care for Adrian? Fuck that guy he's an asshole, the way I see it karma's just doing its job.      

Hits & Misses Halloween: Dagon

Hit: *Paul (in a dream sequence) is scuba diving until he sees a topless mermaid.* You know what, if the The Little Mermaid remake was like this I'd totally watch it.

Hit: Also, Mermaid Boobs!

Miss: Paul's in bed with a hot woman and all he wants is to check on the stock market.

Real Talk: Well this is the worst sailing trap ever, a storm cause the boat to crash on a rock and Vicki's leg is caught under.

Miss: Oh man, that CGI underwater scene is not so good.

Real Talk: A spooky town with not a soul in sight, that's not a bad sign at all.

Hit: Paul's wearing a sweater with the word Miskatonic on it. Referring to the fictional university Miskatonic from H.P. Lovecraft's works.

Hit: The town itself really brings out the feel of being in a labyrinth at times.

Miss: *Paul tries to talk to the hotel clerk, badly.* Because when you don't know a lick of Spanish just add an O at the end of certain words. That won't make you sound like racist or just an asshole.

Hit: The townsfolks' constant lack of blinking makes them very unsettling, which I'm sure that was intentional.

Real Talk: You'd think Paul would find it a bit suspicious with the hotel room being out up to code.

Hit: *Paul sees the creepy townsfolk converging on the hotel as they proceed inside to get him.* Now entering survival horror mode.

Hit: The townsfolk making the inhuman noises adds more to their creepiness. And also makes them seen less human.

Hit: *Paul comes across a sort of slaughterhouse and finds a lot of human skin, including Howard's.* The townsfolk has an impressive skin collection that'll make the Creeper from Jeepers Creepers blush.

Miss: Ezequiel is the only human left in Imboca who hasn't been converted into a Dagon follower yet the rest of the people just let him roam freely. I guess we wouldn't get an explanation on how Imboca became like it is otherwise.

Hit: Most horror films have the main character desperately searching for car keys. Paul on the other had the right idea of hot wiring a car. 

Real Talk: I should be judging Paul for making with Uxia while still has a girlfriend who's missing. But then again how many people get to opportunity to find their literal dream person.  

Real Talk: This was about to turn into a Cinemax softcore sex scene. There's even a cheesy love music and everything.

Hit: Mermaid Boobs, again!

Hit: And I don't care if she's half sea-creature, Uxia's pretty hot.

Hit: Paul desperately getting away from the crazy fish people really gives off a vibe on what a live-action Resident Evil should've been versus what we ended up with.

Real Talk: Vicki still alive but more then likely got raped by Dagon. And you're welcome to use your imagination on how a human got raped by an eldritch horror god.

Hit: Gees, where did Barbara learned Kung-Fu?

Hit: "Cthulhu Fhtagn...."

Hit: A really gruesome scene of Ezequiel getting his face cut then ripped off. 

Real Talk: Uxia: "Until you came, there have been no sacrifices for a year. Dagon needs her." Paul: "Fuck Dagon!" Uxia: "Yes..." I don't think he meant it literally, lady.

Hit: Uxia has beautiful creepy eyes.

Real Talk: *After Paul's unchained he immediately some two knives and stabs two of the Imbocans, leaving only the priest. Paul talking to the priest: "Come on, motherfucker..." Look out everyone we got a bad ass over here.

Miss: Yeah you can clearly see post-flayed Ezequiel breathing as Paul leaves with a can of kerosene.

Hit: Bloody Naked Barbara

Hit: The make-up prosthetics of the Imbocans are really good for a movie made in 2001. 

Miss: So it's revealed that Paul's the son of Xavier Cambarro, meaning that he and Uxia are siblings. This movie had me going with this kooky romance with Paul and Uxia only to turn out to be incestual.

Real Talk: *And after that reveal, Paul dowse himself with kerosene then sets himself on fire.* Don't blame him, if my literal dream girl turns out to be my illegitimate sister I'd set myself on fire too.

Hit: Uxia Ass Shot!     

Hits & Misses: Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

Real Talk: So here we go, one last movie.

Real Talk: Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice The Final Chapter

Miss: Wow only two minutes in and the movie completely shatters what was established in RE Apocalypse. Instead of Dr. Ashford creating the T-Virus to cure his daughter, Angela it's actually James Marcus who created it to cure his daughter, Alicia. So the whole subplot with Ashford and Angela was rendered meaningless just like that. 

Miss: This film series biggest weakest #5, it's lack of internal consistency. Whatever subplots/plot-points were established in the series are just randomly retconned out of existence. Doesn't matter how broken/contrive it gets as long as there's still a story. This fully illustrates the zero fucks Paul Anderson puts into this film series. And it's no wonder why Angela is never mentioned after RE Apocalypse.

Miss: Marcus sure is rather strive for an old man, at least that's how RE Zero depicted him. 

Miss: Alice narrating: "My name is Alice and this is my story." Explains why most of the RE characters are reduced to minor characters and meat shields.

Real Talk: Alice, I don't think that's a good idea to be drinking water from the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool. Especially in a T-Virus infected environment.

Miss: Red Queen went from Discount Skynet in RE Retribution to helping Alice into stopping herself. Because the script says so.

Miss: Alice talking to Red Queen: "Why would you help me?" Red Queen: "My programming will not allow me to harm the Umbrella Corporation." Oh fuck off, Anderson, trying to rip off Robocop! You can't even rip off Aliens without looking like a lazy hack!

Miss: *Red Queen reveals to Alice that Umbrella developed an airborne antivirus that can destroy the T-Virus and everything else it has infected. Furthermore this antivirus is located in what's left of the Hive.* And now to finally pull the pin on that plot hole grenade. If there's such an antivirus for this particular situation then why the fuck didn't the Red Queen just released it throughout the Hive when the T-Virus got out? Kinda makes that whole "killing everyone in the Hive" plan a bit of an overkill and unnecessary. 

Miss: And since Umbrella developed this miracle antivirus then why the fuck they could've just released it on Raccoon City when the T-Virus got out of the Hive? Kinda makes the whole "nuking the entire city" plan a bit of an overkill and unnecessary.

Miss: Also so much for that "Alice's blood is the cure" plot-point from RE Extinction. This is what happens when you don't pay attention to your writing or just don't give a shit when it comes to continuity/internal consistency.

Miss: Red Queen talking Alice: "Ten years ago in the Hive, we both failed. We let this happened." What's this "we" shit? As I recall you didn't even warned Alice and Kaplan to not shut you down in order to keep the zombies locked up. And apparently you didn't even gas the Hive with the antivirus to prevent the outbreak. Meanwhile Alice was trying to escape the Hive before it went into permanent lockdown. So again, what's this "we" shit?

Real Talk/Sarcasm: Oh look, Alice found a functional motorcycle just sitting out in the open that has an Umbrella brand on it. This is no way an obvious trap or anything. 

Real Talk: What is it with some zombie apocalypse stories that always have a psycho religious cult (leader)?

Miss: For the past three movies Wesker seems to be in charge of Umbrella. Now in this movie he's seem to be the bitch boy to Issacs.

Miss: If Issacs is actually in charge of Umbrella then why was his clone Wesker's bitch boy in RE Extinction?

Hit: Something about Alice being tied and dragged behind a vehicle while zombies are on her ass is kinda funny. 

Miss: This one Umbrella soldier armed with gun turrets and a rocket launcher can't hit this one person on a motorcycle even when locked on target. Are you fucking kidding me with this plot armor bullshit? 

Miss: Claire's in the movie yet no sign of Chris, hell she doesn't even mention on what happened to him in RE Retribution.

Miss: And might as well bring this up. Whatever happened to that little girl from RE Retribution? That movie made such a big deal about her since Alice found her. Also Jill, Leon and Ada are nowhere in this movie. You know when I'm more concerned for the characters being arbitrary written/retconned out of these movies than the supposed main character your writing's got problems.

Hit: Makeshift Catapults, makes more sense than regular shotguns firing quarters as ammo. 

Miss: *A woman survivor is running from a horde of zombies until a second exploding barrel lands on the horde and then explodes. Yet despite being inches from the explosion, the woman survivor is untouched as she keeps on running to safety.* I don't even need to explain on how much bullshit that was.

Hit: At least Alice is using a shotgun that fires actual rounds instead of quarters. That was still stupid.

Hit: *Alice is in a fist fight with one of the Umbrella soldiers but is struggling to keep up with him.* Now this is much better than having Alice being some unstoppable, invincible caricature whenever the script calls for it.  

Real Talk: Oh boy, all these redshirts are coming along with Alice to the Hive. Be a real shame if they die near the end.

Miss: Doc talking to Alice: "You have someone before all this? Husband? Family?" Alice: "I can't remember." Doc: "How's that possible?" Alice: "I woke up just when all this was starting. I can't recall much before that. Sometimes I like this has been my whole life. Running, killing." Really Final Chapter, you're gonna disregard what she went through since the first movie? I guess that line from RE Apocalypse (My name is Alice...and I remember everything) was bullshit, huh? 

Real Talk: Razor talking the Redshirt Group: "No guns, no ammo. What are we gonna do down here?" Well since you're all redshirts how about just die. 

Miss: *After Alice and crew arrived at the Hive, Red Queen shows them a video recording of an Umbrella meeting. In the recording Issacs propose a "orchestrated apocalypse" in order to stabilize the Earth's infrastructure and resources.* Alice: "They released it deliberately." No Alice they didn't, I remembered...unlike Anderson evidently. Unless I'm suppose to believe that Spence ( the character from the RE movie) was ordered by Issacs to release the T-Virus? Did Issacs knew about Spence stealing the virus and just let it happened because it coincide with his plans? Were those dumbass Umbrella scientists reopening the Hive to infect Raccoon City part of his plans? There's so just much bullshit to unpack here.      

Miss: Red Queen: "When this recording was uploaded to my data stream, it created a conflict in my programming. I was created to serve the Umbrella Corporation but I was also programmed to value human life." Then why the fuck did you killed all those people in the Hive after the T-Virus got loose?! Or what was Wesker going on about you wiping out humanity back in RE Retribution?! Anderson, internal consistency motherfucker, do you know how it works?!  

Miss: Red Queen after Alice puts in an earpiece: "I cannot through my actions harm an employee of Umbrella Corporation." Oh my god, I get it you're Discount Robocop shut the fuck up! 

Hit: *After Issacs is picked up by reinforcements and asked for water, one of the Umbrella soldiers refuses to follow his order but Issacs proceeds to stab him to death.* Issacs after taking a cup of water from another Umbrella soldier before drinking: "Thank you...." OK I'll give you that.

Miss: Alice does this discount Sherlock Homes mental calculations on how to kill the real Issacs. Now I would ask when can she do that but I doubt even Paul Anderson has the answer.

Miss: As shocking as it is with Alice being an Alicia clone, I'm still bothered how the movie disregard the Angela Ashford subplot just to have this reveal make any lick of sense.

Miss: If Issacs wanted Alicia out of the way then why keep her around this whole time? Why not have her killed when she was in cryo-sleep? Kinda stupid to keep the one person who betrayed you don't you think?  

Miss: Alicia talking to Wesker: "Albert Wesker, you're fired...." *Wesker no longer registers as an Umbrella employee, allowing the Red Queen to chop his foot off with a metal door.* Again Paul, fuck off trying to rip off Robocop.

Miss: Also so much for the Red Queen being programmed to value human life. If Issac Asimov was still around he would have a word with you on something called The Rules of Robotics. Yeah I know the Red Queen's an AI but my point still stands.

Miss: So let me get this straight, being blown up twice does nothing. A tiltrotor plane crash does nothing, being shot a billion times does nothing. But getting his foot chopped by a metal door is what takes him out. Yeah even the real Albert Wesker would call bullshit.

Miss: You know Issacs, you could've end this fight sooner if you set the laser security system to a grid beam sweep. But instead of setting up some laser dodging quick time event for Alice. Idiot.... 

Real Talk: *Alice and Issacs fighting in the laser hallway.* Why am I getting a sense of Deja Vu in this scene?

Miss: Hey Issacs maybe instead of explaining to the religious nut case that he's a clone how about just shoot him before he stabs you to death.

Miss: The antivirus is released, killing anything that's been T-Virus infected. Yet there's still these flying creatures as Alice rides off into the distance.