Miss: This one dig site of an underground tomb has no security nor barricades that would've prevented one of the dirt bikers from falling into it. And even if there were any on site security then they really sucked at their jobs.
Miss: The second dirt biker doesn't have a flashlight on him nor isn't there any other lightsource from topside. So where's this light shining on the first dirt biker coming from?
Miss: In any well lit scene throughout the movie there's some weird glare effects that gets really distracting.
Miss: *A large rock falls on one of the dirt bikers, crushing his head.* The visual effects after the guy's head being crushed looks really cheap.
Miss: The opening title credits looks like it was made from someone using a step-by-step After Effects tutorial. It's looks that basic and cheap.
Miss: Poor Zach Galligan was dragged into this movie.
Hit: Also Zach Galligan
Miss: Poor Bruce Boxleitner was dragged into this movie.
Hit: Also Bruce Boxleitner
Miss: If this Egyptian tomb has booby traps then why not have safety measures to make sure it's actually safe? Is having a college professor and his students messing with stuff that can kill them is really a smart idea? Professor Ben-David is just begging to get sued from the pissed off parents.
Miss: This is totally a lightning storm and not a stock cloud photo with obvious lightning effects slapped in on it.
Miss: *Carter calling for a Professor Edwards.* I had to look up the cast list and found no such character by that name. So who the hell is this Professor Edwards? Was this a line mistake from the Carter character? Did the writers edit the script and didn't tell anyone? Who the hell knows....
Real Talk: So there's this tension between Molly, Carter and Molly's college professor. Molly and Bryan had a one night stand and Carter's pissed about it because he had feeling for her. But I honestly couldn't care and it just feels like those bland CW drama shows.
Hit: Naked Egyptian Priestess
Hit: *Aneh-Tet drains the life force out of this one security guard.* The practical effect in this scene is really good to be honest.
Miss: But that lazy lightning effect when she drains him was unnecessary.
Miss: Aneh-Tet was fully naked when she climbed out of the tomb in one scene, has some cloth wrapped on her bottom half in the next scene.
Hit: Once again really good practical effects with Bryan's death scene by Aneh-Tet.
Miss: But that moment when Aneh-Tet has some type of lightning breath weapon was really goofy effects-wise.
LOL: Ben-David: "Where's my mummy?!"
Real Talk: You mean to tell me that while still naked, Aneh-Tet walked from the dig site to the motel (where Molly's staying) without being stopped or spotted by no one? OK.....
Miss: *Molly gives a towel to Aneh-Tet as she gets out of the motel pool.* I don't see the point of the towel giving a closer look of Aneh-Tet looking pretty dry despite she was just in a pool. Continuity, how does that work?
Real Talk: Kevyn talking to Aneh-Tet: "I'm Kevyn... Yeah, I know, I've already heard all the jokes." Well I haven't, care to share some?
Real Talk: *Aneh-Tet tries to touch Molly's sister, Kevyn by the vagina.* Apparently the movie invented the "grab them by the pussy" term before Trump did.
Miss: Them wall paintings don't exactly have the detailed likeness of Aneh-Tet. So how did Ben-David just recognize her on the spot when she arrived at the dig site? For all he know she could be his illegitimate love child.
Miss: And just like that Ben-David offers his students to Aneh-Tet in exchange to spare him. And of course he serves her now.
Real Talk: *Red Shirt Axel follows Aneh-Tet into the woods until she seduces and drains his soul.* Granted the guy's drunk off his ass but following some random hot woman in a horror movie is usually a bad idea.
Hit: Also Naked Egyptian Priestess, again.
Hit: *Aneh-Tet attempts to drain another student until he stabs her with a knife.* That's the smartest thing one of these red shirt students have done all movie.
Miss: The red shirt student only stabbed Aneh-Tet once in the stomach before he ran off. But for some reason her clothes are magically speckled with blood. Where did all that blood come from, Aneh-Tet wasn't bleeding that badly from this ONE stab wound. And the red shirt student wasn't bleeding at all after she attacked him. Magical blood speckles out of fucking nowhere!
Miss: *Aneh-Tet finally drains the red shirt student's soul.* You know what's more annoying and needless than shaky cams? Shaky scenes through After Effects.
Miss/Sarcastic: *Sheriff Jones finding a bloody knife.* Oh yeah that's definitely a knife and not an obvious fake knife prop you've seen from Halloween stores.
Miss: *Carter translates an apology letter from Molly which reads. "CRTER I SORRY I HURT YOU GIVE ME PLEASE ANOTHER CHANCE LOVE MOLLY"* How the hell did Molly ever became an linguistics specialist with embarrassing grammar errors like this?
Miss: How stupid do you have to be to misspell your own name from a different language and not be bothered to fix it? It's one thing to misspell your name by accident but this is just pitiful.
Miss: Also you can tell that Carter was just pretending to translate the letter in this scene. Meaning that someone on the film crew made this half assed translation and no one bothered to correct it whatsoever.
Miss: *Aneh-Tet attacks Carter but he managed to get away.* More cheapo lightning effects.
Real Talk: This movie has decent practical effects it's just a shame that they coincide with cheapo special effects.
Miss: *Red Shirt Justin running from Aneh-Tet until coming across dead Red Shirt Kara.* That red shirt Kara corpse clearly moved in the close up shot.
Miss/Sarcastic: Oh yeah, Ben-David clearly has a shaved head now and not wearing an obvious bald cap.
Miss: More shaky scene After Effects.
Hit: *One of Aneh-Tet's mummy warriors rips out of the red shirt student's spine.* Well that was kinda hilarious.
Real Talk: But seriously is there any point to feel sorry for these blandly developed red shirt students at all?
Miss: As cool as that was, I'm not buying one bit that Carter threw a pole at a mummy so hard that it gets pinned to a wall. Maybe if it was one of the mummies who did that, sure.
Miss: What made it necessary for this movie to have Aneh-Tet wearing an obviously fake as fuck Egyptian wig?
Miss: I'm not convinced those are real dynamite Molly's using.
Miss: Hey Aneh-Tet, care to just zip Molly and Carter with your cheapo lightning effects while they're fighting your warriors? No, just gonna stay around because the script said so? OK....
Miss: Aneh-Tet has Molly by the throat but instead of instantly killing her she just randomly stalling. Unintentionally giving Molly plenty of time to stop her and the ritual. For a powerful priestess, Aneh-Tet sure has the logic and the attention span of a Bond villain.
Miss: I would love to add that the film's title is a load of bullshit. For a movie called "Legion of the Dead" there's only one Egyptian priestess and six mummies. Quite underwhelming, I say....
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