Hits & Misses: BloodRayne

Miss: The first BloodRayne game was essentially about a sexy, bad ass Dhampir killing Nazis. This movie on the other hand takes place in 18th century Romania. Now the third movie does feature a Dhampir killing Nazis but I sincerely doubt it's faithful to the first game. And fuck no I'm not watching the sequels or that retarded spoof Boll made.

Hit: Movie uses the same title font design from the games.

Hit: For what it's worth, the set designs are OK.

Miss: "Based on the Majesco Video Game entitled BloodRayne" I think this sentence needs to be edited to "(Loosely) Based on the Majesco Video Game entitled BloodRayne". It's a lot more accurate.

Miss: Poor Michael Madsen was dragged into this garbage.

Hit: Also Michael Madsen.

Miss: Poor Michelle Rodriguez was dragged into this garbage.

Hit: Also Michelle Rodriguez.

Miss: Poor Kristanna Loken was dragged into this garbage.

Hit: Also Kristanna Loken.

Miss: Vampires are common knowledge in this film's world from what I can tell. Yet people at a traveling circus are amazed at a woman who's harmed by water and feeds on blood to heal herself.

Miss: Poor Ben Kingsley was dragged into this garbage.

Hit: Also Ben Kingsley.

Miss: Instead of showing Rayne going on a bloodlust and killed some of the carnies in sight. Movie decides that it's better to show it as a flashback while it cuts to Rayne confused and screaming quite annoyingly. As if she probably forgot the whole thing because the script says so.

Miss: Also great idea for this one carny attempting to rape a Dhampir, don't see nothing going horribly wrong here.

Miss: Poor Billy Zane was dragged into this garbage.

Hit: Also Billy Zane

Miss: *Elrich requesting a message to be sent to his daughter, Katarin.* Most movies I've seen Billy Zane in he's usually quite entertainly hammy but in this scene it's like his very soul was drained out of him. And just comes off as him getting his scenes over with so he can leave the movie immediately.

Hit: Rayne's first outfit is pretty spot on from the games.

Miss: *Rayne on horseback.* Wearing a completely different outfit in a scene before arriving at a town, wearing her first outfit in a scene after she arrives in the town. Continuity, what's that?

Miss: This talisman Rayne finds that gives her immunity over holy water (at least I'm assuming it's holy water, the movie doesn't establish it). So why would this one room have a secondary trap that any vampire would be easily unaffected by if they obtain this talisman? And it's not like the room was being fully flooded with holy water, only about a few inches tops. Rayne could've easily ran out of the room.

Miss: Poor Udo Kier was dragged into this garbage.

Hit: Also Udo Kier.

Miss: So it's just plain ordinary water that kills vampires instead of holy water. I understand that running water is a weakness to vampires but how is plain, unblessed water is able to harm them?

Miss: So this ancient vampire developed an immunity over sunlight, water and crosses and yet he was still killed without the movie explaining how. Unless we're supposed to assume that he didn't developed an immunity to stakes to the heart or just shitty writing.

Miss: Now this fight scene at the monastery seems cool but these close up shots and quick cuts are making it difficult to enjoy it. And I can't help that the fight choreography is a bit stiff at times. 

Hit: But I gotta give credit for the gore effects though.

Hit: Vampire Boobs, everywhere!

Miss: Poor Meat Loaf Aday was dragged into this garbage.

Hit: Also Meat Loaf Aday.

Hit: Also, also gotta give credit to Meat Loaf's hammy performance in a sea of deadpan acting.

Miss: Rayne tells Vladimir, Sebastian and Katarin that Kagan raped and murdered her mother in front of her. Yet in the flashback there was a murder but no rape at all. I'd guess that the raped happened before Rayne was born but the shit writing doesn't seem to convey it that way.

Miss: Also that was rather unnecessary to have a flashback if Rayne was gonna tell what happened.

Miss: Even in a training montage the fight choreography looks stiff.

Hit: *Rayne and Sebastian having sex.* A better vampire sex scene than Twilight Breaking Dawn.

Hit: Also Rayne Boobs.

Miss: However, I'm not convince that Rayne is completely pantsless in certain angles where her bottom half is obscured.

Hit: Rayne's wearing a variation of her outfit that's pretty spot on from games. 

Hit: Also Rayne cleavage. 

Hit: Say what you want about Michelle Rodriguez but at least her acting's pretty good with that accent. Even though it's a real shame that her time and talent are wasted in this garbage film.

Miss: Although I'm a bit distracted that she's wearing blue contacts. I mean they could've just get an actress with blue eyes for the Katarin character?

Hit: *Domastir throws a dismembered head on Elrich's desk, then a letter from Katarin.* Elrich: "Would you stop throwing things at me."

Miss: So holy water is a thing in this world then how does plain water hurts vampires again?

Miss: Oh yeah, so much for "I don't thirst for human blood". I mean yeah Katarin betrayed Brimstone and had it coming but Rayne still fed blood from a human.  This is what happens when you a vampire who doesn't feed on human blood, inconsistency rears its ugly head before you know it.

Miss: Also what happened to those four other guys who were with Katarin? Are they still at the underwater entrance waiting for Katarin to come back? Did they assume that she drowned and piss off elsewhere? Did the movie deem them irrelevant and banished them into the void?

Miss: So Rayne's not gonna tell Vladimir and Sebastian that Katarin betrayed Brimstone and she killed her? OK then.

Miss: Also "she died with honor, fighting for our people" my ass.

Miss: More fight scenes with close up shots and quick cuts with a dash of unnecessary fast motion blurs this time.

Miss: Hey Vladimir you just got stabbed in the chest, maybe show a reaction to that? Like screaming in agony or something. No, you just gonna keep that deadpan reaction then? OK, fine.

Real Talk: So Kagan's dead and Rayne has all three talismans, will this be followed up in the two sequels? Don't know, don't care.