Hey everyone sorry for the long silence been busy with moving to a new place and getting my net service back up and running so let’s get back on reviewing films. Now you remember Die Hard don’t you? One of the best Christmas/action films ever made you and your friends would gather together in front of the TV and watch John McClane up to his ass against terrorists. And it was some a borderline fun film ever made as a Christmas/action film. Die Hard 2 even though it wasn’t as great as the first one but it was just as entertaining; hell I’ve watched Die Hard 2 on VHS regionally when I was a kid. Now will Die Hard with a Vengeance have the same level of awesome as the first two? Well short answer unfortunately no, long answer let’s review this thing.
The film starts off with an explosion at a jewelry shop in New York City; well that’s a nice way to start a film out of nowhere. Was Michael Bay involved with this film? Later at a police precinct; an Inspector Walter Cobb (played by Larry Bryggman) gets a call from man named Simon. Simon demands Cobb to have John McClane (played by Bruce Wills) to be dropped off in Harlem, strip to his boxer shorts, and wear a sandwich board which says “I Hate N###ers”. OK that’s flipping subtle just randomly drops the N-Bomb for no relevant reason whatsoever. I mean it’s not like 90% of African Americans will get awkwardly insulted in the theaters. Also why’s McClane back in New York; did Die Hard 2 established that he moved to LA to be with his wife and family? Well guess what director John McTiernan decided to recon the happy moments between McClane and Holly from the first two Die Hard films. Resulting McClane magically brought back to New York and once again being kinda separated from his wife and kids. That’s right director John McTiernan who brought us the first Die Hard film pull a FLIPPING ONE MORE DAY ON DIE HARD. WHAT THE SHIT?!? Anyway we’re introduced to Zeus (played by Samuel L. Jackson ) who notices McClane with the sandwich board and tries to get him off the street. But unfortunately a group of African Americans spots McClane and proceeds to beat the crap out of him. Zeus intervenes by using a gun duct taped to McClane’s back and the two escaped by cab. Back at the police precinct Simon calls again and demands for McClane and Zeus to reach the Wall Street train station before Simon blows up a train with a binary liquid explosive. McClane decides that he and Zeus should split up for a better chance to stop the bomb. So McClane manage to get on train that has the bomb while Zeus heads to the Wall Street train station to answer Simon’s call on a payphone. McClane quickly throws the bomb off the train before it explodes; causing the train to derail at the Wall Street station. Of course McClane survives the derail with minor scratches that’s natural for most action films for the hero to walk from a disaster untouched. Later McClane and Zeus are approached by some agents informing McClane that Simon is Hans Gruber’s brother. Now does this revelation affect the film? No it does not and I’ll explain why in a minute. Simon calls again telling that he placed a very large bomb in one of the elementary schools in New York…SPOILERS the bomb is a fake. Sorry had to say it because the end goal of the fake bomb is bullshit. So we see all the cops in New York scattered to search for the fake bomb while McClane and Zeus go running around to complete Simon’s riddle that honestly leads to no pay off in the end. Except we learned that the fake bomb and the riddles are distractions for Simon (played by Jeremy Irons) and his men to infiltrate the federal reserve building to steal the gold. That’s right Simon places a fake bomb in a school and sends McClane and Zeus on a pointless trek around the city just as a distraction to steal some gold.
And here’s where I have problems with this grand master plan. First off the first Die Hard did this similar plan of robbing a financial establishment and the problem there DIE HARD DID IT BETTER. And not they set up the atmosphere for a robbing more sufficiently than With a Vengeance. What was the point of bombing random places when the end goal is to steal the gold? And upon stealing the gold why bother involving the ONE CHARACTHER WHO CAN STOP YOU IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA KILL HIM? YOU’RE LETTING THAT ONE MAIN THREAT TO STOP YOUR GOLD ROBBING PLAN TO LIVE! So apparently being Hans Gruber’s brother means nothing since Simon really didn’t care for his brother; just steal the gold and hope for the best. At least in the first Die Hard film Hans understood that McClane is a threat to his plan and he must eliminate him. Now remember my golden rule of revenge films from my Legend of Chun-Li review? Well apparently there’s a golden rule of revenge films for the bad guys. And that rule is if your family member, love partner, or partner-in-crime gets killed by the hero. Your better do the best of your knowledge to hunt down the person responsible and make that hero suffer. For example, remember Karl for the first film when heard his brother was killed by McClane? Now guess what he does through the rest of the film after he hears the news? If your answer is bat-shit pissed off congratulations you’ve seen a better Die Hard film. Now I hate to do this but I’m skipping ahead a bit because honestly some of the scenes lead to nothing exciting or important. McClane and Zeus trails Simon to a cargo ship where the gold is stash…SPOILERS no it’s not; do you see what I mean by some scenes lead to nothing important. So McClane and Zeus get captured and are left to die by a bomb that’s meant to blow up the gold but again the gold is not on the ship. Look Simon you’re no Bond villain so just kill McClane and end the film; gees Hans was more determined to kill McClane than you. Long story short McClane and Zeus managed to escape off the ship before the bomb explodes. Before I go on I’m gonna rewind for a minute; while they were captured McClane ask Simon for a bottle of aspirins and he does. I bring this up because that’s how McClane tracks down Simon and the gold by using the batch number on the bottle of aspirins that leads him to some warehouse in Canada. I can’t even begin to elaborate how illogical that sounds. Just out of sheer chance that the batch number actually leads McClane to wherever Simon is hiding. In what Bizarro world does McClane believe it would lead him to Simon’s hideout? Anyway the film ends with McClane tricking Simon into flying at a power line pole causing the helicopter to explode.
My Final Verdict: This film is a shameless pretender; it tries to be on the same level as the first two films but still comes up short at the end. How could John McTiernan given us such action film classics such as the first Die Hard and flipping Predator but years later in 1995 he gave us a film that’s basically THE SAME DAMN FILM HE DID ALREADY.
Now since we’re in the middle of summer already I’m gonna spend a few weeks reviewing films that know how to turn up the heat as it were. So stay tuned next time as I start off with Fireball.
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