You know when I heard there was a Street Fighter film remake I could only think of two things at the time. One that it's about time that they do a remake because the original Street Fighter film was by far the worst game-to-film adaptation I've ever seen. Two was please do not screw this one up this time. Well considering that filmmakers still run on stupid went it comes to making a decent game-to-film adaptations. I didn't get my wish. I should have expected this film was gonna bomb even from the casting chose for the Street Fighter characters. I was gonna forgive this film for whitewashing Chun-Li, I was gonna forgive film for its poor chose of casting. But I just could not forgive this film for its poor direction and plot development. So what this film is...another film based off a popular video game. What this film isn't...a GOOD film based off a popular video game.
So we start off with a young Chun-Li being trained by her father Xiang (played by Edmund Chen) as the adult Chun-Li narrates. Oh yeah get use to her stating the bullshit and the obvious cause that's not gonna help this film at all. We cut to night time at Chun-Li's house where it's being broken into by Balrog(played by Michael Clarke Duncan) and some henchmen. A fight between Xiang and Balrog breaks out until Balrog gains the upper hand. As Balrog and the henchmen capture Xiang, M. Bison (played by Neal McDonough) enters the house. And you can see clearly that the filmmaker didn't even try to make Bison in this film nowhere close from game. At least from the first film they did a good job with their M. Bison in my opinion. Here he looks a lame Daredevil villain knock-off. Young Chun-Li watches as her father is taken away by Bison's men. And here's where the revenge part of the film decides to sit on its ass when we cut to grown up Chun-Li (played by Kristen Kreuk) performing a solo pianist concert. Not spending years perfecting her martial arts, not joining INTERPOL to search her father and his abductors. Just grown up as a talented pianist; I guess she didn't love her father all that much. Not to mention she appears to not be suffering any mental trauma despite witnessing her father being abducted. And I don't care what anyone says Kristen Kreuk has jack-shit of Asian in her when I saw her on Smallville she was just a white girl who Clark Kent has a hard-on for. Also I can easy list ten Asian actresses who are far more suited to portray Chun-Li. Anyway after the concert Chun-Li receives a mysterious scroll which despite being written in her language she can't read it...FUCKING FAIL! Later at a subway station Chun-Li spots a homeless man being beating up by a gang and runs towards them to fight them off. Yeah OK forget about going to look for your dad and rescue him that would intervene with your pursuit of becoming a pianist. But oh seeing a homeless guy getting beat up by a group of assholes bothers you. Sorry film I'm not buying your bullshit. In Bangkok it's revealed that Xiang is helping Bison on...something that's not even relevant to the plot and you'll find out why later. Anyway Bison announces to some shareholders that he has full control of Shadaloo before he has them executed by Vega (played by Taboo). Back in Hong Kong Chun-Li meets an old lady who translates the scroll for her again FUCKING FAIL! The scroll reads about a some half-ass prophecy involving Chun-Li; the old lady then tells Chun-Li to go to Bangkok to find a man named Gen. So we cut back to Bangkok where we see Chun-Li apparently ripping off exactly what Bruce Wayne did on Batman Begins by living on the streets. Only difference is it made since when Batman Begins did it but in this film no excuse except keeping the revenge plot on its ass even more. The film continues its pointless padding with Chun-li wondering through the street doing nothing as she sees some of the criminal activities. While her narration states the obvious of how shitty the streets are as if we the audience can't figure it out ourselves.
We cut to Chun-li fighting a group of thugs until she defeated them. Worn out by the fight (yeah right she got all worn out from a short fight) she's found by Gen (played by Robin Shou) and takes her to his place. It turns out Gen was the homeless man she saved back in Hong Kong. Then why bother having her going to Bangkok to find you when you could've just gone up to her right then? The logic in this film is sadly pathetic…as if the filmmakers had any logic when making this film. Gen decides to train Chun-Li in order for her to defeat Bison including training her how to use the Kikoken (Chun-Li's special move from the games). Now granted the special effects for the Kikoken is bad but at least when Gen use it it's half-OK but when Chun-Li well...I'll explain when I get to it. Later it's reveal that Bison is buying off some of slums in Bangkok; driving out all of residence to the streets. The reason being is to...build new clean neighborhoods for people who can afford it. Yeah remember what I said about that "something that's not even relevant to the plot" earlier this is what I was talking about. Bison's master plan for world domination is via property management; Lex Luthor will be so proud oh wait he just call he says EAT SHIT BISON! You know at least Bison's plan from the first film didn't follow the games but at least it made some sense in context. Chun-Li goes to an internet cafe to research on Bison's organization...um how? It's not like Shadaloo is well known to the public unless you're the police but if it is Bison's a flipping idiot. She comes up with information on Cantana (played by Josie Ho) who works for Bison. At an airport we see Balrog is telling a commerce secretary to make a safe passage for a shipment called the White Rose coming in to a Bangkok harbor. Unfortunately due to Balrog being too stupid to have an important conversation out in a public area, he's unaware of Chun-Li eavesdropping on him. We cut to a night club named Insomnia where Chun-Li's been following Cantana and proceeds to seduce the skirt off of Cantana. As much as want to point out how random and pointless this lesbian dance scene is but I'm deeply more annoyed by Chun-Li's baby blue potato sack outfit. And worse of all the film plays it off as a homage to Chun-Li's outfit from the games. Now if you ever played any of the Street Fighter games you would immediately call solid gold bullshit on that outfit being an homage from the game. OK the first film despite the outfit being in the wrong color it still looks like the outfit from the games. So Cantana follows Chun-Li to the women's restroom and Chun-Li attacks her. Chun-Li learns where and when the White Rose is coming in before Cantana's bodyguards come storming in. She fights them off and escapes the night club. The next day Gen tells Chun-Li about Bison past and that he and Gen were once friends. At a young age Bison learned about a ritual which will free a man from his good conscious so to do this he sacrificed his pregnant wife to transfer his good conscious to his unborn child. And now on what level is all of that has to do with Bison's Psycho Power from the games. Well it's on the same level with Super Conductive Electromagnetism from the first film. NOT IN THE SAME FUCKING BALLPARK!!! Bison receives some random non-Psycho Power related ability by reenacting the Temple of Doom's Kali Ma Shakti de on his pregnant wife.
Gen sends Chun-Li out to get some food when Bison's soldiers storm in and attack Gen. While that's going on Chun-Li is attacked by Vega and let me tell you he looks so pitiful. Remember in the the first film how Vega looked like? I bet you remember. He was tall and well-muscled and built, had that badass snake tattoo. And when he takes his mask off he's a good looking Hispanic man; he was dead on Vega. This film did the flipping opposite of that. They have some short as shit of a guy in some half ass ninja outfit and wears a mask that's been ripped off from The Predator. Chun-Li defeats Vega in a short disappointing fight and hangs him Predator style...lame. Chun-Li heads to harbor to but turns out to be a trap and Chun-Li is captured. Both Chun-Li and her father are finally reunited but the happy moment is cut short when Bison snaps her father's neck instantly killing him. Shortly after Chun-Li escapes and is rescued again by Gen. Later Chun-Li and Gen make their attempt to sneak in to the harbor again and get the White Rose. Gen runs into Balrog and two start fighting; during the fight Balrog reveals to Gen that the White Rose is actual Bison's daughter named Rose. After Gen kills Balrog he finds Chun-Li and tells this information which surprises her because she just came across a girl from early now knows that it's Rose. Unfortunately both Rose and Bison got away by helicopter returning to Bison's headquarter. Chun-Li and Gen fully infiltrated the compound Gen confronts Bison but is immediately defeated. Chun-Li intervenes and both she and Bison start fighting. At first it looks like Bison has the upper hand but Chun-Li turns the tide long enough to perform her shitty looking Kikoken. Seriously it looks like some lazy jerk-off took five seconds in After Effects; resulting a very pathetic composition of the Kikoken effect. And when Bison gets hit by it the thing doesn't even look like it cause any damage just knocked him on his ass. As if he got hit by a ball of fart she just shot out from her ass. Chun-Li finishes him off by twisting his neck to a full 180. The film ends with Chun-Li returning to Hong Kong and is approached by Gen informing her about a Street Fighter tournament and a strong fighter named Ryu. Film you're about 96 minutes late to even mention a Street Fighter tournament so in other words I've completely don't give a shit.
My Final Verdict: This film keeps farting bullshit out of its ass from beginning to end. As much as how bad the first film was Legend of Chun-Li is a far worse attempt on making a Street Fighter film. Not only this film fails as game to film adaptation but it also fails as a revenge film. Because it has broken the one golden rule of revenge films which is if your friends or love-ones are either murdered, raped, abducted, physically abused, or whatever. You better have that main character to go ape-shit on the people responsible they should go through some half ass cop-out to avoid character conflicts. I'm sorry but making a revenge film based off of a character whose backstory is basically getting revenge on the main villain SHOULD NOT BE SO FUCKING HARD! YET THIS FILM TREATS HER AS IF SHE IN A LIFETIME MOVIE SPECIAL! At least the first film got the revenge part right for Chun-Li. And how sad is it that despite the first Street Fighter film being so bad it's still far better than this solid gold shit stain? Director Andrzej Bartkowiak had the perfect opportunity to make a film where we see a live action Ryu performing the SHORYUKEN on Sagat but that seems not good enough for him. So instead remakes a film where Chun-Li is a soulless bitch who don't seem to care about her abducted father until plot convenience forces her to give a shit. Bison is a laughable comic book villain and everything else in between can be written off as a lazy boring action film.
Stick around as I review another film that gives the revenge golden rule the middle finger right up the ass. Next time I'm reviewing Die Hard with a Vengeance.
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