Hits & Misses: MindBlown

Hit: Movie may have a lame title but at least it's got more things happening than Speed of Thought.

Hit: In Medias Res done right.

Real Talk: Truck driver talking to young Jennifer Gaines: "Hey, look at you out here in the middle of nowhere. You want a ride little girl?" *Young Jennifer screams until the truck driver keels over and dies.* I'm sure that was a bit harsh but for all we know that guy could've been a Pedo.

Miss: Hard to tell if Young Jennifer is begging for water the way how bored she sounds.

Miss: It's established that Jennifer has telekinesis, so how exactly she managed to summoned a small rain cloud when she was a child? I'm pretty sure that telekinesis doesn't work that way. 

Hit: (Adult) Jennifer taking a refreshing shower. Granted you don't see much of the good bits but still.

Miss: *Jennifer and four other TKs going through an ionization scan.* Not that I don't appreciate the Jennifer cleavage but why does she have her blouse unzipped half way then zipps it up afterwards? Gertie doesn't have her blouse open like that so what was the point of Jennifer having her breasts nearly hanging out?

Hit: Jennifer ass shot.

Miss: White is a U.S. General yet he doesn't seem to be in General uniform. Seriously the guy looks like a bouncer than a U.S. General.

Hit: Basically the TKs are hooked to a weaponized Cerebro that allows them to create severe storms. Interesting concept....

Hit: *Close up shots the four TKs inside their helmets.* Suddenly I'm getting Iron Man flashbacks.

Miss: A news reporter keeps pointing to the "major devastation behind her" yet the movie shows no such "devastation". I mean yes this small town was hit by a freak tornado and lightning strikes yet it doesn't seem to look like the town's in complete ruin. It's as if the movie didn't had the budget to show the aftermath of the freak storm destruction. 

Miss: Also having these small town people TELLING what happened (while still not SHOWING the aftermath) doesn't help either.

Miss: Also, also the news report mentions about an earthquake, what earthquake? There was just the freak storm that hit the town, what freaking earthquake? Was there a scene taken out due to time and budget? Was there a miscommunication between the writers and editors? Did the people on post-production got batshit confused on the job? Even if there was an earthquake the movie did a piss poor job of showing it. 

Miss: Some of the visual effects can be quite embarrassing bad  especially how the composition don't seem to match up with the foregrounds and backgrounds. Like an amauter F/X guy spending five minutes in After Effects on most of the scenes. 

Hit: Although the practical effects are pretty good.

Miss: General White sends a strike team to retrieve two TKs (Jennifer and Adam) with nothing but guns. Not so much as having any special countermeasures whatsoever. Because sending normal people after a couple of superhumans has never gone wrong at all. 

Miss: This one woman on the strike team is on this dangerous retrieval mission without a helmet. While the other strike team members are clearly wearing helmets. She might as well have a sign over her head that reads "HEY, SHOOT HERE!"

Miss/Sarcastic: Oh wow, these well trained strike team were easily taken out by two psychically powerful people. I swear I didn't see this coming. 

Miss: So the other four TKs can manipulate the elements (Gretie with water, Clive with earth, Rick with fire and Ruben with electricity). So how is Jennifer able to summoned rain clouds or those lightning strikes that took out the strike team earlier? 

Miss: *In Jennifer's flashback: On the road with her dad as he keeps telling her to stop singing but she just kept on singing anyway. Resulting her dad getting angry to the point of crashing off road.* I know this is meant to be dramatic but it's kinda hard to sympathize with Jennifer when she practically cause the car crash. Annoying child characters are neither cute nor endearing and young Jennifer was no different. So yes if Jennifer wasn't being an annoying little shit that car crash wouldn't have happened.  

Miss: The movie doesn't even shown the car crash but instead shows the (sorta) aftermath. That raises so many questions but I'm just gonna chalk it up with one answer. The movie just didn't have the time and budget for a car crash effect.

Miss: Also young Jennifer didn't seem to be concerned about her dead dad with that look of the obliviously deadpan reaction on her face.

Miss: I postulate that the writers have confused telekinesis with psychokinesis because how else Adam can summon lightning like he's freaking Thor. Basically telekinesis is whatever the script deems it as convenient to the plot then just moving objects mentally.

Miss: Once again the Project MindBlown strike team are easily taken out superpower psychics.  

Miss: Jennifer gets a vision of Gertie fighting Rick, sensing that she might be in danger. But when Rick and Gertie clash powers, Jennifer doesn't so much as warn her nor psychically push her out of the way. Just stands there and does nothing until Gertie loses and gets burned alive.

Miss: Clive attempts to crush Jennifer, Adam and Ruben with a giant boulder. But Jennifer and Adam takes control of the boulder to crush Clive as he just stands there like a complete dumbass. 

Miss: So Clayton is bent on wiping out Washington D.C. with the psychic weather machine. Because evil military guy be evil and the script says so. 

Hit: But at least the movie provides a reason how Clayton developed his own psychic abilities.

Miss: Clayton talking to Ruben: "Young fool, only now at the end. Do you understand?" Oh fuck off movie!

Miss: *Jennifer and Adam fighting Rick.* This is my geek side talking but how exactly can fire deflect telekinesis?

Miss: Rick is basically a superpowered Elliot Rodger. 

Hits & Misses: Crossbreed

Miss: The movie opens with a space battle that looks like Discount Babylon 5.

Hit: Bennett from Commando!

Miss: Bennett was armed with a gun pointing at a guy in one scene. Gun just up and disappears as Bennett fights the guy in the next scene. Wasn't shown him throwing the gun away or was out of ammo or anything. Shitty editing I suppose.

Hit: Bennett just score some badass points from that fight scene.

Miss: And just like that Bennett is shot dead before completing his mission. 

Hit: *Ryker beats the crap out of a bunch of drunks causing problems in his bar.* Eat your heart out Dalton.

Hit/Miss: Basically the film's premise is the Expendables crossed with Doom (2005), rather silly but it tries to be somewhat unique.

Hit: Damn that Vivica A Fox cleavage though!

Hit: The sexbots in this movie are very impressive.

Miss: Although this one (dancing to Degenerate) needs a tune up immediately.

Real Talk: Slaughterhouse has a wife and kids now this is the part where I make a comment that he's another family man character whom merely exist as red shirt. But here's a no bullshit shocker, he actually survives in this movie. Seriously, I was blown away seeing this guy surviving all through the movie.  

Miss: *Ryker and his crew gearing up for their mission.* What the hell are these guys wearing on their faces? They look like a bunch of squiggly wires attached to their faces. Are these meant to be some type of cyberware, some commlink device? They just look so goofy.  

Miss: And here's where the Doom 2005 parallels come in. The new guy on the team is given the codename Noob, just like the rookie from Doom was given the codename The Kid. 

Real Talk: But unlike The Kid, Noob lives through the movie.

Miss: Oh yes these are clearly some fancy sci-fi guns and not a bunch of obvious nerf guns that were modified and painted black. You can just smell the budget that went into this movie.

Hit: I gotta be honest, the relationship between these guys are just cheesy and hilariously good. Yeah they're a bunch meat head goofballs but still.

Hit: "I fucking love Time Cop!"

Miss: "I fucking hate Time Cop..."

Miss: "Fuck Time Cop..."

Hit/Miss/LOL: These are on a mission until they start talking sex and steaks and ends on how Four Eyes and Slaughterhouse fucked Degenerate's sister.

LOL: Four Eyes: "And I fuck her but you already knew that." Degenerate: That's because I caught your ass with her." Four Eyes: "Yeah but at least you let me finished."

Miss: *Slaughterhouse and Noob in a fire fight with five Russians.* These guys are hitting the walls and yet you don't see the shots leaving any bullet holes.

Hit: Badass points to Noob.

Hit: Badass points to Slaughterhouse.

Miss: Ryker, Four Eyes and Degenerate are clearly wearing gas masks and not some redressed belt buckles.

Miss: Some of the talky scenes you can hear a tiny buzzing noise when characters are talking.

Miss: It's a good thing they keep the Crossbreed creature mostly in the shadows because the creature design is pretty average. Almost like a Discount Species creature.

Real Talk: But regardless this creature, I'd totally hit that.

Hit: Also creature boobs.

Real Talk: I feel more moved by the deaths of some of the characters in this movie than the ass clowns from The Predator.

Real Talk: Say what you want about this movie but it's nice step up for Vivica A Fox from Independence Day Resurgence or Cool Cat Saves the Kids. 

Miss: The Crossbreed creature mutates into some Discount Xenomorph.

Hit/LOL: Ryker: "I got an idea, everybody behind Miller."

Miss: Ryker's wearing body armor and still gets shot.

Miss: Noob: "I can see it in its eyes, it's thinking." That's very impressive kid, despite the fact it has no eyes.

Miss: Ryker sacrifices himself to kill the Crossbreed creature.

Hit: Slaughterhouse and Noob take over Ryker's bar.

Hit: As cheap and really cheesy this movie is, I still got some entertainment out of it.

Hits & Misses: Project MetalBeast

Hit: The US Military Intelligence in 1974 goes searching for werewolves to create superior combat agents. OK, that's actually a cool premise to start off the movie.

Miss: Did they just added Project in the title in post? That's what it looks like to me.

Hit: This werewolf design is not so impressive but it's not too shitty either.

Miss: Hey soldier guy, your buddy's being turn into a human chew toy. Care to shoot the werewolf before he's killed? No, you just gonna stand there until the werewolf's finished? OK then.

Miss: Butler talking to Colonel Miller: "Because of Greg's death? I didn't have any time." Bullshit you didn't, you were just standing there while the werewolf was having a late night snack on Greg. 

Miss: Clearly the blood sample has to be diseased considering it's from a werewolf.

Miss: And also maybe if Butler brought back the body instead of just blood samples this project would have plenty of samples to work with.

Miss: Butler didn't wanna wait for the the doctor lady to come back within a week for the results. So he decided to steal the last blood sample and injected into himself. Don't see nothing going wrong here.

Real Talk: Also why does this one men's restroom have a broken mirror?

Hit: Movie's got a catchy soundtrack.

Real Talk: So Butler attacks this one doctor lady and just leaves her all bloody. Um...OK.

Real Talk: Also does this mean she'll become a werewolf too?

Real Talk: *Butler in a cryo-freezer.* You can totally see the guy's junk.

Real Talk: It's 20 years later and Miller surprisingly ages well.

Miss: You mean the labs at this operations center don't have a freezer or a morgue so they put Butler's body in a kitchen freezer. That's not uncomfortable at all.

Hit: The practical effects of the Butler cadaver getting the bio-ferrin skin graft is pretty impressive. 

Miss: If only Miller stuck around through the operation he could've stopped them from removing the silver bullets out of Butler.

Miss: Also you would think Miller would have put in place some people making sure that Anna and crew doesn't discover the bullets. Or any other conspicuous details for that matter.

Miss: Oh yeah Miller, antagonize the recently revived  werewolf who maybe still pissed at you after 20 years.

Miss: Butler starts transforming and instead of running out of OR, Larry makes a phone call to Anna and Debbie but are inconveniently busy with identifying the not-cadaver. 

Hit: The make-up effects for the mid-transformation Butler looks impressive.

Miss: Oh yeah Anna, leave Roger all alone with mutating werewolf instead of making sure the thing's knocked out first.

Hit: Very impressive metal werewolf design.

Hit: Also hi Kane Hodder.... Umm Kane Hodder plays the MetalBeast.

Hit: So Philip melts silver with some bio-ferrin into three rocket launcher shells in a chance to take down the metal werewolf. Well at least it's a plan.

Miss: Miller's gun is loaded with silver bullets but decides to waste two shots on General Hammond. You know, the guy who's not a werewolf.

Miss: So what was Miller's plan with werewolf Butler anyway? Get him augmented with synthetic metallic skin and then what have him going around killing? He doesn't even have him under some type of control of any kind and just acts like everything's going to plan somehow. Not a well thought out villain this guy is. 

Miss: Anna was limping around after removing a rebar out of her foot only to run away from the MetalBeast just fine minutes later.

Miss: Debbie makes a hit on the MetalBeast's leg with the rocket launcher yet the shell doesn't even explode. How?

Hit: Although nice practical effect of the MetalBeast pulling the shell from his leg.

Hit: More credit to the practical effects as Anna fires the final shell at the MetalBeast and then he explodes into MetalBeast chunklets.