Real Talk: I was a little lenient when I first watched this movie but that may have changed since 2012.
Miss: The original has this fitting title sequence accompanied by the epic music composed by Jerry Goldsmith. In the remake the movie title just appears on screen with generic sci-fi music playing in the background.
Miss: *Text Narration* The original Total Recall never needed any form of narration, everything was neatly conveyed through dialogues and character actions. I know this is for the sake of worldbuilding but if the remake can't even try to convey information the same way the original did it just comes off as lazy storytelling.
Miss: People behind this movie had the opportunity to make an accurate adaptation of the short story but instead they made a generic copy-and-paste version of the original with topics like Mars and mutants replaced with living spaces and colony. In other words in spite of this movie taking a different approach, most of the scenes will come off having zero narrative impact and predictable as fuck to anyone who has ever watched the original.
Miss: Lori in the remake is just the same as the Lori from the original except here she's a cross between herself and Rictor from the original.
Miss: Resistance Leader Matthias, a/k/a Discount Kuato
Real Talk: Nothing against Bryan Cranston but when it comes to the Cohaagen character he's no Ronny Cox.
Miss: The locations in the original had a unique aesthetic and look in every scene. While this movie has locations that'll give you Blade Runner flashbacks due to how samey looking they are. This movie might as well be a remake of Blade Runner, it be slightly less confusing.
Miss: The majority of the movie takes place in the United Federation of Britain and The Colony (Australia) yet (aside from Lori) most of the main characters don't have a british or Australian accent. This won't feel weird or jarring at all.
Miss: Quaid from the original was so fixated on Mars that he wanted to move there with Lori. Then when he sees the Rekall commercial he decides to go there to pay for the memories of going to Mars. This version of Quaid has nothing of importance he was fixating on that got him to go to Rekall in the first place. So instead some rando character (Marek) who serves as nothing more but a plot device to convince Quaid into going to Rekall.
Miss: And since I brought it up, this movie mentions Mars once...that's it.
Hit: SEXBOTS!!!
Hit: A woman with three breasts, a reference from the original Total Recall.
Miss: However, since Mars and to that extent mutants are not in this movie how does this one woman have three breasts? Is it a birth defect? Is the third breast a fake prosthetic? Is it a new form of body mod that women do in this movie? If the worldbuilding wasn't so lazy I shouldn't be asking these questions. The original conveyed that most people on Mars are mutants due to living under cheap domes that don't have enough air to keep out the rays. Hence the three breasted woman in the original.
Miss: The Bob character from the original was essentially a charismatic salesman in convincing Quaid into the Ego Trip offer along with the Mars Package. The Mac character in this movie just undersales it in comparison. And it doesn't help that he out right spoils the movie by saying "You could be working for the Resistance, maybe you work for Cohaagen. Or why limited yourself, why not both?" Not that this movie has anything to spoil if you watched the original.
Miss: Mac can scan Quaid's mind to see if he's hiding anything. But instead of waiting for the scan to finish he just injects the Secret Agent memory into Quaid anyway.
Hit: *Quaid kills the Federal Police as the camera does this long circle panning shot.* Interesting camera shot, a lot better than that shaky cam bullshit. Or those stupid seizure inducing jump cuts in one scene shot.
Miss: These Federal Police guys set up cameras inside the locked room yet they don't noticed Quaid priming the grenades from the dead cops. Impressive technology these guys have.
Miss: If only the original Total Recall didn't exist I would've found it surprising of Lori trying to kill Quaid.
Miss: And of course this movie copies Quaid's revelation that he's not who he think he is line for line. Trying something different, what's that?
Real Talk: Having a phone inside your hand seems cool but that immediately gets ruined when you have to take it the hard way.
Miss: *Quaid finds a case with money, IDs, a disguise and a video message from himself.* Oh yes, this isn't lazily ripping off from the original. Nope not at all.
Miss: Remake rips off the scene where Quaid is in disguise until eventually his disguise glitches out. Only difference here is they put in this overweight woman as a wink wink reference of the original. Whereas Quaid was disguise as an old Asian man until his hologram mask just randomly glitches out upon arriving to UFB just to throw in another action scene.
Miss: Somehow the flying car chase scene is giving Minority Report flashbacks.
Miss: Scenes in the original had build up and suspense due to the well thought out writing; leaving the story/plot to flow more naturally. The remake on the other hand bum-rushes through plot threads just to hurry up and get to the action scenes. I should be impressed by the action scenes but they just come off as distractions from how hollow the story/plot is in comparison to the original.
Miss: Instead of telling Quaid that the key is to a piano that displays an interactive message, Hauser from the video message was hoping for Quaid would be playing the piano out of curiosity.
Miss: So Cohaagen's evil plan was faking terrorist attacks to mass produce more Federal Police Synthetics, more than enough to take over the Colony for the living space. I guess colonizing the Moon or freaking Mars was out of the question. Just take over this one free space that'll get overpopulated within a few decades.
Miss: And here's this movie's biggest fuck you to the original Total Recall, the scene where Quaid is being talk down that he's still at Rekall living out his secret agent fantasy. When the original did it there was a feeling that got you thinking that just may be everything Quaid had experienced might actually be a fantasy the whole time. As for the remake you don't get that feeling because the original already done it but better and far more subtle.
Real Talk: This is a problem with most remakes these lazy studios and filmmakers make such mediocre remakes, banking on them to be better than the originals. Don't get me wrong there good remakes (John Carpenter's The Thing, 1986's The Fly, Scarface), my problem is that good remakes are super rare. While most remakes these days are either lazy cash grabs or safety nets for studios/filmmakers to never take risks creatively and financially.
Miss: As much as I should care that Matthias is killed, I barely even knew this character to give any ounce of fucks about him. (Aside from being Melina's father if you're watching the extended director's cut.) At least the original conveyed some hints of who Kuato is before he's revealed and had a far more role than just being some resistance leader guy.
Miss: Oh no Hauser was in on Cohaagen's plan the whole time.... Except I really don't care because I've seen the original so instead this is just a weak plot reveal.
Miss: So the Fall has to do a gravity shift every time it passes the Earth's core. Yet you mean to tell me that none of the federal cops (who have Quaid and Melina at gunpoint) didn't hear the gravity shift announcement? Nor don't have any measures to prevent themselves from free floating when the gravity shift happens? Plot convenience by inapt writing folks!
Hit: *Quaid vs Cohaagen* Gonna be honest Bryan Cranston's a bad ass in this fight scene.
Real Talk: *Cohaagen dies when the Fall explodes.* I prefer the way Cohaagen died in the original, that was awesome.
Miss: So the Colony has independence now that the Fall is destroyed, ok good for them. But aircrafts do exist in this movie, so what's to stop the UFB from invading via airstrikes?
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