Real Talk: Slightly better than the first Doom movie but it's got some flaws.
Real Talk/Sarcastic: Oh look at this, another video game movie with annihilation in the title. This doesn't raise any red flags at all.
Miss: So let's get the obvious out the way, this movie has no Doom Guy/Doom Slayer and it doesn't take place in First Person/POV. You would think Universal have learned from the first Doom movie but evidently they didn't.
Hit: Holy shit, the UAC Phobos base is well lit instead of being dark as shit like the last movie.
Hit: The movie has an actual gate to Hell and takes place on one of Mars' moons just like the first game. Well done Universal you're getting slightly better.
Miss: All of the Phobos scientists are looking right at Dr. Barnes as soon as he came through the gate. And yet didn't noticed that he's now a zombie until after an alarm goes off. Did these scientists had bad eyesights for a few seconds? Do they have the slowest reactions to everything around them? Did Barnes transformed while nobody's looking? And it's not like zombie Barnes was hidden in shadows given how brightly lit the room is.
Hit: Movie's title uses the same font from the games.
Miss: The first Doom movie had John Grim, this movie has Joan Dark. It feels like they're just recycling old characters with catchy edgelord names now.
Real Talk: Also, sorry Joan Dark but there's only one bad ass character with Dark in their name (Joanna Dark from Perfect Dark) and you're not her.
Hit: But at least in hindsight Joan seems to be a decently developed character rather than some Mary Sue fetish for the filmmaker to have a mega huge boner for. I'm looking at you Paul W.S. Anderson.
Real Talk: Morgan talking to the Marines onboard a transport vessel: "Oh, and before you ask, I totally went through all your stuff during the four month slumber." Either he's trolling these guys or he is such a creeper.
Hit/Miss: *Winslow playing a game.* Suddenly I'm getting flashbacks to Duke playing a handheld game from 2005's Doom.
Hit: *Joan and Bennett reminiscing on their past relationship.* For a moment I thought these two were brother and sister like Reaper and Sam were. Thank god these two went to details of their relationship. Otherwise I would've assume Universal was being horribly lazy.
Miss: A guy has turned into a possessed creature after coming out of the gate and Betruger claims to a scientist back on Earth that it's just antidepressants and cell reconfiguration issues. Clearly this guy is dumber than Dr. Carmack from Doom 2005.
Miss: And of course Betruger wants to go through the gate just to keep the project going. What could possibly go wrong?
Real Talk: So there's this tension between Joan and the other marines due to Joan's insubordination that got her transferred to Phobos.
Miss: Although this begs the question of why are the other marines in her unit are being transferred to Phobos? Joan even told the hire ups to punish only her. I've never been in the marines or any form of military so how does this make any sense?
Miss: *Savage is recording a video message about resigning/retiring from the Marines and coming home to his family.* Oh great, a character who's about to resign/retire and to add another death nail to his coffin he has a wife and child. I got nothing against this guy but when a character starts talking about retiring that's an automatic death sentence. Making it impossible to care for them because the audience is now left with the fact that said character's gonna die no matter what. Sure it's a sad moment when it happens but the more you notice this pattern the more it becomes pretentious and predictable.
Hit: Credit for the CGI of the transport vessel and exterior shots of Phobos.
Hit/Miss: *The marines listen to a distress signal which turns out to be some creature snarling sounds.* More Doom 2005 flashbacks.
Hit: This movie got some decent soundtrack.
Hit: Savage brought the super shotgun!
Real Talk: Akua talking to Savage about the super shotgun: "Can't believe you're bringing that weak ass shit." Clearly somebody has never played Doom.
Hit: Savage talking to Akua: "You got your toy...." closes the super shotgun barrel "I got mine." Fucking bad ass.
Real Talk: *A mysterious power surge occurs as the transport vessel connects to an airlock door.* Well that wasn't suspicious or ominous at all.
Real Talk: I know these marines need them but most of the areas are well lit they don't need the flashlights.
Real Talk: I wonder if those explosive barrels and that chainsaw will come into play later?
Hit: *Joan finds a dead body and is identify as William Blazkovicz.* OK movie, I'll give you that for the Wolfenstein reference.
Real Talk: Joan has acquired the Blue Keycard.
Hit: *Joan dual wields two hand guns, shooting down a few zombies.* Alright, that was awesome.
Miss: Akua after gunning down a few demonized personnel: "I'm your ultra nightmare, motherfuckers!" *And then one of the zombies attacks from behind and kills him.* Some ultra nightmare he was.
Hit: *Joan breaks out the chainsaw and mows down a couple of zombie.* NOICE!
Miss: Some of these marines in this movie dropped like flies almost immediately. The marines in Doom 2005 didn't get killed off this fast and at few minutes from each other.
Hit: Savage brought the super shotgun, might as well use it.
Miss: Of course Bennett knows what's going on and he couldn't mention anything sooner, why?
Miss: And Daisy (the transport vessel's AI) becomes Discount Hal 9000.
Hit: Chaplain has an interesting backstory, was once a marine but then got worn out with that life. Figured he try to "save souls instead of taking them." Yet he still respects the uniform.
Hit: Looks like these marines have reached a new level because now they're dealing with Imps. And I must say that the creature design of the Imps are rather impressive.
Miss: *Chaplain saves Joan from having her soul sucked from her only to get blasted to death by the Imp.* This would've been avoided if Chaplain ducked out of the way instead of stupidly standing there.
Real Talk: Joan has acquired the Yellow Keycard.
Hit: Joan has acquired the BFG 9000.
Miss: This movie just had to fuck up the BFG 9000. Instead of shooting huge rounds of energy that obliterates anything in one shot, it just shoots a bunch of pew pew rounds. Say what you want about Doom 2005 but at least that movie got the BFG to do exactly what it suppose to do. Just how did they fucked up the most iconic weapon in the Doom series?
Miss: *Joan tries to reason with Bennett who's now a zombie.* Joan you've killed dozens of zombies what makes zombie Bennett any different, because you two dated each other?
Real Talk: Joan has acquired the Red Keycard.
Miss: *It's revealed that Betruger was "reborn" into something else when he went to Hell.* Up to this point I didn't believe one bit that Betruger went through the Hellgate and then came right back just fine. I had a feeling there was something off with him, aside from being crazy and obsessed.
Miss: Well Hell should looks disappointing, not so much fire and brimstone going on. It just looks something straight out of Dark Souls.
Miss: So most of the creatures in Hell are Imps, at least as far as I can tell. Meaning there are on Hell Knights, no Barons of Hell, no Revenants, no Cacodemons. Hell there's not even a Spider Mastermind and a Cyberdemon.
Miss: *Joan gets a flashback of her dying mother saying "have faith that in your darkest moment you won't be alone." Then she just gets back up starts shooting again.* When I saw this flashback I kept thinking that Joan's mother would descend from heaven as a bad ass angel and kill enough demons for Joan to escape. Yeah I know stupid scene but it'll be less anticlimactic than Joan getting some plot convince second wind and makes a mad dash to the portal to Earth.
Miss: Hey Joan maybe instead of panicking like a basket case just tell the Nevada scientists that there are hostile creatures and that Betruger is collaborating with them. Just saying.
No comments:
Post a Comment