Hits & Misses: Doom Annihilation

Real Talk: Slightly better than the first Doom movie but it's got some flaws.

Real Talk/Sarcastic: Oh look at this, another video game movie with annihilation in the title. This doesn't raise any red flags at all.

Miss: So let's get the obvious out the way, this movie has no Doom Guy/Doom Slayer and it doesn't take place in First Person/POV. You would think Universal have learned from the first Doom movie but evidently they didn't. 

Hit: Holy shit, the UAC Phobos base is well lit instead of being dark as shit like the last movie.

Hit: The movie has an actual gate to Hell and takes place on one of Mars' moons just like the first game. Well done Universal you're getting slightly better.

Miss: All of the Phobos scientists are looking right at Dr. Barnes as soon as he came through the gate. And yet didn't noticed that he's now a zombie until after an alarm goes off. Did these scientists had bad eyesights for a few seconds? Do they have the slowest reactions to everything around them? Did Barnes transformed while nobody's looking? And it's not like zombie Barnes was hidden in shadows given how brightly lit the room is.

Hit: Movie's title uses the same font from the games.

Miss: The first Doom movie had John Grim, this movie has Joan Dark. It feels like they're just recycling old characters with catchy edgelord names now.

Real Talk: Also, sorry Joan Dark but there's only one bad ass character with Dark in their name (Joanna Dark from Perfect Dark) and you're not her. 

Hit: But at least in hindsight Joan seems to be a decently developed character rather than some Mary Sue fetish for the filmmaker to have a mega huge boner for. I'm looking at you Paul W.S. Anderson.   

Real Talk: Morgan talking to the Marines onboard a transport vessel: "Oh, and before you ask, I totally went through all your stuff during the four month slumber." Either he's trolling these guys or he is such a creeper.

Hit/Miss: *Winslow playing a game.* Suddenly I'm getting flashbacks to Duke playing a handheld game from 2005's Doom.

Hit: *Joan and Bennett reminiscing on their past relationship.* For a moment I thought these two were brother and sister like Reaper and Sam were. Thank god these two went to details of their relationship. Otherwise I would've assume Universal was being horribly lazy. 

Miss: A guy has turned into a possessed creature after coming out of the gate and Betruger claims to a scientist back on Earth that it's just antidepressants and cell reconfiguration issues. Clearly this guy is dumber than Dr. Carmack from Doom 2005.

Miss: And of course Betruger wants to go through the gate just to keep the project going. What could possibly go wrong?

Real Talk: So there's this tension between Joan and the other marines due to Joan's insubordination that got her transferred to Phobos.

Miss: Although this begs the question of why are the other marines in her unit are being transferred to Phobos? Joan even told the hire ups to punish only her. I've never been in the marines or any form of military so how does this make any sense?

Miss: *Savage is recording a video message about resigning/retiring from the Marines and coming home to his family.* Oh great, a character who's about to resign/retire and to add another death nail to his coffin he has a wife and child. I got nothing against this guy but when a character starts talking about retiring that's an automatic death sentence. Making it impossible to care for them because the audience is now left with the fact that said character's gonna die no matter what. Sure it's a sad moment when it happens but the more you notice this pattern the more it becomes pretentious and predictable.  

Hit: Credit for the CGI of the transport vessel and exterior shots of Phobos.

Hit/Miss: *The marines listen to a distress signal which turns out to be some creature snarling sounds.* More Doom 2005 flashbacks.

Hit: This movie got some decent soundtrack.

Hit: Savage brought the super shotgun!

Real Talk: Akua talking to Savage about the super shotgun: "Can't believe you're bringing that weak ass shit." Clearly somebody has never played Doom.

Hit: Savage talking to Akua: "You got your toy...." closes the super shotgun barrel "I got mine." Fucking bad ass.

Real Talk: *A mysterious power surge occurs as the transport vessel connects to an airlock door.* Well that wasn't suspicious or ominous at all. 

Real Talk: I know these marines need them but most of the areas are well lit they don't need the flashlights.

Real Talk: I wonder if those explosive barrels and that chainsaw will come into play later? 

Hit: *Joan finds a dead body and is identify as William Blazkovicz.* OK movie, I'll give you that for the Wolfenstein reference.   

Real Talk: Joan has acquired the Blue Keycard.

Hit: *Joan dual wields two hand guns, shooting down a few zombies.* Alright, that was awesome. 

Miss: Akua after gunning down a few demonized personnel: "I'm your ultra nightmare, motherfuckers!" *And then one of the zombies attacks from behind and kills him.* Some ultra nightmare he was. 

Hit: *Joan breaks out the chainsaw and mows down a couple of zombie.* NOICE! 

Miss: Some of these marines in this movie dropped like flies almost immediately. The marines in Doom 2005 didn't get killed off this fast and at few minutes from each other.

Hit: Savage brought the super shotgun, might as well use it.

Miss: Of course Bennett knows what's going on and he couldn't mention anything sooner, why?

Miss: And Daisy (the transport vessel's AI) becomes Discount Hal 9000.

Hit: Chaplain has an interesting backstory, was once a marine but then got worn out with that life. Figured he try to "save souls instead of taking them." Yet he still respects the uniform.

Hit: Looks like these marines have reached a new level because now they're dealing with Imps. And I must say that the creature design of the Imps are rather impressive. 

Miss: *Chaplain saves Joan from having her soul sucked from her only to get blasted to death by the Imp.* This would've been avoided if Chaplain ducked out of the way instead of stupidly standing there. 

Real Talk: Joan has acquired the Yellow Keycard.

Hit: Joan has acquired the BFG 9000.

Miss: This movie just had to fuck up the BFG 9000. Instead of shooting huge rounds of energy that obliterates anything in one shot, it just shoots a bunch of pew pew rounds. Say what you want about Doom 2005 but at least that movie got the BFG to do exactly what it suppose to do. Just how did they fucked up the most iconic weapon in the Doom series?  

Miss: *Joan tries to reason with Bennett who's now a zombie.* Joan you've killed dozens of zombies what makes zombie Bennett any different, because you two dated each other? 

Real Talk: Joan has acquired the Red Keycard.

Miss: *It's revealed that Betruger was "reborn" into something else when he went to Hell.* Up to this point I didn't believe one bit that Betruger went through the Hellgate and then came right back just fine. I had a feeling there was something off with him, aside from being crazy and obsessed. 

Miss: Well Hell should looks disappointing, not so much fire and brimstone going on. It just looks something straight out of Dark Souls.

Miss: So most of the creatures in Hell are Imps, at least as far as I can tell. Meaning there are on Hell Knights, no Barons of Hell, no Revenants, no Cacodemons. Hell there's not even a Spider Mastermind and a Cyberdemon.

Miss: *Joan gets a flashback of her dying mother saying "have faith that in your darkest moment you won't be alone." Then she just gets back up starts shooting again.* When I saw this flashback I kept thinking that Joan's mother would descend from heaven as a bad ass angel and kill enough demons for Joan to escape. Yeah I know stupid scene but it'll be less anticlimactic than Joan getting some plot convince second wind and makes a mad dash to the portal to Earth. 

Miss: Hey Joan maybe instead of panicking like a basket case just tell the Nevada scientists that there are hostile creatures and that Betruger is collaborating with them. Just saying.

Hits & Misses: What Happened To Monday

Hit: These overpopulation subplots are usually one-and-done in most movies I've seen, this movie on the other hand has overpopulation as a plot thread that affects the story.

Miss: As much as Cayman's plan seems to be a promising solution but snatching up multi born siblings and place them in cryo-freeze is a bit much.

Hit: But at least the movie establishes the negative views of the Child Allocation Act later on.

Hit: Oh hey, Willem Dafoe!

Real Talk: And in case you're thinking no he's a bad guy in this movie. I know it's weird.

Hit: You know what's more awesome than one Noomi Rapace? SEVEN Noomi Rapace! That's like having seven Mathilda Mays in one movie.

Hit: But seriously though Noomi's performance as seven identical siblings is amazing given how each of them have their own quirks and personalities. I don't think any other actress wouldn't come close to this level of conveying distinctive personalities. Well...unless their Jean Claude Van Damme...or Tilda Swinton.  

Hit: A lot of movies use visual/practical effects when it comes to identical siblings and/or clones. What Happened To Monday does the same but feels more evolved than the previous movies. Furthermore, none of the siblings don't appear to be poorly green screened/CGI when they're in the same room.

Miss: *In a flashback, Thursday sneaks out of their home only to return with her fingertip hanging by a few nerves.* As much as it looks gruesome the effects on it is not that good at all.

Miss: *In the same flashback, Terrence (the sibling's grandfather) preps the siblings to "match" Thursday's injury.* I know he's doing this to keep them safe but could he at least knocked them out first? Having them fully conscious while removing a finger is a bit extreme. 

Hit: Damn that Wednesday though!

Hit: The fight scene between the Settman Siblings and the C.A.B. agents is another example of Noomi's performance, the siblings' quirks; plus the impressive fight choreography. The movie established Wednesday being the adept fighter while the other siblings resort to using improvised weapons they can find.

Hit: *Saturday shrieks as she attacks an agent with an iron.* Sure that shrieking was unnecessary but god damn does it make her sound so hot.

Miss: Sunday: "Is it bad?" You got shot woman, the fuck do you think?

Miss: And Sunday is dead, granted she wasn't my favorite day but still.

Miss: Cayman knows that the Settmans are trapped in their home yet she doesn't order to have the place burn down and make it look like an accident. I know she wants to keep it quiet from the public but all she's doing is giving the sibling the chance to plan things out.

Hit: *Wednesday let out a bad ass scream as she open fires on the C.A.B. agents.* That was so epicly awesome it'll make Reb Brown cream his pants. And once again Noomi's scream makes her so hot.

Real Talk: *Wednesday jumps three stories from a window, landing in a dumpster which turns out to be empty.* Just by listening to the impact you can tell that had to hurt like shit. 

Miss: Main character or not, Wednesday should be dead or at least too fucked up to be running at all. 

Miss: This shot clearly looks like Wednesday stopped in mid-air just a split second after getting shot jumping across to the next building. 

Miss: Also... NO NOT WEDNESDAY, SHE'S WAS MY FAVORITE DAY!

Real Talk: Such a beautiful body Noomi has.

Hit: Also... hot Saturday Sex Scene.

Miss: And now Saturday's dead. Guess Miranda Frost wasn't kidding about "sex for dinner, death for breakfast."

Miss: So Friday stays behind and blows up their home all because she won't survive the outside world with her sisters. Understandable I suppose but she still has two sisters left at the end of the movie, she wouldn't be that alone.

Miss: And now Friday's dead....

Hit: *Thursday holds a sharp object at Adrian's throat as he enters his vehicle.* Even when Noomi's angry she's still very beautiful.

Real Talk: So it's revealed that C.A.B. weren't putting siblings in cryofreeze but were actually disposing them by incinerating them. Well if Cayman was going with that approach she should've gathered the Infinity Stones, would've gone a lot faster that way.

Real Talk: Thursday talking to Tuesday: "What happened to Monday?" Ladies and gentlemen, we have a title drop.

Hit: Noomi vs Noomi

LOL: Hey Noomi, stop hitting yourself.

Miss: Even when the population goes down, what about the siblings who are "in cryofreeze"? Someone's gonna start asking why aren't the siblings being released and eventually people will start getting suspicious. I think Cayman's plan of disposing siblings behind closed doors may have a few holes when people are expecting these siblings to be let go.  

Hits & Misses: Ant Man and the Wasp

Hit: Father and Daughter fun time.

Hit: Cassie Lang is just too damn adorable for this movie, like if you take a puppy and turn it into a human being.

Hit: So Scott's been on house arrest since Captain America: Civil War. Well at least there's a reason why he wasn't in Avengers Infinity War.

Hit: First Wasp action scene!

Miss: It must very annoying for the FBI to constantly breaking into Scott's house when he almost breaks the house arrest parole. And this is a running theme in this movie.

Real Talk: I don't know much about the villain Ghost, comics or otherwise. So I'm OK with Ghost being a woman.

Hit: Before seeing the movie for some reason I keep thinking that Janet Van Dyne would be the main villain. I'm REALLY glad this movie proved me wrong.

Hit/LOL: All of the size jokes in this movie.

Real Talk: It's certain that Hydra must've trained Ghost when they were within SHIELD.

Hit: That Ghost ass!

Hit: That Wasp ass!

Hit: The most exciting yet hilarious car chases in the movie.

Hit/LOL: You gotta love Luis' way of storytelling, dumb but endearing.

Hit/LOL: A literal mini Drive-In Theater.

Real Talk: Four people (Scott, Hope, Hank and Janet) doing scientific work. Suddenly I'm imagining a better Fantastic Four movie on screen.

Miss/Downer: Movie ends on a happy high note only to have the effects of Thanos taking hold. I mean yeah I was excepting it but not like this.

Hits & Misses: The Darkest Minds

DISCLAIMER: I had a feeling this movie was based from a novel and lo and behold it is. But giving that I don't have the time to read, analyze and compare between the books and the movie. I'm just gonna review this film as a movie goer as fair as possible. If you think there's some things that I've missed or misinterpreted please tell me so. Just be aware that telling me to "go read the books" is not a compelling argument.

Real Talk: As much as this movie has a good premise, there are a few plot threads that raises too many questions. And I feel that there's so much worldbuilding that a 105 minute movie won't be enough to convey such important plot elements.

Miss: So this disease (I.A.A.N.) kills 90% of the children population while the survivors gain superhuman abilities. OK that's interesting but what makes the children susceptible to this disease that they either die or get superpowered? What about teenagers, what makes them not susceptible to I.A.A.N.? How do the children get infected with I.A.A.N., is it airborne, cross-contamination, having unique genetics? Or how about the unborn babies are they infected once they're born, are they possibly vaccinated after they're born? Did every adult on earth decided not to have kids until a cure is found? Did every adult got themselves chemically sterilized in case of accidental pregnancies? Again there's so many plot elements to touch upon that a 105 minute movie won't be enough to explore them all.  

Hit: Gotta give this child actor playing Young Ruby credit for her performance. If I woke up one morning and my parents don't know who I am I'd freak out too.

Miss: So earlier the U.S. President promises that these superpowered children will get the help needed. Only a little bit later there's a scene of Ruby and other superpowered kids are taken to a concentration camp. Well this President was lying his ass off.

Miss: Also *The superpowered children being taken to concentration camps.* Lazy non-subtle metaphors or heavy handed real world allegories, take your pick.

Miss: This is a pet peeve I have when it comes to stories of people born with superpowers. Either the government or some (covert) agency will not have the tools necessary to handle superpowered beings. Yet they managed to do such a feat regardless of being ill-equipped. Sure you can argue that these are kids and they have no understanding nor control of their powers. But even an child untrained with their powers is just as dangerous as a fully trained powered person. All I'm saying is that it doesn't hurt to be better prepared when handling power born beings.

Miss: The doctor examining Ruby states that Reds and Oranges are very rare which I call bullshit giving the fact that a scene earlier there's Ruby and another kid who mind controlled a guard to kill herself are Oranges. As for the Reds, well we'll get to that later.

Miss: Apparently if a child is Red or Orange immediate execution. So much for helping these children, huh President Bullshiter?

Miss: Oh sure Doc, just get in close proximity with Ruby to kill her so she can touch you and control your thoughts that she's a Green. Security measures, what the fuck are those?

Real Talk: And why does Ruby has to touch someone for her powers to work while that other Orange from earlier didn't even lay a hand on that guard? Did the film's writers got confused on how an Orange powers work?  

Miss: So the Blues (telekinetics), Golds (electrokinetics), Reds (pyrokinetics) and Oranges (mind control/reading) are in the risk conditions of Guarded, Caution, Dangerous and Lethal. OK fair enough but why are the Greens kept in camps when they're deemed as "safe to approach"? 

Miss: The Greens are just super smart at puzzles and numbers, they're not exactly Tony Stark or Reed Richards. When it comes to characters having super intelligence due to a mutation (natural or otherwise) I think of someone like Gear from Static Shock or Skylar from Alphas. Not a bunch of  Discount Sheldon Coopers.

Real Talk: And speaking of Tony Stark, even if the Greens are meant to be in camps what's to stop them from secretly building weapons from scraps and make their escape?

Miss: And it's rather a waste to have the Greens to be working in sweatshops instead creating advanced super tech.

Miss: So the humans have a countermeasure against the powered children but it's just some human equivalent of a dog whistle, rather lame I say. 

LOL: *Ruby mind controls a guard at the entrance to let her and Cate leave as the guard says "move along".* Suddenly I'm getting Star Wars Episode IV flashbacks.

Hit: Oh hi Gwendoline Christie, I swear I didn't recognize you without the blonde. But seriously brown hair is a nice look for her.

Hit: OK to be honest, that's a bad ass entrance for the Lady Jane character.

Real Talk: I swear that every time Chubs said Lady Jane's name it kept sounding like Lady Jaye (from G.I. Joe).

Real Talk: So kids are either put in camps or hunted by Tracers (bounty hunters for superpowered kids). How's the public even remotely OK with this? 

Miss: *That doctor from the beginning of the film gets burned alive by a Red. *So much for Reds being rare and getting shot on sight.

Miss: Liam: "I feel like I should ask you to prom or something." Ruby: "Well unfortunately I'm already going with the captain of the football."  Ruby you've been living in a camp for six years, what the hell do you know about prom and football? I'm sure she's joking with Liam but I'm still confused of what she just said considering she's been in a camp since she was ten years old. Is the movie implying that elementary schools have proms?

Real Talk: *Ruby mind controls these two people to drive away.* So now Ruby can use her powers from a distance. Not sure if it's her powers getting stronger or just plot convenience.

Miss: Chubs did not need to use his powers just to figure out that EDO is a radio frequency to locate East River. Did the movie let Chubs magically figure this all out just to not have his powers being completely meaningless to the plot? Because otherwise I don't think the movie would've progress if he didn't use his powers.

Hit: Don't have much to say about the Ruby/Liam relationship but at least it doesn't come off as creepy, forced or abusive as to the Bella/Edward relationship.

Miss: *Ruby mind controls Lady Jane into taking a walk and to never, ever stop.* Suddenly I'm getting X-Men: Wolverine Origins flashbacks and I do not need to be reminded of that movie, ever.

Miss: Also wasn't Lady Jane not briefed that Ruby could be an Orange? Do most Tracers usually just randomly hunt down kids not fully prepared if that certain kid is a higher color?

LOL: Harry Potter reference.

Miss: So East River is a safe haven for the powered kids and yet they're not allow to leave whenever they want. Well this isn't suspicious at all. 

Miss: *Ruby and Clancy getting rather close while Liam eavesdrops on them.* WARNING...WARNING...LOVE TRIANGLE ALERT.... WARNING...WARNING...LOVE TRIANGLE ALERT...

Sad Moment: So it's revealed that Ruby accidentally erased herself from her parents memories which explains why they don't remember her. 

Miss: Ruby: "I don't want to do to you what I did to my parents!" Liam: "No, I'm never gonna forget you!" Ruby: "You can't make that promise, Liam. You can't help me, you're not an Orange. We're not the same." So just like that you're gonna ditch Liam for Clancy all because you're both Oranges. What makes you think you won't erase yourself from Clancy's memories by accident? Is Clancy immune to this particular ability? You don't know but sure Ruby just immediately piss away what you and Liam had.  

Miss/Sarcastic: Oh no, Clancy has a hidden agenda. I mean I would find this actually shocking if I haven't seen this cliche a thousand times before in other shows and movies.  

Miss/WTF: *Clancy tries to psychically and physically take advantage of Ruby to the point of being creepily fucked up.* What the fuck am I watching and why is this a scene?! What sick fuck OK'd this scene straight out of a Lifetime made-for-TV movie shit?!

Miss/WTF: Clancy talking to Ruby: "Don't worry. Now that I know how, I'll just ease this part and we can start over." That is such a huge red flag that you can see the flag from fucking orbit! And also why the hell did you say that out loud in front of Ruby you sick piece of shit?!

Hit: Now if there's any hindsight to this fucked up fuckery here, LOVE TRIANGLE AVERTED!!! 

Miss: Ruby you were practically almost raped by Discount Edward Cullen, why are you trying to keep it to yourself when Liam wants to help you? What, are you trying to be Discount Bella Swan?

Miss: So it's revealed that Clancy has taken over the U.S. government while his father, the President is locked away. As much as this is an interesting twist it still begs a couple of questions. If Clancy has control of virtually everything then why would he still have the other kids being put in camps instead of just I don't know bring them under his wing willingly? Why even bother with the fake ass safe haven nonsense if he was just gonna have the kids forcibly recruited into his army? I feel like this guy's actions are not only counterintuitive but they're fucking pointless.

Miss: Seriously Chubs, you're using your powers just to figure out that Clancy is with the government? You can see them right in front of you as clear as day to noticed without your powers. Why's this movie making this unnecessary superpower even more unnecessary? This kid is about as useful as the Dan character from Species, they're both good at annoyingly stating the fucking obvious.

Miss: Clancy: "I'm just...trying to make this miserable world a place where we don't have to be afraid. Where those who are special like you and me, can be in charge. And you'd rather run around the woods with this guy?" *Clancy starts punching Liam.* "No one takes what's mine. Not my father, not anyone and certainly not you." I would called this kid Discount Magneto but even that would be an insult to Magneto. So Clancy is more like a Spoiled Superpower Millennial Hipster. 

Miss: You know Ruby you could've had the Captain character quickly draw his gun and shoot Clancy instead of himself.

Miss: *Reds begin attacking East River with their breath weapons.* Discount Extremis Soldiers from Iron Man 3. 

Real Talk: Don't get me wrong the Reds are rather cool but with the red glowy eyes and faces they remind me way too much like the Iron Man 3 Extremis Soldiers.

Miss: Clancy talking to Ruby: "I can prune and snip and rewrite you now, into a better Ruby. The perfect Ruby. The Ruby that I want you to be." First Clancy attempted psychic rape, now he wants to try psychic grooming on Ruby. I think my soul has officially puke its lungs out in disgust. And that creepy rapist look on his face is really not helping.

Miss: Cate: "We're here to help you and expose the camps for what they are and stop President Gray." Ruby: "President Gray and his son are collecting us, just like you are." So did Ruby just forgot the part about Clancy taking over everything while President Dipshit is locked away? Not gonna mention that bit of important information to Cate at all? OK....

Hit/LOL: Ruby mind controlling Rob: "Liam is not a killer." Mind Controlled Rob: "Liam is not a killer." Ruby: "And you're an asshole." Rob: "I am an asshole." Good one, kid.

Hit: *Ruby erases herself from Liam's memories as she kisses him in order for the League to let him go.* This has to be the one movie where an amnesia kiss not only makes sense to the story but it doesn't come off as shitty plot convenience for the writers to dig themselves out of a pigeon hole. And yes I was referring to Superman II.   

Real Talk: If by any chance this movie gets a sequel I hope they fix their shit on the worldbuilding. Or even better just reboot this IP into a TV series to better flow the worldbuilding/plot. I was really hoping for this movie to be good with its unique premise but the overall execution and storytelling felt they were sorely limited by the film's runtime. The Host suffered from this problem when the narration just front loads the movie's worldbuilding rather than showing how the Souls made the Earth a better place. Yes I'm kinda defending a shitty movie based on a shitty novel written by a shitty writer.