My thoughts on the Hellraiser sequels

I'm done, I'm finally done with the sequels. So on to my thoughts.
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth: Not as over the top as the first two but it tries its best to tie-in to them.

Hellraiser IV: Bloodline: Seriously what's the point of bringing these franchises into freaking space? Anyway the backstory of the puzzle box and its creator was interesting but it felt they didn't gone deep enough.

Hellraiser V: Inferno: Now this film has a much different approach with a psychological thriller aspect and that's a good thing. My only complaint is with how the previous films are so graphic and gory. This film is pretty tame in that department and I mean Alien vs Predator tame. Also I'm calling shenanigans on the sub-title; it's called Inferno yet there were no infernos.

Hellraiser VI: Hellseeker: It's nice to see they gave the character Kristy closure and once again has this psychological thriller going for them. However, like V it's all pretty tame in the gore department.

Hellraiser VII: Deader: Oh god was this the most boring one of the franchise, as if they got really lazy in the suspense. Not to mention they didn't thought through on the Merchant subplot.

Hellraiser VIII: Hellworld: This is the most BS of the franchise; this film is like an amalgam of Scream and Saw, if these films were tacky and low-budget. And for some reason it got this iffy meta stuff going on. At least when Scream and Cabin in the Woods did it there was a point. But in this film I just don't get it. And the real kick to the balls is despite Pinhead being in the film, he really isn't in the film at all. The whole time the main characters were hallucinating. And one other thing, this was just a Lance Henriksen revenge film. I mean he couldn't bother summoning Pumpkinhead that would help.

Hellraiser IX: Revelation: Doug Bradley couldn't reprise the role of Pinhead this time and frankly I'm glad he didn't. Because this was the most pointless film in the franchise. Sadly the replacement for Doug looks butt-ugly as Pinhead; his face looks like it doesn't fit with the Pinhead make-up. Even more weird they this even uglier Pinhead in the film. Um...passing-the-torch......sequel-baiting.......symbolism? Pinhead has the weakest presence in this film and at worst the antagonist has the weakest motivation. This film has a weak atmosphere and just immediately spoils the set-up and mystery. I mean it felt like I'm watching a Cloverfield clone at times.

TFV Anti-Twilight Month Review: Let the Right One In

And here we are, last movie in this special here we go.

We open on a snowy night at a suburb apartments as a boy named Oskar (played by Kare Hedebrant) practicing with a knife; cut away to an old man Hakan (played by Per Ragnar) and a little girl Eli (played by Lina Leandersson) in a taxi. Hakan and the Eli arrived at the same suburb apartments where Oskar lives. Oskar sees them getting out of the taxi and enter the apartment building before going to bed. The Hakan starts covering up the one window of their apartment; well that’s not suspicious at all <_<…..>_>. Cut to daytime at a school Oskar is being bullying by Conny (played by Patrik Rydmark) and his friends before they leave for P.E. At the apartments Hakan is packing up some items in a bag; two of which is a knife and some type of gas disbursal device with a breathing mask attached to it. Yeah still don’t see nothing suspicious here 0_0….>_>….<_<. Anyway Hakan is staying around at a footpath area until he spots a man walking by. He approaches the man only to force the breathing mask on him and gases him; OK may be there’s something suspicious about this guy. Later Hakan hangs the guy upside down, places a jug underneath him and cut’s the guy’s throat draining the blood out and into the jug. A little bit later a dog shows up as Hakan hears someone calling for the dog; he tries to scares off the dog but to no avail. Hakan quickly packs up and leaves the scene before anyone shows up, however, he leaves the jug of blood behind. Soon after two women show up looking for the dog only to come across the dead guy. Back at the apartment Oskar is outside with his knife stabbing a tree, apparently trying to toughen himself up against the bullies. Oskar soon turns around and sees Eli on a jungle gym and apparently not wearing a coat. Oskar asked where she lives and Eli response that she lives next door to him. Eli tells him that they can’t be friends; Oskar asked why but she doesn’t answer but goes back inside. Cut to Hakan returning home by train worried that he left the jug of blood behind; at home Eli (oddly her voice sounding older) is angry at Hakan. Hakan could do nothing but ask her to forgive him.


The next day Oskar is in class hearing about the murder that happened last night; after class Oskar is in the restroom as Conny and crew are looking for him. He stays in the restroom stall until they left; which gives him the chance to leave school and heads home. Cut to a café where a group of friends are having a chat; one guy Lacke (played by Peter Carlberg) noticed Hakan sitting by himself. Lacke sits with him trying to have a conversion but Hakan ignores him and soon leaves the café. Cut to nighttime Oskar heads to the jungle gym at the courtyard playing with his Rubik’s Cube. Eli shows up just watching him; the two started talking for a minute. Eli takes notice of his Rubik’s Cube so Oskar gives it to her to play; Oskar asked ain’t she cold and Eli answers no. Saying that she forgotten how; Oskar says that he’ll see her tomorrow and he leaves. Eli starts crouching in pain as her stomach starts rumbling. Cut to a bridge where Lacke and his friend Jocke (played by Mikael Rahm) are walking along and saying their goodbyes for the night. As Jocke walks under the bridge he hears Eli calling for help as she’s all huddled in the darkness. Say it with now, IT’S A TRAP! Jocke slowly walks towards Eli until he picks her up; however, Eli clamps on Jocke like a facehugger and feeds on him. Little does Eli know that a neighbor living across the bridge, Gosta (played by Karl Robert Lindgren) is watching the late night feast. After Eli finished her late night meal she snaps Jocke’s neck in case he comes back as an undead. Cut to the outside window of the apartment where there are noises from Eli’s place. Most likely Hakan is upset of what she done; Oskar is hugging to the wall of his room trying to listen. Soon after Hakan heads out of the apartment most likely off to get the body. Gosta head to the café and tells Lacke and friends about Jocke; he then takes them to where it happened but the body is long gone. Lacke finds some blood underneath the snow where it happened. Hakan drags the body to a small lake and quickly dumps it there. The next morning Oskar finds his Rubik’s Cube with all sides completed; which he meets her again later after school. He asked how old is she and Eli answered 12…“more or less”. Apparently Eli doesn’t remember her own birthday; Oskar gives her his Rubik’s Cube as a birthday gift but she kindly declines. He asked Eli how she solved and she shows him how it’s done.


Cut to the next school day, Oskar stays in school to write down some Morse code for Eli. Afterwards Oskar leaves the school heading home until he’s confronted by Conny. Conny asked what was Oskar writing but he avoids the question; Conny demands Oskar to show it to him but he refuses. One of Conny’s crew retrains Oskar while another has a switch (a beating stick) and starts beating Oskar in the leg. The first kid takes the switch and swings it across Oskar’s face; leaving a cut on his left cheek. The bullies immediately leave as Oskar stands there; upon returning home Oskar lies to his mom that he fell on a rock. Later Oskar gives the Morse code to Eli; she asked what happened to his face and he only answers “some classmates”. Eli tells him to hit back, hit back hard and they’ll stop and to hit even harder since there’s three of them. Oskar worries that they won’t stop but Eli says that she’ll help him as she touches his hand. While this is going on Hakan is watching them as the two leave. Eli returns to her room telling Hakan to leave and he hesitantly complies; rather bother that she has taken interest to Oskar. Cut to after gym class Oskar goes to his gym teacher Mr. Avila (played by Cayetano Ruiz) asking if he can join the after school weight lifting program. Mr. Avila tells him to show up at seven. Cut to Oskar and Eli hanging out at a candy store; Oskar offers some candy to Eli but she refused at but then she takes one and pukes shortly after. Eli apologizes and Oskar immediately hugs her; she asked does he like her and Oskar replied yes. Eli then asked “if I wasn’t a girl would you like me anyway”? Oskar replies “I suppose so”. We cut to some scenes where Oskar goes to visit his father; nothing important is going I just thought I bring this up. Back at Eli’s place Hakan is setting up for another blood run; he asked her not to see Oskar. She doesn’t even answer just puts her hand on the side of her face. Face it Hakan, you have been replace and this film takes place in 80s; long before Facebook and Twitter.


Cut to a high school basketball game as Hakan is outside watching them. Later after the game the school is closed and locked down leaving only Hakan about to drain blood from a tied upside down high school boy in the locker room. Two of the boy’s friends are outside waiting for him, getting worried of what’s taken him so long. Hakan is about to cut the boy open but gets spooked by one of his friends knocking on the window. The boy wakes up by knock on the door by his second friend and starts screaming for help. Oh what the hell Hakan, you didn’t even bother to chloroform the kid? God you suck. The two friends go get the janitor and start busting on the door. The risking of being identify Hakan takes a jar full of acid and pours it on his face as the two friends and the janitor enters the locker room. The next day after Oskar’s weight-lifting class, he finds his pants in the locker room toilet. Leaving him with no choice to walk home in the cold in his gym shorts; I can imagine what his legs must be feeling like in the cold. Cut to Eli’s place as she hears a news report about an unidentified man who was arrested and administered to a hospital. She figures that it’s Hakan who got caught by the police. Eli shows up at the hospital telling the desk nurse that she’s looking for her “dad” and that he was brought in by the police. The desk nurse tells her that her “dad” is on the seventh floor in a restricted ward. Eli takes her leave as the desk nurse notice that she’s wearing no shoes; feeling deep sympathy for her. The desk nurse heads outside but doesn’t see Eli, nor doesn’t her scaling up the hospital building. Spider-Vamp, Spider-Vamp! Anyway Eli knocks on the window asking Hakan “may I come in”; Hakan opens the window and without hesitation offers his blood to her. She feeds on him, drains him dry and Hakan falls out the window and dies as he hits the ground.


Later Eli shows up knocking at Oskar’s bedroom window asking can she come in. Oskar invites her in and she steps inside and immediately strips naked; OK I need an adult. Eli enters Oskar’s bed while he’s facing away from her but notices that she’s naked and cold as ice. Oskar asked if she “want to go steady” but Eli asked what he means by that. Oskar confesses that he wants her to his girlfriend but Eli replies that “she’s not a girl” and wants things just the way they are. She then asked does he do anything special when he goes steady and he replies no. So she asked that everything’s the same and Oskar replies yes; Eli accepts that they’ll go steady. That it’ll just be the two of them; they then hold hands as they sleep. I wanna talk more about this scene; yeah Eli just comes into Oskar room and immediately gets in bedroom with him. But at least she asked to enter his room instead of sneaking in like a creepy pervert stalker. Also the scene isn’t all cluttered with annoyingly heavy-handed abstinence metaphors. Eli seems to be way more mature and normal than Edward, the creepo stalker dumbass he is every time he’s around Bella. And one more thing, if you think I’m gonna make a “friend zone” joke because Eli said no to be Oskar’s girlfriend. Then you’re welcomed to kiss my ass. The follow morning Oskar wakes up with Eli gone but she leaves him a letter which sadly there’s no subtitles to read it. Later at a frozen lake Oskar’s school class are out ice skating. Oskar walks in the snow and finds a long plastic stick; Oskar is confronted once again by Conny and crew, threating him to go swim in the frozen lake. But Oskar stands his ground as he says no; Mr. Avila has his eyes on Oskar and the bullies. Conny continues to threaten Oskar as he walks towards him; Oskar still standing his ground until he swings the stick to the left side of Conny’s face making his ear bleed. Mr. Avila hears Conny screaming in pain but is distracted by two small school children. The two children show him something frozen in the ice. A little bit later when the authorities chainsaw through the ice it turns out to be the body of Jocke.


After that incident we cut to Oskar swimming at the gym as Eli is outside watching him. The two head to some place to hang out; Eli congratulates Oskar of what he did earlier. A little bit later Oskar takes his knife and cuts his hand to mix his blood with Eli’s. But Eli is drawn by the blood dripping from Oskar’s hand and immediately dashes to the blood on the floor and licks it up. Oskar stand there in fright as Eli looks at him (with her face all different) telling him to go away. Eli runs away and jumps onto a tree as Oskar still in fright of what he has seen. Later at Gosta’s place Lacke asked him to go tell the police but Gosta is very hesitant to do so. You mean this guy hasn’t report to the cops yet, what a fucking dick. Lacke gets very upset that his friend is now gone; his girlfriend Ginia (played by Ika Nord) tries to comfort him but he immediately pushes her away. Ginia gets upset and storms off; Lacke soon follows. Ginia is walking home as Lacke follows her trying to make it up to her but she keeps walking. Ginia walks up some stairs until she gets jump from above by Eli; Locke hears Ginia screaming and quickly runs up the stairs. He sees Eli feeding on Ginia but he kicks her off; Eli immediately runs away. The following morning Ginia is sleeping in bed until she’s awaken by a tiny sunlight beaming on her finger which starts to burn a little. She goes to the window to open the blinds but she quickly closes them after the sunlight starts hurting her. Ginia goes to the bathroom and takes the bandage off her neck; then she proceeds to sniff the blood on the bandage. Cut to Oskar at his father’s place just spend time with him. Oskar looks at Eli’s letter again this time we see subtitles that reads “I must be gone and live, or stay and die.” “Yours, Eli”. Cut to Ginia sniffing around the area where Jocke was killed and looks up where Gosta lives. Lacke is at Gosta’s place grieving over what happened to Ginia. Ginia shows up but for some reason all of Gosta’s cats are acting rather spooked by her presence. As Lacke goes towards Ginia, all the cats began attacking her; biting and clawing the poor woman until she runs out of the place and falls down the stairs.


Oskar gets back from his father’s and goes to Eli’s place. Inside Oskar asked her straightforward is she a vampire and Eli replied yes. He then asked is she old and Eli answers that she’s been 12 for a long time. The two talk some more until Oskar takes his leave. Cut to Ginia at a hospital as Lacke is planning on selling his Dad’s stamp collection to afford a nice for him and to live. Ginia soon wakes up asking Lacke for help; saying “that kid must have infected her somehow” that she “doesn’t want to live”. A little bit later Lacke is waiting outside her room while a nurse is about to draw blood from Ginia. She tricks the nurse to open the blinds and the nurse complies. Once the blinds are opened Ginia gets a good ray of sunshine and burst into flames; dying instantly. Back at Oskar’s place Eli shows up at the door; Oskar lets her in but she says that he has to invite Eli. Oskar is curious to know what if she comes in without being invite and continues to let her in uninvited. Eli walks in and nothing happens at first until she starts bleeding out as if she’s hemorrhage. Oskar dashes towards her, holding Eli in his arms and says that she can come in stopping the hemorrhage. A little bit later after Eli takes shower, Oskar offers some of his mom’s clothes to her. Oskar’s mom is at the door and Eli speeds out of the room and climbs to her place. The next morning Lacke is walking outside the apartment complex, looking at Eli’s bedroom window; thinking that it could be her. Oskar, who spends the night at Eli’s place, wakes up with a message next to him which reads Eli is sleeping in the bathroom and not to come in.


A little bit later Lacke shows up at the apartment and enters on in; he finds a pocket-knife and searches for Eli. Meanwhile, Oskar is hiding out of sight from Lacke. Lacke finds the bathroom and enters in to find Eli still sleeping. He readies the pocket-knife as Oskar readies his knife to protect Eli. Lacke was about to remove the covers off the window but Oskar shouts at him which wakes up Eli. Lacke is distracted long enough to get jump from behind by Eli; Oskar just shuts the door and walks away as Eli feeds on Lacke. Afterwards Eli appears out of the bathroom and hugs Oskar; she tells him that she has to go away. But before she so Eli gives Oskar a bloody kiss. The movie cuts into a montage of Oskar sadden that Eli is gone; well at least he doesn’t break into a four month comatose withdraw over her. Yeah I say it; Oskar has better character growth than Bella Swan. Anyway after that Oskar gets a call from a classmate Martin (played by Mikael Erhardsson), asking if he’s coming to Mr. Avila’s class tonight. Oskar replied yes; however, Martin turns out to be with the bullies setting up Oskar. Cut to nighttime at a bath house Oskar is taking swimming P.E.; meanwhile, Conny and his cronies set fire to dumpster which lures Mr. Avila away from Oskar. Oskar confronted by Conny’s older brother Jimmy (played by Rasmus Luthander) who wants to play a game. Jimmy tells Oskar to hold his breath underwater for three minutes; if he doesn’t make it then Jimmy will cut an eye out. “An eye for an ear” as he puts it. Jimmy takes Oskar’s head, counts backwards from five as Oskar takes a deep breath and dips his head underwater. One bully goes to sit at the benches while Conny and Martin are having second thoughts but Jimmy continues. Underwater Oskar starts losing breath until we hear a loud thud; all of a sudden we see Martin’s leg being dragged around the pool. Then we see Martin’s head fall into the pool; Jimmy’s arm is cut off and falls into the pool. Soon after we see an arm coming into the pool and pulls Oskar on out. Oskar slowly opens his eyes only for us to look upon the eyes of Eli as the two of them exchanged smiles. We cut to see three of the bullies dead while one is still sitting at the bench now crying in fear. The movie ends with Oskar on a train with Eli hiding from the sun in a large box as they talk to each other via Morse code.

My Final Verdict: Unlike Twilight this film has character interactions that aren’t so superficially stagnant and repetitive. Oskar and Eli don’t behave like instant lovey dovey couple on a whim; they behave how two people usually behave, LIKE REAL PEOPLE. We see what kind of character Eli is; how she relies on Hakan to get blood so that she doesn’t have to kill. But was left with no choice but to kill to feed after Hakan died; she does so in order to survive. Like Eli said she kills because she has to; it’s a better character arc instead of listening to her brooding away her life story. I love how this film established actually consequences to Eli (since she’s a vampire) upon setting up the rules. Whereas Twilight constantly avoids any kind of consequences just to keep it all safe (and boring). There’s an Americanize version of this film called Let Me In, which honestly it’s a good Americanization of the Swedish film. So yeah I recommend watching both versions.

Now before I sign off I want to say by the rest of this year and beyond my productivity on this site will be reduced a little due to getting my life situation back in order. Nothing seriously hopefully I just need to set things back on track; don’t worry I’ll still be writing reviews. Just not as frequently as I was for the past three years.

So once again another Halloween has come, more films have been reviewed and Twilight ain’t got shit on them. Looking forward to next year and as always have a safe and fun Halloween; see you later.

TFV Anti-Twilight Month Review: Wolf

This news flash, Stephanie Meyer sets off to make Twilight short films….I wish I was joking folks. So this leaves me with the opportunity review something new(ish) from Twilight.

You know what’s scarier than Jacob Black “imprinting” on a toddler, Jack Nicholson. You know what’s scarier than Jack Nicholson, Jack Nicholson as Jack Torrance from the Shining. You know what’s scarier than Jack Nicholson as Jack Torrance from the Shining, Jack Nicholson as the Joker. You know what’s scarier than Jack Nicholson as the Joker, Jack Nicholson as a werewolf.


We open on a road at night, on a full moon as we see Will Randall (played by Jack Nicholson) driving home from Vermont until he hits a wolf. Will gets out of the car and checks to see if it’s dead but only to find out that the wolf was just playing possum when it leaps up and bites him as he was trying to move it off the road. The wolf then runs away into some wood and Will quickly gets back in the car and drives off. We cut to morning as Will goes to work at a publishing house MacLeish House (where he works as editor-in-chief); apparently the publishing house is in the process of a takeover by a Raymond Alden. Not only that but there’s the possibility of Will getting fired after the takeover. Will has a talk with his protégé Stewart Swinton (played by James Spader) who just settled a publishing deal with an author. After a visit to a doctor, cut to nighttime as Will arrives at Alden’s house for a party. Soon after he meets with Alden (played by Christopher Plummer) and two have a conversation; Alden offers Will a position in Eastern Europe which that Will is removed as editor-in-chief. The two are walking towards some horses which for some reason are acting rather spooked. After the conversation, Will walks even closer to the horses as they began to panic and Will starts feeling some painful sensations. Will walks away and ends up at an area where he meets with a Laura Alden (played by Michelle Pfeiffer) who is Raymond Alden’s daughter. Laura figures that her father fired him but Will sees it as a demotion between being jobless or takes the job that no one wants. Will returns to the party and “congratulates” Stewart for his new position as editor-in-chief; though Will’s wife Charlotte (played by Kate Nelligan) is not all too happy about it. The next morning or should I say the next night Will is awaken by Charlotte who is surprised that he slept through the whole day. The two are having dinner until Will starts getting rather flirting towards Charlotte. The two start making out but thankfully the movie cuts to the next scene because I really don’t wanna see Jack Nicholson naked and thrusting ewwwwww.

Cut to Will taking the bandages off the bite wound only to see thick hair surrounding the bite wound and proceeds to cut them off. The next day at work things start to get odd for Will such as smelling a co-worker who had an early morning tequila coffee. More odd things began to take notice such as Will somehow senses that Stewart was in his office. Will is looking through a manuscript until one of his assistants enters the office and takes notice that Will is not using his reading glasses. This comes to a surprise to Will as it apparently turns out his eyesight has improved somehow. Will leaves his office and stops at the hall only to notice that his hearing has improved beyond belief as he can nearly everyone from great distances. Seriously was that wolf radioactive when it bit Will and now he has enhanced wolf powers? Anyway later Will asked Gary (the guy who had that tequila coffee) for any books on animal possession; as in demonic possession, a possession of the spirit by an animal that is. One book pops up Something Wild written by a Dr. Vijav Alezais. Will then proceeds to spook Gary by saying “don’t tell people he had a drop of tequila in his coffee, he didn’t have coffee this morning”. Will returns home as he checks the message machine only to hear that Charlotte is out of town for a seminar. As he’s the bathroom holding Charlotte’s bathroom he starts to smell something besides her scent that gets him suspicious. Cut to Will outside running around as if his tracking someone and ends up at Stewart’s place. Stewart lets him in asking what’s going on but Will doesn’t respond; Stewart puts his hand on Will’s shoulder but he bites him in the hand and leaps upstairs like freaking Spider-Man. Will enters Stewart’s room only to find Charlotte half naked; apparently she was having an affair with Stewart. Without even saying a word to either of them, Will just calmly leaves the apartment. The next day at work Will goes to his assistants asking for lists of authors they worked with and to set up an appointment with Alden. Will then confronts Stewart at his office; Stewart pleads for forgiveness and says I’ll do anything but Will is not buying this and says that he’ll get him. Later at Alden’s place Will goes to Alden and tells him that refuses to accept to Eastern Europe position and just leaves. Well that meeting was quick and meaningful.


Anyway as Will leaves the house, he sees Laura on horseback and walks towards her. But the horse freaks out the closer Will gets and Laura gets thrown off. Laura is upset telling him that the horses are afraid of him because they’re disturbed by his presence; which is oddly too specific for her to say that. Is this movie trying to tell us something about Laura? Anyway Alden checks on Laura and asked to join him for lunch but she declines and prefers to have lunch with Will. At a guest house Will and Laura are having peanut butter and jelly and some conversation; in the next room Will notice some photographs, one of which a picture of Laura but she says that’s her mother. COUGH….BULLSHIT….COUGH….. Will finds a picture of her brother who was a borderline schizophrenic and killed himself a year ago. Cut to the two near a lake and Will tells her of the events that are happening to him. Laura says that whatever’s happening to him he should accept it as a gift but Will is afraid that it will have a price. Laura invites Will to stay for dinner and he accepts but immediately falls ill. Laura gets him to bed and takes his temperature which turns out to be very high; Laura tucks in Will and leaves him to sleep. We cut to nighttime with a half-moon out and Will wakes looking rather Logan-ish with those magically acquired sideburns. And what interesting ember eyes he has ther……wait a minute. Will gets out of bed and then leaps right out of the window….Spider-Jack, Spider-Jack. Anyway Will sniffs around and sees a deer which means its supper time; the deer runs off and Will chase after it. The chase scene reminds of the opening scene from Twilight, if Twilight wasn’t so tacky and superficial. Will managed to catch the deer, bites it and snaps its neck; eat your heart out Bella Swan. Oh wait I forgot you don’t have a heart, nor a soul for that matter. Cut to next morning as Will wakes up cover in blood and freaks out; hey dude be happy you didn’t wake up naked in a zoo. Will heads back to Laura’s, gets in his car and drives away. At a hospital the doctor finds some scalp lacerations and wants to give Will an EEG and CAT scan but he refuses. Doctor says he may a concussion or blood clot but Will says that nobody feels this good with a concussion and a blood clot. Will shows up at a meeting with Alden about doing a press release on MacLeish’s polices that may have its top-rate writers to leaves; causing its reputation and value to take a nosedive. Alden decides to have Will call off the press release and to keep his job; meaning that Stewart won’t be taken over as new editor-in-chief. Will goes to his office and one of his assistant tells him that he has an appointment with Dr. Vijas Alezais.

A little bit later Will pays a visit to Alezais (played by Om Puri); this scene gets pretty lengthy so I’ll summarize. Will asked if there are any symptoms of what’s going on with him; Alezais simply answers that he’s turning into a wolf. Alezais explains that the person may not become evil and may not involve transformations when possess by the “demon wolf”. Will asked Alezais if there’s way to stop the transformation. Alezais gives him an amulet that can contain the wolf inside and might actually rid him of it. In exchange due to dying, Alezais asked Will for a favor to bite him; to turn him into a wolf. Will refuses, questioning why he would want to live in damnation instead of dying but Alezais doesn’t see it as damnation. Alezais lets Will keep the amulet and hopes that he’ll change his mind. Later Will calls Laura to apologize and explains why he left; he then asked Laura if he can see her at his place and she answers yes. Cut to nightfall and another half-moon is out, Will is on the prowl at a city zoo. He’s approached by the cops and are about to arrest him; but Will wolfs out and leaps away from the cops. Will is walking around at a park until he’s approached by three gangbangers asking him money as one member pulls out a gun. Werewolf Joker goes ZUUL MOTHERFUCKER ZUUL on the gangbangers killing two of them while one gets away. Cut to morning where Will gets a wakeup call from work; he shows up to work to sign the deal with Alden. Afterwards Will runs into Stewart in the restroom telling him that he has reclaim the editor-in-chief position. Stewart congratulates him and hopes that the two work together but best for the firm Will fires him. Stewart doesn’t take it too well and gets rather steamed but Will cools him off by peeing on his shoes. That’s right, the Joker just took a piss on Ultron; I know Avengers 2 isn’t out yet but when it does this joke will be relevant. As Stewart leaves Will goes to wash his hands and find his handkerchief covered in blood. He reached in his pocket again and finds two severed fingers; quite obvious from the gangbangers. Will panics and leaves work heading back to his hotel room; upon arrival he comes across Charlotte. She admits what’s she did was wrong and asked to come back to him. However, Will completely denies her a second and leaves her. As Charlotte leaves we see Laura sitting from a far.


Will enters his place and puts on the amulet as Laura comes knocking at the door. Will tells her to leave but she doesn’t and has a housekeeper to let her in. Inside she finds Will handcuffed to the radiator; she asked why he’s handcuffed to it and he answers that he’s turning into something dangerous. Will wants her to leave but Laura still refuses; she takes a paperclip starts picking the handcuffs. Will is confused of why Laura is being so curiously kind to him and she responds that she likes him and that he’s a good man. Laura gets Will free from the radiator and handcuffs his hands behind his back and then she immediately jumps his bones. I’m going ahead and say these two have a better romance than Bella and Edward. At least since Will and Laura met their chemistry developed naturally over time; not feeling all forced nor shallow. Whereas with Bella and Edward their romance has no sense of agency and gets tedious all the time they’re on screen. Also Laura has more balls and a spine than Bella. We cut to Laura sleeping by herself while Werewolf Torrance is prowling at the park and starts howling. I wonder if the creators of Jekyll were inspired by this scene. Anyway we cut to morning where Will is back in bed and wakes up Laura; a little bit a police detective Carl Bridger (played by Richard Jenkins) shows up on Will’s door and Laura answers. Laura lets them in and one of the detectives tells Will that Charlotte was redrumed....I MEAN MURDERED….last night. Found her body in the park with her throat torn off. The detective asked where was Will last night but Laura quickly answers that he was with her the entire night. Bridger asked Will to stop by at the station later today for an official statement and some issue samples as he leaves. We cut to Alden and Stewart watching the news and are shocked to know that Will’s wife was redrumed….I MEAN MURDERED! Stewart being an asshole uses this situation to get his position back from Will if he gets convicted. Laura and Will are driving back to her place; Will is convinced that he killed Charlotte but Laura tries to persuade him that he didn’t. Still heading home Laura notices a lot of dirt on Will’s shoe as he sleeping; thinking that maybe he might have killed Charlotte. She lost in thought about this until she hears an oncoming truck and drives out of the way just in time.


The two arrived to her place and Will ask Laura to lock him up before it gets dark. The only place that she can lock him up is the barn and he’s OK with that. Will hears a phone ringing and Laura goes off to answer it. On the phone it’s Bridger asking Laura to come in tomorrow with Will for a statement. Laura asked detective Bridger if he needs blood and tissue samples from Will; he answer that they be no good. Bridger explains that upon gathering issue samples from the body they found canine DNA. Meaning that Charlotte was attacked by some animal after she was killed; Laura stays in shocked to the revelation of Will being the killer and a werewolf. Laura heads back to the car and locks up Will in the barn. Little does Will know Laura is heading to the station to talk to Bridger. Nightfall has come as Will is in pain due to wearing the amulet that’s keeping the wolf inside him at bay. At the station Laura is approached by Stewart who there to give a statement (trying to screw over Will). Stewart is acting rather odd at the presence of Laura; even his eyes look spookily ember…..SPOILERS he’s becoming a werewolf. Stewart sweets talks Laura into having a drink and she accepts as Stewart is being called in. Luckily Laura’s bullshit radar goes off and runs away; Stewart starts telling Bridger complete bullshit talk about Will. He then asked him if he could see Will but Bridger points it out to ask Laura. However, they stepped out the office Laura is long gone and Stewart goes off after her. Back at the barn Will wakes up looking normal meaning that the amulet is working. Laura arrives home telling her gate security to let no one in until he calls in. But soon after that Stewart (looking like a hipster Sabretooth) arrives at the gate; after Stewart says a rather rapey statement on Laura the gate security tells him to leave. Stewart backs up but only to speed towards the gate, breaking right through it and runs down the security guard. Stewart is stalking around the place, comes across another guard and kills him. Laura loads up the car and is about to get Will but is stopped by Stewart. He demands Laura to tell him what’s happening to him; she tries to play dumb but it’s only making him more anger. Laura knees him the in balls…wolf-man’s got nards…and runs into the barn. Stewart soon chases after her while Will still locked in trying to climb out the stable. Laura sprays Stewart with fire extinguisher and makes a run for it but he leaps up in the air and lands on her dropping the keys to the stables. Stewart grabs the keys then throws them away trapping Will; leaving with no choice Will gets rid of the amulet.


Werewolf Ultron goes proto-Jacob Black as he attempts to rape Laura. Now all joking aside at least he doesn’t have a werewolf hard-on for a toddler; otherwise this film would’ve been way too fucked up to review. Stewart continues attempting to rape Laura as Will Hulks…..um….wolfs out. Will reverts to the wolf and managed to leap high enough to get out of the stable. Will leaps on top of Stewart freeing Laura; a fight breaks out between werewolf Joker and werewolf Ultron. Now if only this movie had werewolf Justice League and werewolf Avengers this would be awesome. Anyway Laura comes up behind Stewart with a pitchfork but he takes it away from her and swipes Will in the face with it. He then stabs Will in the shoulder and…..just runs away for some reason. Dude you had werewolf Joker on the ropes you couldn’t just stab him in the chest. OK when Avengers 2 comes out I hope you don’t suck as Ultron. Will goes after Stewart and leaps out at him; he lifts up Stewart and throws him on some stone steps. But it’s not yet as Stewart grabs these hedge-trimmers and leaps up behind Will. But in mid-air Stewart is shot dead by Laura who has grabbed the dead guard’s gun. With Stewart now dead Will goes to Laura and she holds his hand; then Will runs off to the wilderness….while stripping naked. Hey at least it’s a necessity and not some shameful, money grubbing fan-service. Later the police show up at the residence; Laura lies to the cops that Will has went to the airport. Laura’s father tells her that Stewart was shot dead by one of the guard. She even goes out of her way that her and Will were done and that she was gonna dump him anyway. As Laura walks away she asked detective Bridger if he wants another vodka tonic and in a confused response he says no. Still confused he asked his partner how she knows he’s been drinking and Laura gives the same response as Will. “I can smell it a mile away”; cue the Twilight Zone music. She walks away and we zoom in on Laura’s face with eyes now….ember…. So Laura is a werewolf, if so when did she and Will had unprotected sex and got infected? Was Laura a werewolf before her and Will met, if so was she the one bit Will? But then again why didn’t she change and kill Stewart? I better end this before I get cross-eyed. Cut to a close up shot of Will’s face as he becomes a full wolf; cutting back to Laura as the movie fades to black.


My Final Verdict: This film feels a modern day adaptation of the Wolf-Man I mean that in a good way. Jack Nicholson plays a character that has an excellent resemblance to Larry Talbot (The Wolf Man 1941) in the tortured soul department. The subtle transition man to wolf is lovely; excellent prosthetic effects too. The werewolves in this are terrifying and intimidating as they should be. They’re not a couple of pansy pedo-wolves fighting over a sociopathic husk of a character.

Well this is it, one more film and this one should be considered as THE anti-Twilight. Next week it’s Let The Right One In, stay tuned.

TFV Anti-Twilight Month Review: Daybreakers

You know what the problem was with Twilight? It’s flimsy set of rules. Now I understand in most movies, comics, TV shows, etc. have their own set of rules when it comes to mythical creatures that we can either agree or disagree. But at least they elaborate the rules through narrative expositions which help fits in the story/world. Take for example the sparkling in Twilight; yeah it’s a stupid concept but it is established as a rule in the movie. But the real complaint is how the series fails to elaborate on what purpose does the sparkling serves in the film’s story/world. Does the sparkling make the vampires look intimating, is it a natural mechanism that helps the vampires lure their prey, or is it some physical reaction for the vampires to attract a suitable mate? Lack of narrative exposition is what I’m saying about Twilight. Luckily Daybreakers has no such problems with narrative expositions.


We open on a little girl who writes a suicide letter than sits outside waiting for the sunrise. As the sun slowly upon her she starts to burst into flames and dies. Apparently she was a vampire who doesn’t want to live on unable to age or die. The year is 2019 and most of the earth’s population had become vampires due to an outbreak that occurred ten years ago. Since then the vampire population has adapted to night communing and has created technological measures in adapting in the daylight. Such as the Subwalks (underground walkways) and modified cars with dark UV windshields and all directional cameras to see outside. Only 5% of the population are still human, those who have not been infected by the outbreak or refused to become vampires. Cut to Edward Dalton (played by Ethan Hawke) a chief Hematologist for the Bromley Marks Pharmaceuticals. Edward is put in charged by the company to create a blood substitute due to the massive shortage of human blood. Not only that but when a vampire has not been feeding they began to change; transforming into hideous, mindless bat-like creatures or Subsiders that will attack everyone (even other vampires) to obtain blood. After a board meeting, Edward is talking his boss Charles Bromley (played by Sam Neill). Bromley takes notice on Edward not drinking his blood-filled coffee figuring that he petties the humans. Bromley persuades Edward to test the blood substitute as the only way to preserve the human race. Cut to a lab Edward still doesn’t want to test the substitute yet, but his lab assistant Christopher Caruso (played by Vince Colosimo) is certain that the substitute is ready after animal testing. Oh yeah, apparently the outbreak turned animals into vampires. Shortly after, we cut to an experiment of the substitute on a vampire volunteer. All seems to be going well as Edward injects the substitute into the volunteer. However, after the injection is complete the volunteer begins to suffer a violent reaction to the substitute. Edward injects the volunteer with a sedative to counter the substitute which works, however, soon after the volunteer completely explodes. Eat your heart out Scanners.


After that failure Edward is driving home but takes notice of his ears looking rather pointy. Most likely because of his refusal to drink human; Edward is distracted not seeing the oncoming car until the last second and swerves off to the side. The oncoming car swerves off the road crashes to into a nearby street power generator. Edward checks on the people in the car only to turn to be humans as a woman exits the car and shoots Edward in the arm with a crossbow. These humans are about to run as they hear a police siren but Edward offers to help them by hiding them in his car, activating the Daytime Driving Protection mode. The vampire cops….never thought I say that….arrive at the scene and Edward plays dumb, managed to send the cops on a wild goose chase. The humans all make a run for it as the cops leave but not before the woman with the crossbow spots Edward’s Bromley Marks Pharmaceuticals ID. Edward returns home but soon to some company from his brother Frankie (played by Michael Dorman) who works for a division that hunts humans for farming. Apparently it’s Edward’s 35th birthday (for the tenth time) and wishes to celebrate with a bottle of human blood. Edward refuses to drink which upsets Frankie and the two start arguing. Edward hopes that the blood substitute will end human hunting but Frankie thinks that it won’t end anything. Edward then takes the bottle and pours it in the sink but Frankie stops him leaving not so much left. Frankie gets mad and throws it at a wall and was about to leave until he is stopped by a Subsider that had snuck in the house. It smells the blood in the kitchen and starts feeding on them. Frankie grabs a kitchen knife but the Subsider knocks him across to the next room. Edward tries to fend off the Subsider until Frankie gets back on his feet. The Subsider leaps and clings upside down on the celling; Frankie manages to wound it with a cut to the gut, gushing out blood. Frankie then geos Conner MacLeod by chopping the Subsider’s head off; killing it dead. Later cops are at the scene, apparently there have been Subsiders invading suburban areas as of late. One of the examiners removes a wedding ring off the Subsider’s finger and reads the names on it. Edward recognizes the name Carl who was a gardener.


Cut to morning Edward is awaken by the security alarm and goes to looking around. Soon after Edward comes face to face with the crossbow woman Audrey Bennett (played by Claudia Karvan) from last night; she asked him for help that he can provide her and the others humans to find a cure. Audrey gives Edward a note of a location to meet at Gordon Creek, Wednesday at noon. Audrey then leaves when Edward hears a door opening upstairs. After having a chat with Bromley, Edward heads to the meeting place where Audrey is waiting for him. She tells Edward that “he’s waiting” for him by a large tree. Edward parks the car under the tree to stay in from the sun; on the other side of the tree he meets up with a Lionel “Elvis” Cormac (played by Willem Dafoe). Edward is shocked when it’s revealed that Elvis used to be a vampire but no longer. The two are interrupted by Audrey who got captured by Frankie (who was following Edward apparently); Edward tries to reason with Frankie and he’s not listening. Audrey pushes Frankie near a spot where sunlight is shining through tree, mildly burning his face. Elvis uses this opportunity to knock out Frankie; more human hunters are approaching as they take out Elvis’s car with machine guns. Edward tells the two to get to his car and they comply; the three drive off as the human hunters continue they pursuit. The human hunters are catching up to Edward and the others and open fire on them. The back windshield is damaged and small proportions of sunlight enter the car; Audrey covers the bullet holes blocking the sunlight. The human hunters continuing firing and hit the directional cameras on the car rendering Edward unable to drive; Elvis switch places with Edward to drive by seeing out of the bullet holes. The car chase continues as Elvis drives onto a forest trail heading to a closed down bridge. Elvis managed to drive the car on the rails of the bridge to the other side making their escape where as one of the human hunter jeeps cause the rails to break crashing into broken rails and explode.
Cut to nighttime when Edward and the others arrived at a reservoir; since the outbreak Elvis was one of the first who specialized in daylight modifications on cars. We cut to a flashback where Elvis (back then was still a vampire) is driving while it’s daytime and apparently he has been going on without blood leaving him distracted from driving. Elvis then crashed into a rail post and is thrown through the windshield. In an instant Elvis starts burning in the sunlight but soon after splash into the reservoir. Afterwards Elvis soon recovers and steps into the sun, this time the sun doesn’t harm him as he is now human as the flashback ends. Edward is surprise to learn that Elvis is human because of the sun and Audrey wants to recreate that event safely. Back on the road Edward and the others are heading somewhere until Audrey notices Edward’s ears and ask Elvis to stop the car. She asked Edward how long has since last he drank blood but he tells her that he’s fine. Not too convinced to that answer, Audrey cuts her hand and spills blood in her cup and gives it to him. Edward refuses to drink but Audrey tells him that where they’re going she can’t afford to worry about him around the others. Edward takes the cup and finally drinks the blood; he and the others arrived at Audrey’s vineyard where other humans have made it their home for the time being. Audrey talks to Jarvis (played by Christopher Kirby) who tells her that he’s made contact with a large number of humans and heads out to bring them to the vineyard. Inside Edward meets up with Senator Wes Turner (played by Jay Laga’aia) who is a vampire working with the humans. Evidently he and other vampires in office want this cure, to rebuild the human race as it were. Back in vampire central news is going around about the escalating global blood crisis has prices skyrocketed; rendering blood unobtainable to many citizens across and may create a Subsider Epidemic.


Back at the vineyard Edward is examining Elvis’s blood asking how his blood is now human given that Edward has testing infected blood under UV before and the blood remains infected. All Elvis can answer is when the sunlight touch him it was like a bolt of lightning kick-starting his heart. Edward speculated that to treat the blood is inside the body, they need to control a daylight burn. A little bit later Audrey gets a call from Jarvis that the pick was successful and they are heading back. People are unease when Edward enters a room but Audrey insures him that they have no doubt that he’ll help them. Out of curiosity Audrey asked Edward how he became a vampire; he answers fragmentally that he was betrayed by his brother. This indicates that Frankie forcefully turned Edward into a vampire. Edward takes notice of a Fermentation tank which is airtight; he believes that it’s perfect to use to put the fire since the tank has an extraction fan. Cut to nighttime as Jarvis’s convoy is still en route to the vineyard; Jarvis’s vehicle gets which stops the convoy. Jarvis checks the tire and finds a tranq dart which indicates that the human hunters have located the convoy. Jarvis and the other humans armed themselves with crossbows and bow n’ arrows; a few humans are tranq down and Jarvis fires into darkness and hits a hunter. From the exploding hunter Jarvis can see that the convoy is surrounded and the other humans open fire. The human hunters continue tranqing the humans until all but one girl are taken out. The young girl grabs a walkie talkie and calls the vineyard asking for help but she’s tranq immediately. Elvis is on the walkie talkie trying to get a response but isn’t aware of Frankie obtaining the walkie from the girl and managed to trace the signal back to the vineyard. With that most of the humans are leaving the vineyard to the Senator’s seclude cabin. Edward wants to stay behind in order to finish the experiment so Audrey and Elvis stood behind as well.


Back at Bromley Marks Pharmaceuticals the young girl from the convoy awakes in Bromley’s office and Bromley himself enters feeling relieved that she’s safe. It’s revealed that the young girl is Bromley’s daughter Alison (played by Isabel Lucas). Alison demands her father not to have friends harm but Bromley can’t do anything about them. Alison stabs Bromley with a letter opener and leaves the office but is stopped by a human hunter. Cut to morning at the vineyard, Edward and the others are ready for the experiment as human hunters are faster approaching the vineyard. Edward and Elvis enter the modified Fermentation tank and Audrey is ready to start the experiment. Inside the tank Elvis opens a hatch that lets in the sunlight on to Edward and quickly closes it. So far no change on the heart monitor and they try again; after two more tries Audrey gets a compete heartbeat on the monitor. Indicating that Edward is human again as she and Elvis sees his eyes changing to normal. Meanwhile the human hunters have arrived at the vineyard only to find no one as Edward and the others are hiding in a large vat of wine. Cut back to Bromley Marks Pharmaceuticals as Bromley is recovering; Frankie enters the room to check up on him. Bromley asked Frankie a favor; actually more of a dick move. Cut to Alison in a holding cell as Frankie enters; he then proceeds to turn her into a vampire forcefully. Like I said, a dick move; though it doesn’t work out too well. Cut to later as Bromley checks on Alison only to see her not drinking the blood rations. Bromley tries to reason Alison but she’s rather too pissed off to listen (and frankly I sympathies) as she smears her blood on Bromley’s face and is taken away. Meanwhile the military has organized an operation to take care of the Subsider Epidemic. Meanwhile, meanwhile Edward and the others arrived at the Senator’s cabin but only to find the humans drained and the Senator dead. Elvis suggested they start over but Audrey is not so sure how; Edward knows someone who may help them (Caruso).


Back at vamp central the military has gathered most of the Subsiders and begun killing them by sunlight; Alison is among them. The Subsiders are being dragged out into the sunlight and all are burned to ashes. Later Caruso returns home only to find Edward, Audrey and Elvis waiting for him. Caruso is shocked to see Edward human again; Edward tells him that there’s a cure and he needs Caruso’s help to recreate the procedure. Caruso gets a call but is hesitant to answer; he finally does answer and takes the call to other room. Audrey goes off to check on him as Edward notice something in his jacket pocket. Audrey is in the kitchen and is tranq by a human hunter while Edward grabs a phone from Caruso’s jacket pocket seeing that it’s still on. He and Elvis are attacked but they make their retreat through the Subwalk. They managed to get away and kept going through the Subwalk all the way to Elvis’s garage. The two are spooked by a Subsider but is quickly taken out by Frankie who has followed them. Frankie is in shocked to see his brother human; Edward tells him that found a cure and he can change Frankie back. Frankie doesn’t want that and then he confesses to Edward why he turned him; basically Frankie didn’t want his brother to die, that he didn’t want to lose him. Edward asked him for help to get Audrey and Frankie agrees; Elvis approaches Frankie to disarm him but Frankie is taken in by the hunger and bites Elvis. Edward gets him off of Elvis and is about to shoot him but hesitates for some reason. Now trust me all we be explained in a minute.



Cut to Edward arrived at Bromley Marks Pharmaceuticals where he gets captured and taken to Bromley. At the office Edward finds Audrey alive but Bromley is feeding off her. Bromley tells Edward that Caruso has succeeded in creating a blood substitute and will be put in mass production. Meaning to Bromley that Edward’s so called cure is unnecessary; in other words Bromley is a greedy bastard and wants to money from the blood substitute. Shockingly even to Audrey, Edward admits that he can’t live on being human and begs Bromley to change him back along with Audrey. If doing so Edward will show him how to repopulate the human race. But since a suitable blood substitute is found, Bromley finds Edward needed no further and declines his offer. Bromley then bites Edward but something is happening to Bromley as we cut back to Elvis (surprisingly is still human) and Frankie. Here it’s revealed that Frankie too is now human; meaning when a vampire is back to being human they’re now a carrier of treated vampire blood. And when another vampire feeds on that blood they too return human; which is what’s happening to Bromley now that he fed on Edward. Bromley sets off an alarm but Edward barricades the door; meanwhile more human hunters arrive at Bromley Marks Pharmaceuticals. Most of the human hunters stopped at an elevator as it opens to reveal Bromley tied to a chair. The human hunters all feast on Bromley as he’s being torn apart like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. “First they took my arms off and throw them over there, and then they took my head off and throw it over there”. Anyway Edward and Audrey make their way to the lobby but are stopped by more human hunters; Frankie drives through the lobby doors stopping the hunters. Frankie tries to example that there’s a cure but the hunters are taken by the bloodlust and feast on him. Audrey is taken by vamp security guard and Edward soon follows; meanwhile some of the some of the hunters have turned human leaving the remaining hunters to feed on them. Edward breaks into the security room and takes the guards saving Audrey. Cut back to the lobby where the remaining hunters are now human as Edward and Audrey reenters the lobby. As Edward hovers over the dead body of Frankie the cured hunters are gunned down by Caruso; evidently he doesn’t to be a cure. Caruso is about to shoot Edward and Audrey but gets an arrow in the chest by Elvis. The three leave as the sun rises; the movie ends with Edward saying “we have a cure….we can change you back….it’s not too late”.


My Final Verdict: This is what Twilight has been missing; a stable world building that sets up the setting more naturally and not just throwing in vampires in the hopes of making a boring story sound cool. I like how after the population became vampires they quickly adapt with certain technologies that further this world’s setting. Despite a society of organized vampires this movie does a smart job of establishing existing problems that slowly disrupts this organized society. You got the blood shortage that causes even the high class to become disorganized and desperate. And how the movie makes being a vampire deeply ironic; as if being a vampire is not all that great given how they struggle to feed themselves or they become mindless bat-like creatures. And that’s another thing Twilight is missing it doesn’t bother to establish the possible tradeoffs and consequences of being a vampire. Hell it would’ve help Bella stop being so annoyingly, selfishly enthusiastic of becoming a vampire. Remember the little girl from the beginning and how she immediately sees the downside of being a vampire and says fuck that shit when she kills herself. If that little girl can show this level of intelligence why can’t Bella Swan? Now there’s another movie before Daybreakers that features vampires and humans living/working in an established society called The Breed. And I would most likely review it someday.


So that’s over with next week its werewolf Joker as we look into Wolf, stay tuned.

TFV Anti-Twilight Month Review: Stephen King's Silver Bullet

Remember how scary and awesome werewolves use to be before Twilight turned them into pussified pedophiles? Well this movie remembers, all too well it remembers.


We open on a train yard in the town of Tarker's Mills where an Arnie Westrum is working the night shift. As he’s working on tracks, a dark figure is lurking about. Arnie spots some strange footprints before the dark figure sneaks behind him and with one swipe decapitates Arnie. Since Arnie was a chronic drunk the town’s coroner concluded that he passed out on the tracks and no other evidence can prove otherwise. Cut to a town festival where we’re introduced to Jane Coslaw (played by Megan Follows). As Reverend Lester Lowe (played by Everett McGill) is giving a speech, Jane decides to leave and her mother asked to check on her brother Marty (who’s a paraplegic). Cut to Marty Coslaw (played by Corey Haim) and his friend Brady Kincaid (played by Joe Wright). So before he fought vampires in Lost Boys, Corey Haim fought werewolves go figure. Anyway they found a garter snake and Brady has an idea to scare Jane with it. Marty is hesitant so he ask him not to overbroad. A few minutes later Jane is looking for Marty until she sees the garter snake in the tree; she freaks out and runs away but only to fall down immediately ruining her pantyhose. Jane sees Brady up in the tree holding the snake and gets rather mad. Marty shows up out of hiding saying that it’s just a garter snake. As Jane gets up Brady throws the snake at her causing her to fall into a puddle. Marty is not too happy about that and tries to apologize but Jane is angrily resentful and walks away. Jane stops behind the bushes to take off the ruined pantyhose (now she underage folks so no naughty thoughts please). Anyway Jane spots a woman trying to tell to a man that she’s pregnant and the baby may be his. The man immediately denies it and walks away leaving the pregnant woman in distraught. After the Coslaws returned home we cut to nighttime as Jane is sleeping but is awaken by Marty entering her bedroom leaving her money to get new pantyhose. Jane accepts the money and Marty’s apology.


Cut to the home of the pregnant woman from earlier as she’s about to commit suicide by consuming pills. Meanwhile outside the house in a POV shot of someone or something climbing up the house. The pregnant woman continues to consume the pills until she turns around, sees a dark figure outside of her window and screams. The dark creature smashes through the window and tears the woman to piece. Meanwhile the woman’s mother is downstairs hearing all of the commotion; she grabs a revolver and heads to the pregnant woman’s room only to find her daughter dead. To summarize a couple of scenes the town sheriff Joe Haller (played by Terry O’ Quinn) calling in for some additional help while some of the townspeople are concern of what happened. Cut to school as Marty accompanies a friend name Tammy to her house; on the way they come across the police investigating the pregnant woman’s house. As they arrived to Tammy’s house she tells Marty that she’s been hearing strange noises from an old shed across her house. Tammy’s dad orders her to get in the house and Marty leaves on home. Cut to nighttime at the Coslaw house where Marty is playing cards with his uncle Red (played by Gary Busey). Marty’s mother is not too kind of having Red around given that he’s an alcoholic and that he’s going through a third divorce. After Marty goes off to bed, his mother and Red started arguing over he well-being. His mother is contempt that Marty has too many strikes against him but Red believes that there’s more to Marty than not be able to walk. Cut to Tammy’s house as her dad crack open some beers and watching wrestling. He’s interrupted by a commotion in the old shed, goes to grab his rifle and proceeds straight to the shed. Inside the shed he sees some of his flower pots smashed; continues to the other end of the shed and finds nothing out the backdoor. But little does he know that something is stalking him from under the floorboards. He gets spooked by a noise behind, quickly turns around and fires his rifle, but it only turns out to be a flower pot. The shed starts to shake until the creature burst through the floorboard and grabs Tammy’s dad. As he gets pulled down, he gets impaled by a protruded floorboard and dies as he’s pulled down off-screen.


The next day Sheriff Haller is approached by the mayor asking if he has any leads, but all can Haller can say is that he’s working on it. The townspeople are terrified that another person is brutally murdered; so terrified that they’ve begun to return to their homes very early before sundown. Cut to Marty getting his kite down from a tree while Brady is flying his kite; Jane shows up to get Marty home before dark. Brady stays behind to fly his kite leaving Marty looking very worried before he leaves. Cut to nighttime at a town bar where an angry resident Andy Fairton (played by Bill Smitrovich) insults Haller’s abilities of investigating these murders. The deputy Sheriff Pete Maxwell (played by David Hart) has had enough with the guy and threatens him to shut it. The two were about to fight but an Herb Kincaid (played by Kent Broadhurst) enters the bar asking if anyone seen his son Brady. Unfortunately we found out what’s become of Brady as we cut to the traumatize Sheriff Haller carrying Brady’s kite that’s covered in blood. Mr. Kincaid shows up at the crime scene finding his son’s dead body and becomes completely disarray at the site of it. The next day after Brady’s funeral Red takes Marty to drive him home. On the way Marty makes a speculation that maybe the one who’s doing the killings isn’t a person but a monster, like a werewolf. Red quickly laughs it off and insures Marty that it’s just some crazy man and nothing else. Cut to the town bar where some of the townspeople have gathered for manhunt nearby the woods. Sheriff Haller arrives to stop them, telling them that what they’re planning to do is worse than lynch mobs and is against the law. The townspeople are rather nervous but Mr. Kincaid gives a vengeful speech that inspires them as he leaves off for some private justice. Reverend Lowe shows up trying to stop them but proven futile. The townspeople arrived to the area where Brady was killed and proceeds straight into the woods. Most of them have split off in small groups and cut to Andy’s group entering a fog heavy area as they start hearing loud monstrous growls. One of them speculates that it’s under the fog with them. The creature takes out two of them while the rest make a run for it. The bartender gets caught by the werewolf but he fights back by hitting it with a baseball bat. But the creature snatches the bat from the bartender and beats him to death. WEREWOLF SMASH!


Cut to a funeral in progress which I to point out that there are four caskets. Now we just saw three people got killed, who was the fourth person? When the fourth person got killed, somewhere off-screen? I usually would say “continuity what’s that” but I would think there was a scene that was cut out from the movie. Reverend Lowe is giving a speech but Mr. Kincaid interrupts him behaving a bit odd. Lowe continues his speech as we take notice of most of the townspeople looking rather vicious towards him. Mr. Kincaid interrupts him again this time looking beast-like and roars; Reverend Lowe is in stays in shock as he watches the townspeople transforming into werewolves. However, it turns to be a nightmare as Lowe walks up screaming. Cut to next day the Coslaw stop at a town fair only find out that it’s been canceled along with the fireworks which disappoints Marty. Back at the Coslaw house Red is secretly working on something in the garage and shows it to Marty upon finishing it. It’s a custom built wheelchair with motorcycle parts and engine; now I’m not a paraplegic or anything but damn I want one. Hell anyone who’s in a wheelchair needs this thing and I mean anyone in a wheelchair not those lazy fucks whom can’t be bothered with the simple task of walking. Anyway after Marty test drives it we cut to nighttime as the family is having a cookout as Red is about head out. Red gives Marty a bag full of fireworks and asked him to stay near house. Marty promises that he will but as we cut to later that night Marty sneaks out of the house and rides off. Marty stops at a bridge near the woods and starts lighting his fireworks. However, unaware to Marty he is being stalked by the werewolf lurking nearby. As Marty is about to light up the last firework (a rocket) but gets terrified as he sees the werewolf slowly approaches. Marty nervously tries to light up the rocket as the werewolf gets closer. Before it attacks Marty’s got the rocket lit, points it right at the werewolf and lets it go; flying right into the werewolf’s eye. Now if Jacob Black got hit in the eye by a rocket (firework) I would find really hilarious. As the werewolf is roaring in pain Marty use this opportunity to quickly turn his wheelchair and drives away; speeding all the way home. Marty makes it back home and calls Red, telling him that he saw a werewolf but Red doesn’t believe him and hangs up.


Cut to the following morning where Jane spots Marty sitting all by himself. She asked him what’s the matter and with that we get a narration from an older Jane saying what Marty told her was unbelievable yet somehow she believed it. We cut to Jane going around town collecting cans and bottles for a charity drive but secretly she’s looking anyone with just one eye. Since that the rocket hit the werewolf in the eye it’s possible that whoever it may have one eye in human form. With no such luck Jane takes the cans and bottles to the church; she is greeted by Reverend Lowe but hasn’t even notice something different about him. As in he has one bandaged eye BUM BUM BUUUUUUM! Jane starts unloading the cans and bottles in the garage until she’s startled by a rat and falls back into a pile of cans. She then comes across the bartender’s (Peace Marker) baseball bat as Lowe enters the garage. Jane gets spooked by the site of Lowe having one eye and nervously walks out of there. Back at their house Jane is still spooked of what she knows and asked Marty what they gonna do. Cut to Marty making a letter using cut out words and letters saying that he knows of Lowe being a werewolf and he should kill himself. Jane sends off the letter to Reverend Lowe via postal mail box and of course Lowe receives the letter but immediately discards it after reading it. OK this is kinda pointless because it’s obvious that Lowe has a clear idea of who Marty is, what he looks like and where exactly he lives. So what’s the point of Marty sending anonymous letters to Lowe? Does he really think that rocket to the eye gave Revered werewolf amnesia? What’s to stop Lowe from going after Marty in broad daylight and try to kill him? And surprisingly he does but I’m jumping ahead a bit. Anyway cut to Red rather upset of what Marty and Jane have been up to at this point and completely disbeliefs that Lowe is a werewolf.


After Marty, Jane and Red spied on Lowe which nothing happens cut to Marty watching a kids’ baseball game feeling rather envious of the kids being able to walk and run. Meanwhile Marty is being watched by Lowe in a car from afar; as Marty leaves Lowe shortly follows him. On the road Lowe begins to speed towards Marty and tries to run him over. Marty’s wheelchair stalls out but starts up and moves out of the way in time before Lowe runs him over again. Marty speeds away but and Lowe soon pursues him; a small chase scene Marty makes a sharp turn which causes Lowe’s car getting stuck in the dirt. Marty ends up at a close down condemned covered bridge but his wheelchair is out of gas. Lowe catches up with him and enters the bridge; he monologues to Marty that he can’t kill himself given that suicide is a sin. Lowe then monologues on when he found out that Stella (the pregnant woman from the beginning) was gonna kill herself. So he decided to “take her physical life but saved her life eternally.” Basically Reverend Lowe has adapted Christianity to his werewolf ways to justify the killings he has done. I mean yeah he’s adapting Christian beliefs perversely but in a way you can understand where he’s coming from that the things he does are considered to be acceptable to god. Anyway Lowe is about to kill Marty but hears a tractor outside and Marty yells at the man on the tractor for help. The man approaches the bridge as Marty turns around to Lowe already gone. Later Marty tells Red of what happened this time he’s more compliant to believe him. Red inspects the dent on Marty’s wheelchair asking Jane what color is Lowe’s car; she says it’s blue and spots a scrapping on the dent. Cut to nighttime at the police station where Red tells Sheriff Haller about Lowe; including the part about him being a werewolf. And no surprise Haller is rather skeptical but agrees to check on Lowe. A little bit later Haller is outside the church as he gets no answer at the front door. Haller goes around the back and enters the garage where he finds the dented car and is confronted by Lowe. Haller draws his gun on Lowe asking him to come to the station but Lowe disarms him and transforms. Haller stands in shock as Lowe beats him in the head with the bartender’s bat. Lowe continues transforming then proceeds to HULK SMASH Sheriff Haller to death.


Cut to next day at a park with no other option left Marty gives Red his medallion and ask him to turn it into a silver bullet. Jane gives Red her crucifix and asked him to do the same. Marty is convinced that Reverend Lowe will come after him when the moon is at its fullest; when Lowe is fully a monster. Red stops by at a local gun store asking the gunsmith to forge a silver bullet for his nephew. The gunsmith complies and makes the bullet; the gunsmith made the bullet low grain so it won’t tumble but should be pretty accurate. Red plays dumb saying that he’s not gonna shoot it, it’s just a gag. Then he response with a question “what the heck are you gonna shoot a forty-four bullet at anyway?” But the gunsmith doesn’t seem to be a fool as he replies, "How about a werewolf?" Cut to Halloween with a full moon about to come out; luckily Marty and Jane’s parents left the house due to Red giving them tickets for a trip to New York. This leaves Red, Marty and Jane alone at the house to face werewolf Lowe. We cut to nighttime around ten minutes to 3AM as werewolf Lowe is right outside the house. Meanwhile the kids are awaken by Red unintentionally burned himself with a lit cigarette. Red has had enough of this saying that the werewolf isn’t and they should be in bed. Red is about to take Marty off to bed but Jane sees werewolf Lowe out the window and screams. Red slowly goes to the window to look outside but sees nothing and for some reason takes the silver bullet out of the gun. Werewolf Lowe breaks the fuse box, shutting off the lights in the house and everyone panics. Red and the kids hear noises from the kitchen until werewolf Lowe does he best Kool-Aid Man’s OH YEEEEEEAH by bursting through a wall behind Red. Red tries to reload the gun but werewolf Lowe knocks the gun out of Red’s hands. Marty tries to catch the bullet but misses and the bullet falls into an air vent on the floor. Red tries to fend off werewolf Lowe but keeps being thrown around the room. Jane gets the gun while Marty managed to get the silver bullet out of the air vent. Marty quickly loads the gun as werewolf Lowe turns around and coming towards the kids. Marty aims carefully and fires the gun hitting werewolf Lowe in the other eye. Werewolf Lowe is now dead as he transforms back to human form while Red and the kids all watch. Red and the kids are all relieved and with that the film ends.


My Final Verdict: This film was pretty scary back then and I think it still holds up today. I love it how the film doesn’t show much of the werewolf which makes it scarier. Kinda like how the shark in the Jaws was not all that seen made it more terrifying. Hell most of the scenes where werewolf Lowe is stalking people have that Jaws vibe; even the music has that Jaws vibe. The werewolf transformation effects are rather impressive for its time unlike the transformation in Twilight where it’s all CGI and no subtlety. I’ve seen better wolf transformations from Hemlock Grove. And if I have to give my opinion Hemlock Grove is Twilight with balls and a spine.


That’s two down, stay tuned next week for round three with Daybreakers.

TFV Anti-Twilight Month Review: Innocent Blood

Hey everyone that time has come once again, this year in celebration of the inevitable end of Twilight we look into five vampire/werewolf films that tells the series to go eat a dick. First up in Anti-Twilight Month is Innocent Blood.


After a very musical opening credit, we cut to an apartment in Pittsburgh where we’re introduced to Marie (played by Anne Parillaud) who is naked. Wow this film doesn’t waste any time at all, huh? Marie self-monologues on that she has become very selective on her choice for “food” which left her starving for six nights. And that choosiness causes her the loss of her lover; which unfortunately for her means no sex. She’s then gets an idea while reading the newspapers on gangland crimes in Pittsburgh; saying that she should treat herself for some “Italian”. Only a few seconds in and we get a little backstory on Marie that doesn’t make her sound like a whining, brooding Emo. Cut to a small diner where Joe Gennaro (played by Anthony Lapaglia) and Tony Silva (played by Chazz Palminteri) escorting a dealer to their mob boss Salvatore “Sal” “The Shark” Macelli (played by Robert Loggia). Macelli is not too happy with the merchandise he’s offered (toaster ovens) so he slams the guy in the face with the toaster oven. Joe tries to calm him down notifying him that they may be watched by the cops. Macelli orders Joe to shoot the dealer but he refuses; so Macelli shoot the dealer instead. Afterwards Joe and Tony are talking outside the diner; Tony tells Joe that he has no choice but to kill as he hands him a gun. Joe takes the gun and spots an unmarked van; deduces that it’s a police surveillance van and bust opens the window. Tony pulls him away from the van and tells Joe to go home and cool off as tony walks away. A little later Joe bumps into Marie; causing one of her shoes to fall off. Joe helps her put the shoe back on and gets mesmerized as he looks upon Marie. He offers her a ride and possibly a drink; Marie is taken interested in Joe but backs away as she reminds herself to “never play with the food”. Marie walks away into traffic as she almost got run over by Tony; she gets rather upset and slams the hood of the car. Tony doesn’t that too kindly gets really mad at her. This has her very interested in him and attempts to apologize; Tony accepts Marie’s apology and offers a lift to anywhere.


The two are driving over a highway and stop at a lot; they start making out in the front seat of the car. Marie gets a little frisky on Tony; so frisky that her eyes glow bright red, gives out an animalistic roar and starts munching on his neck. I like how in this bit Marie looks in the rear view mirror and feels disgusted seeing herself covered in blood and proceeds to smash the mirror. This gives the film an excellent excuse why these vampires can see their reflection in a mirror. After she cleans herself up, Marie then proceeds to “finish the food” by eliminating the feed marks disconnecting the central nervous system. In other words Marie takes a shotgun out of her shopping bag and blows Tony’s head off. A bit overkill but kinda awesome. The next day Joe arrives at the crime scene, completely distraught seeing the dead body of his friend Tony. Joe is informed form a coroner that Tony’s blood is completely gone and not just from the gunshot to the head. Soon after U.S. Attorney Sinclair (played by Angela Bassett) arrives and is not too please with Joe at the scene especially when it turns out that he’s an undercover cop who’s been infiltrating Macelli’s organization for three years. Sinclair is certain that Joe’s in too deep and orders him to back out and go under protection. Joe refuses to do so and is confident that he’s close to busting Macelli but Sinclair decides to blow his cover by having pictures taking by the press. So is the U.S. Attorney stupid or incredibly stupid? Cut to nighttime as Macelli is super pissed to find out Joe to be a cop and wants him dead. His attorney Manny Bergman (played by Don Rickles) warns him that Sinclair may take him down in court and make arrangements. Macelli spots Marie taking to his underling Lenny (played by David Proval) was about to offer her a ride. Marie is rather annoyed by Macelli’s presence and insults him. Macelli is a bit mad about it but he gives her a ride anyway and she gets in the car. And while we’re still on this scene we get a nice Tom Savini (as a news reporter) cameo.


Macelli invites Marie to his place for a late night supper (hint, hint, wink, wink) and she accepts. At his place the two are about to share some kind of cooked fish but Marie gets rather nauseous. Mainly because the food is seasoned with garlic, uh oh. Marie runs straight to the bathroom trying to get away by the window but it has bars on it. Macelli enters the bathroom trying to have his way with Marie as she struggles to get away due to him smelling like garlic. He gets more aggressive to her as she continues to be resilient; she finally gives in to him only to get a quick bite on the neck. Marie has a good hold on Macelli as falls backwards into the bathtub; he goes for his gun, fires a shot to the ceiling and another shot to Marie as he “dies”. Lenny heard the first shot and enters the house; he gets to the bathroom only to find Macelli “dead” and Marie gone. Cut to a safe house where Joe is being watched over by Dave Finton (played by Leo Burnmester) and Stevie Morales (played by Luis Guzman). Finton gets a call and then informs Joe that Macelli is dead; assuming that it must been a gangland hit. Cut to Joe at the crime scene trying talk to the coroner but he’s being uncooperative. Joe deduced that the perp was a woman but the coroner still not talking. Joe takes a look around the area and comes to the conclusion that she climbed to the roof; so heads on up. On the roof he finds a blood trail and a shoe near a chimney. Joe gets a jump scare as Marie pops from behind the chimney, roars at him and runs off the roof. Joe heads back down to the street and stops at a church; he enters the church searching the place cautiously. The film cuts to a POV of Marie…running…flying…whichever; anyway she speeds out the door and Joe soon follows. Marie climbs up a building and breaks into a shower room. Joe finds a leashed dog barking at the direction Marie’s heading and unleashes the dog to follow it. Meanwhile since she’s in a shower room, Marie decides to take a nice warm shower. Who can blame her she had a really rough night. The dog stops at the same building she has broken into and climbs up into the shower room. Joe heads outside and stops in front of thrift shop which the front door is broken open. Joe cautiously enters the shop but little does he know Marie is handing from the ceiling like she’s Sam Fisher. She then drops from the ceiling speeds out the door before Joe even turns around to react. He runs out the door to find no one but only get surprised from behind and thrown into the street by Marie. She then threatens him to stay away as her eyes her bright green and her voice sounding a bit demonic; then she leaves.

Cut to a morgue where Macelli’s body is taken and is about to go under an autopsy by….FRANK OZ….FREAKING YODA! Impressive this movie is. Anyway he’s sets up power bone saw however, as soon as he turns around Macelli is alive. Macelli panics over the fact that he’s in a morgue and runs out of there while Yoda and a duty coroner go after him. Yeah I’m calling Frank Oz Yoda in this film deal with it. The press outside the hospital is trying to get info on Macelli’s death but the cops aren’t talking. That is until the press spots Macelli running out of the hospital as Yoda and duty coroner chase after him. Apparently the press aren’t bothered that Macelli was supposed to be dead. Macelli steals a car nearby and drives away. Back at Macelli’s place Joe is about to enter his car until Tom Savani tells him that a car crash at gas station on Shady Side. And the person driving the car was Macelli. Meanwhile Marie is lurking on a ledge of church like she’s freaking Batman watching over Joe. As Joe enters his car ready to leave, Marie jumps off the ledge and makes a hard landing on his car. In the confusion Marie throws Joe out of his car and gets in. She bust opens the windshield and is about to drive off but Joe tries to stop her. Marie speeds off as Joe grabs hold at the front of the car; she quickly stops the car then speed up again causing Joe being force into the car. Marie quickly stops the car again this time asking Joe how to get to Shady Side. Cut to Bergman arriving at his place as his wife is waiting outside looking rather terrified. Bergman enters the house and finds Macelli raiding the bar; Bergman tries to him down but Macelli is still freaking out on what happened to him. Believing that rival mobs put a hit on him or that the feds are in on it as well; leaving him at a morgue to be cut open. Macelli finally calms down as he smells something that’s making him really hungry. He enters the kitchen to find Bergman’s wife about to cook some raw steaks; since the steaks are raw and bloody Macelli starts chowing on the steaks.

Later on a highway Joe attempts to verbally interrogate Marie but she’s distracted by the head lights from other cars that are hurting her eyes. She then stops the car and asked Joe to drive instead; the two switch seats and continue driving. Joe and Marie arrived at the car crash site trying to find out where Macelli is. Joe is arrested by Morales and Finton as he tries to tell them that Marie’s the one who killed Tony and took out Macelli; and that she’s very strong and fast. But sadly they don’t believe Joe because they think he’s being obsessed on catching Macelli so they still arrest him. As Joe watches Marie completely denying to Morales and Finton, he gets on their radio asking for Bergman’s address. Marie sees Joe getting out of the car and heads off to Bergman’s; she excuses herself from Morales and Finton and follows Joe. Back at Bergman’s place Macelli is still feeding on raw meat while his men and Bergman are pretty spooked of him being alive. Macelli begins to sense that Joe is near the house outside and busts out through the kitchen window. Cut to Bergman’s wife in the bathroom drinking as Joe quietly approaches the house and stops by the bathroom window. Joe get spotted by Bergman’s wife and soon after turns around and gets choke hold by Macelli. Bergman tries to stop him from killing a cop on his own lawn but to no avail. He then grabs a shovel and hits Macelli at the back of the head which stops him. Bergman managed to get Macelli back into the house while his men handcuff the unconscious Joe. Down in the basement Macelli is not too happy of Bergman hitting him in the head. He then slowly approaches Bergman very creepily as Bergman backs away pleading to him. Macelli gives Bergman a hug before he bites him on the neck. In the kitchen Bergman’s wife hears him screaming as she sees Macelli’s men carrying Joe away. She arms herself with a kitchen knife and heads to the basement only to find Macelli covered in blood and Bergman “dead”. Macelli approachs Bergman’s wife about to bite her but she stabs him and runs away. Outside Marie is up in the trees like the Predator watching Macelli’s men putting Joe in a trunk of a car. She sees Bergman’s wife running out the front door screaming in panic; Macelli’s men sees a cop car approaching (Finton). Macelli walks outside, heads to his car and all drive off as Finton arrives. The wife tells Finton that Macelli ate Bergman; confused by what she said he gets out of the car and enters the house. Marie immediately gets into Finton’s car and follows Macelli.

Cut to Macelli and the others arriving at a garbage truck lot about to kill Joe. They have Joe’s feet in the garbage truck compactor about to crush his feet but luckily Marie arrives. She speeds the car towards them as they let go of Joe and open fire on her. Marie runs over Macelli who lost his gun which lands next to Joe. She then runs over one of his men leaving only Lenny who gets shot in the foot by Joe. Marie gets out of the car and snaps the other guy’s neck as Macelli runs to his car and drives away. Marie grabs a gun and opens fire on him but is already too far away. She gets back in to the car and goes after him while Joe tries to get in through the car window given that he’s still handcuffed. Cut to a car chase on a highway as Marie and Joe are right on Macelli however Marie sees the sunrise and drives off the highway. She stops at a motel in order to hide out from the sun. Joe is not too adamant on resting for one day since he still wants to hunt down Macelli. But Marie insures that they have a better chance of finding and stopping Macelli if they work together. Cut to Macelli rejoicing that he’s in the clear but as soon as leaves a tunnel and into the sunlight he starts getting rather toasty. Macelli drives to a nearby Roma Meat Company place and enters on in. Inside we see a meat worker played by HOLY SHIT ITS SAM RAIMI!!! Oh….sorry….anyway Sam Raimi sees Macelli entering the meat locker. He tries to offer Macelli help but he tells him to leave the meat locker and turn off the lights. Macelli sets up a small side of beef and takes a well deserve nap. Cut back to Bergman’s home where Finton informs Sinclair that Macelli attacked Bergman and taken Joe. Sinclair tells him and Morales to find Joe and he’s still alive. Sinclair then asked the barely alive Bergman will if he be pressing charges on Macelli. Bergman doesn’t answer and is put in the ambulance where a paramedic Dario Argento is taking care of him. Back at the motel after they checked in a room for today, Marie already has a blanket covering up the window to keep the sun from getting in. Marie entrusts Joe to make sure she gets no sun but he’s not too sure to trust her. She goes off to sleep (naked) in the bed while Joe sleeps on the couch.

Now I know what you thinking “what about Bergman, is Joe and Marie gonna take care of him”? Well don’t worry the film takes care of that problem. Cut to a hospital room where Bergman awakens and is about to feast a nurse until she opens the window curtains which lets in the sun and starts burning Bergman like a bag of popcorn. A couple of doctors hear the nurse screams and rush into the trying to restrain him. They managed to get him on the bed but he’s still burning into a crisp; his left arm falls off, his skin melting off and the scene cuts away as he continues screaming. Back at the motel Joe wakes up to see Marie still in bed. He quietly goes into the bathroom to check for any unnatural hickies and luckily finds none. A little bit later Joe starts to be intrigue to Marie; hovering his hand over her very slowly. He then proceeds to move the sheets to cover her but she soon wakes up and Joe backs away. He wants to go find Macelli now awhile he’s still sleeping. But Marie warns Joe that Macelli’s senses are now razor sharp; he can awake and move in a blink of an eye. She demonstrates this by ended up behind Joe in an instant and tosses him on the bed. A bit sexual tension ensues but Joe is being hesitant which is understandable given the current situation. Marie promises that she’s hungry for sex more than blood at the moment and gives Joe a box of condoms. Do I really need to say it……OK. Fuck you Twilight. So you can guess that in this film’s world Marie must’ve had unprotected sex and her human partners ended becoming vampires or ended up with vampire AIDS. Either way it makes more sense with a vampire-safe-sex than what Twilight Breaking Dawn was doing…..COUGH…..CGI HELLSPAWN BABY…..COUGH! Anyway Marie then proceeds to undo Joe’s pants and give him a blowjob; seriously Bella Swan wouldn’t have problems getting laid with her. Oh yeah I’m going there; Bella would’ve been better off with Marie than Edward. At least Marie doesn’t act like a brooding, whining dipshit with a sparkly cock. So yeah, Team Marie bitches. Anyway Joe is still rather worried of Marie so she gives him the handcuffs and has herself handcuffed. Quickly thereafter Joe and Marie are having hot passionate sex to the point that she breaks the cuffs and they continue having sex.

Later back at the meat place two more of Macelli’s men Frank (played by Tony Lip) and Ray (played by Kim Coates) show up while Lenny is waiting for them. Lenny is adamant that maybe someone else should take over given the weird situation surrounding Macelli. Lenny and the others enter the meat locker to find Macelli fully recuperated. He’s not too happy to hear what Lenny just said outside. Macelli ask Lenny to come closer and he nervously complies. Macelli talks him down before chowing down on Lenny’s neck. Back at the motel Joe and Marie are back in their clothes and heading out; both agreeing that once they find Macelli they kill him. Cut to a local strip lounge where Macelli and his men make shop at an upstairs office. Macelli makes a small speech of how this newly acquired life will makes thing better for the Macelli Family. Becoming untouchable to any crime family that gets in their way; taking over the city completely. However, for Frank and Ray this means they have to go through some “improvements”; Lenny jumps at Ray while Macelli munches on Frank. Joe and Marie stop at the diner but there’s no sign of Macelli; they then stop at a place called Bloomfield but no sign of him there either. Back at the strip lounge two more men of Macelli’s show up at the office only to be drafted into the undead mob. Later Morales and Finton show up at the strip lounge informed by undercover cops that Macelli is upstairs at the office. The two head upstairs to the office but only to find Frank and Ray just had their Italian snack as Macelli jumps out behind them. Joe and Marie arrive at the strip lounge but its close for the night. However, that’s not gonna stop Marie from yanking the front door open. As they enter the lounge they are stopped the lounge’s owner but Marie takes care of him by snatching his baseball bat from him and knocks him out.

Marie heads upstairs, sneaks up behind Ray, takes his gun and throws him down the stairs. Ray lands on Joe, has him pinned down but Joe pulls out his gun and puts a bullet in Ray before he had the chance to bite him. Marie enters the office seeing Morales tied to a chair and is about to be dinner by one of Macelli’s men. She’s about to shoot him but gets attacked from behind by other undead mob thug. Back downstairs Joe is out of bullets, takes the baseball bat and runs upstairs. Back at the office Marie is protecting Morales as she fending off the two undead thugs. She takes out one of them by snapping his neck; Joe tries to stop the second one with bat but it only just pisses him off. Marie takes care of him with a good neck snapping. Joe frees Morales to call for back up as Marie heads to roof. On the roof Marie takes Lenny and Frank but despite only firing two shots she’s out of bullets. Macelli goes up to Marie asking why she trying to kill him after giving this new lease on life. Marie rips a knob off the roof door and tries to stab him but struggles to do so. Macelli pulls out his gun and shoots her in the gut as Joe arrives to the roof and shoots Macelli. Mecelli makes his escape by jumping off the roof and lands into the street. However, he’s not entirely scot-free as he is hit by a taxi which slams him into a bus behind. Joe heads back downstairs but is stopped by undead Finton; Joe hesitates but quickly shoots him dead. Back in the street Macelli is rather pissed at the bus driver and slams the guy’s head on a window. Joe and Marie arrive at the street as Macelli is waiting for them. Joe sees the gas tanks of the bus and the taxi leaking so he lights up a zippo lighter and throws it on the gas leak. Both the bus and taxi explode but doesn’t kill Macelli as he walks out of the blaze looking a bit hotter around the collar. Joe finishes off Macelli with a shot to the head and Macelli crumbles to pieces. Joe spots Marie walking away as the sun is rising; he stops her from killing herself telling Marie that he loves her. The film ends with the two checking in to a nearby motel and Marie is rather rejoiced.

My Final Verdict: This film is a guilty pleasure to me so much; not saying its bad more of a happy, intentional accident. There’s some spark of humor in this film that were clearly unintentional yet somehow it works for the most part. And may I say that Robert Loggia was just absolutely amazing. Most films he starred in were mostly serious but here it’s like he’s having fun in this film. Not sure if it’s the writing or the performance but that’s what it looks like. And I gotta give credit to Paul Proval (undead Lenny) for having the most creepiest rape face ever and this was 15 years before James Nesbitt took that title in the show Jekyll. I'm really impressed with the film not using the term vampire through the whole thing given that it's really obvious of what's been going on in the film. It really feels like the film's not holding our hands from start to finish. At least when this film's director John Landis tries his take on vampire I don't constantly feel like calling on his bullshit. Unlike that one other person who best take on vampires is to have them sparkle in sunlight and randomly brooding at shit. Innocent Blood is known to me of having the second most beautiful French actress Anne Parillaud who has the sexiest thick French accent I’ve ever heard. Who’s the first most beautiful France actress you asked, Mathilda May (Lifeforce).

That’s Twilight 0, better vampire/werewolf films 1, so stay tuned next week for round two as we look into Stephen King’s Silver Bullet.