Hey everyone sorry for the brief of absence been very busy Gen Con-wise so on with the show.
We start off with a boat ride in the middle of the ocean during a storm; here we're introduced to the boat's pilot Finnegan (played by Treat Williams). And his crewmen Pantucci (played by Kevin J. O'Connor) and Leila (played by Una Damon). Finnegan and crew were hired by Hanover (played by...that guy who played as Sagat from the Street Fighter film Wes Studi) to transport him and his Big Ass Motherfuckers to an undisclosed location. Oh gee that doesn't sound suspicious at all; anyway we cut to big luxurious cruise ship the Argonautica on its first maiden voyage. There we're introduced to the ship's creator Simon Canton (played by Anthony Heald) and Trillian (played by Famke Janssen) who is revealed to be thief. Back on Finnegan's boat we're introduced to the rest of the Big Ass Motherfuckers Vivo (played by Djimon Hounsou), Mason (played by Clifton Powell), Mulligan (played by Jason Flemyng), Billy (played by Clint Curtis), T-Ray (played by Kano himself Trevor Goddard), and Mamooli (played by Cliff Curtis). Apparently this scene is trying top off the helicopter scene from Predator with its high macho humor...keep trying film but get an A for effort though. Pantucci sneaks pass the BAMs and enter the cargo bay where to a surprising discovery that their cargo is dozens of torpedoes. Pantucci gets caught by Vivo and is immediately receiving the ass kicking of his life by the BAMs. Finnegan intervenes with a spear gun and persuades Hanover to let Pantucci go. Meanwhile back on Argonautica, Trillian with a stolen keycard from Captain Atherton (played by Derrick O'Connor) sneaks in to a security room where the ship's vault is located. However, she immediately caught by Atherton and Canton and is put into a...storeroom since the brig is unfinished. Later on Argonautica an unknown figure enters the systems operations room and proceeds to disable the ship's on-broad systems. On the bridge with all of the systems malfunctioning, one crew member sees something really big on radar closing fast on the ship. The big object collides with the ship causing it to rumble quite violently. About 20 minutes away from their unknown destination Finnegan's hits a speed boat which cause severe damage to the boat but luckily they spot the Argonautica from a far. And with that Hanover and the rest of the BAMs gear up with these bad ass assault rifles and decided to take over from this point on. They arrived at the ship only to realized that it's completely deserted; not a single soul to be found. T-Ray and Mamooli accompanies Finnegan and Pantucci to the ships machine shop to repair the damaged boat parts while the rest search for anyone on broad. Back on Finnegan's boat Leila is repairing the hull until she's spooked by a dead body from the Argonautica before she's killed off by something unknown. Oh and Billy dies too later on; the film doesn't show it but trust me he dies. Meanwhile at the machine shop T-Ray goes investigate some odd noises but ends getting killed off...FATALITY! Later Trillian attempts to enter the vault yet again and is immediately caught by the BAMs; one guy Vivo opens the vault and immediately gets an ax to the face by Canton. Say it with me now...REDSHIRT!
Back at the machine shop Mamooli is killed off while Finnegan and Pantucci make a run for it; they run into Trillian at an elevator as the three of them run into the BAMs. Things get really bumpy as the elevator starts to drop straight down fast to sub-level 3. There they see what appears to be some of the skeletal remains of the passengers. They made it to maintenance room and it's revealed that Canton was the one who cause the ships' malfunction; the reason being was to loot the ship then sink it with torpedoes to collect the insurance money. Because apparently keeping a ship like the Argonautica operational is very expensive. And immediately out comes what appears to be a spiked tentacle...hey don't look at me I just describe how I see them. Then the spiked tentacle happened to puke out a half digested Billy; OK I guess the film did show him die then. More spiked tentacles appear as Finnegan and the others open fire and split up; Finnegan is confronted with one of them that apparently has a mouth at the tip of the tentacle. Again I just describe how I see them. The "mouthed" tentacle closes in on Finnegan but is fended off by Trillian with a handgun. Captain Atherton is eaten as Finnegan and the others regroup; they make it to a flooded passageway with Finnegan, Hanover, and Mulligan proceeding to swim first. As they reached the other side Pantucci, Trillian, Canton, and Mason soon follow as the tentacles are hot on their tail. Pantucci, Trillian, and Canton made it across but Mason gets snatch by the tentacles as he proceeds to set off a very advanced grenade and blow himself up. Mulligan wants to hold up in where they are now but that plan goes tits up when a tentacle enters the kitchen; Mulligan fends it off the others make a run for it. Immediately after that Mulligan is killed off from behind. As they try to head to the boat, they're split off as the tentacles cause a flood. Finnegan and Trillian are almost to the boat until Finnegan realizes that he drop the backpack with the boat parts inside and without those parts the boat can't get anywhere far. Hanover and Pantucci are being chase by the tentacles so Hanover decides to shoot Pantucci in the leg in order to slow down the tentacles by go after Pantucci. Luckily Pantucci managed to get away and makes it to a casino where he conveniently meets up with Hanover who is now being slowly swallowed by a tentacle. Pantucci decides to give him a gun but Hanover shoots and misses Pantucci than turning the gun to himself. Unfortunately that was the last bullet he wasted on unable to shoot himself and dies horribly. At the boat, Finnegan meets up with Pantucci to rigged the boat to crash into the Argonautica with one of the torpedoes wedged to boat's damaged hull. Meanwhile Trillian looks keys to the jet skis for the three to escape; she's then confronted by Canton armed with a...double barrel flare gun...ugh OK. Anyway Trillian runs away with a key to a jet ski and Canton goes after her. She's soon cornered by Canton but is rescued by Finnegan and Canton runs away. Soon after we get to see where all of the tentacles coming from so what appears to me is some huge octopus-like creature with teeth and goofy a face and eyes. Not sure what they were going with this creature I mean the tentacles are actually scary but to reveal this thing it almost ruins it. One of the tentacles grabs Finnegan but gets free after shooting it in the eye and he and Trillian get away. Back at the boat what it looks like from Finnegan's perspective that one of the tentacles got in and got Pantucci; SPOILERS Pantucci's still alive. While Finnegan and Trillian attempt to escape the ship and avoiding the tentacles at the same time, Canton makes it to the boat and tries to escape. However, he's unaware that the boat is locked in auto-pilot and is heading to crash into the ship. Canton dies as the boat crashes and explodes on impact. Finnegan and Trillian quickly escapes before the explosion killing the creature in the process. The film ends with Finnegan and Trillian made it to a small, they're reunited with Pantucci who makes it on a surf broad...somehow, and the big sequel-bait middle finger they hear a loud roar coming from the jungle forest. And does this film get a sequel? Nope...or at least there were plans for a sequel but never happens as far as I know.
My Final Verdict: This film was directed by Stephen Sommers the same Stephen Sommers that brought us two of The Mummy films, Van Helsing, and G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. It's really hard to tell what he was going with this film. It's like he spliced in two separate genres and ended up what it almost feels like you watching two separate films. The characters seem to be the one saving grace for this film because of their attitude, their chemistry, and their personality. The creature would've been better off as these tentacles instead of a one huge goofy looking octopus-thingy. I kinda like this film in some parts but it could have been a little better.
Next time's gonna be a real "sleeper" as I review Dreamscape.
