TFV: TOASTY OVERDRIVE Review: Fire Serpent

Hey everyone and welcome back to my TOASTY OVERDRIVE summer special so on to Fire Serpent.

We open in outer space as a fireball burst out of the sun and flies towards earth. Back on earth we see two forest fire fighters who are also a couple making out awhile on survey duty. One of the fire fighters spots a small flame and tries to put it out but in an instant the flame takes form of a serpent and possesses her body. The second fire fighter calls for help but was interrupted by his now possessed girlfriend as she discharges fire from her eyes. Cut to present day we’re introduced to fire fighter Jake Relm (played by Nicholas Brendon); HOLY CRAP it’s Xander. As he and his buddy Dave are leaving the burned forest a tiny flame “sneaks” into his Dave’s backpack. Hey no hick-hikers. Back at a fire fighter base camp the tiny flame gets out of the backpack and causes a trailer to explode; taking shape of a giant serpent and kills Dave. Later at another base camp we’re introduced to Christina Andrews (played by Sandrine Holt) an official from the National Fire Agency. As she leaves she’s being watched by an unknown man; more on him later. We cut to Christina returning to her office at NFA until she’s approached by agent Cooke (played by Robert Beltran) OH SHIT it’s Chakotay. Cooke informs Christina that he’s been assigned by Washington D.C.; reviewing the forest fires as threats to national security. He then shows a file of Dutch Fallon (played by Randolph Mantooth) (the man who was watching Christina) suspecting he’s the one behind the forest fires. Dutch was a career fire fighter until back at Sand Hills in 1966 (at the start of this film) where they claim that he started the fire and killed his girlfriend. We cut to a bar where Jake is playing pool until he’s approached by Dutch. At first believes that the fire was alive but immediately denies it and leaves. Jake heads to a recently burned down home and notices burn trail leading to cross broad fence when Dutch arrives. He tries to convinces Jake that the fire he saw was no ordinary fire and that this fire will do things to stay burning. We cut to Jake meeting up with Christina at a storm drain; afterwards she warns Jake about Dutch before he leaves.

A news reporter at the storm drain decides to investigate soon after the fire fighters left the scene. Inside the storm drain she unfortunately came across the tiny flame as it possesses her when she touched it. We cut to Dutch testing out a special type of halon bullet shells that when fire it releases a concussive pressure of water. Dutch is confronted by Cooke’s men but manages to get away however, after reaching his car he’s caught by Christina. At a NFA interrogation room Jake and Dutch share their perspective to Christina on what’s been happening as of late. A little bit later Cooke approaches Dutch and it’s kinda revealed that there’s something between those two. Cooke then releases Dutch and drops the charges. We cut to Jake following burned up power lines until he’s being followed by Cooke’s men; they toss a grenade into his truck but he immediately jumps out. Oh my I wonder if this may lead to Cooke being a bad guy. A police officer arrives at the incident to check on Jake; he then attempts to put out the fire but is quickly posse. Jake gets to the police car and immediately hauls ass before the possessed cop fries him. Dutch meets up with Jake at the bar and explain that this fire is been refer to as “Alien Fire” from the Old Testament and that there’s been more of them coming to earth for a long time. He then reveals that he was involved in the capture of the Alien Fire and so was Cooke which he wanted it as a weapon. Later at a morgue Cooke manage to retrieve the fire from the dead officer his men shot down. However, it would seem that Cooke has other plans as he kills one of his men. Christina meets up with Jake and Dutch they agree that Cooke is heading to a pumping station that reserves petroleum. Cooke’s intention is to release the creature there; providing the perfect fuel for the creature. Christina, Jake, and Dutch head to the pumping station to stop Cooke; they arrive and shortly thereafter Cooke shoots them. Dutch gets hit and eventually dies; ah damn it I actually like that guy he had the most awesome name. Christina returns fire and hits Cooke; now wounded he releases the creature and allows it to possess him. Cooke successfully delivers the creature through the pipes leading towards the petroleum reserves. The film ends with Jake and Christina able to destroy the creature by causing an explosion that forces the fire to get cut off immediately eventually starving the creature.

My Final Verdict: This film may sound over the top but it really doesn’t and that’s good thing. It’s got a solid plot; it’s not a solid gold plot but solid. The effects are OK…they don’t look too crappy. And one of the actors has a rather awesome last name Mantooth that totally screams BIG ASS MOTHERFUCKER. Also here’s the kicker this film was thought up by William Shatner; that’s right Captain James T. Kirk came up with this film. And I think I just killed a lot of brain cells.

We still have some red hot films to review in this special so stay tuned as I review a film that really makes you burn…quite literally. Next time it’s Pyrokinesis so bring A LOT of water.

TFV: TOASTY OVERDRIVE Review: Fireball

Hey everyone and may I say welcome to my summer special preferably named TOASTY OVERDRIVE; reviewing films that know how to turn up the heat first off Fireball.

We start off being introduced to the film’s antagonist Taylor “The Fuse” Draven (played by Aleks Paunovic) a pro football star that’s now suspended for drug use. Over his car radio we hear a key plot-point that Draven may have been taking special steroids that are keyed to his DNA. Draven stops at a gas station unaware he’s being followed by a news reporter Tim Timmonds (played by Colin Cunningham). Timmonds proceeds to harass Draven until he finally snaps and beats the reporter with his own camera until the police arrived and arrest him. Damn eat your heart out Quarantine. Later at a Cedar Hills courthouse Draven has been placed in local custody until he’s picked up by a federal agent to escort him to federal court. At a local jail where Draven is held a fire breaks out with him still locked up. The fire crew arrives at the jailhouse immediately and the fire is put out. Here we’re introduced to Ava Williams (played by Lexa Doig) a fire inspector and Lee Cooper (played by Ian Somerhalder) a federal agent whom both arrived at the scene. And may I say Lee sure is doing his best John Steed. The fire crew finds Draven among the wreckage with 90% of his body burned. You’ll start to cut scenes of his cells beginning to grow rapidly; another key plot-point. The following night at the hospital Draven recovers and shockingly fully healed and yet his hair hasn’t grown back. He takes out a nurse and escapes out of the hospital after which a car stops in front him and spontaneously explodes. The next day Draven arrives at his wife’s house just as a BBQ grill next to her explodes; Ava and Lee arrived at the scene to find Draven’s wife burned alive. Later at a truck stop, Draven steals a truck driver’s clothes and took his truck. Heh, play Grand Theft Auto much? Draven tracks down the judge from the Cedar Hills courthouse and proceeds to run him down until there’s another explosion which kills the judge.

Ava and Lee came up with the conclusion that Draven has the ability to create fire by sweating. Basically when his sweat touches oxygen instant ka-boom. Ava and Lee believe that Timmonds may be Draven’s next target; so they immediately head to a motel to guard him. Unfortunately it doesn’t go as well as Draven arrives at the motel room causing everything to burn including Timmonds. Lee and the local PD try to stop him but when you’re going up against a guy who can create fire and explosions. The odds are not in your favor; Draven disarms the cops and immediately escapes. The next day Ava comes to the conclusion that the steroids Dravens’ been taking have altered his blood chemistry. Basically when his starts to superheat he doesn’t burn up but instead causing his tissue to rebuild themselves rapidly. They’ve located Draven at Old Logging Road route 49 and proceed to halt his fire by smothering him tons of sand. But again guy who creates fire odds are not in your favor. So Draven superheats the sand turning it into glass and breaks loose. Ava and Lee make a run for it in their SUV with Draven on their tail performing his personal HADOKEN on the SUV. Ava and Lee got out of the SUV in time before the fireball hits. Lee somehow makes a conclusion that Draven is heading to a Nuclear Power Plant again somehow. While Lee tells the man in charge to shut down the plant, Draven arrives at the plant and kills the security team. They got the reactor core to shut down but Draven manages to get on top of the core and starts to re-heat the core. Lee conflicts Draven to distract him from re-heating the core. The distraction works and Draven chases after him to the interior core room where once inside they can suck out the oxygen permanently turning off The Fuse. Lee and Draven arrive in the interior core room with Ava following behind to seal the room completely. With the oxygen being suck out of the room, Draven continues to re-heat the core. The film ends with Lee pushing Draven into the core; while mid-fall Draven’s body began to breakdown and eventually explodes.

My Final Verdict: This film is...OK it looks cheap but at least not lazy cheap as most direct-to-DVD Sci-Fi films are nowadays. I’m not gonna this film got some good standout dialogues that actually makes you laugh. The fire effects are pretty impressive although there are a couple CG moments in the film that are poorly done but it doesn’t bother me too much. So I say give this film a browse look it up on Netflix or stop by at a video store.

So let’s continue on with this special as I review Fire Serpent. Until next time stay tuned.

Toon Closet Review: Project Blue Earth SOS

Its been awhile since I’ve done this so here we go again. I got in to this anime almost immediately when I first watched it; so much so that I brought the first volume disc at a convention (Anime Crossroads). The plot is simple but has its own interesting twist; earth is under attack by alien invaders and it’s up to a special defense force to stop them. The setting is a nice as well taking place in Retro-future (characterized by a blend of old-fashioned styles with futuristic technology) of the 1990s. The main characters are impressive for the part of the series and very likable in their own right. I don’t want to spoiler too much if you hadn’t seen it yet. But I can say the series is well scripted and beautifully animated. The series itself has a nice inspiration from those 50s sci-fi films. For a six episode series it does keep the story straightforward and self-explanatory within their 40+ minute marks.

My Final Verdict: There’s a plethora of animes out there these days but I believe Project Blue Earth SOS is a good way to start off. This anime displays some really amazing action and subtle drama; I highly recommend watching this anime.

The Film Vindicator Review: Die Hard With a Vengeance

Hey everyone sorry for the long silence been busy with moving to a new place and getting my net service back up and running so let’s get back on reviewing films. Now you remember Die Hard don’t you? One of the best Christmas/action films ever made you and your friends would gather together in front of the TV and watch John McClane up to his ass against terrorists. And it was some a borderline fun film ever made as a Christmas/action film. Die Hard 2 even though it wasn’t as great as the first one but it was just as entertaining; hell I’ve watched Die Hard 2 on VHS regionally when I was a kid. Now will Die Hard with a Vengeance have the same level of awesome as the first two? Well short answer unfortunately no, long answer let’s review this thing.

The film starts off with an explosion at a jewelry shop in New York City; well that’s a nice way to start a film out of nowhere. Was Michael Bay involved with this film? Later at a police precinct; an Inspector Walter Cobb (played by Larry Bryggman) gets a call from man named Simon. Simon demands Cobb to have John McClane (played by Bruce Wills) to be dropped off in Harlem, strip to his boxer shorts, and wear a sandwich board which says “I Hate N###ers”. OK that’s flipping subtle just randomly drops the N-Bomb for no relevant reason whatsoever. I mean it’s not like 90% of African Americans will get awkwardly insulted in the theaters. Also why’s McClane back in New York; did Die Hard 2 established that he moved to LA to be with his wife and family? Well guess what director John McTiernan decided to recon the happy moments between McClane and Holly from the first two Die Hard films. Resulting McClane magically brought back to New York and once again being kinda separated from his wife and kids. That’s right director John McTiernan who brought us the first Die Hard film pull a FLIPPING ONE MORE DAY ON DIE HARD. WHAT THE SHIT?!? Anyway we’re introduced to Zeus (played by Samuel L. Jackson ) who notices McClane with the sandwich board and tries to get him off the street. But unfortunately a group of African Americans spots McClane and proceeds to beat the crap out of him. Zeus intervenes by using a gun duct taped to McClane’s back and the two escaped by cab. Back at the police precinct Simon calls again and demands for McClane and Zeus to reach the Wall Street train station before Simon blows up a train with a binary liquid explosive. McClane decides that he and Zeus should split up for a better chance to stop the bomb. So McClane manage to get on train that has the bomb while Zeus heads to the Wall Street train station to answer Simon’s call on a payphone. McClane quickly throws the bomb off the train before it explodes; causing the train to derail at the Wall Street station. Of course McClane survives the derail with minor scratches that’s natural for most action films for the hero to walk from a disaster untouched. Later McClane and Zeus are approached by some agents informing McClane that Simon is Hans Gruber’s brother. Now does this revelation affect the film? No it does not and I’ll explain why in a minute. Simon calls again telling that he placed a very large bomb in one of the elementary schools in New York…SPOILERS the bomb is a fake. Sorry had to say it because the end goal of the fake bomb is bullshit. So we see all the cops in New York scattered to search for the fake bomb while McClane and Zeus go running around to complete Simon’s riddle that honestly leads to no pay off in the end. Except we learned that the fake bomb and the riddles are distractions for Simon (played by Jeremy Irons) and his men to infiltrate the federal reserve building to steal the gold. That’s right Simon places a fake bomb in a school and sends McClane and Zeus on a pointless trek around the city just as a distraction to steal some gold.

And here’s where I have problems with this grand master plan. First off the first Die Hard did this similar plan of robbing a financial establishment and the problem there DIE HARD DID IT BETTER. And not they set up the atmosphere for a robbing more sufficiently than With a Vengeance. What was the point of bombing random places when the end goal is to steal the gold? And upon stealing the gold why bother involving the ONE CHARACTHER WHO CAN STOP YOU IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA KILL HIM? YOU’RE LETTING THAT ONE MAIN THREAT TO STOP YOUR GOLD ROBBING PLAN TO LIVE! So apparently being Hans Gruber’s brother means nothing since Simon really didn’t care for his brother; just steal the gold and hope for the best. At least in the first Die Hard film Hans understood that McClane is a threat to his plan and he must eliminate him. Now remember my golden rule of revenge films from my Legend of Chun-Li review? Well apparently there’s a golden rule of revenge films for the bad guys. And that rule is if your family member, love partner, or partner-in-crime gets killed by the hero. Your better do the best of your knowledge to hunt down the person responsible and make that hero suffer. For example, remember Karl for the first film when heard his brother was killed by McClane? Now guess what he does through the rest of the film after he hears the news? If your answer is bat-shit pissed off congratulations you’ve seen a better Die Hard film. Now I hate to do this but I’m skipping ahead a bit because honestly some of the scenes lead to nothing exciting or important. McClane and Zeus trails Simon to a cargo ship where the gold is stash…SPOILERS no it’s not; do you see what I mean by some scenes lead to nothing important. So McClane and Zeus get captured and are left to die by a bomb that’s meant to blow up the gold but again the gold is not on the ship. Look Simon you’re no Bond villain so just kill McClane and end the film; gees Hans was more determined to kill McClane than you. Long story short McClane and Zeus managed to escape off the ship before the bomb explodes. Before I go on I’m gonna rewind for a minute; while they were captured McClane ask Simon for a bottle of aspirins and he does. I bring this up because that’s how McClane tracks down Simon and the gold by using the batch number on the bottle of aspirins that leads him to some warehouse in Canada. I can’t even begin to elaborate how illogical that sounds. Just out of sheer chance that the batch number actually leads McClane to wherever Simon is hiding. In what Bizarro world does McClane believe it would lead him to Simon’s hideout? Anyway the film ends with McClane tricking Simon into flying at a power line pole causing the helicopter to explode.

My Final Verdict: This film is a shameless pretender; it tries to be on the same level as the first two films but still comes up short at the end. How could John McTiernan given us such action film classics such as the first Die Hard and flipping Predator but years later in 1995 he gave us a film that’s basically THE SAME DAMN FILM HE DID ALREADY.

Now since we’re in the middle of summer already I’m gonna spend a few weeks reviewing films that know how to turn up the heat as it were. So stay tuned next time as I start off with Fireball.