So Supergirl...sweet mother's ass is this film bad. And I'm not talking about regular bad I mean solid gold shit stain bad. The film came out in 1984; right between Superman III and Superman VI: The Quest for Peace both films that are just as worst. But let's stick with Supergirl for now.
The film starts off with surviving Kryptonians living in Argo City and here’s where things become head scratching confusing right after the opening credits. First off there's a city with still alive Kryptonians and no one in this city never bother to travel to Earth to find Superman and say..."Hey Kal-El you're not the last Kryptonian anymore there's still a city full of Kryptonians come visit us". My point is that non-comic fans that follow the Superman films will get borderline confused of what they're seeing despite what the first Superman film established. While comic fans will get both confuse and annoyed upon discovery this little revelation. And also where exactly is this city located; according to Wikipedia Argo City is in some pocket of trans-dimensional space. So I guess that's how the film explains it but let's be honest the writers were too lazy to write down "floating Kryptonian city in outer space. Anyway we're introduced to Kara Zor-El (played by Helen Slater) that's right Superman's cousin at least the film establishes that they're cousins. The same time we're introduced to Zaltar (played by Peter O' Toole) who is...uh someone...important...You know what I don't know who this guy is I mean he doesn't even exist in the DC universe. And that's one of my pet peeves with crappy DC Comic films but I'll get to that later. Right now I guess he's Kara's friend...teacher...emotional support again I don't know. Zaltar shows Kara the Omegahedron (a/k/a the film's McGuffin) which he "borrowed" from the city's government. Long story short Kara loses the Omegahedron which would lead Kara to leave Argo City and retrieve the Omegahedron. Meanwhile the Omegahedron reaches to earth where it's discovered by the film's antagonist Selena (played by Faye Dunaway). And guess what...this character doesn't exist in the DC universe either. Why is it that in these crappy DC Comic films instead of using characters that DO exist. The filmmakers in question would invent a new character that really shows no actual purpose in the film. I don't see this level of stupidity in the Marvel films lately; mainly because the filmmakers realize that Marvel has a whole universe of characters to use. Moving on; Selena is a power-hungry would-be witch and now with the Omegahedron in hand she's bent on ruling the world. Later Kara arrives to earth in her Supergirl costume; how she ended up in her costume well the film is not gonna explain how so good luck with any other bullshit logics that this film will never explain. For example, before losing the Omegahedron Kara is giving a bracelet from Zaltar which for SOME REASON is capable of tracking the Omegahedron. OK...did Zaltar foreseen that Omegahedron would end up lost and Kara would be the only one to go after it? So the next day Kara wakes up near an all-girl school and decides enroll at the school as cover. At least that's what I think she went there. Don't know why she could just stop by at the Fortress of Solitude or stop by Metropolis to you know STAY WITH HER COUSIN! And here's a real nice touch on bullshit logic; Kara SOMEHOW CHANGES HER COSTUME TO MATCH THE CLOTHES OF THE SCHOOL GIRLS!!! Not only that but she change her hair color to brunette. OK...let's take it from the top; how the hell did she changes from her outfit to normal clothes? It's not like she stolen any clothes she just BAM normal clothes. Does her outfit shape-shift, is she a shape-shifter? She might as well be since she changed her hair color as well. And I highly doubt it that it's a wig she must have found somewhere. So after that bullshit logic meltdown; Kara sneaks into the school under the name Linda Lee cousin of Clark Kent. She then roommates with Lucy Lane (played by Maureen Teefy) who is the younger sister of Lois Lane. No seriously Lois Lane has a sister in the comics.
Later we see Selena is on the lookout for potential lovers until the Omegahedron "choice" the girl school's groundskeeper Ethan (played by Hart Bochner). The purpose of this Ethan character is no more than a male-in-distress for Supergirl to save. So Selena lures Ethan to her place and drugs him with a powerful love potion that puts him out like a light. Right after he regains consciousness and wonders out into town while Selena was absence at the time. Meanwhile in town Kara hangs out with Lucy to meet up with her boyfriend Jimmy Olsen (played by Marc McClure)...and there you go people. This film's lazy effort to make any connections with the Superman films. Yeah don't bother bringing in Superman or at the very least Clark Kent that would be too damn hard. And what does Jimmy Olsen bring to this film...NOTHING! Solid gold nothing, he's just there because he there that's it. Seriously he couldn't just be there because he was sent by the Daily Planet to get a story on Supergirl or maybe he was sent by Superman to investigate if there is a "Supergirl" and quite possibly...seriously how sad is it that guys like me can come up with a better plot-point than the filmmaker? Upon discovery that Ethan is missing; Selena using her new found powers to locate him sends a construction vehicle to retrieve him. You heard me a construction vehicle...she couldn't just teleport him back to her place or anything. Anyway this causes panic in the streets which springs Supergirl into action. She manages to stop the construction vehicle and saves Ethan. Still under the effects of the love potion Ethan sees Kara in her guise of Linda Lee and falls in love with her but of course that doesn't go well for Selena. So she summons an invisible monster to kill Kara. Why is the monster invisible? Mainly because the filmmaker is saving the budget a even bigger monster later. So the invisible monster attacks Kara at the school until she takes a street lamp, flies right into some storm clouds, absorbing the lightning strikes with the street lamp, and zaps the monster. Yeah don't try to find the logic from that your brain won't forgive you. After that Kara's bracelet begins tracking the Omegahedron's signal which leads her to a amusement park where Selena lives. Upon arriving there she discovers that she's been followed by Ethan apparently flipping stalking Kara that's how love at first sight works right. I mean that's no way creeping at all and that Kara shouldn't smash his skull in...this film is over 9,000 in awkwardness.
So yeah there's actual love attention between them until Selena interrupts them; a fight breaks out between Kara and Selena and trust me it's not even a convincing fight. I mean Selena by far is no Darkseid. Kara temporary subdues Selena long enough for her to escape with Ethan. After this setback; Selena obtains a special wand which combine with the Omegahedron amplifies her powers even further. She teleports Ethan back to her place...and why she couldn't do that before? And using her amplify power create a castle fortress in the middle of town. Kara is not far behind as she speeds back to town right to Selena's fortress. This time Selena's more prepare as she sends Kara to the Phantom Zone. Once there her powers are gone but she's reunited with Zaltar who earlier stated since he lost the Omegahedron he would be sent to the Phantom Zone even though Kara lost it but whatever. Now in the comics the Phantom Zone is a pocket dimension that serves as a prison and as far as I know once you're in the Phantom Zone you can't get out. But this is crappy comic to film adaptation continuity is already broken beyond repair. So despite the whole "there's no escape from the Phantom Zone" Kara and Zaltar made their way to a portal that leads out. In the process Zaltar lost his as Kara makes her escape. Back on earth Selena has taken over the city and honestly I don't know where this place is I know it's not Metropolis. It could be Smallville who knows. Anyway Kara escapes from the Phantom Zone and back to Selena's fortress for one last confrontation. Selena summons another monster and here's where I think most of budget went to this holy unimpressive creature design seriously get a good look at it. Then again it's really hard to even see the monster; the filmmakers had this thing so blurry on screen you can't even tell its head from its ass. You know what I call that...POOR COMPOSITING! So Kara manage to defeat both the monster and Selena by...creating a...tornado yeah let's call it this film's equivalent of Superman spinning the earth's rotation backwards. The film ends with Kara returning to Argo City with the Omegahedron. Now considering where Argo City is she would pretty much be incapable of travel between dimensions as soon as her powers are gone again.
My Final Verdict: This film...is just lazy. Lazy writing, lazy directing, lazy continuity. The filmmakers weren't even trying to make a decent Supergirl; it's like they made it for the sake of popularity of the Superman films. Not to mention the filmmakers kept shooting themselves in the foot establishing both Superman and Supergirl are in the same universe. At some point they did a good job but beyond that they didn't really focus all that much at the end result. They just telling us through name-drops and other pointless scenes and expect us to accept them. I say avoid this film hell it's not even worth watching on netfilx. There's an extended version of Supergirl but I wouldn't recommend that either cause basically it just adds more unnecessary padding. And the worst part about it there's a lot more crappy DC Comic films out there. But I'm not gonna review them all in one go I wouldn't survive through the bullshit filmmaking. May be in through the passing days I'll review one film at a time.
But until then I'm reviewing some good film for a while. So stick around next week as I review Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension.
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