Well what did you thought I was going to review Batman Forever? Besides I said I’m reviewing a good Schumacher film not a crappy one that nearly raped my childhood. So the 80s was that decade where the classic movie monsters were getting a fresh new style of horror. From The Howling, to Fright Night, to Monster Squad, to well The Lost Boys. The film came out in 1987 with an ensemble cast; Jason Patric, Jami Gertz oh ho thought you two escaped me from Solarbabies didn’t you? Corey Feldman, Kiefer Sutherland, and the late Corey Haim.
The film starts off at a boardwalk and amusement park where we’re immediately introduced to the Cullens of the 80s (also of awesome). David (played by Kiefer Sutherland), Marco (played by Alex Winter), Paul (played by Brooke McCarter), and Dwayne (played Billy Wirth). So the 80s Cullens start some mischief at the carnival soon to get escorted off by a rent-a-cop. Not too long we get to say good bye to the rent-a-cop as he’s being drag off into the night (insert Scorpion’s GET OVER HERE! joke). We cut to the opening credits where we’re introduced to the Emerson family; Lucy (played by Diane Wiest), Michael (played by Jason Patric), and Sam (played by Corey Haim). As they’re heading to their new home in Santa Carlo also known as the MURDER CAPITAL OF THE WORLD! Oh gee I wonder why? So after the opening credits end the family reaches their new home (owned by the brothers’ grandpa/Lucy's dad). We cut back to the boardwalk and amusement park where Michael and Sam are at a rather awesome concert in my opinion. Not before long Michael sees a young girl in the crowd named Star (played by Jami Gertz) and begins to stare at her. So the staring contest causes Star to leave while Michael goes after her with Sam in tow. A little bit later Sam ditches Michael and enters a nearby comic book shop where he meets the Frog Brothers Edgar (played by Corey Feldman) and Alan (played by Jamison Newlander). They exchange knowledge about comics before recommending Sam to read a vampire comic. Later we get another GET OVER HERE moment when the roof of a couples’ car is ripped off and the couple are drag into the darkness. The next morning Sam returns to the comic book shop being informed by the Frog brothers that Santa Carlo is the perfect hot spot for vampires. The next night at the boardwalk and amusement park Michael finally meets with Star before meeting with the 80s Cullens. David persuades Michael to join them at a makeshift home in a cave. A little bit later when they’re eating some Chinese food it turns out the 80s Cullens have some Jedi Mind Tricks as Michael sees maggots and worms in the food. The party really starts when David breaks out a creepy looking wine bottle and gives it to Michael to drink. Michael does so despite being warned by Star (because she too is a vampire) that the bottle is filled with blood. After a trippy party montage things pretty weird from this point Michael starts sleeping through the day, almost attack Sam but was stopped by their dog. Has almost no reflection in mirrors and he can fly…almost. All’s revealed to Michael when David brings him along to stalk some party-goers and I think you know where this is going. Well let me put it like this, the vampires in Twilight are lightweights compare to the 80s Cullens.
Sam is aware of what’s been going on and calls in the Frog brothers for help. They plan on to find and slay the head-vampire in order to return Michael to normal. So Sam and the Frog brothers head out to the makeshift cave during the day where they find the 80s Cullens sleeping Spider-Man style. Not sure which one is the head-vampire decided to slay them all which did not turned out so well. They manage to slay one of them while the rest have woken up in a RED LANTERN RAGE! Sam and the Frog brothers safely escape from the 80s Cullens and hail ass back to Sam’s place. Nearing the end of the film Sam, Michael and Frog brothers gathered some holy water and wooden stakes preparing for coming 80s Cullens attack. Night falls and the 80s Cullens arrived with lethal intent, the second 80s Cullen Paul is slayed by the Frog brothers by throwing him in a bathtub filled with holy water. And oh and a little warning throwing a vampire in a bathtub filled with holy water is not all that great with the house plumbing…just saying. The third 80s Cullen Dwayne is slayed by Sam with a bow and arrow and somehow gravitating towards a nearby stereo. You might say he met his shocking end heh heh...sorry. And the crowning post kill line goes to Sam with “Death by stereo”. A mid-air vampire fight breaks between Michael and David ultimately Michael kills David by impalement on to some gazelle antlers. However, Michael is still a vampire meaning that there’s still one out there. Michael and Sam’s mom returns home with her date Max (Edward Herrmann) (a video store owner that Lucy met earlier in the film). Here it’s revealed that Max is the head-vampire with the intention to have Lucy and the boys to join his family. Or as Edgar said it best “The bloodsucking Brady Bunch”. So who does gonna save everyone from vampire Max? Oh wait Grandpa can. That’s right he drives his jeep backwards through the living room, makes a hard stop for these giant wooden poles to fly off the back of the jeep. One of the poles impales Max gravitating towards the fireplace and then explodes. Yeah as much as that sounds silly, you can’t argue with the result. Plus I think Grandpa deserves some bad ass points. The film ends with Grandpa’s own crowning post kill line with “One thing in the world I never could stomach is all the damn vampires”.
My Final Verdict: Aside from Lifeforce, The Lost Boys is one of the greatest vampire films that ever came out from the 80s. The vampires are far scarier and have better social skills than the vampires from Twilight. Some scenes will scare you and some scenes will make you laugh and you should watch this film because of it. Now there were two sequels that came out...21 years later. I've already watched one of them and let's say they don't have the same flair as this film did. Sure I'll review them...at some point...ish. So stay tuned next week when Jami Gertz makes another appearance here on The Film Vindicator as I review Twister.
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