Hits & Misses: Resident Evil Extinction

Real Talk: Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice: Extinction

Miss: Apparently Paul Anderson thinks the T-Virus is a magical Agent Orange. Because how else did the Earth turned into Discount Arrakis despite the fact of viral mutagens don't work that way in the RE games. Which means there'll be no mutated plants or animals (besides the zombie dogs and crows) for Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice to deal with.

Real Talk: As much as it is awesome seeing Alice surviving a pit of zombie dogs then use them to dispatched the Discount Mad Max baddies. I have to bring up that Alice has her super T-Virus powers from RE Apocalypse. Extinction even reminds the audience of that later on. Which begs a few questions of why Alice didn't use powers before she was capture? Or just use her powers to fight off the zombie dogs and then to escape? So from this point on, every time Alice is in a situation where she could've use her powers but doesn't do so. I'm just gonna chalk it up to either the script didn't called for it or Alice is being a lazy bitch.

Miss: *A vehicle convoy roaming aimlessly on the desert road.* Why do I get the feeling that Paul Anderson was watching Mad Max while writing the script for this movie?

Miss: Hi Claire Redfield, have fun being a minor character in your own movie.

Miss: Poor Linden Ashby was dragged into this movie. 

Hit: Also, Linden Ashby

Real Talk: And also, also, at least he wasn't dragged into doing Mortal Kombat Annihilation.

Hit: Albert Wesker.... Yeah I got nothing else, just Albert Wesker.

Miss: I get that Umbrella wants to use Alice's DNA to produce a serum to fight the T-Virus infection. But why make a bunch of Alice clones to be sent through and die in some simulation to do so? Kind of a waste of resources to make Alice clones just to be meat puppets being sent to the meat grinder.

Miss: With her super T-Virus powers, why would Alice still need guns? Blades and a crossbow, sure why not but her powers would make even less noise than guns. Especially in a zombie apocalypse.

Miss: *Alice finds a notebook claiming that Alaska is completely isolated for the infection.* Alice's narration states that the T-Virus spread all over the world, lakes, rivers, continents, etc. Yet I'm suppose to believe that Alaska is somehow "isolated". Not sure if Anderson failed at geography or what but Alaska is a part of the US/North America, as in one of the countries where the T-Virus has spread and infected everything. Alaska isn't some island in the middle of nowhere. 

Hit: LJ: "I'm gonna need a room.... I'll take a water bed, a jacuzzi and I'm gonna rent me a porno." OK that was funny, I'll give this movie that. 

Miss: In RE Apocalypse, LJ was complaining to Carlos for not telling him that he was bitten. Yet here's LJ just been bitten but doesn't tell anyone about it. What a fucking hypocrite. 

Miss: *One of Dr. Isaacs' test zombies was injected with the serum and was temporarily capable of working a phone and a camera.*  Why do I get the feeling that Paul Anderson was watching Day of the Dead while writing the script for this movie? 

Hit: Naked Alice Clone # 1

Real Talk: *Alice's powers starts lifting up her motorcycle and a bunch of big rocks as she's sleeping.* Why do I get the feeling that Rian Johnson was watching this movie while writing the script for The Last Jedi?

Real Talk: *Alice walking through the sandy desert.* Insert your own Dune joke/reference here.

Hit: *The Redshirt Convoy is under attack by murders of zombie crows.* Only three movies in and we finally get some zombie crow action.

Miss: If the convoy had a flamethrower why didn't they use it before the crows attacked.

Miss: *Betty stays behind on the school bus for no reason only to be killed off by the zombie crows.* Oh no, not Redshirt Betty, I hardly knew this character to even give a damn. And yes I'm aware she's played by Ashanti and they made such a big deal about it during the film's production. But being that Betty was just another disposable Redshirt, this was a waste of Ashanti's time.  

Miss: Movie, stop making me feel sorry for LJ after losing his Redshirt girlfriend. He's still infected and he still hasn't told anyone yet.

Real Talk: *Claire giving thanks to Alice.* Claire for the love of god, don't thank her.

Hit: I'm in a total agreement with Claire on Alaska being safe is at best sketchy. 

Miss: Alice talking to Claire: "The transmission says that there's no infection up there, it's isolated. Safe..." Based on what exactly? How is there no infection in Alaska? How is it isolated from everything else that's been infected? Neither Alice or anyone else looking through the notebook never gone into details of how Alaska is "safe". 

Real Talk: Claire talking to Alice after everyone agrees to go to Alaska: "I hope you're right." Remember this line for the next movie.

Miss: I get it movie, LJ's been bitten. But he still hasn't told anyone so I still don't care.

Miss: The planet has been a barren wasteland for five years yet the Redshirt Convoy act like this is all new info to them once they arrived at a barren Las Vegas.  

Miss: There's a metal container blocking the way to the gas pumps but Alice doesn't use her powers to push it out the way. Lazy bitch...

Real Talk: I get it Paul, your wife's fucking hot. Enough with the needless close up shot.

Hit: Claire taking out a few zombies is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Miss: As cool as it is seeing Alice chopping up a bunch of zombies, this would all be over a lot faster if she uses her powers. But I guess the script didn't call for it.

Real Talk: Now I know you must be thinking that if Alice uses her powers all the time than it would be too easy for her and the whole movie would be boring. And you be correct, that would be too easy and boring. So here's this little equation to solve this problem. Main Character with Superpowers + Meaner, Tougher Enemies = Intense Action Scenes. Watch JoJo's Bizarre Adventure for proof.

Real Talk: So Umbrella has a satellite that can not only track Alice but can shut her down at anytime. If Alice is so important to the new serum they couldn't shut her down any sooner why? 

Miss: And because Alice is the true main character (in Anderson's weird little head), some of the other Redshirts are picked off so easily. Because god forbid if any of the remaining zombies go attack Alice while still being shut down at the moment.

Miss: Claire was doing just fine killing these zombies earlier until for no reason starts wasting ammo with body shots trying to save Redshirt Mikey. Oh that's right, Paul Anderson made these characters useless when the plot calls for it.

Miss: Alice can just hack the satellite to reverse the shut down. Because plot....

Miss: Alice talking to Carlos as he's showing signs of infection: "They have the Anti-Virus in there, just hold on." Carlos: "It's too late and you know it." Carlos what the hell are you talking about? In the last movie you were infected for 3 hours yet still got treated for it. The time it took from Vegas to the underground facility had to at been less than 2 hours. And that's assuming this is on the same day. You got plenty of time to at least look around in the facility. Not to mention LJ was infected for a couple of days longer than you. I mean sure there's a possibility that Issacs used all the Anti-Virus but still couldn't hurt to be sure if there is any left. So again, the hell are you talking about Carlos? 

Miss: As much as it was heartbreaking seeing Carlos sacrificing himself for Alice and others to get through the hoards of zombies. I can't helped remembering that Alice has her T-Virus powers which got me thinking that Carlos' sacrifice was utterly needless. Alice could've just toss that tanker near the fence and made it explode. Or maybe crush the fuck out of the zombies with a mere thought. But I guess she was too much of lazy bitch to even try anything remotely helpful with her powers.

Real Talk: And now you're probably defending that Alice's powers aren't strong enough or I'm being nitpicky and maybe so. But that's what happens when a movie gives the main character a superpower only to nerf said character in order to keep the story from being broken. It's just unfortunately the cracks are still noticeable within certain plot-points. And as I said earlier, Main Character with Superpowers + Meaner, Tougher Enemies = Intense Action Scenes. 

Miss: Alice: "My blood?" White Queen: "Your blood has bonded with the T-Virus, Dr. Issacs correctly deduced that it could be used to destroy the biohazard for good." Alice: "You mean my blood is the cure for all of this?" White Queen: "Correct... Your blood is pure and this facility contains all of the equipment you will require to synthesize a cure." Since there's now three more sequels after this one and the T-Virus infection's still a problem. It's safe to say that the whole "Alice's blood being the cure" plot-point was neither utilized nor mentioned ever again. Hell, RE: The Final Chapter replaces it with something so stupid that it implodes the film series' internal constancy. But lets not pull the pin on that grenade just yet.  

Hit: Naked Alice Clone # 2

Hit: Only three movies in and finally we have a Tyrant.

Hit: And credit to the movie for the Tyrant design.

Miss: Tyrant Issacs talking Alice: "You can't kill me." I'm sorry but Issacs is now a Tyrant, there shouldn't be any intelligence left in him. Also, that's Chris Redfield's line.

Real Talk: Alice talking to the Umbrella board: "I'm coming for you and uh I'm gonna be bringing a few of my friends." Remember this line for the next movie. 

Hit: God damn that's a lot of Naked Alice Clones. 

BONUS ROUND

Miss: When I watched this movie the first time it premiered, a lot of thoughts kept going through my mind the whole time. Thoughts such as where's Angela Ashford through the whole movie? Did she died between movies, did she ran out of the Anti-Virus and was killed before she mutated? Why has no one even mentioned her at all? The one character who was pivotal in RE: Apocalypse and what just written out of existence? And since I'm here, where's Jill through the whole movie and why's no one mentioning her?

Miss: This is leads to the film series biggest weakness # 3. Any character who appeared in the previous movie are just dropped out of existence in the next movie. No explanations on what became of them, why they're not around or anything.

Hits & Misses: Resident Evil Apocalypse

Real Talk: Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice: Apocalypse

Miss: Get use to Alice recapping what occurred in the previous movie(s) as if the audience has the memory span of a termite. And this little recap is repeated later in the movie. 

Miss: In Resident Evil 2 the T-Virus was spread via rats getting into a pool of it from broken vials after G-Birkin slaughtered some U.B.C.S. guys. In this movie, a bunch of dumbass Umbrella guys reopens the Hive. Letting out all the T-Virus infected/creatures in the process. Because asking the one survivor what happened in the Hive would just break the whole story/movie.

Miss: This movie has an Ashford character but is not the Alfred Ashford from Resident Evil Code Veronica. So this Dr. Ashford is just in named only and besides I don't think the actor playing him wouldn't look all that hot in a dress anyway.

Real Talk: Now if Ashford was play by Jonny Beauchamp (Angelique from Penny Dreadful) than you got something.

Miss: Plot McGuffin or not, Angela Ashford should be dead after that car crash. Or just too banged up to even move let alone made all the way to back to her school.

Hit: Jill shooting a few zombies at the Raccoon City police station is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Miss: Jill talking to a S.T.A.R.S. member: "They're infected.... I told you, shoot for the head." That's nice to know of Jill seemingly knows what's going on. Too bad she wasn't in the first movie to established what she went through to even know about the zombies. But I guess telling is better showing.

Miss: And here we come to this film series biggest weakness #1. In spite of the game characters are in the movie(s) they're not the main focus, Alice is. As long as the story is focus on Alice, most of the RE characters in the movie(s) are reduced to minor characters and/or disposable Redshirts. 

Miss: I don't care how sophisticated Umbrella is, I find it unlikely they set up a wall surrounding the city in the 13+ hours since the infection started. A lot of people (and infected) would've gotten out beforehand.

Hit: *Woman running up the stairs from the zombies.* Up skirt shot!

Hit: *Carlos repels down from a chopper as he's shooting zombie to save the running woman.* 

Real Talk: There will be hits whenever the RE characters does something bad ass, because this is their movie(s) and they should be the focus. And also because fuck Alice.

Miss: Don't care who thought this was cool, slow motion blurs doesn't make the zombies scary.

Hit: Cops, S.T.A.R.S. and U.B.C.S. being overwhelmed with zombie hoards is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Miss: Dr. Ashford's plan on saving his daughter is to find any survivors to go get her out of the city. Not send in some U.B.C.S. guys to go get her just trust some randos to get her out safely. I understand he's desperate to save his daughter but could he at least gather some U.B.C.S. guys before entrusting some rando survivors who have their own problems to deal with?  

Miss: Oh hey Alice is having a memory flashback of what happened in the previous movie in case anyone else forgot. Or just didn't watched the first movie.

Real Talk: I would ask why Umbrella just inject Alice with the T-Virus but I doubt even the movie knows why.

Miss: Peyton talking to Terri: "What's that you got there?" Terri (who's filming with her handheld camera): "My Emmy...that's if we ever gonna make it out of here." This guy's a member of S.T.A.R.S. and doesn't know what a camera is? The application process at S.T.A.R.S. must be really layback.

Hit: Jill searching around the spooky church is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Miss: *Jill finds a zombie lady tied to a chair only to discover that it's the church reverend's sister who's been feeding her for quite a while.* This is a trope I find really annoying in any zombie movie/show, a character (or their love ones) are infected/becoming a zombie. But keeps it a secret from everyone else to a point of endangering those around them. It doesn't built tension, it doesn't make me sympathize with the character, it just makes them look like a dumbass. Case in point, the zombie lady breaks free then bites the reverend before Jill shoots her.     

Miss: The Lickers in RE2 can track player characters by sound unless the player is stealthy enough to sneak pass them. Unless the PC is moving around or making too much noise, the Lickers can't see them on the fact they have no eyes. So how are the movie Lickers seem to have Discount Predator Vision when again they have no eyes? The 2003 Daredevil movie did a better visualization on how Matt Murdock sees the world through sound (and other senses). 

Hit: Dual-welding Jill Valentine!

Miss: This film series biggest weakness #2, the movie(s) will beat you over the head with Alice being the main focus by having her doing these over-the-top actiony scenes. While the RE characters are either pushed to the side or rendered useless for the sake of the plot.  

Miss: Also it really defeats the purpose of your movie being survival horror when Alice just easily took out three Lickers with zero difficulty whatsoever.

Real Talk: Jill asking Alice: "Who the fuck are you?" Well as Phelous said it best "it's your replacement for main character, Jill".

Hit: *LJ passing by two zombie strippers.* Zombie Boobs!

Miss: Pay no attention to the Nicholai character in this movie, just another in-name-only character.

Miss: *Alice and the Redshirt Gang stopped at cemetery until zombies start rising from the ground.* Now why are these corpses rising out from their graves? This isn't Return of the Living Dead, I don't recall the T-Virus just magically became a rainstorm anywhere in the movie. This is clearly another over-the-top action scene to make Alice look bad ass because from a storytelling perspective it makes no god damn sense. 

Hit: And here's Nemesis, the one character this movie almost didn't fuck up. I'll explain the "almost" part later.

Hit: I'll give the movie credit for Nemesis' theme music.

Hit: *Nemesis POV* That's a nice touch giving Nemesis an ammo counter.

Hit: Nemesis after gunning down what's left of S.T.A.R.S.: "Staaaaars....."

Miss: As nice it is to give Nemesis a minigun but where exactly are the ammo being fed from? I can see the ammo belt feeder but I don't see anything that resembles an ammo pack. So is the ammo belt feeder attached to Nemesis' ass and he just farts out the bullets? And I don't even wanna know how he'll reload the minigun if that's the case.

Miss: Through the power of plot convenience, Alice has a T-Virus Spider Sense before Nemesis just pops out of nowhere. Which begs the question where was this convent ability back at the cemetery? 

Real Talk: Also Nemesis is not exactly a stealthy creature, dude would bust through walls like the Kool-Aid Man and fucks your shit up.

Real Talk: *Alice telling Jill to "run....just go".* I think that's code for "fuck off bitch, this is my action moment."

Miss: Also how does Alice know about Nemesis, as far as I know this is the first time she encountered him. Yes there's the scene from the first movie where she overheard one of the Umbrella guys. But there's a difference between a name drop and actually seeing the creature itself. So as far as she knows it's some other bio-weapon and Alice is just guessing it's Nemesis.

Miss: Inside the middle school, Jill suggest LJ and Terri to split up, I mean yes that would help to cover more ground. But in most horror movies when has splitting up ever been a good idea? 

Hit: Jill confronting one of the Cerberus Dogs is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Hit: Nicholai after he kills a Cerberus Dog: "Stay...." OK that was kinda awesome.

Hit: Jill and Nicholai sharing a scene together before he's killed off is the closest to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Miss: The CGI on the Cerberus Dogs would pretty good in the first movie. But the Cerberus CGI in this movie is really lacking in quality.  

Hit: *A zombie sneaks up on Jill but she quickly dispatches it by snapping its neck.* Yup....bad ass.

Miss: Movie has the nerve to make Jill look like a chump when she lit and tosses a match but goes out before the gases from the stoves reached it. Only to have Alice doing the exact thing but with a lit cigarettes, killing the Cerberus Dogs in the explosion. But not before Alice grabs a fireproof blanket and wraps it around herself and Angela, shielding themselves from the explosion. Anderson, just fuck off and get your hand out of your pants.

Real Talk: And super T-Virus powers or not, that explosion should've knocked Alice on her ass.

Miss: It's revealed that Angela's suffering from an illness so her father created the T-Virus in order to make her stronger. Now I understand Dr. Ashford really wanted to help his daughter but couldn't he went with something less on the zombie apocalypse side? Like cloning or nano-machines or cybernetics? Was creating a viral mutagen that'll be exploited by Umbrella really the smartest way to go? And not only that, Angela is stuck with routinely injecting herself with the anti-virus in order to keep the T-Virus in check. Father of the fucking year this guy is.

Hit: Jill and Carlos sharing a scene together is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Real Talk: LJ talking to Carlos: "Should've told me you got bit, motherfucker. I'm hanging with you and shit." Remember this line for the next movie.

Miss: *Alice running down the side of a really tall building then attacks the U.B.C.S. guys guarding the last chopper out of Raccoon City.* I'm sure this scene's awesome and all but I'm a bit distracted over the fapping noises from Paul Anderson to even care. Also was it going to be too boring for Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice to just stay on the roof and snipe the U.B.C.S. guarding the chopper? 

Miss: These U.B.C.S. guys must the worst selective hearing and response time to get easily snuck up and taken out by Alice.

Miss: Major Cain talking to Alice after he shot Dr. Ashford: "He was a valuable asset to the corporation, I don't even care about these people." Then why the hell did you shoot the one guy who's more valuable to Umbrella, trolling? I feel like Paul Anderson lost all logic and common sense when he got to this part of the script.

Miss: Also good job Alice trying to bluff this guy into not shooting the more important characters. Guess she must've rolled a 1 on persuasion. 

Real Talk: And by the more important characters I'm referring to Jill and Carlos. 

Miss: I'm sure this Alice/Nemesis fight is cool and all but sadly it's hard to take Nemesis as a serious threat when there's a character who can go toe-to-toe against him just like that. RE3 didn't have this problem nor the remake for that matter. 

Miss: And here comes the "almost" portion with Nemesis. As it turns out from Alice's....memory visions....or whatever, it's revealed that Nemesis was Matt from the first movie. Basically they took one of the most popular creatures in the RE franchise and turned him into some poor mutated victim of Umbrella.  

Miss: And even with Matt's infection in the end of the first movie, I'm not buying that he mutated/augmented into Nemesis within a matter of hours between movies. If it was months of testing/experimenting that would been a whole other thing entirely.

Miss: Cain talking to Alice: "Somehow you've bonded with T-Virus on a cellar level." Somehow....as in you didn't know or had no idea that the T-Virus would make her superhuman. Didn't do any sample testing or examinations to see if the virus would affect Alice's DNA differently than any other human. Just inject her with the T-Virus out of shits and giggles because the script says so. I guess Alice was just lucky she became superhuman instead of another T-Virus monster. 

Miss: And just like Nemesis is now a good guy by taking out some of the U.B.C.S. guys. Trust me it's a lot stupider than it sounds.

Hit: Cain talking to the helicopter pilot (only it turns out to be LJ): "Why haven't we taken off?!" LJ before he punches him: "Cause I usually drive a Cadillac." That was funny, I'll give this movie that.  

Miss: So Dr. Ashford is now a zombie, how did he became a zombie, when was he infected? Did Cain shot him with T-Virus bullets? Did Ashford experimented on himself before giving Angela the T-Virus? I mean that would be nice to see in the flashbacks if that's the case.

Hit: The surviving characters escaping Raccoon City via helicopter as the city's being nuked is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Miss: So Angela has a mental link with Alice apparently, because fuck it the script says so.

Hit: Naked Alice

Real Talk: And here's Alice's mind powers that'll get severely broken in the next movie.

Hit: The music in the end credits (The End of Heartache by Killswitch Engage) is a really awesome song. Definitely should go have a listen. 

BONUS ROUND

Real Talk: Apparently this is a director's cut I'm reviewing, although I think the theatrical cut is a little better. Some of the scenes in the director's cut really doesn't flesh the movie at all. Just feels more like pointless padding.

Miss: Nemesis doesn't mutated after taking sufficient damage nor he doesn't use his tentacle attacks.

Miss: Jill never once fought/confronted Nemesis through out the whole movie.

Hit: Nemesis shooting down a helicopter with a rocket launcher is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Hits & Misses: Resident Evil

Real Talk: I honestly refuse to call this movie by the in-name-only title, so I'm calling it by it's true title Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice: Begins.

Miss: As much as I like the soundtrack, was it really hard for the studio to use soundtracks from the Resident Evil games?

Miss: This person secretly steals the T-Virus and the Anti-Virus with no problems whatsoever. So lets go ahead and toss open this one T-Virus vial for no real reasons whatsoever. Because how else this movie was gonna get the plot going?

Miss: The Red Queen (the A.I. that runs the Hive) sure takes its sweet time just long enough for the T-Virus to get airborne throughout the Hive. 

Miss: And since I'm here, you mean to tell me that the Red Queen didn't notice this one person stealing the T-Virus/Anti-Virus vials out of the lab where they're kept? Or just let out a viral contamination for that matter?

Miss: So instead of sealing off the one area where the T-Virus was let out, the Red Queen's brilliant countermeasure is to kill everyone in the Hive. If there's such a place where the one countermeasure for a viral contamination is to murder everyone in the workplace, I'm not working there.

Real Talk: They're on an express elevator to hell, going down.

Real Talk: Oh hi Milla Jovovich, I'm looking forward to hating your character as this series goes on.

Miss: Apparently Alice fell in while taking a shower and yet hasn't broke her neck or cracked her skull open. Only a few minutes in and she already has her plot armor powers.

Hit: Alice side boob

Hit: Alice wondering around in a spooky mansion is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Real Talk: I'm not much of a huge fan of the RE games. But I postulate that most of the RE fans were really confused when Jill, Chris, Barry and the rest of the RE One characters were nowhere to be found in this movie. 

Miss: Which I have to asked why even bother making a live-action RE movie if they're not gonna have any of the game characters?

Real Talk: Serious question, why's the super secret laboratory underneath Raccoon City and not the mansion?

Real Talk: And here's Michelle Rodriguez in her early basic bitch roles and trust me she's gotten better roles since then.

Miss: I'm sure the "character having amnesia" trope is a useful plot tool and all. But it really defeats the purpose when there's other people who knows said amnesiac character(s). Alice and Spence work for Umbrella as do the commandoes yet they never mention or call these two by name. Outside of telling these two (and the audience) that they're security operatives guarding the secret Hive entrance, the commandoes act like they don't know them on any other professional level. Or on a personal level for that matter, because I guess the script says so.

Miss: So in case of any security breaches the Red Queen can just gas people in the Hive and the mansion, hence the plot convenient amnesia with Alice and Spence. But if the Red Queen has defenses at the mansion as well then why bother having security personnel if the Red Queen can just gas everyone at any sign of a security breach? Kinda needless to have people on security/defense details when an A.I. can do similar jobs more efficiently.

Miss: Also that's a bit of a design flaw for an A.I. to gas its own friendlies.

Real Talk: Matt talking to One: "So you're saying this place was attacked?" One: "I'm afraid things are a bit more complicated than that." Well apparently not complicated enough to tell him and the others a few minutes later anyway. 

Miss: There was no switch of any kind to be seen where J.D. was standing at, how did he get the lights in the Hive switched on?

Miss: These commandoes (and obviously Umbrella) knows about the Red Queen going homicidal and killed the Hive workers but have no idea on why she killed these people in the first place. Well that's pretty convenient for the plot wouldn't you say?

Hit: *Close up shot of a drowned woman as she opens her eyes and slams her hand on the glass.* Despite the trailer spoiling this particular scene, it's still a pretty good scene.

Miss: This scene with the not dining hall B would've work if this was the S.T.A.R.S. team arriving upon this storage chamber. Having these commandoes no clue about this chamber just raising questions of why would Umbrella keep important details from their own personnel.

Miss: The Medic character either has the slowest reaction time or has a death wish. Because when you watch the scene of the first laser sweep more closely, you can see Medic looking straight at it while the other commandoes duck out of the way. But the movie tries to trick you with a close up shot of the Medic turning her head at the laser as if she was caught by surprise. 

Miss: On the third sweep the laser shifts from a single beam into a grid beam, killing One. And it didn't do that on the first sweep why? 

Real Talk: And this is the first time Colin Salmon has died in a Paul W.S. Anderson movie.

Real Talk: I guess the one commando who had his fingers cut off is presumably dead. Because neither Alice, Spence or Kaplan doesn't check if he's OK or still alive.

Miss: You know Red Queen, Alice and Kaplan might listen if you just tell them about the zombies you got locked up in the Hive. At least they might stop from shutting you down and probably help you. But I guess there would be no movie if the writing wasn't cluttered with plot contrivance.

Miss: And also.... Red Queen talking to Alice and Kaplan: "You all going to die down here." Saying that line wasn't all that helpful.

Hit: Rain as she struggles with a zombie: "J.D. get her off of me before I stab her ass!" I don't know why I just love that line.

Miss: I know I should care about J.D. being eaten by zombies but sadly I don't. He's not an existing character from the RE games and I hardly know the guy outside of working for Umbrella. And if you think this film series will get better when the game characters are brought in, you are horribly wrong. 

Real Talk: Kaplan: "Where did they come from, why didn't we see them on the way in?!" Rain: "When you cut the power you unlock the doors. You let them out..." Well in his defense the Red Queen should've gave him an actual warning.

Miss: *Alice takes out a zombified security guard in a closed room.* Alice was already told that she's an Umbrella security operative. Why is this scene playing out like it's all new info to her? Or why does she look so confused after taking out a zombie hand-to-hand?

Miss: Also what was with the memory flashback of One telling Alice who she is? Was it in case if she already forgot or in case if the audience did? 

Miss: *After Alice takes out Lisa (Matt's sister), she gets a memory flashback of her giving Lisa security access to the T-Virus. Then Matt says exactly what Alice saw in the memory flashback on how Lisa was gonna steal the T-Virus.* It doesn't add any mystery if you're gonna just tell the same info that  was shown minutes. It's called Show Don't Tell not Show then Tell. Maybe if the memory flashbacks were removed this would actually work. Otherwise it just comes off insultingly handholding to the audience. 

Miss: Oh yes Alice, lets switch back on the homicidal A.I. to gain help in escaping the Hive. 

Miss: Red Queen talking to the remaining survivors in the Queen's Chamber: "I did warned you, didn't I?" Bullshit you warned them...

Miss: Good thing for Alice that these zombies are attacking her one at a time instead of lunging at her all at once.

Hit: Matt shouting to Alice: "GET OVER HERE!" Not sure if that was a call back to a much live-action adaptation from Paul Anderson but I'm counting it.

Miss: Besides the regular zombies, Cerberus Dogs and a Licker, there are no Hunters, no zombie crows, no Neptune, no Yawn, no Plant 42 or no Tyrant.

Hit: Rain: "When I get out of here, I think I'm gonna get laid."

Miss: On the first watch of this movie I'm sure it was a shocking reveal that it was Spence who stole the T-Virus/Anti-Virus and caused the contamination. But upon multiple look throughs it's not that much of shocker. Considering that he and Alice are the only two people stationed at the mansion. The process of elimination would've been that obvious it was Spence. And it's not like the movie was making Alice a red herring in this scenario.  

Miss: Spence's handwriting on the note in his memory flashback doesn't match the handwriting at the beginning of the film. Excellent continuity, guys.  

Hit: The remaining survivors escaping the Hive by train while a T-Virus creature is attacking them is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Real Talk: *Alice shoots the Licker in the head but with no affect.* Maybe if Alice was armed with a grenade launcher and some flame rounds she could've taken it down more easily.

Miss: Umbrella Scientist Offscreen: "We're reopening the Hive, I wanna know what went on down there. Just do it..." Or here's a better idea, asked the one person who survived the whole ordeal on what happened. Also you mean to tell me that Umbrella didn't retrieved any surveillance videos from the Hive? I guess there be no sequel if dumb characters start making smart people decisions.   

Real Talk: *Alice managed to pick the card reader slot to unlock the door.* Impressive that was, there's only one person who is the Master of Unlocking, Alice and you're not her.

Hit: Alice wondering around in the ruined Raccoon City is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Hits & Misses: Wicked City

Real Talk: Wicked City was my introduction into the more mature anime when I was a kid.

Hit: Just to get this out of the way, the animation even in 1987 is really good.

Hit: Kanako's/Spider Woman's character design, it's not everyday that the spider woman concept be taken so literal in fiction. 

Real Talk: Now if this was made live-action today the Spider Woman character would've been CGI'ed as hell and would've looked like shit.

Real Talk: Also the Spider Woman was my second waifu before waifus were popular, the first being Jessica Rabbit.

Hit: *Taki punches one of the Black World assailants so hard that he made a hole straight through the chest.* I don't care if anime doesn't explain how Taki did it, that was awesome.

Hit: The assailant goes full on John Carpenter's The Thing, hell he even has he head turned upside down and sprouts legs and eyes.

Hit:  Taki's gun is like if the Caster Gun from Outlaw Star had a baby with the Dominator from Psycho Pass.

Miss: The Mayart character is such a creepy pervert in the anime that he makes Master Roshi look like a saint.

Miss: Not to mention he can be such an annoying asshole.

Miss: As awesome as Makie's fingernail claws are I can't help but to get Superman IV Nuclear Man flashbacks.

Real Talk: Wicked City was shown on local TV when I first watched it. And out of most of the scenes with sex and nudity, the scene with Makie getting throat rape by a body horror creature was left uncensored.

Real Talk: Mayart's little guilt trip plea to Taki to let Makie die and protect him is complete bullshit. Which will be explain later.

Real Talk: When these Black World women say "come inside my body" they mean that literally. 

Hit: *Taki punches one of  Shadow's henchmen so hard that he literally knocks the guy's head off.* I don't care if the anime doesn't explain how that was too damn awesome.

Miss: But I have to asked how weak are these Black World guys if they're easily beaten by this one normal guy? Makie is one thing because she's from the Black World but what makes Taki so special?

Hit: Oh shit, Shadow's got Guyver/Kars elbow blades.

Real Talk: Taki getting chew out by his boss for abandoning Mayart is complete bullshit which again I'll explain why later.

Hit: *Taki and Makie making out in some church with a blue hue in the scene.* Suddenly I'm getting Lifeforce flashbacks.

Miss: The anime never once mentioned that Mayart's some powerful psychic. So with that said, if he's such a powerful psychic then why would he need bodyguards? That's like sending secret services to protect Superman, it's freaking pointless and retarded.

Miss: So it's revealed that Mayart was sent to protect Taki and Makie due to two of them being compatible of having children. Which the organizations of the human world and the Black World have been planning for thousands of years. Now if that's the case why the fake bodyguard assignment especially with the possibility of one or both of them would end up?   

Miss: If making an human/Black World offspring is so important why not have Taki and Makie agree to some artificial inseminations? Was banking on these two to eventually hook up and fuck while in dangerous situations really the smartest way to go?    

Miss: And since the whole bodyguard assignment was bullshit what was with Mayart grilling Taki to forget about saving Makie earlier, reverse psychiatry?  

Hit: The fight between Mayart and Shadow is pretty intense, there's even a scene where Shadow gets a large crucifix stabbed to his face. 

Hit: Shadow turns into a proto-Resident Evil Tyrant, makes wonder if Capcom got their inspiration from this anime?

Miss: Apparently getting knocked-up makes Makie powerful enough to kill proto-Tyrant Shadow in one strike. That's not some plot convenience bullshit at all.

Hits & Misses: Edge of Tomorrow

Real Talk: Hey everyone and Happy Fuck Off, 2020! Now get use to me pointing out the heavy contrasts between this movie and the manga/novel it's based from. And oh boy it's embarrassing.

Miss: In the manga, the story's told from Keiji Kiriya's perspective about mankind's war with the Mimics. Here it's the old Plot Exposition News cliché. 

Miss: As much as the film's version of the Jackets looks cool, they're chew toys compare the manga version which are fully armored powersuits.

Hit: To the studio's credit at least they didn't cast Tom Curse to portray Keiji Kiriya who's Japanese. But instead made a new character for the movie.

Miss: But then again I have to asked why couldn't they just cast a Japanese actor to play Keiji Kiriya? 

Real Talk: And no I'm not accepted that stupid "not every character in anime/manga are Japanese" excuse. Let me go right ahead and curve stomp on that argument. Unless you're referring to an anime and/or manga that takes place in an non-Japanese setting with non-Japanese characters then that argument is retarded. 

Real Talk: And if you're not so sure which anime/manga fits the description then here's a little list for you.
Berserk
Full Metal Alchemist
Project Blue Earth SOS
Tiger & Bunny
Cowboy Bebop
Outlaw Star
One Piece
Trigun
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Part 1, 2, 3 and 5

Miss: This is most likely some plot contrivance because why else Cage is just drafted to the frontlines with next to no training nor prior battle records. I don't know how it works in military but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't just deployed an non-combat officer to combat. Unless they enjoy losing or something.   

Miss: The majority of All You Need Is Kill takes place in Japan where the Mimics are currently invading. Why the studio change it to most of Europe fuck if I know.

Hit: Ladies and gentleman Mr. Bill Paxton, god rest his soul.

Miss: *Kimmel wears no clothes under his Jacket, getting a clear view of his ass.* I did not need to see that. Also that would make you a huge target not wearing any other protection besides the Jacket.

Miss: Keiji in the manga got in some training before shipped off to fight the Mimics. Cage has giving no training nor knowledge on how to operate a Jacket. Because that's not gonna get someone killed at all. I feel like this movie's bum-rushing to the battle without proper set up at all.

Hit: Emily Blunt with a buster sword, yup that's bad ass enough for me.

Miss: But I have to be that asshole when I say that this hunk of metal ain't shit compared to the manga counterpart. Which is a giant fuck off battle-axe that'll even make Guts from Berserk blush. 

Miss: As bad ass Rita Vrataski is, it's really irresponsible for her to be in combat without a helmet. 

Miss: Since I'm talking about Rita, she's an American from Illinois in the manga. And fuck me if I know why the studio changed her nationality in the movie.

Miss: They wanted Cage at the frontlines yet couldn't be bothered to give him proper training. Or in this case helping him to switch off the Jacket's weapons safety. Accountability, what's that?

Miss: When the time loop first started in the manga, Keiji thought it was a dream at first. Until he died then awakes the previous. Eventually he learns about the time loop; using it to train, improve and even acquired new weapon to kill Mimics. Basically trying different scenarios to find a way out of the time loop. The movie on the other hand becomes a running gag after first time loop, just wasting runtime with Cage getting killed over and over again. 

Miss: In the manga only Keiji and Rita know about the time loops and how the Mimics believe. While in the movie some rando doctor knows about it along with Cage and Rita.

Miss: Also in the manga there was a top secret research team studying the Mimic time loops. Yet in the movie no organization knows about the time loops

Real Talk: Rita explains to Cage how she was able control the time loops until she lost via blood transfusion. I'll come back to this later just keep this in mind.

Miss: More death loop running gags, at least Keiji and Rita respectively got better at not dying so quickly with every time loop. This is just more runtime wasted on padding instead actually plot progression.

Hit: OK seeing Cage and Rita kicking ass is pretty awesome.

Miss: And here's where the bullshit starts piling up. So the movie established that there's a "Omega" Mimic that controls all the Mimics and by killing it kills all the Mimic. Furthermore if an "Alpha" Mimic is killed the Omega resets the day. In the manga there's no such creature that controls all Mimics and method of time looping is wholly different.

Miss: Cage and Rita got their time looping ability from an Alpha Mimic's blood after killing it. In the manga on the other hand a special type of Mimic which acts as a network server with the rest of the Mimics. Once that Mimic is killed it sends a tachyon signal to the past, triggering the time loop. Keiji and Rita got their ability from killing a Mimic Server. However, it's revealed near the end that the Mimic signal has affected Keiji's and Rita's brains to the point of receiving this signal that cause them to time loop. And in order to end the time loop completely one of them has to die. Now this whole "kill the main thing, you kill the rest of the things" plan sounds like the most bullshit of plot convenience just to throw in happy ending for Cage and Rita.   

Miss: Also that whole losing the time loop power via blood transfusing is bullshit as well.

Miss: *Cage managed to kill the Omega which cause it to bleed for Cage to time loop one last time.* Now how did Cage just got looped back in time with the Omega Mimic dead? Wouldn't that mean the Omega could time looped back as well if that's the case? The writers of the film really had to throw logic out the window for that unearned happy ending.

BONUS ROUND

Miss: In the manga Keiji's platoon sergeant, Bartolome Ferrell is a bit of a beef cake of Brazilian and Japanese decent. In the movie he's played by a white guy.

Miss: Rita's mechanic in the manga is a Native American name Shasta Raylle. Whereas in the movie they replaced her with some British guy.

Miss: Rita in manga was from a small town in Illinois who survived a Mimic attack but her parents weren't so lucky. Afterwards she steals a passport from a refugee, Rita Vrataski in order apply for the UDF under a false identity due to being too young. While it's revealed that Rita Vrataski is not her real name, the manga also keeps Rita's real name unknown to the reader. Of course none of this important detail is nowhere to be found in the film. Which makes the film version Rita suffering from the "bad ass female character with zero development/characterization" syndrome.

Real Talk: And it really doesn't help Emily Blunt with such a hollowed out character she had to portray.

Miss: The movie doesn't display the mental/emotional strain on Cage and Rita with the multiple time loops they went through like the manga.

Real Talk: Sure I've been pretty bias against this film but even if I haven't read the manga I'd be calling bullshit with Edge of Tomorrow.

50th Hits & Misses: Mortal Kombat

Real Talk: Before diving into the Resident Evil series I wanna review the one video game adaptation film that was actually good back when Paul W.S. Anderson actually gave a damn. Instead of making shallow in-name garbage while shacking up with a certain actress that I have a perpetual stink eye for. And in case you're wondering no I won't be reviewing Monster Hunter.

Hit: This film's theme music....

Hit: And sense I'm here, this film's soundtrack.

Hit: This film's opening title sequence.

Hit: I think they made a good choice casting Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa as Shang Tsung.

Hit: Trevor Goddard as Kano was just too good, so good in fact that Midway Games/NetherRealm Studios changed Kano in the later games to match with the film version.

Real Talk: Although it's a real shame that Trevor Goddard isn't around to reprise the role in the current MK games. God rest his soul.

Hit: Also credit to the make-up department for Kano's half metal face.

Real Talk: *Johnny Cage leaving a movie set.* Discount Steven Spielberg?

Miss: Movie doesn't fully explain/establish how the fighters were chosen to participate in the tournament. They're either hand picked through deception by Shang Tsung or in Liu Kang's case he up and volunteers to participate the tournament.     

Hit: It's no coincidence that they cast Christopher Lambert to play an immortal bad ass. 

Hit: The some of the special effects weren't exactly on the levels of Jurassic Park but it beats the shoestring effects from every Asylum movie. 

Real Talk: Originally Cameron Diaz was casted to play Sonya Blade before being replaced due to an injury. To be honest I'm glad they went for a different actress for Sonya Blade. Not saying Cameron Diaz is terrible but back in 1995 I just don't see her as Sonya.

Hit: You can tell they spared no expense when it came to the set designs and locations.

Hit: Say what you will but at least this movie attempted at staying accurate story-wise with the source material. Unlike that previous fighting game adaptation film which disregard the source material for the sake of being just another over the top action flick. 

Hit: Raiden talking to Liu Kang, Johnny and Sonya: "One of you will decide the out come of the tournament. The faith of billions will depend upon you." *laughs* "Sorry..." 

Miss: Not gonna lie the effects for the Reptile creature was really meh.

Miss: *Shang Tsung's lackeys removed all the dining tables to make room for Sub Zero's demostration.* What a waste of all that food.

Hit: *Sub Zero uses a fatality move on a lackey whom explodes into chunklets.*

Hit: Goro is by far the best practical effects ever done in this film. 

Hit: Also he actually does things in this movie unlike some other four armed character in the sequel who does absolutely nothing until she's killed off.

Miss: In most tournament based action movies like Bloodsport there's always a bracket system to keep score on the winning fighters. Here there's no such system, so how does Shang Tsung keep track on all the winning and lost fighters in this tournament?  

Hit: Shang Tsung absorbing the soul from a defeated fighter: "Your soul is mine..." That line with that face.

Hit: Kano talking to Sonya: "Ello baby... Did you miss me?"

Hit: Sonya's hand stand leg lock move!

Hit: Kano while in Sonya's leg lock: "Oh give me a break!" Sonya: "OK..." *Snaps his neck.* Not a very good choice of words.

Miss: I love the effects of  Scorpion's spear move but why did they changed it from a kunai attached to a rope to some weird bird-serpent thing?

Hit: *Johnny Cage vs Scorpion* Ed Boon provided Scorpion's voice for his famous phrase, "GET OVER HERE!!!" And some other phrases in the film.

Hit: Johnny's Shadow Kick move!

Hit: Both the Johnny vs Scorpion and Liu Kang vs Reptile fights are the best ones in the movie. The soundtrack for both these fights helps too.

Hit: Scorpion's TOASTY move!

Real Talk: I really can't blame the film for being PG-13 for all it's worth.

Miss: At least we're shown Johnny brought some extra clothes, probably. But where did Sonya get the tank top and the shorts? She didn't bring any baggage when she was chasing after Kano on to Shang Tsung's ship.

Hit: *Johnny does his Nut Cracker Punch on Goro.* Yeah I know, you can't actually do the Nut Cracker Punch on Goro in the games. But honestly does it really matter?

Hit/LOL: Johnny talking to Goro: "Those were $500 sunglasses, asshole."

Miss:  The Reptile creature grabbed by some weird statue then transforms into Reptile from the first game. Now how or why did that happened, no idea.

Miss: Liu Kang doesn't yell his signature "YOGOLBOLGOLBODOGODO"  when doing his Bicycle Kick on Reptile.

Miss: I know Shang Tsung's back was turned but I still call bullshit of Liu Kang not noticing him shapeshifted right in front of him.

Hit: *Shang Tsung falls to his death of the pit of spikes like in the first game.*

Miss: Liu Kang: "Flawless Victory..." Ugh actually Shang Tsung hit you plenty of times before you defeated him. 

Miss: And here the movie ends on a sequel bait which leads to a really disappointed sequel.

Hits & Misses Halloween: Siren

Hit: *Nyx and some cop find dead bodies and a ritual circle at a run down church.* Cop: "What are they? Cultists? Satanists?" Nyx: "Amateurs...." I like this guy already....

Real Talk: *Red shirt cop gets stealth killed by young Lily then is dropped to the ground with his mouth ripped out.*Nyx: "Well that's not good..." Thank you Captain Obvious.... 

Miss: Jonah and Eva making out while really sucking at roleplaying.

Miss: Jonah's brother, Mac is Discount Stifler.

Hit: Big Black Ass shot.

Miss: What stripper wears flip-flops?

Real Talk: *Some guy talks to Mac about a special underground club.* Suddenly I'm getting Bordello of Blood flashbacks.

Hit: *Jonah enters a private room with a woman popping out on the other side of a small window.* Beautiful woman jump scare.

Hit: The actress playing Lily has the most beautiful eyes.

Real Talk: Nyx: "I want the fondest memories of your mother, from each of you. All of you... Now you give me that and Jonah will have a night he will never forget." There is foreshadowing in what he says.... 

Real Talk: *Lily starts singing to Jonah and he starts having intense sexual flashbacks of his previous relationships.* It's like he just had a wet dream/acid trip combo.

Real Talk: *Elliot asked the woman bartender for a "leech drink" and she serves it up.* Elliot: "What's it call?" Woman bartender: "Murder..." *Elliot and the others laugh.* Given when the movie reveals what she can do later I don't think she meant it as a joke.   

Miss: I understand Jonah wanting to do the right thing of setting Lily free from her locked room. But this is a horror movie and that would obviously be a bad idea.

Hit: After Lily snatches the keys from one of Nyx's masked men. She and Jonah hide in the restroom where she manages to unlock the bracelet on her ankle and proceeds to do a raptor sneak attack the masked man and feast upon the man. While the same time she ripped the guy's junk off.   

Hit: At least Jonah got the right idea of getting the fuck out of there.

Miss: Jonah didn't even went out the front door, he just appeared out of nowhere at the car. How and where did he got out the club.

Hit: Jonah did the smart idea of grabbing his phone from the glovebox before running away from the bad shit.

Hit: Nice night sky shot of the thunderstorm.

Hit: As much as Mac deserves to get lectured by Jonah, he still has a good point when it comes to Jonah decided to let out a literal man eater.

Hit: *Jonah realizes that Lily is following him by scent and immediately covers himself with mud.* Suddenly I'm getting Predator flashbacks.

Miss: I guess Jonah and Mac are just lucky enough for Lily unable to just look down at her feet to see if they're hiding in the tall grass.

Hit: *Rand's about to get tortured as Nyx watches.* Nyx: "You boys stuck your hand in the fire tonight and it is my right to see you get burned." Rand: "Why?!" Nyx: "Why? Cause you messed with the wrong motherfucker." This scene along demonstrates what a mean motherfucker Nyx is. 

Hit: Movie muffles all sound when Jonah plugs his ears with earbuds to block Lily's singing.

Hit: *Lily finds Jonah hiding behind the cafe counter.* Lily talking to Jonah: "I like you..." Oh Lily, you had me at "I like you". 

Hit: Also really good makeup effect for Lily's creature face.

Miss: Does Lily have teleportation powers, how did she get ahead of Jonah on the other side of the cafe kitchen door before he reached it? 

Real Talk: If I was in Jonah's position I wouldn't stop Lily from having sex with me.

Hit: Even covered in blood, Lily is so beautiful.

Real Talk: *As the two of them having sex, Lily uses her tail to "drydock" him. Suddenly I'm getting Splice flashbacks.

Hit: So it turns out the woman bartender has leeches for hair that she uses to absorb certain memories from people. Then those memories are transfer to other via drinks, hence why Elliot was acting odd earlier he was experiencing memories of someone killing a person. That's an interesting concept. 

Miss: *Mac shows up at the church to save Jonah only to get stabbed and killed by Nyx.* Yeah he was an asshole but at least he was being redeemable. 

Hit: *Lily kills Nyx with her tail.* That's some awesome Mortal Kombat Fatality move there.

Real Talk: Despite the fact of Lily being a creature from god knows where, she not necessarily the antagonist of the film. You even kinda feel sorry for her as she watches Jonah leaving the church with Rand.

Miss: Obvious fake as fuck photoshopped wedding photo ever.

Real Talk: If you listen closely Jonah is humming Lily's song.

Real Talk: *Jonah and Eva make out on their one year anniversary only to be reveal a bit later that it was actually Lily while Eva was sleeping on the couch.* Well at least he didn't get drydocked this time.

Real Talk: *Jonah almost convinces Lily to leave until Eva wakes and reacts to her. Lily's about to kill her until Jonah tells Lily that he'll go with her, sparring Eva in the process. Lily then takes Jonah and two fly off into the stormy night sky as Eva screams his name.* I don't know about anyone else but I considered this as a happy ending.

Real Talk: Fun fact, this movie's a spinoff, feature length adaptation of the V/H/S anthology segment, Amatuer Night. They even got the original actress, Hannah Fierman to reprise her Lily role.