After A Long Dead Silence

Hey everyone so I've been gone for two years and for good reasons. Firstly I've been very productive with my webcomics to the point that reviewing movies was sorta in the way. More so, the process of writing a film review were getting a bit too lengthy for me. So this does mean I'm no longer doing film reviews, however, I am returning with something completely different. Something that'll let say won't take too long within the writing process. So there's something to look forward to real soon, stay tuned.

New Years Eve Review 2015

Project Almanac: It was decent, almost had a Chronicle vibe but still stands on its merits.

Kingsman: The Secret Service: Rather entertaining, silly at times but very entertaining. Also I'm giving the movie credit for introducing by far the most awesome character I've ever seen.

The Lazarus Effect: Although the movie would've been a little better without the predictable jump-scares it wasn't too bad. Originally I figured from the trailer where this movie was going but it proved me wrong, good job movie.

Chappie: I kept getting a Short Circuit vibe when watching this movie but I think it's a little better than Short Circuit with far more drama and realism.

Unfriended: Meh

Avengers Age of Ultron: Cut to the chase it's awesome go see it. Now there's scene at the end that had me at nerd-rage. This is not spoiler and this is not me hating on it nor implying that it ruins the movie because again it's awesome.
WHY, GODDAMN IT WHY COULDN'T THEY LET CAPT SAY THE LINE?! THEY HAD TO CUT TO BLACK IN THE MIDDLE OF CAPT SAYING THE LINE! JUST....JUST.....JUST......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Now again the movie was awesome.

Jurassic World: First off this was an entertaining movie; not as epic as the first one but far better than the third.
And now a pro tip to current and future filmmakers, if you're gonna have an a**hole character in your give us a reason they're an a**hole. Don't have them be that way for the sake of it and then force the audience to care for them. Also don't introduce a sub-plot that won't have a conclusion at the end.

Terminator Genisys: it's OK, although it could do without the scene after the end-credits.

Ant Man: Really good, not once it didn't disappoint. I was really impress with the de-aging effect on Michael Douglas; a nice step up from Tron Legacy.

Star Wars The Force Awakens: Up two thumbs this movie I give.

Happy New Year

Everyone IS ready for a female superhero movie but everyone ISN’T ready for is a piss-poorly made one.

I’m probably gonna get a lot of hate from what I’m about to say, but I gotta say it. People are complaining about why aren’t there any female superhero movies (specifically from Marvel and DC). But frankly I think their complaints are far misplaced; what they should be complaining is why there aren’t any GOOD female superhero movies. I mean I’m all for a Black Widow movie or a Wonder Woman movie or a Power Girl movie or (possibly) a Wasp movie. But more importantly I’m all for a GOOD Black Widow movie and a GOOD Wonder Woman movie and a GOOD Wasp movie. Because let’s be honest movies like Supergirl (1984) and Catwoman (starting Halle Berry) were ungodly terrible whether in writing or the acting. What bothers me is that people has this go to explanation of why there aren’t any female superhero movies or why people don’t like them is because “oh well people just aren’t ready for a female superhero movie”. Which I respectfully disagree with that shallow explanation. Everyone IS ready for a female superhero movie but everyone ISN’T ready for is a piss-poorly made one. So whenever a female superhero movie comes around it’ll have the same probabilities of sucking as do any male superhero movie. Not because “people aren’t ready for a female superhero” but because of how the writing is or what direction of the movie is going or what it’s doing.

The Film Vindicator Review: Drop Zone

We open on two U.S. Marshals, Pete Nessip (played by Wesley Snipes) and his brother Terry Nessip (played by Malcolm-Jamal Warner). They arrived at a penitentiary to pick up an Earl Leedy (played by Michael Jeter) whose specialty is hiding money for drug lords via computer. Pete and Terry were to escort Leedy to a penitentiary in Atlanta in order to testify in court. Though I would question why they escort him on passenger airline instead of a private jet? I mean have these guys ever watch Passenger 57? Seriously this movie came out two years after Passenger 57 so you would think Wesley would know better than to escort a criminal on a plane fill with potential hostages. Anyway while the plane’s en route to Atlanta, Pete is call to the cockpit listening to a message that says plane will be taken over. Meanwhile back in the passenger section we see five people gearing up with gas masks and guns and proceed to take over the plane. Terry quickly gets his gun as one of the hijackers approaches towards him; he’s about to shoot the hijacker but gets shot in the shoulder. Leedy is grabbed by the other hijacker as the remaining hijackers prep explosives on the rear airlock door. Terry soon recovers and shoots the first hijacker in the back only to be ineffective. The first hijacker is about to shoot Terry but Pete quickly tackles him down from behind. The first hijacker gives the order to blow the airlock door causing the plane to malfunction. In amidst the chaos the five hijacker make their exit out through the blown off airlock door. However, one of the hijackers was unmasked by a little girl before exiting the plane. Right after a few passengers are sucked out of the plane; the little girl is about to sucked out but is saved and pulled to safety by Terry. Unfortunately Terry gets caught in the vacuum and is about to get sucked. Pete quickly grabs Terry trying to pull him to safety but soon loses his grip. Pete tries to hang on as long as he can but eventually lost his grip and Terry sucked out of the plane.

Cut to the plane safely on the ground as Pete’s boss Tom McCracken (played by Andy Romano) arrived at the scene to get some details of what happened. The FBI is going through the airline records to find the identities of the hijackers. However, their computers start to crash and shut down. Pete suspects that it’s Leedy and that the attack on the plane was a setup; more exactly it was a prison break. The FBI are skeptical about it given how it’s unclear how the hijackers got out of the plane with Leedy. Pete believes that they may be using parachutes but still doesn’t convince the FBI as they got a call from a confirmation of what remains of Leedy. Cut to a boat house as the same hijackers from the plane show up along with a still alive Leedy (just missing a finger). Ty Moncrief (played by Gary Busey) seems to be the leader of this bunch. Cut to Pete’s place as McCracken shows up; Pete figures out where the hijackers may have but doesn’t matter as McCracken ask him for his badge and gun. Apparently the U.S. Marshal board of reviews are determine Pete’s and Terry’s responsibility of the accident. FAA and the airlines are having a shitstorm with the press and the relatives of the dead passengers; pointing fingers at Pete and Terry. So yeah forget about the five armed guys who took over a plane and killed a few people. Blame the only two guys who were doing their job.

This doesn’t stop Pete to investigate deeper as he goes to a paratrooper training camp the very next day. Learning from a CO that it’s possible to jump out of 747 but at 38,000 ft would be insanely unlikely. Another improbability is that most parachute rigs have high density metal; making it impossible for the hijackers to get pass the metal detectors. The CO gives Pete some info on two skydivers crazy enough to pull something like the mid-air prison break. Don Jagger (played by Luca Bercovici), a world campion skydiver and his old partner Jessie Crossman (played by Yancy Butler). Pete heads to a skydiving ranch in Sugarloaf Florida where Jessie holds skydiving tours. He finds a picture of Jagger (the same guy who was unmasked by the little girl) and hides it away before Jessie shows up. Upon meeting with Jessie right away she suspects that he’s a cop. Pete asked if it’s possible to skydive from a 747 but Jessie avoids the question. She invites him along the next jump for today; Jessie and Pete are in the air as a couple of people make their jump. Jessie explains how the wind forces the bodies open at 80 knots; a 747 at 800 knot would’ve required skill to avoid being ripped apart. Pete makes sly comment about skill which pisses off Jessie that she opens a trap door under him. Jessie follows suit, catches up with Pete and deploys her parachute. Both land safely on the ground but Pete is rather mad that punches Jessie and walks away. As Pete’s about to leave he’s approach by Jessie’s friends Selkirk (played by Corin Nemec) and Winona (played by Grace Zabriskie). He asked where he can find Jagger and Selkirk informs him about a big jump at Ocean Reef.

Cut to Ty and his gang doing a practice jump with Leedy; whatever they’re planning on breaking into they want him to handle the jump so he can hack into a computer within seconds. Cut to Pete talking to the little girl from the plane, asking if she remembers anything of what happened. She struggles at first but soon remembers bits and pieces; Pete pulls out the photo of Jagger and she quickly recognizes him. Pete got what he wants and leaves but is unaware of one of the detectives reporting to Ty. A little bit later Ty and his gang do another practice jump; after they deployed their parachutes Ty grabs Jagger’s chute and drags him down. Forcing Jagger towards a power station, lands on transformer and gets electrocuted to death. Cut to nighttime as Pete arrives at Ocean Reef and immediately he has rattled some cages by sitting in a table belonging to a group of Skydivers. The skydivers are about to beat him up but Pete does a bit of ass kicking of his own. Jessie soon arrives to stop the fight; she comes to a bit of a hiccup that Pete might fix. There’s big exhibition jump is coming up in Washington D.C. next weekend. However, her parole officer won’t let her go; meaning that without her Pete can’t learn anyway else on skydiving. So he has to square things up with the PO; also he has to pay her $15,000. Shortly after there’s a toast to a fallen skydiver that “burn in” (or crash landed to their death as it were). And it turned out Jagger who burn in. The next day Ty is at meeting with some client who are interesting to his offer. However, they’re a little concern about him since he used to be a DEA agent. Apparently he was honorably discharged eight months ago. So Ty decides to shows some good faith by doing a job free of charge. Cut to nighttime as Ty and crew parachute jump onto the roof of the Miami Metropolitan Police Dept. Inside the building Ty and Leedy head to the records room while the rest head to the evidence locker to gather some drugs. Leedy hacks into the system and gains access to the DEA personnel database; downloading records of undercover agents in Miami. Upon finishing up Ty and crew quickly make it back up to the roof and parachute down onto the waiting semi-truck landing pad below.

Cut to next day at Key Largo, Florida where Jessie and Pete almost have a team together. They just need to find one more and his name is Swoop (played by Kyle Secor). Jessie and Pete are at an office building, finding Swoop on a window washer rig. They offered him to join their team but he’ll join if he gets a free t-shirt….don’t ask. They come to an agreement and Swoop is now on the team. Cut to nighttime as Jessie sneaks into a storage building where Jagger’s rig is kept for inspection. She founds nothing faulty with the parachute as Pete shows up; he noticed that the D-links aren’t metal. Jessie explains that Jagger’s parachute is a smuggler’s rig made out of custom high density fabric; basically it’s what drug runners use to avoid radar. Pete suspects this is how Ty and his gang got the parachutes on the plane undetected. He cuts a piece of nylon from the rig before the two leave which Pete then sends the nylon to a friend at U.S. Marshals to get examined. Skipping a couple scenes we cut to Ty at a meeting with a client who’ll accept his services. Ty insures that once they’ve hacked into the DEA computers they’ll know every update the agency will make; having the names of every undercover agent in the world. The client will have the names delivered to him by July 5th.

Cut to “Drop Zone” in D.C. Jessie’s team and other skydivers are jumping to qualify for the July 4th jump. Before Jessie’s team head out, Selkirk gets accosted by one of Ty’s men, Torski (played by Sam Hennings). Thankfully this doesn’t go unpunished when both Jessie’s and Ty’s team are skydiving and Swoop does a “gift wrap” on Torski; both teams qualified for the July 4th jump. Cut to nighttime Torski is still pissed at Swoop that he, Deputy Dog (played by Robert LaSardo) and Deuce (played by Mickey Jones) go off to beat him up. Soon after Pete intervenes and beats the fuck out of them. A little later Pete asked Jessie about Ty: explains that He and Jagger did some drug carries three years ago. Pete is curious of why Ty would risk showing himself in D.C. Jessie explains that the 4th of July exhibition is such a large event that D.C. is a drop zone; any other day it’s a restricted airspace. Pete looks at a map marked with drop zone near the Washington Monument. After Pete leaves he’s identified by Leedy and Ty decides to ground the team by eliminating Jessie. Deputy Dog and Deuce sneak into Jessie’s trailer, finds her parachute and cuts the chute cord. The next day the qualified jumpers set off for demo jump. Selkirk is worry that he might screw up so Jessie decides to give him her rig for luck. Uh oh! All teams are in the air and make their demo jump for tonight; the demo goes well and all except Selkirk open their chutes. Selkirk opens his chute but it doesn’t deploy fully and gets all tangled up. Still falling to the earth Selkirk manages to cut off the faulty chute but is unable to deploy the secondary chute. Swoop cuts off from his chute and speeds towards Selkirk; he manage to reach him and manually deploys the chute. But it seems all too late as Selkirk crash lands into a lake. Jessie and the others got him out of the lake and try to revive him; luckily he starts to breath. Jessie spots Torski smirking of what happened; realizing who’s responsible she runs to her trailer and gets her gun.

Pete soon arrives only to spot Leedy boarding a plane with Ty and his gang. Swoop and the others are waiting for Jessie as Ty’s plane takes off. Pete shows up at Jessie’s plane asking Winona stating they’re going after Ty; Swoop and another team member, Bobby (played by Rex Linn) decide to join Pete. Cut to the Washington Monument where the 4th of July exhibition has begun; Ty’s gang sneakily stays behind as the other skydivers make their jump. Soon after Jessie (who was hiding on the plane) appears with her gun, ready to shoot the first douchebag in sight. Ty distracts her long enough to get the gun away from her. Jessie shows some serious brass balls by jumping out of the plane only to grab on to a foot rail. Pete and the others are searching for Ty’s plane; he suspects that Ty’s gang is heading to the DEA building near the drop zone. As Ty’s gang make their jump to the DEA building Pete and others have caught up with the plane. Pete grabs a chute and jumps out after Jessie; Swoop and Bobby follow suit. Jessie catches up with Pete and grabs on to him. At the DEA building Ty’s gang bypass the camera system and make their way to the computer room on the 20th floor. Pete and the others landed on the roof of the building and make their way inside. But Deputy Dog appears out of the roof entrance and shoots Bobby in the shoulder. Pete immediately attacks DD and the two are fighting near the stairway. They continue to fight until the two are tumbling down the stairs; DD ends up dead as he breaks his neck. Back on the roof Jessie gets into a window washer rig and rides it on down. However, Jessie gets spotted by Kara (played by Claire Stansfield) as she opens fire. Jessie swings into the building and squares off with Kara. Jessie gets the upper hand and kills Kara by face to the photo copier; soon after Ty gets the drop on Jessie.

Back on the roof Swoop tries to call for Jessie but almost gets shot by Torski. The two have a fight until Torski tries to throw Swoop off the roof. Struggling to hang on Swoop grabs a rope and wraps it around Torski’s neck while Bobby managed to sneak up on him and deploys his chute. Torski is dragged by the chute and eventually dies when his neck snapped. Back inside Pete makes it to the computer room and corners Leedy; Ty soon arrives with Jessie and a standoff ensues. Armed security arrived and a gunfight ensues; both guards are gun down by Ty. Cut to outside as Deuce sees some cops arriving at the building and tries to drive away. Back inside Pete and Ty exchange gunfire over a workstation until they’ve both ran out of bullets. So now the two enter into an intense fist fight; Pete decides to go fuck all as he carries Ty through a window. Pete deploys his secondary chute while Ty has a one way trip to hell as he SOMEWHERE crashes right into Deuce’s truck and presumably dies. I say presumably because the truck doesn’t even lose control and crashes nor doesn’t it explode. All seems over minutes later but Pete spots Leedy getting away; Swoop SOMEWHERE spots Leedy from a VERY TALL BUILDING, parachutes down and stops him. And with that the movie just ends.

My Final Verdict: As far as good, cheesy action films go this one doesn’t spare no expense in the cheese department. Nice concept honestly, the action scenes were well choreographed. The music just kicks ass of 90s cheese. The acting is decent; campy at times but decent. The green screen effects for those close-up freefall shots are a little meh but that’s no surprise giving what year this film was made.

Next time might gonna be a real endurance test as I dive into….an Asylum movie, to be more specific Mercenaries. Stay tuned.

The Film Vindicator Review: Killer Mermaid

Dear god I’m so tired of this. Why do I keep coming across movies with interesting titles only for these movies to be full of disappointments and the titles full of lies? It was bad enough with Speed of Thought on how ungodly boring it was despite the awesome yet deceiving title. But with Killer Mermaid it really makes the pain more permanent; oh whatever let’s get this shit over with.

We open on….a quote from Moby Dick, not sure what that has to do with this movie but OK. After the opening credits we cut to nighttime on a happy couple vacationing in Montenegro. They start making out until the boyfriend hears something from the ocean. Appearing to be mesmerized, the boyfriend jumps into the oceans; under the water the boyfriend sees something and panics. Back on the surface the girlfriend sees him struggling to get out and screams for help. The boyfriend seems to be pulled back under the water and presumably dies. The girlfriend continues to scream for help as a mystery figure walks up towards her and dies by a hook through the neck.

Cut to next day in Montenegro we’re introduced to Kelly (played by Kristina Klebe) and her friend Lucy (played by Natalie Burn). They’re waiting for a college friend to join them as he arrives; Alex (played by Slobodan Stefanovic) accompanied by his fiancée Yasmin (played by Sofija Rajovic). As Alex and Yasmin head to his boat Kelly seems to be hesitate to walk near the water; as if she’s afraid of it. Lucy helps her through it and the four head out to Alex’s place. Now just to get this out of the way as they arrived they come across a Quint-looking dude named Niko (played by Django himself Franco Nero) He shows some importance the plot but waaaaaaaay later. At Alex’s place they catch on old times back in college; Yasmin seems to be pushing what he and Lucy were back then. Just to throw this out for the sake of time Lucy and Alex used to be a couple back in college. A little bit later when things die down Lucy is accompanied by Alex. He asked her why Kelly’s acting strange near water; Lucy replies that when Kelly was ten years old her brother was drowning. She ran to get help but he already died by the time she came back. The two continue talking until Alex decides to straight-up kiss Lucy while she’s not even showing any ounce of protest. Wow Alex you are so faithful to your fiancée and Lucy you sure are a really good friend. Now I’m hoping that the both of you die at this point; this is a good start of making me give a shit for these characters.

Cut to some drunken tourist dude who randomly takes a piss on the pier until he’s killed by the mystery figure from earlier. You when you’re making a movie that has Killer [X] in its title but have something else doing the killing, that’s a sign for you to stop and try again. Cut to morning Kelly and the others head in Alex’s boat as Niko is just standing on the pier watching them sailing away. And SPOILER ALERT no he’s not the mystery figure who’s been killing people; just thought I spare you the obvious red-herring, you’re welcome. Out at sea the four are to an abandon military base that used to be an old submarine tunnel. Kelly spots an island a few miles away from the base, Mamula; an abandon prison island. They anchored near the tunnel and gone for a dip; Kelly remains on the boat as she spots some fisherman on the pier of the base who then just walks away. Yasmin panics as thinks something just grabbed her but it’s just an obvious fake scare as some random dude appears out of the water. Apparently he’s a friend of Yasmin’s named Boban (played by Dragan Micanovic). Back on land the five are having drinks until Kelly brings Mamula; Boban suggest they should go there. Alex agrees but only they use Boban’s boat. And right then Niko is at the next table warning them to stay away from Mamula. Basically he’s the Crazy Ralph of this movie; he mentions a creature called the Scylla and that she killed six men from his hollowed ship. You know this guy’s story about Mamula and the Scylla sounds far more interesting than what’s going on in this movie. And that’s never a good sign in any movie. Anyway after he leaves Kelly asked who he was; Boban replies that he’s been around town asking if anyone seen his daughter. He shows her a flier that Niko’s been posting; it’s the same woman from the start of the movie. Well that sucked.

The next day the five arrived at Mamula and made it shore; they take wonder on the island until Kelly spots the fisherman heading to the yard. Boban thinks they should follow him and all agree. Keeping out of sight they follow the fisherman to the yard where he starts dumping something down a well. Upon a closer look it turns out to be severed hands and blood. Kelly and Yasmin want to leave but Boban wants Kelly to go down into the well and take pictures. For what reason besides being a dipshit, no clue. Kelly, Alex and Boban head to the well while Lucy and Yasmin stay behind. Ugh why not have the two gone back to the boat, just in case? At the well Kelly takes a picture inside, getting a picture of a woman at the bottom of the well. The three hears a gunshot and ran back to the others; all five ran back to the boat only to find it damaged by the fisherman armed with a double-barrel shotgun. The fisherman opens fire on the five as ran back to the prison; the fisherman soon follows. I’m sorry but when you have some random fisherman guy chasing after people instead of oh I don’t know THE KILLER MERMAID, you failed. It’s just that a random fisherman dude is not scary it’s disappointing; especially when you have a much better killer (that is barely seen so far). Also if I want to watch a killer fisherman I’ll stick to I Know What You Did Last Summer. Except no not really because that movie sucked ass and its sequels….zombie fisherman what the fuck. The five spit up as the fisherman continues to chase them; Alex and Kelly to get away. Boban, Lucy and Yasmin are being hunted by the fisherman until Boban gets the drop on him and takes his gun. Unfortunately the gun’s empty as the fisherman pulls out a knife and cuts Boban on the leg. Boban tells Lucy and Yasmin to run as he runs away from the fisherman.

A little bit later Kelly and Alex stop to catch their breath; Alex wants to find a way out but Kelly wants to find the others, including the woman in the well. The fisherman continues following Boban but lost him as Boban hides under water and swims away. Cut to Kelly and Alex deep within the prison complex searching for the others. Alex starts acting rather strangely saying that he’s hearing something singing; thinking that it might be the woman in the well as they continue on. Soon after Boban catches up with Lucy and Yasmin, they follow the fisherman his hangout. Back at the prison complex Kelly lost Alex somehow but quickly finds him at a sealed door; they both see the woman behind the door. Alex starts to get very obsessive on getting the door open as he keeps going on about hearing “that voice”. Kelly doesn’t hear a voice but does hear someone coming. Kelly tries to get him away but Alex gets rather hostile and continues to get the door open. Kelly spots the fisherman coming and decides to leave Alex behind. Alex managed to force the door open wide enough to squeeze through; inside the room he walks towards the woman and the movie just abruptly cuts to the next scene. Boban, Lucy and Yasmin are searching around the fisherman’s hideout while he’s gone. Aside from the bath tub full of blood and guts Lucy and Yasmin found a photo of the fisherman and Niko. I would do a BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUM but I already pointed out that Niko isn’t the killer. Boban finds a map of the prison as they hear something coming; it turns out to be Kelly running. She tells Yasmin that Alex is still back in the prison with the woman. They go to find a way including Yasmin who shows no ounce of concern for Alex; what a bitch. But it doesn’t matter as she gets a hook from behind and dies before she could catch up with the others.

The fisherman drags her back to his hideout and chops her head off. A little bit later the three head back to look for Yasmin but is confronted by the fisherman carrying her head as they ran off. Boban looks through the map finding a secret underground passage from the island to the mainland. But before they can go Kelly and Lucy head off to find a weapon to take out the fisherman while Boban behind by the well. As Kelly and Lucy head back they see Boban walking towards the well; behaving the same way as Alex. Luckily Kelly snaps him out of it by slapping him. They head to where Alex was and enter the room; they don’t see him anywhere but they do see the woman. Only to find out that she’s not a woman but a mermaid. Apparently it’s the Scylla Niko mentioned earlier. Boban walks closer to the Scylla unaware of the fisherman is right them; getting a hook to the shoulder. Boban quickly recovers and tries to fight off the fisherman. Lucy is grabbed from behind by the Scylla, pulled underwater and eventually drowns. Boban’s still struggling with the fisherman until he gets a small advantage and kills him with a hatchet. Kelly and Boban make a run to the entrance of the secret passage; making their way out of the prison. Meanwhile, the Scylla goes all white mage and revives the fisherman back to life. Cut to Kelly and Boban still moving in the passage as the fisherman pursues them. They make it to the exit but the door to the submarine tunnel is jam as the fisherman catches up to them. The door finally and the two got out only to find Niko on the other side as he slams the door. Niko takes them to his boat and make their back to the mainland.

Midway to the mainland Niko takes a break and the scene goes into plot-exposition mode. Niko tells them about three islands which people once believed where mermaids lived and Mamula is one of those three islands. The exposition continues when 30 years ago Niko and his six men were building the underwater passage beneath Mamula. That’s where they found the Scylla; all expect Niko were killed by her. The fisherman was one of Niko’s lieutenants whom thought was killed by the Scylla but instead she spares him. Being under her influence ever since; he has been doing certain things for her for 30 years. They make it back to the mainland but they’re not alone as the Scylla attacks. Niko grabs a spear gun and makes a direct hit, but the Scylla struggles to get away. Niko has Kelly to take a rope to land and pull the boat to shore; she makes it to shore before the Scylla gets her. However, they not all safe as the Scylla capsize the boat; Boban gets pulled under and dies. Niko makes it to shore but gets caught by the Scylla. Kelly grabs a spear then jumps into the water; impaling the Scylla. Kelly and Niko climb back to shore but the Scylla jumps to shore attacking Kelly. Niko stops her by….throwing a net on her…. I don’t know which is stupid that Niko thought to use the net first or the fact that the net actually worked. Anyway Niko grabs a spear, proceeds to randomly quote Moby Dick and stabs the Scylla to death. Movie if you wanted to be a Moby Dick film be a Moby Dick; you could’ve done a much better job than the Asylum. The fisherman shows up in time for the Scylla to die in his arms; but it’s not the end just yet. Niko and Kelly hear the sound of the Scylla’s sisters; pretty much more mermaids seeking vengeance. The movie ends with Niko declaring to kill all of them one by one, starting with the fisherman as slams the hook right into his head.

My Final Verdict: This movie is just underperforming and average for the most part; not only it’s boring it’s not scary. It’s like this movie is putting in the effort to be unexciting and weak. The characters have not much to show either; at no point I felt absolutely nothing for them. Well except for Niko at he shows some relevance to the plot. Even the mermaid was a bit underwhelming in the KILLER department; serious you don’t establish the movie’s antagonist just to have sitting on their ass. Or in her case wading on her flipper through the most part. Overall if you’re looking for a decent killer mermaid movie stick to She Creature (2001). Yeah I know it sucks but at least it had a mermaid that was killing people instead of some random dude.

Next time we take a sky dive on a movie that rivals Point Break in the game of Cheesy, Drop Zone. Stay tuned.

The Film Vindicator Review: Stan Lee's Lightspeed

You’ve probably figure it out from the title that Stan Lee had his hand in this movie. So you can imagine that there will be a lot of cheese and campiness here.

We open in an alley where a man finds some kind of snake-like humanoid. After the opening credits we cut to the Hollibrown Defense Contractors HQ as a group of Ghost Squad units arrived at the scene; lead by Tanner (played by the Six Million Dollar Man himself Lee Majors). Daniel Leight (played by Jason Connery) leads a small team into the building. Meanwhile, we cut to the snake-like humanoid (calling himself Python) and his comrade Tom Barcroft (played by K. C. Clyde) stealing some special isotopes. Along the way to the upper floors, Daniel’s team take out a few of Python’s armed men. A second team encounters more of Python’s men; taking out all but Barcroft who gets wounded. Daniel makes it to the vault and confronts Python only to be surprise that Python called him by name. The two started fighting but Python soon overpowers Daniel. Python announces that Daniel will pay for Anne’s death as he puts him into unconsciousness. Python and his remaining men make their leave before setting off a bomb which destroys most of the building. Back inside Daniel tries to get out but gets pinned by falling rubble. This triggers the movie to flashback four years earlier; cutting to Daniel and his friend Dr. Edward Bartlett (played by Daniel Goddard). Bartlett is working with genetic hybrid snakes to create some kind of special healing skin. These skins produced by the molting of the snakes possess stem cells DNA which applied on a damaged tissue of a person allows that tissue to heal. The purpose of his work is to help people with severe burn injuries but most importantly to help his sister Anne…..hmmmmm.

Bartlett is having problems with the government cutting back on his funding. Daniel offers to help by contacting a senator friend to provide more money. Bartlett goes to visits his sister at the hospital where he’s soon joined by Anne’s husband Barcroft….hmmmmm. Cut to Daniel making a call to his senator friend Paul Davis (played by James Jamison) asking to help Bartlett with more funding. However, Davis tells that they decided to shut his project down and to notify him. Daniel decides to tell him but Bartlett doesn’t take the news all too well. More bad news for Bartlett as his sister just died and his lab is now off limits. But that doesn’t stop him as he sneaks back into the lab later that night. Completely distraught of his equipment being dismantle and storage he accidently starts a fire. Bartlett tries to it out but gets burned in the process; he decides to enter his machine to heal himself but a chain reaction has compromise his DNA. Changing him into something else; something very deadly. Yeah if it wasn’t obvious like a punch to the balls, Bartlett is Python. Cut to present day Daniel is found and dug out of the rubble of the building. At the hospital a doctor informs Tanner that Daniel’s lower pelvis and legs are crushed. Replacing them titanium/platinum alloy hips, knees and 37 screws; the doctor also suggested an experimental chemical/radiation procedure to help Daniel heal quicker. Cut to nighttime as Python and his men arrived at the hospital to get Barcroft. But not before Python attempts to kill Daniel by increasing the radiation projector. Dude why don’t you just shoot him, or stab him or anything man? What makes you think that he’s not gonna gain superpowers and come kick your ass? Anyway as Python and his men make their leave with Barcroft, Daniel awakens and struggles to shut off the projector until he managed as such.

The next day Daniel seems to have survived the radiation without noticeable side-effects. His injuries are healing faster than expected but he still requires going under months of physical therapy. Daniel informs Beth (played by Nicole Eggert) that Python is Bartlett but she’s skeptical that Bartlett had anything to do with what’s going on. So she heads off to find the connection; woman he just told who’s behind all of this and why he’s doing so. What connection is there to find? The movie cuts into a physical therapy montage as Daniel is making fast progress. Afterwards Daniel is moved to a safehouse for further recovering; with some help from Beth. A little later Daniel is sitting outside being pestered by a mosquito. All of sudden Daniel seems to be moving so fast that he caught the mosquito. Out of curiosity Daniel decides to go for a quick run; quite literally as he has incredible super speed. He runs back to the safehouse but suddenly gets so tired that he passes out. Daniel awakes at the hospital; informed that he suffered an acute metabolic stimulation. The radiation may have altered Daniel’s metabolism that his resting blood pressure has increased. His muscles and bone are improving much faster than expected just that the rest of his body hasn’t catch up yet. The doctor gives Daniel vials of a blue fluid that will stabilize his metabolism and a syringe of adrenaline in case of stroke or a heart attack. Cut to Python’s hideout as his generals go over Operation Firesky; Barcroft points out a prototype Mass Ionic Field Disburser at an AF Compound. Apparently it’s an important component to their operation of creating some type of Firesky bomb. Back at the hospital Daniel goes to test his newfound powers. Daniel ends up at sports store where he….you ready for this….gets his costume. A blue, skintight aerodynamic ski suit to withstand the amount of speed while he’s running, some type of ski mask to protect his face from wind burns and some wrestling boots. Although these things ACTUALLY work it just that coming to regular sports store to acquire a superhero outfit so ri-goddamn-diculous it would make every speedster in the DC universe face-palm in unison.

Anyway Daniel tries the…..eh outfit as he arrives at a convenient store being robbed. Daniel quickly disarms and takes out the robbers as police soon arrived at the scene. One of the robbers makes to the roof of the store….no idea why since there’s nowhere to go. Daniel soon follows him, trying to reason with him but the robber gets frighten that he accidently falls off the roof. Apparently dying instantly upon falling on a police car. Daniel returns to the hospital as Beth was wondering where he were; she comes up with no connection between Python and Bartlett. She can’t do much of anything without any evidence before going to Tanner. Cut to the AF Compound where the Mass Ionic Field Disburser is being tested. Basically it manipulates greenhouse gases in the atmosphere or in this case decreasing warm temperatures with an isotope which causes that decrease. However, there’s an opposite isotope that causes rising temperature; the same isotope that Python stolen. Little do the demonstrators know that Python is right outside waiting to the moment to make his move. Cut to Ghost Squad HQ as Daniel arrives; Tanner gets a signal from a tracker implanted in Barcroft’s neck. The squad heads out to the AF Compound but Daniel is ordered to stay behind to further recover. That doesn’t last for long as he quickly gears up and heads to the compound. Back at the AF Compound Python and his men began their raid on the complex; they’ve obtained the Field Disburser and replaced it with a replica. Python is soon confronted by Daniel and the two began to fight. As Python’s men exit the compound the Ghost Squad soon arrived and open fire on the men. Back inside the fight continues but soon ends rather disappointedly as Python overpower Daniel and leaves the compound. You know one would think with all that super-speed Daniel could’ve simply super-speed punch Python.

Away Python sets off some explosives as he makes his escape; Daniel spots Beth about to crush by debris but quickly moves her out of the way. Beth gets a good look at Daniel as he takes his blue fluid and Back at Ghost Squad HQ they brought in one of Python’s men for interrogation; the lackey doesn’t respond to their questions so they injected him with a truth serum. Cut to Python’s hideout as he’s informed of the lackey’s capture. He soon activates a failsafe implanted in the lackey; triggering some kind of kill switch that kills the lackey. A little bit later Python brings out Senator Davis from captivity, dowses him in gasoline and sets him on fire. Afterwards Barcroft looks up any info on Daniel and by that I mean he just brings up some random picture of Daniel and Beth on the computer. Cut to Daniel at the hospital as he tries to explain to Beth how he ended up with super-speed. Outside of Ghost Squad HQ one of Tanner’s men is taken by Python and is soon tortured for the location of Daniel’s safe house. He surrenders the location and Barcroft mostly kills him. Later Python drops off Tanner’s man at the front of Ghost Squad HQ; with his dying breath the man tells Tanner that Python knows where Daniel is. At the safe house Beth is already captured by Python; back at HQ Ghost Squads gear up and head to the safe house as Daniel soon arrives. He’s informed that the safe house has been compromised, immediately gears up and makes a dash to the safe house. Cut back to the safe house. Cut back to the safe house Python’s man are standing guard as he waits Daniel to show. Daniel arrives at the safe house and quickly takes out the guards. Python steps outside with Beth in tow and another fight break out between him and Daniel. Python once again over powers him and takes Beth away. Seriously Kid Flash has a better chance in fighting Vandal Savage than this guy. Why is he so pitiful? Whatever, Daniel leaves the safe house before the Ghost Squad arrives.

Daniel approaches Tanner demanding to be put back on the squad to hunt down Python and rescue Beth. Tanner denies that request on the counts that she’s been working for Python as a mole. Daniel doesn’t believe that she’s the mole but he continues no further with Tanner. The next day Daniel and Tanner gets a report on Beth’s transmitter and Python’s whereabouts in the capitol area of Washington DC. Daniel wants to get involve so Tanner has him on tactical duty. As the Ghost Squad is dispatched, Daniel makes it to the hideout where he meets with Python and Barcroft. And as usual in any low budget superhero movie the typical supervillain explains their master plan to the hero instead being smart and just kill them. In this case Python’s men had setup the Field Disburser somewhere in the DC area. When the time reaches 4:30PM the disburser will release the isotope and everyone within DC will be burned alive. As for Beth, she’s being held at a location close by the hideout (and I mean really close by) attached to a bomb. When the time reaches 4:30PM….KABOOOOOOOOOOOM! The Ghost Squad has arrived at the hideout and proceeds in taking down Python’s men. Python does the dumbest thing by telling Daniel where the disburser is. Daniel makes a dash to the disburser but Python believes he won’t reach in time. Python goes to a room where Beth was actually held and unties her; (told you she was really close by). He’s about to shoot her in the head but Barcroft stops him; not too thrilled about killing thousands of people. So disappointed in Barcroft, Python goes HULK SMASH until Barcroft dies. And then he just starts having a childish hissy fit; Doctor Doom he is not.

Meanwhile, Daniel makes it to the disburser in time and dismantles it; taking the isotope as he runs back to the hideout. Python is still having his hissy fit but thankfully Daniel shuts him up. Tanner arrives to at the scene only to reveal that he’s the real mole; why hell if I know. And it doesn’t seem to matter as Python shoots him (yet somehow a few seconds later Tanner just up and disappear). Daniel makes a run with Beth but his metabolism soon crashes after they made it out the door. He struggles to defend himself as Python attacks him; Beth tries to fend off Python but he’s just too strong. Daniel quickly gets an upper hand and jabs the isotope into Python; causing him to burst into flames and die. Daniel starts to have a stroke and stops breathing; Beth quickly takes the syringe, injects it into his chest and Daniel soon recovers. And the movie ends; just kinda comes to a stop.

My Final Verdict: It’s silly, it’s campy, it’s cheesy but it’s at least tolerably entertaining. The speed effects are rather impressive for a movie of this quality. The villain is no Loki but he’s still pretty menacing and a much better threat than fucking Piccolo from Dragon Ball Evolution.

Next time we’ll be looking into a recent movie that really disappointed me despite the interesting title. Stay tuned for my view on Killer Mermaid.

The Film Vindicator Review: Gen 13

Yes it’s a movie, it’s an hour and twenty-six minutes long, it has a beginning, middle and an end. It’s a movie. Gen 13 is based on an early 90s Wildstorm Comic of the same name created by Jim Lee, Brandon Choi and J Scott Campbell. Besides the DC/Wildstorm crossover story Dreamwar, I know next to nothing about Gen 13 so I am reviewing this completely blind.

We open at night as a family station wagon is driving away from a military attack chopper. The chopper soon opens fire, forcing the car off road and crash. The family safely got out of the burning car before it explodes but are cornered by the chopper. The chopper guns down the mother which pisses off the father that he psychically hulks out; destroying the chopper telekinetically. The father hands over the baby girl to his son, telling him to run and take care of his sister. Soon after another attack chopper arrives and guns down the father; the young boy stands in shock as we cut to the opening credits. Cut to a college dorm room as a young woman, Caitlin Fairchild (voiced by Alicia Witt) wakes up screaming; scaring her roommate. Soon after Caitlin panics as she realizes that she’s gonna be late for school and quickly gets dress. A little bit later Caitlin arrives at the campus only to be approached by a special agent from the National Security Committee. The agent explains that the NSC is recruiting promising young talents for a program called Project Genesis. And Caitlin is one of those talents based on the reputation of her father. Caitlin takes a flyer from the agent and considers the offer. After class Caitlin returns to her dorm only to find it locked due to her roommate having some college sex time. Caitlin decide take up on the offer earlier and who can blame her. If you got sick and tired of your roommates constantly fucking strangers while you’re locked outside you would go off to a better place too.

Later Caitlin is taken by helicopter to the Phoenix Base in the middle of a desert. There she meets with one of the base’s instructors Helga Kleinman (voiced by Cloris Leachman). A little bit later Caitlin gets an accidental dog pile from Percival “Grunge” Chang (voiced by Red Hot Chili Pepper member Flea) who was running from getting a shot. She then meets with Roxanne “Roxy” Spaulding (voiced by Elizabeth Daily). Cut to a training session of a Matthew Callahan (voiced by the Joker himself Mark Hamill). In the middle of the sparring the instructor head-butts Matthew which made him rather piss that he telekinetically breaks the instructor’s leg. Soon after Matthew gets a call from an Ivana Baiul (voiced by Lauren Lane); she wants him to keep an eye on Caitlin believing she may have great Gen-Factor potential. Apparently Caitlin is a progeny of a rogue Gen 12 who was a member of Team 7. After a short montage we cut to Caitlin in a training with Sarah Rainmaker (voiced by () ); Sarah has her on the ropes but Caitlin soon recovers and fights back until she wins. Upon winning the fight she starts to get a painful headache which does go away soon after. Cut to Caitlin’s room as she’s studying until a gas enters through a vent rendering her unconscious. A couple of armed men enter the room and place Caitlin in an incubation tube. Among with the other children Caitlin is taken to a chamber where they are going under some kind of procedure of the genetic kind. Ivana is notified of an in-coming military aircraft with an I/O (Internal Operations) clearance. She recognized it that it’s John Lynch approaching to the base. Cut to topside as Lynch (voiced by John de Lancie) arrives at the base to investigate any illegal experiments on the children. Ivana insures him that there aren’t any experiments going on only strictly observational purposes and are fully prepare for anything when emergencies arise.

We cut to the little boy from the start of the movie running away from soldiers. The soldiers close in on the boy and baby but he slips into a river and is carried downstream into a waterfall. The boy survives the waterfall but losses his baby sister on the way down. The little boy is capture by the soldiers soon after. Caitlin wakes from as the scenes, apparently she been having dreams of that event for quite some time. Cut to next day as Caitlin, Roxy and Grunge are getting lunch; Caitlin starts feeling very nauseous but Lynch catches her before she collapses. Lynch talks to Caitlin for a bit about how he served with her father. Cut to Ivana and Matthew watching Lynch on a closed circuit monitor. She worries that Lynch may gather enough evidence to shut down the project but Matthew is confident that once these children become Gen-Active nothing can stop them. Later at Caitlin’s room she starts getting a headache this a lot worst then before; she then starts puking on the floor. Caitlin tries to contact anyone one on the intercom but gets no response and decides to leave her room to find the infirmary. She stumbles upon a room called Comcore One and spots a file of her father Alex Fairchild. Caitlin looks deeper into the file, noticing something superhuman about father until she gets spooked by Roxy and Grunge. Soon after an armed guard arrives at Comcore One; Caitlin tries to explain but the guard backhands her. Looks like somebody keeps his pimp hand strong, huh? Grunge tries to attack the guard but he’s quickly knock down and the guard draws his gun him and Roxy. Caitlin soon recovers looking rather piss off; the guard is about to shoot her but Caitlin quickly takes the gun away and straights up Falcon Punches him into the incubation chamber. Caitlin continues to be in pain this time she’s undergoing some transformation; gaining muscle mass and increasing in size while Roxy and Grunge stand in shock and awe. A little bit more armed guards show up to subdue Caitlin but leads to no prevail as she breaks free and takes out most of the guards.

Caitlin and the others make their leave before anymore guards arrive. Soon after Matthew arrives and reports to Ivana on the situation; suspecting that one of the children has gone Gen-Active. Ivana has the rest of the children incapacitated and collected while sending out armed forces to capture Caitlin. Cut to some guards searching the locker as Caitlin, Roxy and Grunge are hiding in the air vent. Just long enough for the guards to leave the locker room. While Caitlin changes to some better clothes (her outfit from the comics) a couple of guards spot an open vent leading to the locker room. One of the guards drops a grenade into the vent; Caitlin quickly moves Roxy and Grunge out of the way before the grenade goes off. Matthew and some armed guards arrive at the locker room to find Roxy and Grunge unconscious. Meanwhile Caitlin wakes up at outside of the base after being blown into a shaft leading outside. She soon gets spotted by two aircraft patrols and runs away at impressively high speed. The patrols make an attempt to capture her but break free destroying one of them. The second patrol opens fire on Caitlin as she runs away again. The patrol gives chase until Caitlin throws a huge rock at him taking him out indefinitely. But it’s not over just yet as a Helga appears in a mech firing rockets at her. After Helga runs out of rockets Caitlin jumps at her head-on, causes her to make a rough landing. Helga grabs a boulder to crush her but Caitlin grabs hold on the boulder; causing Helga to fall off a cliff and come sliding down at the side of a mountain. Caitlin goes to check on Helga only to find her bruised up but alive and unconscious. Caitlin soon starts to sense a great disturbance in the force as in she feels Roxy in great pain. Evidentially a person who’s Gen-Active can psychic sense other Gen-Actives.

Cut to Roxy and Grunge being tortured by Ivana who’s demanding to know if they work for Lynch but doesn’t get the answer she’s expecting. Ivana gets a call from the control room about an unidentified formation that just appear on radar; mostly Lynch making a raid on the base. She heads back to the control room while Matthew stays behind continuing the interrogation. However, it would appear that Matthew has other plans for Roxy and Grunge. As it turns out he had some involvement of making Caitlin manifest her power. So now he’s going keep torturing them until their powers manifest as well. Back at topside interceptor jets are sent out while Caitlin who’s inside the mech is attempting to get pass the security but doesn’t get very far. Armed guards open fire on the mech but Caitlin recovers and throws the damaged mech at the guards. A tank soon arrives to attack her but she immediately charge right at it to tackle it; causing the tank to fire at a few jets. Back at the interrogation chamber Matthew continues torturing Grunge with no results of any manifestation. Roxy provokes Matthew which makes him stop torturing Grunge. Matthew (now calling himself Threshold) puts Roxy in a telekinetically hold and proceeds to torture her psychically. This makes Grunge very angry that he becomes Gen-Active; molecularly bonding with the metal restraints and taking on their properties. Grunge quickly frees himself and takes out Threshold, able to save Roxy in time. Caitlin tries to sneak back into the base but gets cornered by Ivana’s men who are ready to kill her. Roxy and Grunge makes the save via throwing tools. Caitlin starts taking out some of the guards until Grunge joins bonding with a steel pillar. He takes a few guards very impressively but gets shot from behind by a tank. Caitlin throws a guard’s helmet into the barrel of the tank as Ivana orders to fire. This somehow causes the tank to explode.

Roxy meets up with Caitlin as Ivana appears from the wreckage revealing her cybernetic arm. A fight breaks out with Ivana having the advantage over Caitlin. Ivana has Caitlin on the ropes until the recovered Grunge bonds with her cybernetic arm and breaks it; forcing Ivana to retreat. While Caitlin and the others are finding a way off the base Lynch and his men have infiltrated the Phoenix Base. Caitlin and the others spot a helicopter pilot and persuade him to fly them out. They almost made it out until they come across a red light in form of Threshold as he gives his best Joker laugh. We even get a nice Scanners moment as Threshold makes the pilot’s head explode. He then destroys the helicopter causing the three of them to fall to their death. Luckily however, Roxy’s powers manifested just in time; able to control gravity to stop their fall. Threshold is pleased to these three to have become Gen-Active. Long story short Threshold wants them to join him to destroy the government who murder their parents (who were all Gen 12s) and create a better society. But the three of them all refused so now Threshold offers them death instead. He tries some more Scanner tricks by entering their minds but Caitlin managed to repel his mental attack. Caitlin goes to attack Threshold but he dodges out of the way and Force pushes her right into Grunge. Threshold sets his sights on Roxy as she uses her power to throw objects at him. Threshold retaliates with a telekinetic blast but Roxy blocks it with a gravity field. Cut back to the base as Lynch is informed that all the Gen 13 children are gone leaving no choice but to evacuate the base. Back outside Roxy continues to block Threshold’s attacks. Grunge bonds with a rock asked Caitlin to do a Fastball Special at Threshold; tackling him down to a wall. Grunge is about to attack Threshold but gets Force pushed into a lake. Threshold does a Psycho Crusher towards Caitlin and Roxy but Caitlin counters with a Shoryuken. Grunge recovers and blasts Threshold with water after bonding with it. Roxy encases Threshold in a water bubble; just long enough to wear him out as Caitlin gets the drop on him.

Shortly thereafter, Lynch arrives putting a stop to this fight. Threshold wants to kill the three but Lynch stops him; telling him Caitlin is his sister. So it turns out that Threshold was that little boy and Caitlin was that baby. And apparently Caitlin’s been having his dreams. Lynch explains that after Threshold was taken away he found Caitlin down river and hid her away. When the project was no longer popular he returned Caitlin to her uncle. Back at the base with all the Gen 13 children safely evacuated to another location, Ivana activates the self-destruct destroying the Phoenix Base. Caitlin and the rest aboard the aircraft to the escape the explosion; Threshold decides to stay behind. Caitlin goes after him but he Force pushes her away from the destruction while Roxy pulls her into the aircraft. Presumably Threshold dies by the falling rocks. After the destruction of the base Lynch proposes that Caitlin and the others have the potential to make a positive change to the world with their powers; the three of all agree to join him. The movie ends with Caitlin asking Lynch about her father and Matthew.

My Final Verdict: For an animated movie that was made way back in 2000 this is an impressive movie. The animation is in good quality, the voice acting is decent if not pretty good. The action scenes weren’t disappointed to say the least and the story is self-explanatory and contain for the most part.

So yeah I think I’m in the mood for another guilty pleasure superhero movie. Next time it’s Lightspeed, stay tuned.