Hits & Misses: Within The Rock

Real Talk: Minus the killer space monster, Armageddon totally ripped off this movie.

Real Talk: "Earth 2019 A.D." This movie had no idea of the real threat coming in 2020.

Hit: Special/visual effects were pretty decent for a movie from 1996.

Hit: Credit for the set designs.

Real Talk: Oh hey it's Leo from Charmed.

Miss: Ryan, king scumbag of the universe.

Real Talk: Did Armageddon had characters drilling into the asteroid with metal music playing in the background? No it did not....   

Real Talk: *Potter checking on the atmosphere processor.* Does the film take place in the same universe as Aliens?

Real Talk: One of the main characters goes by the nickname Nuke em. Was the director a Duke Nukem fan? 

Hit: Ryan tries to sweet talk with Dana but she ain't having that shit.

Hit: *As the atmosphere generator powers down, the creature slowly regenerates back to life.* Really juicy practical effects.  

Miss: Now how did this creature manage to prop Potter back in the same position he was after chewing his face off?

Hit: Impressive creature design and has a nifty camouflage. 

Miss: It's the next shift and no one notice that Potter and Banton have not been around anywhere.

Miss: Ryan shoots the creature only to have no effect, so he shoots it again only to get hit by the ricochets. Dumbass..... 

Miss: The creature just leaves Ryan for some reason.

Real Talk: How convenient for an ancient race leaving a warning in primitive binary code for the main characters to learn about the creature.

Miss: Instead of double tapping the creature from a safe distance, Nuke em decides to move in for a closer look. Allowing the creature to grab her once it recovered.

Hit: But in hindsight we get a gruesome death scene as Nuke em goes for her drill gun only to shoot herself in the head accidentally in the struggle. Having the drill bit digging into her head until she dies. 

Miss: *Luke tries to fight the creature with a pickaxe but gets stabbed in the gut.* My friend I understand it killed your crush (Nuke em) but maybe think up a better idea than just attacking the thing head on.

Hit: Archer rams the creature with the rover: "Well screw you, too!" That definitely sounds like a John Carpenter's The Thing reference. 

Miss: Does Ryan not notice the creature that Dana and Cody are trying to kill? Why is he trying to kill them instead of helping them?

Hit: *Dana and Cody guts the creature with the drill head while metal music's playing in the background.* Was the director a Doom fan?

Hit: Also nice gore effects....

Hits & Misses: Llamageddon

Real Talk: This was the most painfully awful movie that I've ever had the dishonor to suffer through. Just sheer mind-numbing pain in an hour long movie. If this movie was a weapon of mass destruction it'd be banned by the Geneva Convention. This movie would be the perfect method for psychology torture.

Hit: Movie has an animated opening sequence that gives the vibes of the classic animated movie, Heavy Metal.

Miss: Too bad the rest of the movie isn't animated, would've made it slightly tolerable.

Miss: Pay no attention to these random scientist people investigating the spaceship of a killer space llama. They don't serve no real importance to the story in any way sharp or form.

Miss: This lead....scientist guy....I think.... Gets out of the helicopter, assess the alien landing site, then heads back to the copter and leaves. Well that scene was a....relevant....maybe.....

Miss: This movie has the most uncomfortably awkward use of close shots you've ever seen. As if the characters are trying to eat your face off. If it was meant to be intentionally funny it didn't work.

Miss: I'm guessing the Floyd character is meant to be on the spectrum but the actor playing him really isn't selling it so well. 

Miss: *Mel on her phone inviting friends over.* The scene doesn't change to different camera shots/angles. While Mel is kept in center frame through whole scene and the jump cuts don't help with out either.

Miss: These scientists still don't serve any real importance, just nothing but padding.

Real Talk: Most of the party goers at Mel's and Floyd's place are just Redshirts, not wasting my time knowing any of them.

Miss: The movie really goes nowhere until the killer space llama shows up at the party.

Miss: The Dan character keeps changing shirts between scenes and I don't mean he takes off one shirt and slips on another. I mean he's wearing a shirt in one scene but wears a completely different shirt in the next. For what reason this happens, I don't know. But what I do know is that it isn't fucking funny.

Miss: After discussing on how get Floyd laid, Mel and Dan started dancing when some random music kicks in. And fuck me if I know why.

Hit: Random Party Girl Ass Shot

Miss: Just throwing this out there, the special effects of this are shit.

Miss: This movie made it possible to have the sex scene being uncomfortably gross.

Hit: *Mel sees a tit pic on her boyfriend's phone.* And there you go the only tit you gonna get from this movie.

Miss: And here's the scene that mentally broke me. Awhile ago Mel was calling people over for a party, hell she just texted someone not so long ago. But for some reason none of the characters' phones aren't getting a signal. How? Why? They phones were working just fine. Does the killer space llama have a built in phone jammer or something?

Miss: Mel's boyfriend gets slimed by some space llama green goo and starts mutating into some man-llama. And I can't bring myself to find it funny or scary or both. 

Miss: *Floyd, Mel and Dan finds the space llama's ship, Dan obtains an "alien weapon".* Oh yeah that's clearly an alien weapon and not an obvious wiffle bat wrapped in aluminum foil. This movie is so cheap....

Real Talk: Dan was such a meaningless character, the second he finished his motivational speech he gets vaporized by the space llama.

Miss: some of the scenes near the end felt like they're taking an eternity to get through. A fucking sloth can take a shit faster than this film's pacing. 

Real Talk: I swear that rap song at the end credits felt like it was giving me an aneurysm.