Hits & Misses Halloween: Nekrotronic

Hit: What the Doom movies should've been vs what we ended up with.

Hit: This film's bad ass intro.

Hit: This film's hilarious narration by David Wenham.

Miss: Now I hate to be that guy but necromancers are (undead) mages who commands anything that's dead and/or reanimated. And yet we don't see none of that in this movie. So why exactly are these demon hunters called necromancers?

Hit: Howard and Rangi reminds me of Earl and Val from Tremors.

Hit: Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Monica Bellucci!

LOL: Rangi is basically playing Discount Pokemon Go.

Real Talk: *Finnegan sucks the soul out of a man.* Suddenly I'm getting Lifeforce flashbacks.

Hit: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. David Wenham!

Hit: Finnegan before sending a demon after Howard: "Rip, tear, kill, eat..." Someone on the writing team is clearly a fan of Doom.

Hit: I love the concept of transferring demons into other people via internet. Kinda like what some Twitter users wish they can do whenever they wanna cancel someone for wrong think.

Miss: Basically these "necromancers" have force powers, so Discount Jedi.

Miss: Rangi gets shot in the head by possessed human.

Real Talk: *Howard tries to run away from Molly until he's hit by a car.* Been there before...

Hit: And now we have ghost Rangi, nice.

Hit: Finnegan in a demonic voice after Howard hesitates to do what she says: "Don't be a pussy, Howard! Just plug in the fucking cable!" I just love Monica's acting in this movie.

Hit: Howard: "My mother try to force feed me a soul through a hole in the back of my head." Molly: Really? Well I'm glad she didn't." Torquel: "If she did we have to force feed you with a bullet through a hole in front of your head." 

Hit: Bad ass anti-possession suits.

Hit: *Torquel revealing BETSI* Now that's a big fucking gun.

Real Talk: Despite how fool proof Molly's plan to steal a Necropod. I had a sneaky feeling it'll go to shit somehow.

Miss: *Rangi makes a loud thud that spooks Howard into activating an EMP device too soon.* And would you look at that, Molly's plan went to shit. 

Hit: Molly and Torquel opens the Necropod to find severed head. And suddenly I'm getting Alien flashbacks when Molly talks to the head.

Miss/Hit: Howard tries to get Torquel's soul out of Finnegan's network only to make her head explode. But despite how mess up it was that was awesome.

Real Talk: When I watched this film with my friends, one of them points out that Howard looks like Discount Tony Stark. And I kinda agree.

Hit: Torquel's new look after being revived from the necro-pool is very beautiful. 

Miss: The populace nearly had their souls sucked out by Finnegan. But after Torquel stops her, they just went on about their business as if nothing happened. Not even questioning why they were staring up in the air with blue light shooting from their mouths for some reason.

Hit: Finnegan's demonic form after the necro-pool is freaking impressive. Credit to the make-up and costume department for such an amazing effort put into it. 

 

 

These particular IPs are excellent examples where identity changes can work with the story, not against it. Regardless of the setting, there’s an established plot-line/lore on the hows and whys of a character’s identity is altered in one form or another. Not some moot studio decision being thrown in as a crutch for said studio to change characters’ identities out of nowhere. But actual narrative driven subplots that effects the story and characters. Not to mention they’re part of the setting(s). Characters going through these changes actually effects them physically, emotionally and psychologically. And you can see/feel it weighing a toll on them. Changes to these character that have a lasting effect throughout the stories.

Hits & Misses: Independents' Day

Real Talk: Well it's 4th of July might as well review a mockbuster version of the 1996 movie.

Real Talk: The Asylum, my ancient enemy....

Miss: Either these two military guys are on leave or there wasn't enough budget to have them be driving a military vehicle. 

Miss: The effects of the alien ships just gives off cheap sci-fi tv show vibes.

Miss: Obvious CGI alien ships blended in the background of obvious stock image cities are obvious.

Miss: The President: "Is the Vice-President at the [AWKWARD SHORT PAUSE]  Virginia bunker?" I'm positive the weird pause in that line was not intentional and couldn't be bothered for retake.

Real Talk: *Fighter jets in combat against the alien fighter crafts.* Why does this scene feel so familiar?

Miss: *The alien mother ship hovers above the White House and fires a particle beam weapon in the same manner from the movie Independence Day.* I know The Asylum is known for copying better movies but they could at least try to make it less obvious.

Hit: For some reason I think Vice-President Raney's kinda hot.

Real Talk: *Raney is sworn in as the new President after the current one died.* Independence Day Resurgence has a similar scene, now it's a matter which copied whom. 

Miss: Orion Alien Voice: "It is not our intent to destroy you. Our mission is one of peace." Says this after shooting down two fighter jets that were only on recon. And after taking out a fleet of fighter jets you vaporized the White House. Forgive me that I just don't believe your bullshit, especially when your true intent is revealed later.

Miss: The Orions can only evacuate 7 million people from Earth while the remaining humans are left to die. Well that's not sketchy at all. And why 7 million instead the whole population, are they short-staffed or something?  

Miss: You know it really doesn't help using stock footage of different cities. Especially when there's people just walking along, paying no attention to the alien ships occupying the skies.

Miss: The Orion alien after Raney opens a dialogue: "You attacked us..." No they didn't, you attacked first. Either these aliens have a really bad memory or this movie's writer does?

Real Talk: You've seen this in many low budget sci-fi, alien/futuristic interiors made from plastic crates and pallets.

Miss: What impressive medical technology the Orions have, Raney's son gets heal from an illness while screaming in pain. 

Real Talk: There's these militia group fighting against the aliens and that's all I can tell you.

Miss: This one cop lets a small group of armed militia pass the blockade to the Orion transport ship. What could possibly go wrong.

Miss: Raney's husband is working with the First Earth militia, what could possibly go wrong?

Miss: The same small group of First Earth militia from the first transport ship enters a different transport ship yet the Orion scanners don't seem to recognize them. Such an advanced race these Orions are.

Miss: The transport ship can scan for weapons but not any type of explosives. This isn't obviously convenient at all.

Miss: And apparently these Orion scanners can't hear the militia group talking loud and clear about their plans.

Miss: *A Dr. Goddard performs an autopsy on a dead Orion recovered by the First Earth group.* They have decent prosthetic effects for close ups of the alien but uses an obvious GCI of the alien for pan outs.

Miss: Also this guy didn't seem to be perform any autopsy considering there's no surgical procedures or anything. The guy's just sitting down listing things. And I'm pretty sure most cadavers are facing up in autopsies.

Miss: There's a military major trying  to access a computer system on the transport ship and no security system isn't attempting to stop him. And this was after the alien computer fires a laser beam at a red shirt lieutenant. 

Miss: And what a convenience for the alien computer to understand human language for some reason.

Miss: *Goddard creates a pathogen that'll kill the Orions.* Suddenly I'm getting V/War of the Worlds flashbacks.

Hit/LOL: This line from Kelly Reed: "It's time to blow up some more alien shit."  

Miss: This line from President Raney apologizing to Major Fry: "I'm sorry for the loss of your men." Man, he had only one man with him! The fuck are you talking about?!

Miss: *Raney discuss matters with the Orion Queen.* The GCI of the queen and the background makes me feel like I'm playing an FMV game.

Miss: Oh no! The aliens had a hidden agenda this whole time! Just look how shocked I am.  -_-

Miss: So the Orions need human blood to power their energy source. As impressive the concept is there's a lot holes in the execution. First they drain the blood from humans which kills them; they don't even preserved the bodies or anything. Bit of a waste of limited resources when there's no options to maintain it like cloning or human livestock.  

Miss: The skies raining fire and debris yet everything looks normal on the ground. 

Hits & Misses: Warlock: The Armageddon

Real Talk: You're wondering why I'm reviewing the sequel instead of the first movie? Well I never watch much of the first one but the Warlock II was shown more frequently on TV. Also I kinda like the sequel a little more.

Real Talk: *The moon falls into a lunar eclipse.* Suddenly I'm getting Elvira Mistress of the Dark flashbacks. 

Real Talk: *Cut to a woman with whiteout eyes and demonic screams.* Now I'm getting Evil Dead flashbacks.

Miss: Get use to the early 90s GCI/visual effects being really meh.

Hit: But the practical effects are surprisingly top notch for a 1993 film.

Real Talk: *Men on horseback starts killing the druids after they perform a magical abortion.*  Man them pro-lifers don't mess around.

Miss: Movie introduces Kenny Travis who's basically the lame version of Peter Parker.

Hit: Oh hey, it's Mr. Wint from Diamonds Are Forever.

Hit: Oh hey, it's the police captain from the Lethal Weapon movies.

Real Talk: The Twin Towers in pre-9/11, just felt like pointing it out.

Hit: *Woman starts taking her robe off before entering her bedroom.* Quick side boob!

Hit: *Woman quickly puts on her dress.* Another side boob with a bonus ass shot!

Real Talk: I know this demonic pregnancy scene is suppose to be scary. But the way how it's done with the woman in a sexy dress, her legs spread open and does those short breaths it just comes off as kinky than scary.

Real Talk: Congratulation, ma'am it's an eldritch horror abomination. 

Miss: The Warlock's a dick to dogs.

Hit: The now dead woman forms a skin map from her belly.

Miss: Now why's the Warlock given only six days to gather the runestones? He can't seem to teleport and he only flies whenever the script says so. It's kinda tricky going cross-country with just six days.

Real Talk: An evil being is gathering six powerful stones to bring forth Armageddon. Why does that sound familiar?

Hit: Oh hey, it's Zach Galligan from Gremlins!

Real Talk: If this movie was made in post-Covid, the Warlock would get shot for being uncomfortably too close to people. Sure that wouldn't do anything to the Warlock but still.

Miss: I know Kenny and Samantha have a thing but their chemistry is underwhelming at best. 

Real Talk: *Kenny's dad, Will shows up with double barrel shotgun and shoots him dead.* OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED KENNY! YOU BASTARDS!

Real Talk: *After being revived from the dead, Kenny freaks out and pissed at the fact.* To be fair he has every right to be freaking out and really mad about it. His dad could've prepared him or give him a warning before shooting.

Hit: *The Warlock enters the dressing area of a fashion show.* Tits and ass everywhere!

Hit: Say what you want about the Warlock but at least he has a strict rule of having the person give up a stone willingly and freely. Rather than the Warlock to just take them by force.

Hit: The visual effects for the Warlock and Paula Dare when they started floating is really good.

Miss: But it's immediately ruined when the scene switched to a horrible blue screen effect when they fly higher. 

Hit: There's a scene of Kenny, Will, Franks, Samantha and Reverend Ted in the middle of the street. And you can totally see Samantha's ass through her pink dress.

Miss: Kenny: "I didn't ask you to shoot me!" Will: "Like the phoenix rising from the ashes, the warrior rises from his own death. That's the way it's written." Why? Who the hell made up that rule? What, they couldn't just do a spell to unlock their "Druid Warrior" powers? Having one be killed and then brought back from the dead just to get magical powers is a bit extreme here.  

Real Talk: Kenny: "Well what else is written?" Will: "That the Warlock will come for the stones." Kenny: "So why don't we just run with them?" Will: "Cause he'll find us wherever we go." Yeah but he has less than six days left, you can just run with the stones until then. Just saying....

Miss: And just throwing this out there, Kenny's such a whiney bitch.

Miss: Reverend Ted: "You keep him away from her! I don't want your son around my daughter." Will: "There has to be two, Ted! Two!" So apparently there needs to be two Druid Warriors to fight the Warlock, which I have to ask why? Why not four Druid Warriors to fight him or six or eight? Hell, why not a whole freaking army to fight the Warlock? Just two magical people fighting the Warlock doesn't leave much room for error in case shit goes south.

Miss: The Warlock's a dick to rabbits.

Miss: Also when did the Warlock know how to drive a car? 

Miss: Nothing like a knock-off Star Wars training scene to pad out the movie. Hell even the music is ripping off Star Wars.

Miss: That CGI effect on that baseball is just terrible.

Real Talk: You know if Will trained Kenny at an early age then just maybe his control wouldn't suck so much ass.

Miss: *Movie cuts to some funhouse.* I got nothing matte paintings being use as backgrounds. Especially when work's been put to make it fit seamlessly with the rest of the scenery. But here, they didn't do a good job to make this obvious funhouse matte painting any less obvious. 

Real Talk: Fake psychic talking to the funhouse hustler: "Don't sell him the stone, he's evil. The deliverer of Armageddon." OK, thanks for the warning Discount Crazy Ralph.  

Hit: *The Warlock's upside down on the ceiling above the funhouse hustler.* Not a bad effect there.

Hit: And you gotta love Julian Sands performance when he's taunting the funhouse huslter. 

Real Talk: *Ethan (another druid) was about to stab the Warlock with a special dagger. But gets killed offscreen and see the bloody, gory aftermath when the Warlock gets off the elevator.* I feel sorry for the poor soul who has to clean up this mess.

Real Talk: *The Warlock and Nathan placing the stones on a table.* FOUR STONES, FOUR CRATES!

Real Talk: Nathan: "How much do you want for them?" Warlock: "They're not for sale." Nathan: "Everything is for sale." Warlock: "Including your soul?" Don't answer that!

Miss: Samantha has good control of her powers before she's reborn and seems to have some idea of what's going. While Kenny just sucks with his powers even after he's reborn. Why couldn't the movie follow her around instead of whiney ass Kenny?

Miss: That establishing shot of Kenny flowing in an obvious blue screen effect is just awful.

Real Talk: I'm surprised (and disappointed) that squirrel didn't try to bite Kenny's face off.

Hit: Samantha does a force choke on douchebag Andy.

Miss: Andy just up and leaves his truck behind after Samantha tells to leave. I'm sure this won't be a plot convenience for later.

Miss: Someone on the writing team wrote "Kenny and Samantha making out in the woods, at night, while leaves are falling on them". This is like if Twilight was made in the 90s; some weird ass erotic YA stories you see on the Lifetime channel. 

Hit: But hey if there's any consolation, Samantha ass shot. 

Miss: These people sees a poor woman tied and nailed upside down on a cross yet couldn't be bother to get her down. But hey lets blame the good magic person who had nothing to with it. What a bunch of assholes.

Real Talk/LOL: Look out, Kenny's scaring off the masses with his really shitty CGI baseball effect!

LOL: Warlock: "Give me the stone." Franks: "You'll never get the stone." Warlock: "GIVE ME THE STONE!" Franks: "YOU'LL NEVER GET THE STONE!" Warlock: "GIVE ME THE STONE!" Franks: "YOU'LL NEVER GET THE STONE!" I really got nothing here, it's just so goofy. 

Miss: The Warlock chops Franks' arm off, acquiring the fifth stone.* OK, so much for letting the person give up a stone willingly, freely.

Miss: So these Druids have a potion that heals and revives them from death. But for some reason Franks doesn't get that option after having both arms chopped by the Warlock then gets mercy killed by Kenny.

Real Talk: *Kenny gets impaled on a uprooted pipe after being blown away by the Warlock.* FATALITY!

Miss: Kenny sets the Warlock on fire and effects for that are not so good.

Real Talk: Don't mess with Will and Ted, they got double barrel shotguns.

Miss: There was clearly a third shot from one of their double barrel shotguns.

Miss: I'm sure Kenny really appreciates the healing support, Will but couldn't you pull out the pipe first?

Hit: Seeing Samantha gunning it on her motorcycle through the woods looks like I'm watching some high school/teenage action flick.

Real Talk: And now I said that, were there such films like that in the 90s.

Miss: Do I even need to mention how terrible the Warlock's flying effect are?

Hit: Samantha impales the Warlock with a tree branch, nice!

Miss: So instead of getting back on her bike and ride away. Samantha decides a better idea is move closer to the Warlock with the obvious chance that he's not dead and can easily get the stone. What a dumb ass....

Miss: As the Warlock pushes a large rock on Samantha, you can easily see a film crew pushing the (fake) rock in one scene. Then seeing a rope attached to the (fake) rock in the next scene. I guess doing retakes are for losers.

Hit: Super slo-mo panty shot action as Samantha gets force pushed by the Warlock. 

Miss: Dude, you didn't have to unbutton her dress you could've just pull the stone off of her by the necklace.

Real Talk: Oh no, the eclipse made everything go Day-For-Night!

Real Talk: So with all six stones, the Warlock can now place them on his gauntlet and erase half of the.... Sorry wrong movie...

Real Talk: *The Warlock binds Kenny with roots from a nearby tree.* Evil Dead flashbacks, again.

Miss: Kenny just summoned a bolt of lightning like he's freaking Thor yet can't switch on the headlights of Andy's truck. Oh fuck off....

Real Talk: *Kenny and Samantha were able to expose the stones with the headlights. Stopping the Warlock's ritual.* You might say that the Warlock was....BLIIIINDED BYYYY THE LIIIIIGHT!

Miss: So the Warlock brought along the one weapon (the dagger from Ethan) that can kill him. What a fucking idiot!

Miss: Dude, just stab Kenny already! Stop caressing him like a fucking creepo, gees!

Hit: Kenny uses headbutt, it was super effective.

Miss: Do I even need to mention how awful that CGI dagger is?

Hit: The practical effects of the Warlock melting and deteriorating after being stabbed, very cool.

Hits & Misses: Hologram Man

Real Talk: It's exactly I remembered as a kid, cheesy as fuck.

Hit: Movie starts off with a police shootout.

Hit: Captain Strickland practically brought out a freaking Caster Gun!

Hit: And after that action scene we cut to a sex scene already in progress. Movie wastes no time at all.

Miss: *Decoda jumps into the driver seat and speeds away from the motorcade ambush.* Where the fuck did the limo driver go, did he get Thanos snapped between cuts?

Hit: *Slash drives the city bus through a low bridge that rips the roof of the bus right off.* Suddenly I'm getting Terminator 2 flashbacks.

Real Talk: Slash looks like Buff Bagwell with dreads.

Real Talk: And of course you can't have a dystopian future movie without some megacorporation in control of everything.

Hit: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. William Sanderson. God rest his soul.

Hit: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Tommy Lister Jr. God rest his soul.

Real Talk: Meanwhile, at a random factory shootout.

Miss: Dumbass SWAT guy stands out in the open while firing his assault rifle with one hand.

Real Talk: KURT DECODA....BADASS ACTION HERO MODE ACTIVATED!

Real Talk: *In the middle of a hostage taking situation, Decoda shoots the hostage only to be revealed that she's actually an Iron Crow member.* Guess Decoda should be lucky that woman was a gang member. Otherwise this would've got really awkward.  

Hit: As silly as the hologram effects look now, it's still pretty decent. 

Miss: Oh yes, just shoot this one guy who's a hologram instead of flesh and blood. I'm sure that'll work somehow.

Real Talk: Discount Star Trek Next Generation Holodeck.

Hit: The actor playing Slash has such campy, over the top acting, I love it.

Miss: Typical corporate police force having no regard for the innocent. 

Miss: Also have these corpos forgot that Slash's a hologram? What are they gonna do, talk him to death?

Miss: Corpo cops are getting shot despite taken cover while Slash's men are out in open without getting hit whatsoever. Just...how???

Hit/LOL: *Slash takes a shotgun and swings it like a baseball bat at a security drone.*

Miss: This one security drone doesn't attack Slash or his men. It just floats there and let's Slash swing at it.

Miss: Seriously how are these cops getting shot despite taken cover while Slash and crew are out in the open without taking a single hit? 

Hit: One Eye: "Aren't you gonna party, Slash? The men are waiting for you." Slash: "I don't feel much like celebrating tonight." One Eye: "You look like you've lost your best friend." Slash: "No... Just my best adversary." 

Hit: For a megalomaniac, Slash is such a badass. 

Hit: *Close up shot of Slash ripping off his polymer skin.* That was a cool effect.

Hit: Hologram Fight, don't think I've seen anything like this.

Hits & Misses: Within The Rock

Real Talk: Minus the killer space monster, Armageddon totally ripped off this movie.

Real Talk: "Earth 2019 A.D." This movie had no idea of the real threat coming in 2020.

Hit: Special/visual effects were pretty decent for a movie from 1996.

Hit: Credit for the set designs.

Real Talk: Oh hey it's Leo from Charmed.

Miss: Ryan, king scumbag of the universe.

Real Talk: Did Armageddon had characters drilling into the asteroid with metal music playing in the background? No it did not....   

Real Talk: *Potter checking on the atmosphere processor.* Does the film take place in the same universe as Aliens?

Real Talk: One of the main characters goes by the nickname Nuke em. Was the director a Duke Nukem fan? 

Hit: Ryan tries to sweet talk with Dana but she ain't having that shit.

Hit: *As the atmosphere generator powers down, the creature slowly regenerates back to life.* Really juicy practical effects.  

Miss: Now how did this creature manage to prop Potter back in the same position he was after chewing his face off?

Hit: Impressive creature design and has a nifty camouflage. 

Miss: It's the next shift and no one notice that Potter and Banton have not been around anywhere.

Miss: Ryan shoots the creature only to have no effect, so he shoots it again only to get hit by the ricochets. Dumbass..... 

Miss: The creature just leaves Ryan for some reason.

Real Talk: How convenient for an ancient race leaving a warning in primitive binary code for the main characters to learn about the creature.

Miss: Instead of double tapping the creature from a safe distance, Nuke em decides to move in for a closer look. Allowing the creature to grab her once it recovered.

Hit: But in hindsight we get a gruesome death scene as Nuke em goes for her drill gun only to shoot herself in the head accidentally in the struggle. Having the drill bit digging into her head until she dies. 

Miss: *Luke tries to fight the creature with a pickaxe but gets stabbed in the gut.* My friend I understand it killed your crush (Nuke em) but maybe think up a better idea than just attacking the thing head on.

Hit: Archer rams the creature with the rover: "Well screw you, too!" That definitely sounds like a John Carpenter's The Thing reference. 

Miss: Does Ryan not notice the creature that Dana and Cody are trying to kill? Why is he trying to kill them instead of helping them?

Hit: *Dana and Cody guts the creature with the drill head while metal music's playing in the background.* Was the director a Doom fan?

Hit: Also nice gore effects....

Hits & Misses: Llamageddon

Real Talk: This was the most painfully awful movie that I've ever had the dishonor to suffer through. Just sheer mind-numbing pain in an hour long movie. If this movie was a weapon of mass destruction it'd be banned by the Geneva Convention. This movie would be the perfect method for psychology torture.

Hit: Movie has an animated opening sequence that gives the vibes of the classic animated movie, Heavy Metal.

Miss: Too bad the rest of the movie isn't animated, would've made it slightly tolerable.

Miss: Pay no attention to these random scientist people investigating the spaceship of a killer space llama. They don't serve no real importance to the story in any way sharp or form.

Miss: This lead....scientist guy....I think.... Gets out of the helicopter, assess the alien landing site, then heads back to the copter and leaves. Well that scene was a....relevant....maybe.....

Miss: This movie has the most uncomfortably awkward use of close shots you've ever seen. As if the characters are trying to eat your face off. If it was meant to be intentionally funny it didn't work.

Miss: I'm guessing the Floyd character is meant to be on the spectrum but the actor playing him really isn't selling it so well. 

Miss: *Mel on her phone inviting friends over.* The scene doesn't change to different camera shots/angles. While Mel is kept in center frame through whole scene and the jump cuts don't help with out either.

Miss: These scientists still don't serve any real importance, just nothing but padding.

Real Talk: Most of the party goers at Mel's and Floyd's place are just Redshirts, not wasting my time knowing any of them.

Miss: The movie really goes nowhere until the killer space llama shows up at the party.

Miss: The Dan character keeps changing shirts between scenes and I don't mean he takes off one shirt and slips on another. I mean he's wearing a shirt in one scene but wears a completely different shirt in the next. For what reason this happens, I don't know. But what I do know is that it isn't fucking funny.

Miss: After discussing on how get Floyd laid, Mel and Dan started dancing when some random music kicks in. And fuck me if I know why.

Hit: Random Party Girl Ass Shot

Miss: Just throwing this out there, the special effects of this are shit.

Miss: This movie made it possible to have the sex scene being uncomfortably gross.

Hit: *Mel sees a tit pic on her boyfriend's phone.* And there you go the only tit you gonna get from this movie.

Miss: And here's the scene that mentally broke me. Awhile ago Mel was calling people over for a party, hell she just texted someone not so long ago. But for some reason none of the characters' phones aren't getting a signal. How? Why? They phones were working just fine. Does the killer space llama have a built in phone jammer or something?

Miss: Mel's boyfriend gets slimed by some space llama green goo and starts mutating into some man-llama. And I can't bring myself to find it funny or scary or both. 

Miss: *Floyd, Mel and Dan finds the space llama's ship, Dan obtains an "alien weapon".* Oh yeah that's clearly an alien weapon and not an obvious wiffle bat wrapped in aluminum foil. This movie is so cheap....

Real Talk: Dan was such a meaningless character, the second he finished his motivational speech he gets vaporized by the space llama.

Miss: some of the scenes near the end felt like they're taking an eternity to get through. A fucking sloth can take a shit faster than this film's pacing. 

Real Talk: I swear that rap song at the end credits felt like it was giving me an aneurysm.