Real Talk: So here we go, one last movie.
Real Talk: Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice The Final Chapter
Miss: Wow only two minutes in and the movie completely shatters what was established in RE Apocalypse. Instead of Dr. Ashford creating the T-Virus to cure his daughter, Angela it's actually James Marcus who created it to cure his daughter, Alicia. So the whole subplot with Ashford and Angela was rendered meaningless just like that.
Miss: This film series biggest weakest #5, it's lack of internal consistency. Whatever subplots/plot-points were established in the series are just randomly retconned out of existence. Doesn't matter how broken/contrive it gets as long as there's still a story. This fully illustrates the zero fucks Paul Anderson puts into this film series. And it's no wonder why Angela is never mentioned after RE Apocalypse.
Miss: Marcus sure is rather strive for an old man, at least that's how RE Zero depicted him.
Miss: Alice narrating: "My name is Alice and this is my story." Explains why most of the RE characters are reduced to minor characters and meat shields.
Real Talk: Alice, I don't think that's a good idea to be drinking water from the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool. Especially in a T-Virus infected environment.
Miss: Red Queen went from Discount Skynet in RE Retribution to helping Alice into stopping herself. Because the script says so.
Miss: Alice talking to Red Queen: "Why would you help me?" Red Queen: "My programming will not allow me to harm the Umbrella Corporation." Oh fuck off, Anderson, trying to rip off Robocop! You can't even rip off Aliens without looking like a lazy hack!
Miss: *Red Queen reveals to Alice that Umbrella developed an airborne antivirus that can destroy the T-Virus and everything else it has infected. Furthermore this antivirus is located in what's left of the Hive.* And now to finally pull the pin on that plot hole grenade. If there's such an antivirus for this particular situation then why the fuck didn't the Red Queen just released it throughout the Hive when the T-Virus got out? Kinda makes that whole "killing everyone in the Hive" plan a bit of an overkill and unnecessary.
Miss: And since Umbrella developed this miracle antivirus then why the fuck they could've just released it on Raccoon City when the T-Virus got out of the Hive? Kinda makes the whole "nuking the entire city" plan a bit of an overkill and unnecessary.
Miss: Also so much for that "Alice's blood is the cure" plot-point from RE Extinction. This is what happens when you don't pay attention to your writing or just don't give a shit when it comes to continuity/internal consistency.
Miss: Red Queen talking Alice: "Ten years ago in the Hive, we both failed. We let this happened." What's this "we" shit? As I recall you didn't even warned Alice and Kaplan to not shut you down in order to keep the zombies locked up. And apparently you didn't even gas the Hive with the antivirus to prevent the outbreak. Meanwhile Alice was trying to escape the Hive before it went into permanent lockdown. So again, what's this "we" shit?
Real Talk/Sarcasm: Oh look, Alice found a functional motorcycle just sitting out in the open that has an Umbrella brand on it. This is no way an obvious trap or anything.
Real Talk: What is it with some zombie apocalypse stories that always have a psycho religious cult (leader)?
Miss: For the past three movies Wesker seems to be in charge of Umbrella. Now in this movie he's seem to be the bitch boy to Issacs.
Miss: If Issacs is actually in charge of Umbrella then why was his clone Wesker's bitch boy in RE Extinction?
Hit: Something about Alice being tied and dragged behind a vehicle while zombies are on her ass is kinda funny.
Miss: This one Umbrella soldier armed with gun turrets and a rocket launcher can't hit this one person on a motorcycle even when locked on target. Are you fucking kidding me with this plot armor bullshit?
Miss: Claire's in the movie yet no sign of Chris, hell she doesn't even mention on what happened to him in RE Retribution.
Miss: And might as well bring this up. Whatever happened to that little girl from RE Retribution? That movie made such a big deal about her since Alice found her. Also Jill, Leon and Ada are nowhere in this movie. You know when I'm more concerned for the characters being arbitrary written/retconned out of these movies than the supposed main character your writing's got problems.
Hit: Makeshift Catapults, makes more sense than regular shotguns firing quarters as ammo.
Miss: *A woman survivor is running from a horde of zombies until a second exploding barrel lands on the horde and then explodes. Yet despite being inches from the explosion, the woman survivor is untouched as she keeps on running to safety.* I don't even need to explain on how much bullshit that was.
Hit: At least Alice is using a shotgun that fires actual rounds instead of quarters. That was still stupid.
Hit: *Alice is in a fist fight with one of the Umbrella soldiers but is struggling to keep up with him.* Now this is much better than having Alice being some unstoppable, invincible caricature whenever the script calls for it.
Real Talk: Oh boy, all these redshirts are coming along with Alice to the Hive. Be a real shame if they die near the end.
Miss: Doc talking to Alice: "You have someone before all this? Husband? Family?" Alice: "I can't remember." Doc: "How's that possible?" Alice: "I woke up just when all this was starting. I can't recall much before that. Sometimes I like this has been my whole life. Running, killing." Really Final Chapter, you're gonna disregard what she went through since the first movie? I guess that line from RE Apocalypse (My name is Alice...and I remember everything) was bullshit, huh?
Real Talk: Razor talking the Redshirt Group: "No guns, no ammo. What are we gonna do down here?" Well since you're all redshirts how about just die.
Miss: *After Alice and crew arrived at the Hive, Red Queen shows them a video recording of an Umbrella meeting. In the recording Issacs propose a "orchestrated apocalypse" in order to stabilize the Earth's infrastructure and resources.* Alice: "They released it deliberately." No Alice they didn't, I remembered...unlike Anderson evidently. Unless I'm suppose to believe that Spence ( the character from the RE movie) was ordered by Issacs to release the T-Virus? Did Issacs knew about Spence stealing the virus and just let it happened because it coincide with his plans? Were those dumbass Umbrella scientists reopening the Hive to infect Raccoon City part of his plans? There's so just much bullshit to unpack here.
Miss: Red Queen: "When this recording was uploaded to my data stream, it created a conflict in my programming. I was created to serve the Umbrella Corporation but I was also programmed to value human life." Then why the fuck did you killed all those people in the Hive after the T-Virus got loose?! Or what was Wesker going on about you wiping out humanity back in RE Retribution?! Anderson, internal consistency motherfucker, do you know how it works?!
Miss: Red Queen after Alice puts in an earpiece: "I cannot through my actions harm an employee of Umbrella Corporation." Oh my god, I get it you're Discount Robocop shut the fuck up!
Hit: *After Issacs is picked up by reinforcements and asked for water, one of the Umbrella soldiers refuses to follow his order but Issacs proceeds to stab him to death.* Issacs after taking a cup of water from another Umbrella soldier before drinking: "Thank you...." OK I'll give you that.
Miss: Alice does this discount Sherlock Homes mental calculations on how to kill the real Issacs. Now I would ask when can she do that but I doubt even Paul Anderson has the answer.
Miss: As shocking as it is with Alice being an Alicia clone, I'm still bothered how the movie disregard the Angela Ashford subplot just to have this reveal make any lick of sense.
Miss: If Issacs wanted Alicia out of the way then why keep her around this whole time? Why not have her killed when she was in cryo-sleep? Kinda stupid to keep the one person who betrayed you don't you think?
Miss: Alicia talking to Wesker: "Albert Wesker, you're fired...." *Wesker no longer registers as an Umbrella employee, allowing the Red Queen to chop his foot off with a metal door.* Again Paul, fuck off trying to rip off Robocop.
Miss: Also so much for the Red Queen being programmed to value human life. If Issac Asimov was still around he would have a word with you on something called The Rules of Robotics. Yeah I know the Red Queen's an AI but my point still stands.
Miss: So let me get this straight, being blown up twice does nothing. A tiltrotor plane crash does nothing, being shot a billion times does nothing. But getting his foot chopped by a metal door is what takes him out. Yeah even the real Albert Wesker would call bullshit.
Miss: You know Issacs, you could've end this fight sooner if you set the laser security system to a grid beam sweep. But instead of setting up some laser dodging quick time event for Alice. Idiot....
Real Talk: *Alice and Issacs fighting in the laser hallway.* Why am I getting a sense of Deja Vu in this scene?
Miss: Hey Issacs maybe instead of explaining to the religious nut case that he's a clone how about just shoot him before he stabs you to death.
Miss: The antivirus is released, killing anything that's been T-Virus infected. Yet there's still these flying creatures as Alice rides off into the distance.
