Real Talk: Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice: Extinction
Miss: Apparently Paul Anderson thinks the T-Virus is a magical Agent Orange. Because how else did the Earth turned into Discount Arrakis despite the fact of viral mutagens don't work that way in the RE games. Which means there'll be no mutated plants or animals (besides the zombie dogs and crows) for Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice to deal with.
Real Talk: As much as it is awesome seeing Alice surviving a pit of zombie dogs then use them to dispatched the Discount Mad Max baddies. I have to bring up that Alice has her super T-Virus powers from RE Apocalypse. Extinction even reminds the audience of that later on. Which begs a few questions of why Alice didn't use powers before she was capture? Or just use her powers to fight off the zombie dogs and then to escape? So from this point on, every time Alice is in a situation where she could've use her powers but doesn't do so. I'm just gonna chalk it up to either the script didn't called for it or Alice is being a lazy bitch.
Miss: *A vehicle convoy roaming aimlessly on the desert road.* Why do I get the feeling that Paul Anderson was watching Mad Max while writing the script for this movie?
Miss: Hi Claire Redfield, have fun being a minor character in your own movie.
Miss: Poor Linden Ashby was dragged into this movie.
Hit: Also, Linden Ashby
Real Talk: And also, also, at least he wasn't dragged into doing Mortal Kombat Annihilation.
Hit: Albert Wesker.... Yeah I got nothing else, just Albert Wesker.
Miss: I get that Umbrella wants to use Alice's DNA to produce a serum to fight the T-Virus infection. But why make a bunch of Alice clones to be sent through and die in some simulation to do so? Kind of a waste of resources to make Alice clones just to be meat puppets being sent to the meat grinder.
Miss: With her super T-Virus powers, why would Alice still need guns? Blades and a crossbow, sure why not but her powers would make even less noise than guns. Especially in a zombie apocalypse.
Miss: *Alice finds a notebook claiming that Alaska is completely isolated for the infection.* Alice's narration states that the T-Virus spread all over the world, lakes, rivers, continents, etc. Yet I'm suppose to believe that Alaska is somehow "isolated". Not sure if Anderson failed at geography or what but Alaska is a part of the US/North America, as in one of the countries where the T-Virus has spread and infected everything. Alaska isn't some island in the middle of nowhere.
Hit: LJ: "I'm gonna need a room.... I'll take a water bed, a jacuzzi and I'm gonna rent me a porno." OK that was funny, I'll give this movie that.
Miss: In RE Apocalypse, LJ was complaining to Carlos for not telling him that he was bitten. Yet here's LJ just been bitten but doesn't tell anyone about it. What a fucking hypocrite.
Miss: *One of Dr. Isaacs' test zombies was injected with the serum and was temporarily capable of working a phone and a camera.* Why do I get the feeling that Paul Anderson was watching Day of the Dead while writing the script for this movie?
Hit: Naked Alice Clone # 1
Real Talk: *Alice's powers starts lifting up her motorcycle and a bunch of big rocks as she's sleeping.* Why do I get the feeling that Rian Johnson was watching this movie while writing the script for The Last Jedi?
Real Talk: *Alice walking through the sandy desert.* Insert your own Dune joke/reference here.
Hit: *The Redshirt Convoy is under attack by murders of zombie crows.* Only three movies in and we finally get some zombie crow action.
Miss: If the convoy had a flamethrower why didn't they use it before the crows attacked.
Miss: *Betty stays behind on the school bus for no reason only to be killed off by the zombie crows.* Oh no, not Redshirt Betty, I hardly knew this character to even give a damn. And yes I'm aware she's played by Ashanti and they made such a big deal about it during the film's production. But being that Betty was just another disposable Redshirt, this was a waste of Ashanti's time.
Miss: Movie, stop making me feel sorry for LJ after losing his Redshirt girlfriend. He's still infected and he still hasn't told anyone yet.
Real Talk: *Claire giving thanks to Alice.* Claire for the love of god, don't thank her.
Hit: I'm in a total agreement with Claire on Alaska being safe is at best sketchy.
Miss: Alice talking to Claire: "The transmission says that there's no infection up there, it's isolated. Safe..." Based on what exactly? How is there no infection in Alaska? How is it isolated from everything else that's been infected? Neither Alice or anyone else looking through the notebook never gone into details of how Alaska is "safe".
Real Talk: Claire talking to Alice after everyone agrees to go to Alaska: "I hope you're right." Remember this line for the next movie.
Miss: I get it movie, LJ's been bitten. But he still hasn't told anyone so I still don't care.
Miss: The planet has been a barren wasteland for five years yet the Redshirt Convoy act like this is all new info to them once they arrived at a barren Las Vegas.
Miss: There's a metal container blocking the way to the gas pumps but Alice doesn't use her powers to push it out the way. Lazy bitch...
Real Talk: I get it Paul, your wife's fucking hot. Enough with the needless close up shot.
Hit: Claire taking out a few zombies is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.
Miss: As cool as it is seeing Alice chopping up a bunch of zombies, this would all be over a lot faster if she uses her powers. But I guess the script didn't call for it.
Real Talk: Now I know you must be thinking that if Alice uses her powers all the time than it would be too easy for her and the whole movie would be boring. And you be correct, that would be too easy and boring. So here's this little equation to solve this problem. Main Character with Superpowers + Meaner, Tougher Enemies = Intense Action Scenes. Watch JoJo's Bizarre Adventure for proof.
Real Talk: So Umbrella has a satellite that can not only track Alice but can shut her down at anytime. If Alice is so important to the new serum they couldn't shut her down any sooner why?
Miss: And because Alice is the true main character (in Anderson's weird little head), some of the other Redshirts are picked off so easily. Because god forbid if any of the remaining zombies go attack Alice while still being shut down at the moment.
Miss: Claire was doing just fine killing these zombies earlier until for no reason starts wasting ammo with body shots trying to save Redshirt Mikey. Oh that's right, Paul Anderson made these characters useless when the plot calls for it.
Miss: Alice can just hack the satellite to reverse the shut down. Because plot....
Miss: Alice talking to Carlos as he's showing signs of infection: "They have the Anti-Virus in there, just hold on." Carlos: "It's too late and you know it." Carlos what the hell are you talking about? In the last movie you were infected for 3 hours yet still got treated for it. The time it took from Vegas to the underground facility had to at been less than 2 hours. And that's assuming this is on the same day. You got plenty of time to at least look around in the facility. Not to mention LJ was infected for a couple of days longer than you. I mean sure there's a possibility that Issacs used all the Anti-Virus but still couldn't hurt to be sure if there is any left. So again, the hell are you talking about Carlos?
Miss: As much as it was heartbreaking seeing Carlos sacrificing himself for Alice and others to get through the hoards of zombies. I can't helped remembering that Alice has her T-Virus powers which got me thinking that Carlos' sacrifice was utterly needless. Alice could've just toss that tanker near the fence and made it explode. Or maybe crush the fuck out of the zombies with a mere thought. But I guess she was too much of lazy bitch to even try anything remotely helpful with her powers.
Real Talk: And now you're probably defending that Alice's powers aren't strong enough or I'm being nitpicky and maybe so. But that's what happens when a movie gives the main character a superpower only to nerf said character in order to keep the story from being broken. It's just unfortunately the cracks are still noticeable within certain plot-points. And as I said earlier, Main Character with Superpowers + Meaner, Tougher Enemies = Intense Action Scenes.
Miss: Alice: "My blood?" White Queen: "Your blood has bonded with the T-Virus, Dr. Issacs correctly deduced that it could be used to destroy the biohazard for good." Alice: "You mean my blood is the cure for all of this?" White Queen: "Correct... Your blood is pure and this facility contains all of the equipment you will require to synthesize a cure." Since there's now three more sequels after this one and the T-Virus infection's still a problem. It's safe to say that the whole "Alice's blood being the cure" plot-point was neither utilized nor mentioned ever again. Hell, RE: The Final Chapter replaces it with something so stupid that it implodes the film series' internal constancy. But lets not pull the pin on that grenade just yet.
Hit: Naked Alice Clone # 2
Hit: Only three movies in and finally we have a Tyrant.
Hit: And credit to the movie for the Tyrant design.
Miss: Tyrant Issacs talking Alice: "You can't kill me." I'm sorry but Issacs is now a Tyrant, there shouldn't be any intelligence left in him. Also, that's Chris Redfield's line.
Real Talk: Alice talking to the Umbrella board: "I'm coming for you and uh I'm gonna be bringing a few of my friends." Remember this line for the next movie.
Hit: God damn that's a lot of Naked Alice Clones.
BONUS ROUND
Miss: When I watched this movie the first time it premiered, a lot of thoughts kept going through my mind the whole time. Thoughts such as where's Angela Ashford through the whole movie? Did she died between movies, did she ran out of the Anti-Virus and was killed before she mutated? Why has no one even mentioned her at all? The one character who was pivotal in RE: Apocalypse and what just written out of existence? And since I'm here, where's Jill through the whole movie and why's no one mentioning her?
Miss: This is leads to the film series biggest weakness # 3. Any character who appeared in the previous movie are just dropped out of existence in the next movie. No explanations on what became of them, why they're not around or anything.
