Hits & Misses: Resident Evil Apocalypse

Real Talk: Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice: Apocalypse

Miss: Get use to Alice recapping what occurred in the previous movie(s) as if the audience has the memory span of a termite. And this little recap is repeated later in the movie. 

Miss: In Resident Evil 2 the T-Virus was spread via rats getting into a pool of it from broken vials after G-Birkin slaughtered some U.B.C.S. guys. In this movie, a bunch of dumbass Umbrella guys reopens the Hive. Letting out all the T-Virus infected/creatures in the process. Because asking the one survivor what happened in the Hive would just break the whole story/movie.

Miss: This movie has an Ashford character but is not the Alfred Ashford from Resident Evil Code Veronica. So this Dr. Ashford is just in named only and besides I don't think the actor playing him wouldn't look all that hot in a dress anyway.

Real Talk: Now if Ashford was play by Jonny Beauchamp (Angelique from Penny Dreadful) than you got something.

Miss: Plot McGuffin or not, Angela Ashford should be dead after that car crash. Or just too banged up to even move let alone made all the way to back to her school.

Hit: Jill shooting a few zombies at the Raccoon City police station is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Miss: Jill talking to a S.T.A.R.S. member: "They're infected.... I told you, shoot for the head." That's nice to know of Jill seemingly knows what's going on. Too bad she wasn't in the first movie to established what she went through to even know about the zombies. But I guess telling is better showing.

Miss: And here we come to this film series biggest weakness #1. In spite of the game characters are in the movie(s) they're not the main focus, Alice is. As long as the story is focus on Alice, most of the RE characters in the movie(s) are reduced to minor characters and/or disposable Redshirts. 

Miss: I don't care how sophisticated Umbrella is, I find it unlikely they set up a wall surrounding the city in the 13+ hours since the infection started. A lot of people (and infected) would've gotten out beforehand.

Hit: *Woman running up the stairs from the zombies.* Up skirt shot!

Hit: *Carlos repels down from a chopper as he's shooting zombie to save the running woman.* 

Real Talk: There will be hits whenever the RE characters does something bad ass, because this is their movie(s) and they should be the focus. And also because fuck Alice.

Miss: Don't care who thought this was cool, slow motion blurs doesn't make the zombies scary.

Hit: Cops, S.T.A.R.S. and U.B.C.S. being overwhelmed with zombie hoards is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Miss: Dr. Ashford's plan on saving his daughter is to find any survivors to go get her out of the city. Not send in some U.B.C.S. guys to go get her just trust some randos to get her out safely. I understand he's desperate to save his daughter but could he at least gather some U.B.C.S. guys before entrusting some rando survivors who have their own problems to deal with?  

Miss: Oh hey Alice is having a memory flashback of what happened in the previous movie in case anyone else forgot. Or just didn't watched the first movie.

Real Talk: I would ask why Umbrella just inject Alice with the T-Virus but I doubt even the movie knows why.

Miss: Peyton talking to Terri: "What's that you got there?" Terri (who's filming with her handheld camera): "My Emmy...that's if we ever gonna make it out of here." This guy's a member of S.T.A.R.S. and doesn't know what a camera is? The application process at S.T.A.R.S. must be really layback.

Hit: Jill searching around the spooky church is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Miss: *Jill finds a zombie lady tied to a chair only to discover that it's the church reverend's sister who's been feeding her for quite a while.* This is a trope I find really annoying in any zombie movie/show, a character (or their love ones) are infected/becoming a zombie. But keeps it a secret from everyone else to a point of endangering those around them. It doesn't built tension, it doesn't make me sympathize with the character, it just makes them look like a dumbass. Case in point, the zombie lady breaks free then bites the reverend before Jill shoots her.     

Miss: The Lickers in RE2 can track player characters by sound unless the player is stealthy enough to sneak pass them. Unless the PC is moving around or making too much noise, the Lickers can't see them on the fact they have no eyes. So how are the movie Lickers seem to have Discount Predator Vision when again they have no eyes? The 2003 Daredevil movie did a better visualization on how Matt Murdock sees the world through sound (and other senses). 

Hit: Dual-welding Jill Valentine!

Miss: This film series biggest weakness #2, the movie(s) will beat you over the head with Alice being the main focus by having her doing these over-the-top actiony scenes. While the RE characters are either pushed to the side or rendered useless for the sake of the plot.  

Miss: Also it really defeats the purpose of your movie being survival horror when Alice just easily took out three Lickers with zero difficulty whatsoever.

Real Talk: Jill asking Alice: "Who the fuck are you?" Well as Phelous said it best "it's your replacement for main character, Jill".

Hit: *LJ passing by two zombie strippers.* Zombie Boobs!

Miss: Pay no attention to the Nicholai character in this movie, just another in-name-only character.

Miss: *Alice and the Redshirt Gang stopped at cemetery until zombies start rising from the ground.* Now why are these corpses rising out from their graves? This isn't Return of the Living Dead, I don't recall the T-Virus just magically became a rainstorm anywhere in the movie. This is clearly another over-the-top action scene to make Alice look bad ass because from a storytelling perspective it makes no god damn sense. 

Hit: And here's Nemesis, the one character this movie almost didn't fuck up. I'll explain the "almost" part later.

Hit: I'll give the movie credit for Nemesis' theme music.

Hit: *Nemesis POV* That's a nice touch giving Nemesis an ammo counter.

Hit: Nemesis after gunning down what's left of S.T.A.R.S.: "Staaaaars....."

Miss: As nice it is to give Nemesis a minigun but where exactly are the ammo being fed from? I can see the ammo belt feeder but I don't see anything that resembles an ammo pack. So is the ammo belt feeder attached to Nemesis' ass and he just farts out the bullets? And I don't even wanna know how he'll reload the minigun if that's the case.

Miss: Through the power of plot convenience, Alice has a T-Virus Spider Sense before Nemesis just pops out of nowhere. Which begs the question where was this convent ability back at the cemetery? 

Real Talk: Also Nemesis is not exactly a stealthy creature, dude would bust through walls like the Kool-Aid Man and fucks your shit up.

Real Talk: *Alice telling Jill to "run....just go".* I think that's code for "fuck off bitch, this is my action moment."

Miss: Also how does Alice know about Nemesis, as far as I know this is the first time she encountered him. Yes there's the scene from the first movie where she overheard one of the Umbrella guys. But there's a difference between a name drop and actually seeing the creature itself. So as far as she knows it's some other bio-weapon and Alice is just guessing it's Nemesis.

Miss: Inside the middle school, Jill suggest LJ and Terri to split up, I mean yes that would help to cover more ground. But in most horror movies when has splitting up ever been a good idea? 

Hit: Jill confronting one of the Cerberus Dogs is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Hit: Nicholai after he kills a Cerberus Dog: "Stay...." OK that was kinda awesome.

Hit: Jill and Nicholai sharing a scene together before he's killed off is the closest to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Miss: The CGI on the Cerberus Dogs would pretty good in the first movie. But the Cerberus CGI in this movie is really lacking in quality.  

Hit: *A zombie sneaks up on Jill but she quickly dispatches it by snapping its neck.* Yup....bad ass.

Miss: Movie has the nerve to make Jill look like a chump when she lit and tosses a match but goes out before the gases from the stoves reached it. Only to have Alice doing the exact thing but with a lit cigarettes, killing the Cerberus Dogs in the explosion. But not before Alice grabs a fireproof blanket and wraps it around herself and Angela, shielding themselves from the explosion. Anderson, just fuck off and get your hand out of your pants.

Real Talk: And super T-Virus powers or not, that explosion should've knocked Alice on her ass.

Miss: It's revealed that Angela's suffering from an illness so her father created the T-Virus in order to make her stronger. Now I understand Dr. Ashford really wanted to help his daughter but couldn't he went with something less on the zombie apocalypse side? Like cloning or nano-machines or cybernetics? Was creating a viral mutagen that'll be exploited by Umbrella really the smartest way to go? And not only that, Angela is stuck with routinely injecting herself with the anti-virus in order to keep the T-Virus in check. Father of the fucking year this guy is.

Hit: Jill and Carlos sharing a scene together is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Real Talk: LJ talking to Carlos: "Should've told me you got bit, motherfucker. I'm hanging with you and shit." Remember this line for the next movie.

Miss: *Alice running down the side of a really tall building then attacks the U.B.C.S. guys guarding the last chopper out of Raccoon City.* I'm sure this scene's awesome and all but I'm a bit distracted over the fapping noises from Paul Anderson to even care. Also was it going to be too boring for Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice to just stay on the roof and snipe the U.B.C.S. guarding the chopper? 

Miss: These U.B.C.S. guys must the worst selective hearing and response time to get easily snuck up and taken out by Alice.

Miss: Major Cain talking to Alice after he shot Dr. Ashford: "He was a valuable asset to the corporation, I don't even care about these people." Then why the hell did you shoot the one guy who's more valuable to Umbrella, trolling? I feel like Paul Anderson lost all logic and common sense when he got to this part of the script.

Miss: Also good job Alice trying to bluff this guy into not shooting the more important characters. Guess she must've rolled a 1 on persuasion. 

Real Talk: And by the more important characters I'm referring to Jill and Carlos. 

Miss: I'm sure this Alice/Nemesis fight is cool and all but sadly it's hard to take Nemesis as a serious threat when there's a character who can go toe-to-toe against him just like that. RE3 didn't have this problem nor the remake for that matter. 

Miss: And here comes the "almost" portion with Nemesis. As it turns out from Alice's....memory visions....or whatever, it's revealed that Nemesis was Matt from the first movie. Basically they took one of the most popular creatures in the RE franchise and turned him into some poor mutated victim of Umbrella.  

Miss: And even with Matt's infection in the end of the first movie, I'm not buying that he mutated/augmented into Nemesis within a matter of hours between movies. If it was months of testing/experimenting that would been a whole other thing entirely.

Miss: Cain talking to Alice: "Somehow you've bonded with T-Virus on a cellar level." Somehow....as in you didn't know or had no idea that the T-Virus would make her superhuman. Didn't do any sample testing or examinations to see if the virus would affect Alice's DNA differently than any other human. Just inject her with the T-Virus out of shits and giggles because the script says so. I guess Alice was just lucky she became superhuman instead of another T-Virus monster. 

Miss: And just like Nemesis is now a good guy by taking out some of the U.B.C.S. guys. Trust me it's a lot stupider than it sounds.

Hit: Cain talking to the helicopter pilot (only it turns out to be LJ): "Why haven't we taken off?!" LJ before he punches him: "Cause I usually drive a Cadillac." That was funny, I'll give this movie that.  

Miss: So Dr. Ashford is now a zombie, how did he became a zombie, when was he infected? Did Cain shot him with T-Virus bullets? Did Ashford experimented on himself before giving Angela the T-Virus? I mean that would be nice to see in the flashbacks if that's the case.

Hit: The surviving characters escaping Raccoon City via helicopter as the city's being nuked is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Miss: So Angela has a mental link with Alice apparently, because fuck it the script says so.

Hit: Naked Alice

Real Talk: And here's Alice's mind powers that'll get severely broken in the next movie.

Hit: The music in the end credits (The End of Heartache by Killswitch Engage) is a really awesome song. Definitely should go have a listen. 

BONUS ROUND

Real Talk: Apparently this is a director's cut I'm reviewing, although I think the theatrical cut is a little better. Some of the scenes in the director's cut really doesn't flesh the movie at all. Just feels more like pointless padding.

Miss: Nemesis doesn't mutated after taking sufficient damage nor he doesn't use his tentacle attacks.

Miss: Jill never once fought/confronted Nemesis through out the whole movie.

Hit: Nemesis shooting down a helicopter with a rocket launcher is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Hits & Misses: Resident Evil

Real Talk: I honestly refuse to call this movie by the in-name-only title, so I'm calling it by it's true title Super Duper Mega Ultra Alice: Begins.

Miss: As much as I like the soundtrack, was it really hard for the studio to use soundtracks from the Resident Evil games?

Miss: This person secretly steals the T-Virus and the Anti-Virus with no problems whatsoever. So lets go ahead and toss open this one T-Virus vial for no real reasons whatsoever. Because how else this movie was gonna get the plot going?

Miss: The Red Queen (the A.I. that runs the Hive) sure takes its sweet time just long enough for the T-Virus to get airborne throughout the Hive. 

Miss: And since I'm here, you mean to tell me that the Red Queen didn't notice this one person stealing the T-Virus/Anti-Virus vials out of the lab where they're kept? Or just let out a viral contamination for that matter?

Miss: So instead of sealing off the one area where the T-Virus was let out, the Red Queen's brilliant countermeasure is to kill everyone in the Hive. If there's such a place where the one countermeasure for a viral contamination is to murder everyone in the workplace, I'm not working there.

Real Talk: They're on an express elevator to hell, going down.

Real Talk: Oh hi Milla Jovovich, I'm looking forward to hating your character as this series goes on.

Miss: Apparently Alice fell in while taking a shower and yet hasn't broke her neck or cracked her skull open. Only a few minutes in and she already has her plot armor powers.

Hit: Alice side boob

Hit: Alice wondering around in a spooky mansion is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Real Talk: I'm not much of a huge fan of the RE games. But I postulate that most of the RE fans were really confused when Jill, Chris, Barry and the rest of the RE One characters were nowhere to be found in this movie. 

Miss: Which I have to asked why even bother making a live-action RE movie if they're not gonna have any of the game characters?

Real Talk: Serious question, why's the super secret laboratory underneath Raccoon City and not the mansion?

Real Talk: And here's Michelle Rodriguez in her early basic bitch roles and trust me she's gotten better roles since then.

Miss: I'm sure the "character having amnesia" trope is a useful plot tool and all. But it really defeats the purpose when there's other people who knows said amnesiac character(s). Alice and Spence work for Umbrella as do the commandoes yet they never mention or call these two by name. Outside of telling these two (and the audience) that they're security operatives guarding the secret Hive entrance, the commandoes act like they don't know them on any other professional level. Or on a personal level for that matter, because I guess the script says so.

Miss: So in case of any security breaches the Red Queen can just gas people in the Hive and the mansion, hence the plot convenient amnesia with Alice and Spence. But if the Red Queen has defenses at the mansion as well then why bother having security personnel if the Red Queen can just gas everyone at any sign of a security breach? Kinda needless to have people on security/defense details when an A.I. can do similar jobs more efficiently.

Miss: Also that's a bit of a design flaw for an A.I. to gas its own friendlies.

Real Talk: Matt talking to One: "So you're saying this place was attacked?" One: "I'm afraid things are a bit more complicated than that." Well apparently not complicated enough to tell him and the others a few minutes later anyway. 

Miss: There was no switch of any kind to be seen where J.D. was standing at, how did he get the lights in the Hive switched on?

Miss: These commandoes (and obviously Umbrella) knows about the Red Queen going homicidal and killed the Hive workers but have no idea on why she killed these people in the first place. Well that's pretty convenient for the plot wouldn't you say?

Hit: *Close up shot of a drowned woman as she opens her eyes and slams her hand on the glass.* Despite the trailer spoiling this particular scene, it's still a pretty good scene.

Miss: This scene with the not dining hall B would've work if this was the S.T.A.R.S. team arriving upon this storage chamber. Having these commandoes no clue about this chamber just raising questions of why would Umbrella keep important details from their own personnel.

Miss: The Medic character either has the slowest reaction time or has a death wish. Because when you watch the scene of the first laser sweep more closely, you can see Medic looking straight at it while the other commandoes duck out of the way. But the movie tries to trick you with a close up shot of the Medic turning her head at the laser as if she was caught by surprise. 

Miss: On the third sweep the laser shifts from a single beam into a grid beam, killing One. And it didn't do that on the first sweep why? 

Real Talk: And this is the first time Colin Salmon has died in a Paul W.S. Anderson movie.

Real Talk: I guess the one commando who had his fingers cut off is presumably dead. Because neither Alice, Spence or Kaplan doesn't check if he's OK or still alive.

Miss: You know Red Queen, Alice and Kaplan might listen if you just tell them about the zombies you got locked up in the Hive. At least they might stop from shutting you down and probably help you. But I guess there would be no movie if the writing wasn't cluttered with plot contrivance.

Miss: And also.... Red Queen talking to Alice and Kaplan: "You all going to die down here." Saying that line wasn't all that helpful.

Hit: Rain as she struggles with a zombie: "J.D. get her off of me before I stab her ass!" I don't know why I just love that line.

Miss: I know I should care about J.D. being eaten by zombies but sadly I don't. He's not an existing character from the RE games and I hardly know the guy outside of working for Umbrella. And if you think this film series will get better when the game characters are brought in, you are horribly wrong. 

Real Talk: Kaplan: "Where did they come from, why didn't we see them on the way in?!" Rain: "When you cut the power you unlock the doors. You let them out..." Well in his defense the Red Queen should've gave him an actual warning.

Miss: *Alice takes out a zombified security guard in a closed room.* Alice was already told that she's an Umbrella security operative. Why is this scene playing out like it's all new info to her? Or why does she look so confused after taking out a zombie hand-to-hand?

Miss: Also what was with the memory flashback of One telling Alice who she is? Was it in case if she already forgot or in case if the audience did? 

Miss: *After Alice takes out Lisa (Matt's sister), she gets a memory flashback of her giving Lisa security access to the T-Virus. Then Matt says exactly what Alice saw in the memory flashback on how Lisa was gonna steal the T-Virus.* It doesn't add any mystery if you're gonna just tell the same info that  was shown minutes. It's called Show Don't Tell not Show then Tell. Maybe if the memory flashbacks were removed this would actually work. Otherwise it just comes off insultingly handholding to the audience. 

Miss: Oh yes Alice, lets switch back on the homicidal A.I. to gain help in escaping the Hive. 

Miss: Red Queen talking to the remaining survivors in the Queen's Chamber: "I did warned you, didn't I?" Bullshit you warned them...

Miss: Good thing for Alice that these zombies are attacking her one at a time instead of lunging at her all at once.

Hit: Matt shouting to Alice: "GET OVER HERE!" Not sure if that was a call back to a much live-action adaptation from Paul Anderson but I'm counting it.

Miss: Besides the regular zombies, Cerberus Dogs and a Licker, there are no Hunters, no zombie crows, no Neptune, no Yawn, no Plant 42 or no Tyrant.

Hit: Rain: "When I get out of here, I think I'm gonna get laid."

Miss: On the first watch of this movie I'm sure it was a shocking reveal that it was Spence who stole the T-Virus/Anti-Virus and caused the contamination. But upon multiple look throughs it's not that much of shocker. Considering that he and Alice are the only two people stationed at the mansion. The process of elimination would've been that obvious it was Spence. And it's not like the movie was making Alice a red herring in this scenario.  

Miss: Spence's handwriting on the note in his memory flashback doesn't match the handwriting at the beginning of the film. Excellent continuity, guys.  

Hit: The remaining survivors escaping the Hive by train while a T-Virus creature is attacking them is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.

Real Talk: *Alice shoots the Licker in the head but with no affect.* Maybe if Alice was armed with a grenade launcher and some flame rounds she could've taken it down more easily.

Miss: Umbrella Scientist Offscreen: "We're reopening the Hive, I wanna know what went on down there. Just do it..." Or here's a better idea, asked the one person who survived the whole ordeal on what happened. Also you mean to tell me that Umbrella didn't retrieved any surveillance videos from the Hive? I guess there be no sequel if dumb characters start making smart people decisions.   

Real Talk: *Alice managed to pick the card reader slot to unlock the door.* Impressive that was, there's only one person who is the Master of Unlocking, Alice and you're not her.

Hit: Alice wondering around in the ruined Raccoon City is the closest thing to a Resident Evil live-action you're gonna get from this movie.