DISCLAIMER: I love the first Jurassic Park that I just can't
bring myself to do Hits & Misses of it. However, I don't have the same
respects for the sequels and yes this includes Jurassic World.
Miss: So there was another island (Isla Sorna) where dinosaurs were being grown. And this wasn't mentioned in the first movie why exactly?
Miss: "Rich British Family" cliche
Hit: Hold on, is that Ethan Rayne from Buffy The Vampire Slayer?!
Miss: Oh yeah let your little girl wonder off on an island with god knows what's gonna happen to her. Like being attacked by a swarm of Compsognathus for instance.
Hit/LOL: Not gonna lie this is a hilarious scene transition to Ian Malcolm.
Hit: Hi Tim and Lex, it's too bad that you're in the rest of the movie. But then again it's probably for the best to stay far away from this wonky ass film.
Miss: So John Hammond was keeping Site B safe from human interference for four years. Yet couldn't be bothered set up perimeter to pervert people from stumbling to the island by accident.
Miss: Obviously Ian doesn't want to go to Site B, so let's throw in a plot device to change his mind.
Hit/LOL: Ian: "Where you're going is the only place in the world where the geese chase you."
Real Talk: Kelly: "She doesn't even have Sega." Man fuck Sega, back then it was all about the PlayStation.
Miss: Tim and Lex were at least endearing and helpful in the first movie. Kelly is just dead weight in this movie and no taking out that one raptor with her gymnastics doesn't count. That was just plot convenience.
Hit: Gonna give credit to this movie's soundtrack.
Real Talk: Ian: "Oh yeah ooh, ahh. That's how it always starts. But then later there's running and then...screaming." Ian Malcolm would be excellent in Hits & Misses.
Miss: I respect Julianne Moore but I hate her character, Sarah Harding.
Miss: Sarah: "We're here to observe and document not interact." Says this AFTER messing around with a baby Stegosaurus. Dipshit.
Miss: Sarah: "Dinosaurs were characterized very early on as vicious lizards." Well giving to what happened in the last movie, yeah they kinda are. Well the carnivorous ones anyway. And it's not like the dinosaurs in this movie won't be any less vicious. Forgot about the two stegosauruses that were trying to kill you earlier?
Miss: If Ian's the only main character trying/wanting to get off an island of dinosaurs your writing's kinda fucked.
Hit: Roland Tembo, why wasn't he the main character in this movie? His backstory is straightforward (hunting the T-Rex) and has a bit of a character arc later on.
Miss: I understand what the movie's trying to do, making InGen the bad guys as they're rounding up the dinosaurs like defenseless cattle. However, here's where it just doesn't work. All of the dinosaurs are property of InGen as in the company that genetically bred them in the first place. Meaning InGen can do whatever they want with them regardless.
Miss: Dieter asking about the Compsognathus: "Is it dangerous?"
Burke: "Nah, I wouldn't think so." Bullshit
it ain't dangerous! Did you not hear about that little girl being torn to
shreds by these things?!
Miss: Oh sure, let's release these dinosaurs out of their cages. What could possibly go wrong?
Miss: Oh look, the dinosaurs are running amok and wrecking up the InGen camp. Totally didn't see that coming.
Miss: *Ian struggling to talk to a woman on the radio.*
Kelly: "Boy is she mad at you." Hey
dipshit, since you can speak Spanish about actually help out your dad instead
of standing there being a smart ass.
Miss: Oh yes just ignore that phone call from Ian. I mean it's no big deal just that two pissed off T-Rexes are heading your way.
Miss: Ian: "I'm coming right back, I give you my word."
Kelly: "But you never keep your word." Well
fuck you too you little shit. Seriously is this movie purposely making Ian a
bad/deadbeat dad so arbitrarily? If so please stop, it's not endearing.
Miss: I bet Sarah and Nick feel like total dipshits for bringing that baby T-Rex back to their trailer. Yeah they were helping the poor thing but still.
Miss: No way that glass would still hold after Sarah makes a hard fall on it.
Hit/LOL: Ian: "We need rope!"
Eddie: "Anything else?"
Ian: "Yeah, three double cheeseburgers with
everything!"
Nick: "No onions on my!"
Sarah: "And an apple turnover!" OK,
that was funny.
Miss: Eddie is eaten by the T-Rexes.
Miss: Ian: "Five years of work and a hundred miles of electrified fences couldn't prepare the other island." Actually that island was doing just fine despite being almost operational. It's just it took this one guy hacking the computer systems to fuck all that up.
Miss: Nick: "It's looter mentality, all you care about is what you can take. You have no rights." Well not true Nick because again these dinos are InGen property they can do whatever they want. Even Ludlow makes that point. Point being that these guys are doing their jobs.
Miss: Why did the movie felt it was necessary to described the raptors as if the audience forgot what they look like?
Miss: Sarah: "The Rexes may continue to track us if they perceive a to themselves or their infant." Says this while failing to realize that her jacket has the baby Rex's blood on it. Meaning that the Rexs will track them anyway. Roland notices the bloody jacket and she doesn't even get rid of it.
Miss: Dieter did not need to go that far just to take a piss. And now he done got himself lost like a dumb ass.
Hit: Not gonna lie this movie does a good job making these Compsognathus scary as fuck. They're like piranhas with legs.
Miss: And now Sarah realizes the blood just as the Rexes arrived to camp. Jackass.
Miss: Just how exactly did Nick managed to remove the two bullets from their casings? And without anyone noticing him messing with Roland's gun?
Miss: Also you mean to tell me that Roland didn't bring any extra bullets just in case?
Miss: Ajay: "Don't go in to the long grass!" Says this while going in to the long grass. Idiot....
Miss: And after our main characters are rescued, Nick just disappeared from the rest of the movie.
Miss: Some dipshit unknowingly releases the T-Rex from the cargo hold. Nice going, Jackass.
Miss: I'm sorry but if any child sees a T-Rex out the window they be screaming their heads off and go running to their parents. Not stare out window and then calmingly walk out the bedroom as if they just pissed in the bed. At least Tim and Lex had the proper response when seeing a T-Rex.
Miss: Kid: "There's a dinosaur in our backyard." Yeah could you say that again but only in panic and fear instead of creepily standing there like a robot?
Miss: Why would this bus driver think he can just out run the T-Rex?
Miss: *A group of Japanese men running away from the T-Rex* Get it...it's a Godzilla reference!
Miss: *Ian and Sarah speeding away from the T-Rex*
Sarah: "Ian, slow down a little." ........WHY?!
And also fuck no!
Miss: They actually called Animal Control for a fucking T-Rex. I don't know if I should find that funny or retarded.
Miss: And just what was Ludlow gonna do when he found the infant, give it candy? Also you mean wasn't aware of the parent heading back to the ship?
Miss: You know your writing is fucked when I don't even care that you killed off the greedy corporate guy.
Hit: No joke, Sarah with that big tranquilizer gun is kinda hot.
