Hits & Misses: Doom

DISCLAIMER: This movie is a bit of a guilty pleasure to me. Yeah it's flawed as fuck but there were some enjoyment I got from it.

Miss: Narration.

Miss: *A bunch of scientist running in a dark as fuck corridor.*  Pro tip to all filmmakers, just because your movie's suppose to be dark doesn't mean it has to be visually dark.

Hit: Movie uses the same title font design from the games.

Hit: The Rock!

Real Talk: Good to know that in the future 8-bit video games still exist.

Real Talk: Portman, the correct term you're looking for is Ladyboys, get it right.

Hit: I'll be honest, having an ensemble characters kinda helps the movie rather than being just the one main protagonist who shoots demons and doesn't talk at all.

Miss: OK is this a rookie thing, why's the new recruit called "The Kid"? Compare to the nicknames of the other marines "The Kid" just sucks.

Hit: Duke: "It goes like this see, if it's trying to kill ya it's a threat." Make sense to me.

Hit: Pinky

Hit: "Killcams"

Miss: *Portman being a perv to the ladies.* How did this dude got in to the R.R.T.S. (Rapid Response Tactical Squad)?

Real Talk: *An armed team moving around in dark areas with creatures lurking about.* With an overhaul of rewrites this can be a better Resident Evil than the ones we ended up with.

Hit: The BFG!

Miss: Sadly it's behind a locked door....for now.

Miss: Why would Sam Grimm ever work at the same dig site where her parents died? Either she has some excellent therapy or she doesn't give that much of a fuck about her parents?

Miss: Just saying it right now, instead being a gate that unintentionally becomes a portal to hell it's alien chromosome experiments gone wrong. Why exactly they went with this when they have good source materials? They could've still have the portal-to-hell plot going for them.

Miss: *Portman gives Kid a couple of drugs.* Again, how did this dude got in to the R.R.T.S.?

Miss: *Goat cuts a cross in arm for "taking the lord's name in vain"* Now how did this dude got in to the R.R.T.S.?!

Hit: Naked, Genetically, Crazed Zombie Chick!

Miss: *Dr Carmack keeps repeating "shut it down" to Sam* That line would've made sense if there was a hell-portal in the movie. But since there isn't one it just comes off as misleading and pointless.

Miss: They shot the shit out of that poor little monkey.

Miss: Carmack is practically mutating in the open yet Sam and another scientist don't just quarantine him.

Miss: Mutating Carmack pulls a Batman without being Batman.

LOL: Sewer Level!

Miss: Wanna know if one of the main characters gonna die? If they're all by themselves after being split up.

Miss: Goat sees some creepily lit eyes and the first thing he does is calling out to see if it's one of the missing scientists.

Hit: *Duke hitting on Sam* At least Duke got some game unlike Portman who is just a creeper.

Miss: Portman: "It's standard operating procedure to call in reinforcements." Sarge: "We are...the reinforcements." You are? Was there already a R.R.T.S. team before you guys? The fuck are you talking about Sarge?

Miss: Jump Scare....   

Miss: *Mac literally gets his head knocked off by a creature* Farewell Mac, I barely knew your character.

Hit: BFG Acquired!

Hit: That music when the BFG's revealed.

Hit: Destroyer vs Hell Knight

Hit/LOL: Oh Pinky, you cheeky bastard.

Miss: Oh yeah let's inject a murder convict with some alien chromosome. What could possibly go wrong?

Miss: Reaper: "It's this place, it's hell, it always has." Well if Mars had a hell-portal you'd be right but it doesn't.

Miss: *The Hell Knight cutting through the Arc door with just a chainsaw.* That chainsaw must be made out of Adamantium, otherwise that shouldn't work.

Miss: Sarge has been told that not everyone can get infected but he still kills anyone in sight. Lazy heel turns are lazy.

Miss: So the Hell Knight followed Pinky through the arc yet he wasn't the first to get killed/infected. How fucking convenient.

Miss: Bye Duke....

Hit: First Person Shooter Action Scene! I don't care if it looks cheesy as fuck this is the closest thing to an actual Doom movie.

LOL: Mutating Sarge: "Semper Fi...Motherfucker!"

Hit: Reaper vs Mutating Sarge

Real Talk: The funniest thing, despite the flaws I'm still waiting for a sequel.   

Hits & Misses: X-Men Apocalypse

Hit: I see that the Fox logo still does that thing when it fades to black except for the X.

Hit: Still using the theme music from X-2 I see, good for them.

Hit: Ally Sheedy? Is the rest of the Breakfast Club cast here too?

Miss: Why is Storm’s hair started off black but then goes white by Apocalypse? Did the filmmakers really had to explain why her hair is white? It’s not dye she’s naturally born with white hair. STORM’S HAIR GOES WHITE OUT OF NOWHERE!

Hit: Although I will give credit to the actress portraying Storm attempting at a decent African accent.

Miss: Apocalypse learns to speak English and what the world has become via mind-melding with a TV. Discount Ultron?

Miss: Charles Xavier is a pervert.

Real Talk: Moira MacTaggert has a son….. Proteus? Fingers crossed.

Hit: This is the only movie where Cyclops and Havok have a few scenes together, better enjoy it while it last.

Hit: Hi Blob

Miss: Bye Blob

Miss: When did Warren (Angel) ever have these claw thingies coming out of his wings?

Hit: This is the only movie where Mystique and Nightcrawler share some scenes together. And yes I understand that in the movie-verse it’s never established that Mystique is Nightcrawler’s mother, I’m not that nitpicky.

Hit: Caliban

Real Talk: I was skeptical about Olivia Munn as Psylocke mainly because I’ve never seen her act outside of Attack of the Show. But in all fairness she was OK at times, although I think she could’ve use some more development than just being Caliban’s bodyguard before joining Apocalypse.

Hit: Discount Beastmaster

Miss: Magneto just can’t get a break at a normal life.

Miss: If Magneto can manipulate the magnetic fields on a global scale why the hell he could’ve do that in the first X-Men trilogy? He would’ve got the world on its knees within hours.

Hit: Professor X: “Wreak Havok”

Miss: Havok is dead and that sucks.

Miss: Colonel Stryker had all of these mutants rightfully for the taken after the school explodes but only takes Beast, Mystique and Quicksilver.

Miss: They have Jubilee in the movie yet she has next to nothing to do nor is she in the final battle of the movie. UNACCEPTABLE!

Hit: Weapon X is unleashed and cleans house.

Hit/LOL: Cyclops: “Hope we don’t see him again” If you only knew Scott, if you only knew.

Miss: It’s been spoiled in the trailers that Quicksilver is Magneto’s son yet Quicksilver never tells him.

Miss: Apparently Apocalypse doesn’t have mind-control powers when he imbues his disciples. Because how else Magneto and Storm were able to betray him on a whim?

Hit: Nice to see the filmmakers learned their lesson from X-3 by having actual effects for the Phoenix Force instead of just making Jean Discount Evil Willow…..again.

Miss: Throughout the movie Apocalypse is never referred or called Apocalypse. I mean yeah it’s not exactly his real name but En Sabah Nur just doesn’t sound as menacing as Apocalypse.

Miss: This better be the Danger Room because where the hell did they get these Sentinels.

Hit: Sinister approaches…...

BONUS ROUND: Now I know the new trilogy doesn’t necessarily connect with the old one, but I gotta get this off my chest.....just for fun.

Miss: If Scott, Jean and Nightcrawler have been at the Alkali Lake base before then why don't they remember back in X-2?

Miss: If Wolverine has met Jean, Scott and Nightcrawler back at the Alkali Lake base then why doesn’t he remember them back in X-1 and X-2?

Miss: If Nightcrawler and Mystique met each other before why don’t they remember each other back in X-2?

Miss: Jubilee must have the same Wolverine Anti-aging Factor because how else can you explain how she’s able to stay so ridiculous young from the 80s all the way to the early 2000s (the first X-Men Trilogy)?

Hits & Misses: Wonder Woman

DISCLAIMER: Now this movie could've gone either way character wise with Wonder Woman. They could've made her another hard ass uber-bitch with an "I don't need no man" attitude stereotype. Thankfully they didn't take that route. All I'm saying is that you can have a story featuring well developed female characters. It just takes this little thing called EFFORT and not just throwing in one dimensional characters while using diversity as an excuse.

Hit: Trying to out cute Laurel (X-23) with Diana as a child, huh? Well played movie, ballsy move but well played.

Hit: They must've got some real budget going for them when it comes to Themyscira. Sure there were a few scenes with CGI but everything else makes you believe that Themyscira may actually exist in real life.

Miss: So this invisible barrier makes Themyscira unseen from the world but it doesn't keep anything from getting in. That's a bit of a design flaw.

Hit: Ancient Amazons vs 20th Century Soldiers on a beach.

Miss: So it appears that Diana is the only one who can repel bullets while the rest of the Amazons just get shot.

Miss: The movie doesn't show a title card that it's WWI going on. You pretty much have to pay attention to what's going on.

Hit: Diana's naivete of the outside, something about that gives her more character.

LOL: Steve thought she was asking about his penis.

Miss: Dude you're not in Star Trek, put some pants on please.

Real Talk: There are some comparisons between this movie and Captain America The First Avenger. Although those comparisons are rather small, noticeably but small.

Miss: There's a war going on yet nobody's stopping the one woman carrying a sword in a clothing store.

Hit: Diana's and Steve's interactions to each other.

Hit/LOL: It's hilarious to see Steve explaining certain topics to Diana.

Miss: Discount Red Skull

Hit: I've looked up this character and apparently there was an actual German General Ludendorff.

Miss: Discount Arnim Zola

Miss: Discount Howling Commandos

Miss: Diana comes to the conclusion that Ludendorff is Ares, even though Ludendorff hasn't demonstrated that he is. Not to mention she hasn't met him yet. So how could she know that?

Hit: Diana casually walks across No Man's Land like she doesn't give a f**k.

Hit: Diana vs German Soldiers

LOL: Diana calls dancing swaying.

Hit: Diana and Steve "Swaying"

Hit: Diana vs Ludendorff

Miss: Surprise, Ludendorff is not Ares!

Miss: Ares does fight Diana in his true form, it's just beforehand he keeps throwing objects at her like he's Discount Magneto.

Real Talk: Ares: "Only a god can kill a god" Kratos will gladly dispute on that statement.

Hit/Miss: Diana finishes Ares with a Mortal Kombat move.

Miss: Diana doesn't fly in the movie, yeah I'm sure that's depending which comic era Wonder Woman they're going with. But still....

My Problem with Identity-bending Established Characters

I'm not an advocate of race/gender/sexual orientation-bending established characters. Mainly because it doesn't have a narrative affect on the characters or the overall story. There's a difference between changing characters' identity based on cosmetic decisions and changing characters' identity based on the decisions of the plot/story. The problem is most creative studios would change characters based on the former category. If a character's identify is changed for the sake of just changing said character then there's a possibility this decision won't make the character any better. An identity change of a character holds no baring if there's not any narrative reasons for it. If there's not a plot point that results a character going through dramatic changes that affects them throughout the story then these changes mean nothing. Or even worst, a character's identity is changed to the point of being a token stereotype.

Good example of identity-bending in a narrative fashion is a Netflix show called Altered Carbon where the concept of "stacks" and "sleeves" is established. Furthermore, it has established that people can place their stack (their consciousness) into different race, gender and age of sleeves (synthetic human bodies). Therefore, the identity change of  Takeshi Kovacs from Asian to white makes sense to the story. Rather than having the main protagonist being Asian in one episode then magically being a white guy in the next.      

Also I'm rather tired of people getting excited about how "progressive" these studios are all because they did a simple identity-bending on characters. You do realize that the reason they identity-bend characters is because... A. It's a lot cheaper for them to do than just create new characters/IPs. B. They don't wanna take risks of creating new characters/IPs. Or (optional) C. They're just really lazy to make new characters/IPs. Take points A and B, why else is there so many reboots/remakes in movies, comics and cartoons? Because it helps studios save money while making profit from reused IPs.