Dear god I’m so tired of this. Why do I keep coming across movies with interesting titles only for these movies to be full of disappointments and the titles full of lies? It was bad enough with Speed of Thought on how ungodly boring it was despite the awesome yet deceiving title. But with Killer Mermaid it really makes the pain more permanent; oh whatever let’s get this shit over with.
We open on….a quote from Moby Dick, not sure what that has to do with this movie but OK. After the opening credits we cut to nighttime on a happy couple vacationing in Montenegro. They start making out until the boyfriend hears something from the ocean. Appearing to be mesmerized, the boyfriend jumps into the oceans; under the water the boyfriend sees something and panics. Back on the surface the girlfriend sees him struggling to get out and screams for help. The boyfriend seems to be pulled back under the water and presumably dies. The girlfriend continues to scream for help as a mystery figure walks up towards her and dies by a hook through the neck.
Cut to next day in Montenegro we’re introduced to Kelly (played by Kristina Klebe) and her friend Lucy (played by Natalie Burn). They’re waiting for a college friend to join them as he arrives; Alex (played by Slobodan Stefanovic) accompanied by his fiancée Yasmin (played by Sofija Rajovic). As Alex and Yasmin head to his boat Kelly seems to be hesitate to walk near the water; as if she’s afraid of it. Lucy helps her through it and the four head out to Alex’s place. Now just to get this out of the way as they arrived they come across a Quint-looking dude named Niko (played by Django himself Franco Nero) He shows some importance the plot but waaaaaaaay later. At Alex’s place they catch on old times back in college; Yasmin seems to be pushing what he and Lucy were back then. Just to throw this out for the sake of time Lucy and Alex used to be a couple back in college. A little bit later when things die down Lucy is accompanied by Alex. He asked her why Kelly’s acting strange near water; Lucy replies that when Kelly was ten years old her brother was drowning. She ran to get help but he already died by the time she came back. The two continue talking until Alex decides to straight-up kiss Lucy while she’s not even showing any ounce of protest. Wow Alex you are so faithful to your fiancée and Lucy you sure are a really good friend. Now I’m hoping that the both of you die at this point; this is a good start of making me give a shit for these characters.
Cut to some drunken tourist dude who randomly takes a piss on the pier until he’s killed by the mystery figure from earlier. You when you’re making a movie that has Killer [X] in its title but have something else doing the killing, that’s a sign for you to stop and try again. Cut to morning Kelly and the others head in Alex’s boat as Niko is just standing on the pier watching them sailing away. And SPOILER ALERT no he’s not the mystery figure who’s been killing people; just thought I spare you the obvious red-herring, you’re welcome. Out at sea the four are to an abandon military base that used to be an old submarine tunnel. Kelly spots an island a few miles away from the base, Mamula; an abandon prison island. They anchored near the tunnel and gone for a dip; Kelly remains on the boat as she spots some fisherman on the pier of the base who then just walks away. Yasmin panics as thinks something just grabbed her but it’s just an obvious fake scare as some random dude appears out of the water. Apparently he’s a friend of Yasmin’s named Boban (played by Dragan Micanovic). Back on land the five are having drinks until Kelly brings Mamula; Boban suggest they should go there. Alex agrees but only they use Boban’s boat. And right then Niko is at the next table warning them to stay away from Mamula. Basically he’s the Crazy Ralph of this movie; he mentions a creature called the Scylla and that she killed six men from his hollowed ship. You know this guy’s story about Mamula and the Scylla sounds far more interesting than what’s going on in this movie. And that’s never a good sign in any movie. Anyway after he leaves Kelly asked who he was; Boban replies that he’s been around town asking if anyone seen his daughter. He shows her a flier that Niko’s been posting; it’s the same woman from the start of the movie. Well that sucked.
The next day the five arrived at Mamula and made it shore; they take wonder on the island until Kelly spots the fisherman heading to the yard. Boban thinks they should follow him and all agree. Keeping out of sight they follow the fisherman to the yard where he starts dumping something down a well. Upon a closer look it turns out to be severed hands and blood. Kelly and Yasmin want to leave but Boban wants Kelly to go down into the well and take pictures. For what reason besides being a dipshit, no clue. Kelly, Alex and Boban head to the well while Lucy and Yasmin stay behind. Ugh why not have the two gone back to the boat, just in case? At the well Kelly takes a picture inside, getting a picture of a woman at the bottom of the well. The three hears a gunshot and ran back to the others; all five ran back to the boat only to find it damaged by the fisherman armed with a double-barrel shotgun. The fisherman opens fire on the five as ran back to the prison; the fisherman soon follows. I’m sorry but when you have some random fisherman guy chasing after people instead of oh I don’t know THE KILLER MERMAID, you failed. It’s just that a random fisherman dude is not scary it’s disappointing; especially when you have a much better killer (that is barely seen so far). Also if I want to watch a killer fisherman I’ll stick to I Know What You Did Last Summer. Except no not really because that movie sucked ass and its sequels….zombie fisherman what the fuck. The five spit up as the fisherman continues to chase them; Alex and Kelly to get away. Boban, Lucy and Yasmin are being hunted by the fisherman until Boban gets the drop on him and takes his gun. Unfortunately the gun’s empty as the fisherman pulls out a knife and cuts Boban on the leg. Boban tells Lucy and Yasmin to run as he runs away from the fisherman.
A little bit later Kelly and Alex stop to catch their breath; Alex wants to find a way out but Kelly wants to find the others, including the woman in the well. The fisherman continues following Boban but lost him as Boban hides under water and swims away. Cut to Kelly and Alex deep within the prison complex searching for the others. Alex starts acting rather strangely saying that he’s hearing something singing; thinking that it might be the woman in the well as they continue on. Soon after Boban catches up with Lucy and Yasmin, they follow the fisherman his hangout. Back at the prison complex Kelly lost Alex somehow but quickly finds him at a sealed door; they both see the woman behind the door. Alex starts to get very obsessive on getting the door open as he keeps going on about hearing “that voice”. Kelly doesn’t hear a voice but does hear someone coming. Kelly tries to get him away but Alex gets rather hostile and continues to get the door open. Kelly spots the fisherman coming and decides to leave Alex behind. Alex managed to force the door open wide enough to squeeze through; inside the room he walks towards the woman and the movie just abruptly cuts to the next scene. Boban, Lucy and Yasmin are searching around the fisherman’s hideout while he’s gone. Aside from the bath tub full of blood and guts Lucy and Yasmin found a photo of the fisherman and Niko. I would do a BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUM but I already pointed out that Niko isn’t the killer. Boban finds a map of the prison as they hear something coming; it turns out to be Kelly running. She tells Yasmin that Alex is still back in the prison with the woman. They go to find a way including Yasmin who shows no ounce of concern for Alex; what a bitch. But it doesn’t matter as she gets a hook from behind and dies before she could catch up with the others.
The fisherman drags her back to his hideout and chops her head off. A little bit later the three head back to look for Yasmin but is confronted by the fisherman carrying her head as they ran off. Boban looks through the map finding a secret underground passage from the island to the mainland. But before they can go Kelly and Lucy head off to find a weapon to take out the fisherman while Boban behind by the well. As Kelly and Lucy head back they see Boban walking towards the well; behaving the same way as Alex. Luckily Kelly snaps him out of it by slapping him. They head to where Alex was and enter the room; they don’t see him anywhere but they do see the woman. Only to find out that she’s not a woman but a mermaid. Apparently it’s the Scylla Niko mentioned earlier. Boban walks closer to the Scylla unaware of the fisherman is right them; getting a hook to the shoulder. Boban quickly recovers and tries to fight off the fisherman. Lucy is grabbed from behind by the Scylla, pulled underwater and eventually drowns. Boban’s still struggling with the fisherman until he gets a small advantage and kills him with a hatchet. Kelly and Boban make a run to the entrance of the secret passage; making their way out of the prison. Meanwhile, the Scylla goes all white mage and revives the fisherman back to life. Cut to Kelly and Boban still moving in the passage as the fisherman pursues them. They make it to the exit but the door to the submarine tunnel is jam as the fisherman catches up to them. The door finally and the two got out only to find Niko on the other side as he slams the door. Niko takes them to his boat and make their back to the mainland.
Midway to the mainland Niko takes a break and the scene goes into plot-exposition mode. Niko tells them about three islands which people once believed where mermaids lived and Mamula is one of those three islands. The exposition continues when 30 years ago Niko and his six men were building the underwater passage beneath Mamula. That’s where they found the Scylla; all expect Niko were killed by her. The fisherman was one of Niko’s lieutenants whom thought was killed by the Scylla but instead she spares him. Being under her influence ever since; he has been doing certain things for her for 30 years. They make it back to the mainland but they’re not alone as the Scylla attacks. Niko grabs a spear gun and makes a direct hit, but the Scylla struggles to get away. Niko has Kelly to take a rope to land and pull the boat to shore; she makes it to shore before the Scylla gets her. However, they not all safe as the Scylla capsize the boat; Boban gets pulled under and dies. Niko makes it to shore but gets caught by the Scylla. Kelly grabs a spear then jumps into the water; impaling the Scylla. Kelly and Niko climb back to shore but the Scylla jumps to shore attacking Kelly. Niko stops her by….throwing a net on her…. I don’t know which is stupid that Niko thought to use the net first or the fact that the net actually worked. Anyway Niko grabs a spear, proceeds to randomly quote Moby Dick and stabs the Scylla to death. Movie if you wanted to be a Moby Dick film be a Moby Dick; you could’ve done a much better job than the Asylum. The fisherman shows up in time for the Scylla to die in his arms; but it’s not the end just yet. Niko and Kelly hear the sound of the Scylla’s sisters; pretty much more mermaids seeking vengeance. The movie ends with Niko declaring to kill all of them one by one, starting with the fisherman as slams the hook right into his head.
My Final Verdict: This movie is just underperforming and average for the most part; not only it’s boring it’s not scary. It’s like this movie is putting in the effort to be unexciting and weak. The characters have not much to show either; at no point I felt absolutely nothing for them. Well except for Niko at he shows some relevance to the plot. Even the mermaid was a bit underwhelming in the KILLER department; serious you don’t establish the movie’s antagonist just to have sitting on their ass. Or in her case wading on her flipper through the most part. Overall if you’re looking for a decent killer mermaid movie stick to She Creature (2001). Yeah I know it sucks but at least it had a mermaid that was killing people instead of some random dude.
Next time we take a sky dive on a movie that rivals Point Break in the game of Cheesy, Drop Zone. Stay tuned.
