Hey everyone I was planning on something really special buuuuut I had some slight miscalculation, so we’re gonna have to wait until next year. For now let’s dive into a pile of shit instead. You know what’s worse than a shitty sequel, a shitty sequel that’s just a carbon-copy of the first movie. And Caddyshack II is no expectation.
We open on a very familiar country golf club (Bushwood) with a very familiar critter making its appearance (the gopher). At least I think it’s the same gopher from the first one and apparently is voiced by Frank Welker. Why, no idea. Cut to the golf course as we’re introduced to a few characters; Kate Hartounian (played by Jessica Lundy) and Miffy Young (played by Chynna Phillips). Now unlike any other characters in this movie these two have the luck of not being clones from the first movie. But on the hand Todd Young (played by Brian McNamara) is just a Spaulding Smails clone and a caddy, Harry (played by Jonathan Silverman) is just a Danny Noonan clone. Cynthia asked the Danny-clone to go get her a diet soda and he complies; after an opening credits-running montage, Danny-clone gets the soda and runs back to the course. Cynthia, being a bitch wasted the soda after taking a drink right in front of Danny-clone. Afterwards Spaulding-clone walks up to him and another caddy telling them that the club will be getting some new golf karts; meaning all the caddies will be out of a job. Cynthia suggest to Kate that she should bring her father to the club but Kate is a bit hesitant to the idea as we cut to her father Jack Hartounian (played by Jackie Mason). But honestly might as well call him Al Czervik clone given how they both are estate/property/construction managers and that they both have the same personalities. Fortunately the difference is Czervik had a comedic presence while the Czervik-clone is trying poorly to be funny. The actor playing this character sounds like he’s trying so hard to emulating Rodney Dangerfield he might as well change his name to Low-Budget Rodney Dangerfield. Seriously if they wanted Rodney in this movie they could’ve gotten by then. Anyway Czervik-clone is confronted by members of the Bushwood Historical Preservation Society demanding himself cease construction due to building on a historical landmark. But Czervik-clone starts being kind of an asshole as he scares them off by almost having them run over by a bulldozer. Yeah dude, just give them a reason to have arrested.
A little bit later Kate and Czervik-clone are on their way to Bushwood; Kate tells Czervik-clone to just be a kiss-ass in order for them to fit in. He’s a bit disapproval of this but he goes along with it. Upon arriving at the club, Czervik-clone finds Ty Webb (played by Chevy Chase). That’s right apparently he’s the ONLY character from the first one and is played by the same actor who came back for this mess. Unfortunately he’s just put to waste in this movie and the ONLY thing that’s actually funny. Ty shows introduces Czervik-clone to some of the members until they across this movie’s Judge Smails clone, Chandler Young (played by Unsolved Mysteries himself Robert Stack). Smails-clone invites Czervik-clone to a game of golf; on the course he introduces him to an Elizabeth Pearce (played by Dyan Cannon) and his wife Cynthia Young (played by Dina Merill). The same Cynthia Young who is one of the historical members Czervik-clone almost ran over earlier. Cynthia is not all that please about this but Smails-clone convinced her to just go with it for now; hopefully to get Czervik-clone stop building on the perservered property. Smails-clone let’s Czervik-clone have the tee off which breaks into a copy pasted scene of Czervik with the specially design golf club iron. Only in this movie they’re REALLY trying to get some laughs out of Czervik-clone’s goofily design clubs; as if the scene is trying compensating on how not funny Jackie Mason is. But truth be told I don’t think that’s the fault of him for not being comedic, more on that later. Smails-clone may give Czervik-clone a membership to the club on the condition that his company has a chat with the lawyers about the property; Czervik-clone agrees. Cut to a law office where Spaulding-clone and a lawyer are having a discussion with Czervik-clone’s lawyer Peter Blunt (played by Randy Quaid). The lawyer discusses how this would end up with lawsuits, fees, conjunctions, blah blah blah really boring shit. However, Blunt retorts with a rather unorthodox counter claim that’s a bit non-legal in a sense that he would definitely go to jail for. Point is Czervik-clone is not allowed to build on the Bushwood Estate until he gets the final wording from the Planning Commission.
Cut to nighttime at a party as Czervik-clone and Kate arrived; she’s about to introduce him to a special someone (Spaulding-clone). So she deeply asked her father to behavior himself; unfortunately this falls very shorts with Czervik-clone’s big mouth. Luckily Elizabeth shows up, shuts him up with food and invites him to dance with her. While these two are dancing the night away, the Frank Welker gopher sneaks into the room and starts snacking. Ugh……..why? Here’s a problem with this gopher it seems this movie made it into some weird couch potato. Now if this is supposed to be the same gopher from the first one why make this change? Meanwhile outside Kate sees Danny-clone just night-putting (putting at night) and two start talking. The problem with Harry here is that we don’t know anything about him; we don’t know any kind of backstory from this guy. At least in the first movie we get to know about Danny Noonan for about the first few minutes in. That he’s struggling to save money to go to college, just he had to a kick-ass just to get a scholarship; you know CHARACTORIZATION! Where as in this movie the only thing we know about Danny-clone is that he works at a shitty caddy job…..and that’s it. Back inside the party is about to have a friendly slave auction….trust me it’s not what it is of what you think it is. Czervik-clone is approached by Smails-clone telling him that he’s no longer welcomed to the club; Czervik-clone feels bummed out. Cynthia is the first one up to be auction off; a few bidders make their offer until Czervik-clone steps in (for some payback). Smails-clone tries to outbid him but Czervik-clone counters with a $1,000 bid and wins. A little bit later Czervik-clone managed to win most of the society slaves (including Smails-clone) and he has a good idea how to make use out of them. By having them working at his construction site the very next scene; I’m sure this was meant to be funny but I’m just not feeling it. It’s like a really shitty Three Stooges skit (and yes I’m aware there’s a Three Stooges movie I’m just training my brain that it doesn’t exist).
Smails-clone and the rest of the members just had about enough with Czervik-clone and set up some retaliation. Later at Czervik-clone’s company he gets the troubling news that there are no supplies and the building inspector has pulled all the permits. Czervik-clone decides to go get some back up in the form of Ty. Czervik-clone wants to buy the club which Ty seems to own it 53% in the stock; after a rather funny indoors golfing Ty agrees to sell it. Back at the club Czervik-clone shows up to announce that he owns the entire club and will have it open to the general public. Smails-clone is not too thrill by this and takes his leave but soon returns upon the club’s reopening. Apparently Czervik-clone turned the club into a low-budget Disneyland; yeah good luck having fun while trying to avoid being bonked by golf balls. Smails-clone has enough of Czervik-clone’s shenanigans and takes some WAAAAAAAAY too drastic measures. He meets up with a Captain Tom Everett (played by Dan Aykroyd) United States Marine Corp, retired. Smails-clone wants Czervik-clone to get discourage with his involvement with the club but to Everett as in discourage meaning with “extreme prejudice”. By that he means to kill Czervik-clone; Smails-clone agrees to this arrangement as long he’s not aware of it. Cut to Czervik-clone’s place as he’s getting ready for a dinner date with Elizabeth. Elizabeth soon arrives and Czervik-clone let’s her in; shortly after Kate arrives completely upset. Apparently she moving out and staying over at Miffy’s because of what Czervik-clone did to the club. OK this may gonna sound but it needs to said, as much as Czervik-clone was kinda a dick some of things that happened are the fault of Kate for trying to be such a kiss-ass. And even worst she had to drag her father to join a club that he really didn’t want to just to fit in among the stuck-up assholes.
Czervik-clone stops at the club, drinking away his sorrows and talking to Ty. But apparently Ty seems to be implying that he doesn’t give a shit of what’s going on in this movie and frankly I don’t blame him. Outside Smails-clone shows up as Everett rises out of a lake and plants an explosive under Czervik-clone’s car. Back inside Smails-clone approaches Czervik-clone with a letter stating his building permits are cancelled. Czervik-clone gets pissed and the two have an argument; it then breaks into a fight but Ty stops them. He suggest the two of them to settle this in a game of golf with partners, you know JUST LIKE THE FIRST MOVIE! Beyond this point the movie is no longer trying to be different from the first one (not that it was trying to begin with but still). Anyway if Czervik-clone wins he keeps the club and the permits but if Smails-clone wins he gets the club back. Also Czervik-clone has to play without the trick clubs. As Czervik-clone leaves in his car Everett triggers the bomb but fortunately however, he blow up the wrong car, Smails-clone’s car. Cut to next day Czervik-clone is training with Ty for the match and to no surprise he sucks. Even Ty’s own “be the ball” method proves to be no help for Czervik-clone. Cut to Smails-clone meeting up with Everett once again this time the captain is certain he’ll get rid of Czervik-clone……with explosive golf balls. Now I should rant on how stupid that sounds but honestly I’ve heard even stupider things that became explosive weapons. We cut to the golf course as the partners match begins (Czervik-clone & Danny-clone vs Smails-clone & Spaulding-clone); Danny-clone takes the first tee off. With the match underway Czervik-clone seems to have the worst slice; so bad that it SOMEHOW BREAKS THE LAWS OF PHYSICS AS HIS GOLF BALL KEEPS MAKING RETURN TRIPS! The fucking golf physics in Happy Gilmore weren’t this level of stupid and bullshit. Czervik-clone is up to putt at the next hole but Danny-clone suggest that he go with his PHYSICS DEFYING SLICE SWINGS which able to help him make the hole. Smails-clone and the club member start to get worry as Czervik-clone and Danny-clone are catching up.
Meanwhile, Everett is watching from afar waiting for Smails-clone’s signal but little does he know he’s getting unexpected company. Since the filmmaker couldn’t get Bill Murray to reprise the role of Carl Spackler, they instead attempt to copy the Spackler vs gopher humor from the first movie. AND FUCKING FAILING! Everett even tries to get the gopher by placing an Uzi in a gopher hole and starts spraying bullets. Fucking overkill much? Yeah I know Spackler try to kill the gopher with explosives but that had comedic set up with a comedic pay off at the end. This is like trying to catch lightning with the same Caddyshack bottle that’s now riddled with cracks and is ready to break. Everett tries again with a crossbow loaded with a poison tipped bolt but accidently gets shot in the asscheek while he was setting up to terminate Czervik-clone. There’s a scene with Kate finally realizing Miffy and Spaulding-clone are assholes, leaves them and make amends with dad but at this point I kinda don’t care. Back on the golf course the match is tied with Czervik-clone up for the putt. Meanwhile, Everett gets ready to swing the ball bomb despite having poison in his system. He takes a swing for the target but the gopher swaps the ball bomb and haul ass to the golf course. Czervik-clone takes the putt and the really stupid shit happens. Czervik-clone makes the NA NA NA NA NA NA sound that Ty makes as the ball rolls to the hole. And oddly enough it works as the ball makes it in the hole; putting Czervik-clone and Danny-clone in the lead. Smails-clone is up to putt and if he makes it they’re tied again; as his family gives some pep-talk they’re unaware of the gopher switching the golf ball with the ball bomb. Smails-clone makes the putt but the ball goes BOOM and instead being blown to bits they end up looking like Wild E. Coyote after an ACME dynamite gone off. Bull and shit movie, bull and shit. So with the ball gone kablooey that counts as a lost ball; leaving Czervik-clone and Danny-clone winning the match. And with that the movie ends.
My Final Verdict: This movie is more than a carbon-copy of the first it’s such a weak movie with an even weaker comedic presence. This movie was really over-compensating in the humor department as in every attempt of a joke ends up falling short or being flat out shallow. As I said in the review Jackie Mason’s poor comedic performance is not the fault on him. Instead of having him do his own thing they pretty told him BE LIKE RODNEY DANGERFIELD. Most of the cloned characters have neither character nor development while characters that are not clones from the first just have no development from start to finish. This movie just fails at having a plot that progresses onward from the first one and instead ends up being a shitty cash-in with copied pasted characters.
Next time I feel the need to dive into a guilty pleasure in the form of Gen 13, stay tuned.
