The Cast House: WildC.A.T.s

I've never read much of the WildC.A.T.s comic, my only knowledge is from the 90s cartoon series. So just gonna go with that and see who portrays whom.

The Film Vindicator Review: My Best Friend is a Vampire

You know what’s embarrassing yet surprisingly impressive than a vampire comedy film? A vampire comedy film that makes far better sense than Twilight.

We open in a dream of Jeremy Capello (played by pre-House Robert Sean Leonard) as he narrates. Jeremy has his eyes on a Darla Blake (played by Cheryl Pollak) as he receives a letter from her saying “FOLLOW ME”, Jeremy complies. Now is it me or does Darla looks a hell of a bit like Janine Melnitz from Ghostbuster? The dream continues with Jeremy magically ends up in the girls locker room and joins Darla in the shower; the two start making out until Darla changes into another woman. The dream ends with all of the girls in the locker room grabbing Jeremy out of the shower and are about to chop his dick off with large garden scissors. Luckily Jeremy wakes up before that happens; a little bit later Jeremy heads downstairs for breakfast until his friend Ralph (played by Evan Mirand) arrives. As the two head off for school Ralph is confused of why Jeremy is having the same dream about Darla when he has an eye for a cheerleader name Candy (played by LeeAnne Locken). At the school Jeremy is in the same class with Darla; Jeremy continually stares at her until he gets a letter from her. This time the letter says to Jeremy to “STOP STARING CREEP”. Soon after school Jeremy stops at grocery store to makes deliveries in the neighborhood. Jeremy makes his first stop at an old mansion; he knocks on the door but a voice invites him to come in. Inside he leaves the groceries in the kitchen only to get scratch on his finger by a black cat. A woman Nora (played by Cecilia Peck) enters the kitchen and to Jeremy’s surprise it’s the other woman from his dream. Nora apologizes for the cat scratching him and proceeds to suck the blood off his finger. Feeling rather confused and nervous Jeremy makes his leave, but not before Nora asked him to come back tonight at midnight.

Later at a restaurant Ralph is appalled that Jeremy didn’t take advantage of the situation and that he should go back tonight. Jeremy is hesitant but gets a nice motivation from a group of girls at the next table shouting “DO IT NERD”! Cut back to later that night at the mansion, Jeremy enters the mansion while Ralph stays in the car. Meanwhile, unknown to Jeremy and Ralph they’re being watched by a Professor Leopold McCarthy (played by David Warner) and his feeble assistant Grimsdyke (played by Paul Willson). Grimsdyke suggest that they should warn Jeremy but McCarthy thinks that he may be “one of them”. Jeremy makes it to Nora’s bedroom as she’s been waiting for him; Nora ask him to look upon her as she strips to her bra and panties. Well she’s rather forward isn’t she; wish I could meet a woman like that. I wouldn’t care if she is a vampire I still go for it. Oh spoiler Nora’s a vampire; back outside Ralph ducks down as McCarthy and Grimsdyke arrive and break into the mansion. Meanwhile, Jeremy and Nora are in bed making out until she starts biting him on the neck. McCarthy and Grimsdyke enters the bedroom stopping Nora as Jeremy freaks out and runs out of there….naked. McCarthy sends Grimsdyke after Jeremy but literally falls on his ass down the stairs. Jeremy makes it back to the car and the two quickly drive off. However, Grimsdyke gets a good at the Milton High School bumper sticker as we hear Nora screaming off screen. McCarthy and Grimsdyke leave the mansion as it set ablaze, covering their tracks. Jeremy is dropped off at his house and goes off to bed, however, things are not as normal as he soon to realize. Before he heads to bed Jeremy hears a pack of stray dogs barking outside his bedroom window. After scaring them off with a slingshot he sees a dark figure across the street watching his house.

The next morning, Jeremy’s mother notices that he hasn’t touch his breakfast, and that he looks rather pale. Jeremy claims that he’s OK that he’s just not hungry…..gee I wonder why? He notices on his dad’s newspaper that mansion was burn and immediately leaves for school. On the way there he spots the same dark figure from last night. At the school Jeremy informs Ralph the mansion is burn and that it be those two guys setting them up. Also that he maybe being followed by a cop; Ralph gets worry about the situation but Jeremy is certain that there’s nothing to worry about, however….. Cut to McCarthy and Grimsdyke arriving in front of the high school waiting for Jeremy as he leaves the school and drives away with Ralph. The two start following them but Ralph notices their van and because McCarthy kinda sucks at tailing people. Ralph manages to lose them, having McCarthy and Grimsdyke being chase by the cops. Back at Jeremy’s house after skipping out on a homemade protein shake with a touch of blood dripping raw steak…….gross…..he’s approached by the dark figure who introduces himself as Modoc (played by Rene Auderjonois). No relation to the Mobile Organism Design Only Conquest; just felt like pointing that out. Modoc tries to explain to Jeremy that Nora was a vampire therefore he too is vampire; obviously Jeremy doesn’t believe him. His mother enters the bedroom thought that she hears Jeremy talking to something but Modoc is already gone like Batman as he convince her to leave. Yeah I thought I compare Modoc with Batman here; because there’s no way in hell I’m comparing him to Edward Cullen. The next day as Jeremy leaves for school he’s approached again by Modoc inviting him to his car and Jeremy complies. Modoc explains himself that he simply a tutor who’s here to help Jeremy with the transition from human to vampire. He then tells Jeremy about the man, who’s following him (McCarthy), basically he wants to rid the world of vampires. Once again Jeremy has enough of this and asks Modoc to pull over at a bus stop. But before Jeremy leaves Modoc gives him a vampire guide book and a card to a place to purchase (pigs) blood….you heard me a vampire guide book. And as silly as it sounds this guide book makes better logic than what Stephanie Meyer farts out of her ass in Twilight.

Back at the school Ralph is set for a Student Driver test with Jeremy in tow as McCarthy and Grimsdyke are watching them. As Ralph starts his test McCarthy and Grimsdyke are tailing him but once again he spots them. Seriously they REALLY SUCK at tailing, where did they learn to tail people Inspector Gadget’s Jackass Academy? Anyway Ralph stops the car and gets out to kicking some ass but sadly McCarthy and Grimsdyke drive off. Jeremy returns to the school, as he’s walking in the hall he starts hearing a saxophone. He follows the music and finds Darla playing the saxophone; Jeremy immediately asks her out and she accepts. Cut to nighttime Jeremy arrives at Darla’s house; after meeting the parents the two head out to a pizza place. Things are cut short as it seems that Jeremy is having trouble eating his pizza which turns out it has garlic in it. Cut to Ralph’s house as McCarthy and Grimsdyke are outside watching, assuming he is a vampire. However, Ralph spots them (AGAIN) from his window. Seriously these guys just suck at being stealthy, how do they even function? Also did they not see that ONE OTHER KID who was hitting it with a sexy vampire earlier? Well apparently they did and just assuming that it’s Ralph without a doubt. Anyway has enough of this shit and sneaks up to the van with a baseball bat. He sees Grimsdyke who’s out watching the place and surprises him. And given how Grimsdykes is…..about as useful as a plank of wood he runs back to the van and drives away like a pansy. Cut to Jeremy and Darla at a (insert a place where teenagers go to make out in a 80s film here) and the two start kissing. It gets very intimate between the two until Jeremy starts kissing her neck as if he’s taken interest to bite her. Actually he almost did but he stops himself; Jeremy panics, asks Darla to get out of the car, and drives away. He stops at a Whole Foods Market to purchase some pigs blood from the meat deli. The deli clerk seems to be aware about vampires as he teases the kid. Jeremy heads home and tries the pigs’ blood and to his surprise he likes it.

Cut to a montage of Jeremy adjusting to his new life as a vampire quite nicely. Such as having a mini-fridge stocked on pigs blood and blacken his bedroom windows. Even he really doesn’t need to do that considering he’s a “living” vampire not an undead one; therefore he can go out in the sun just fine. Jeremy and Modoc are celebrating with delicious can of pigs’ blood soda but Jeremy is still rather bummed out that his old life is over. Modoc explains that there’s a positive side of being a vampire, such as for every ten years a vampire can age a year. Of course to Jeremy he’ll be stuck as teenager for the next twenty years. Modoc even tells him about vampire powers such as hypnosis and yes Jeremy does it on Darla trying to get a second chance but plan FAILED! Cut to Ralph leaving a store when…..ugh spots McCarthy and Grimsdyke again and quickly drives off. Could these guys at least invest on a cloaking device or something? Ralph drives to Jeremy’s house to tell him that McCarthy is after him. Jeremy explains that McCarthy is after him because he mistakes Ralph of being a vampire. Jeremy reveals that he’s the vampire but of course Ralph doesn’t believe him. He gives Ralph a bottle of pigs’ blood which he takes a whiff and is convinced that Jeremy is a vampire. Not even saying a word, Ralph calmly walks out of the house. A little bit later Jeremy is approached by Modoc one last time saying that he has taught Jeremy enough and is about to move on. Jeremy is still unsure of his new undead life but Modoc gives him confidence that he’ll do fine.

Jeremy heads to Ralph’s house trying to set things straight; Ralph is a little unease but eventually believes that Jeremy won’t him because of their friendship. The two head to a nightclub to get a date for Ralph via Jeremy’s hypno powers. McCarthy and Grimsdyke enter the nightclub to hunt down Ralph. Jeremy tries his attempt on a few women but gets nothing but misfires; one of those misfires is Grimsdyke being unknowingly effective by it. Jeremy tries one last time on another woman; it seems to work this time as Ralph heads towards her but gets cock-blocked by the mind-controlled Grimsdyke. This gets in the way McCarthy’s crossbow as he tries to take the shot but Ralph sees him and ducks just in time. Grimsdyke tries to stop McCarthy but he snaps him out of it before things got weird. Jeremy and Ralph use this distraction to leave the nightclub; the two head to the pizza restaurant where coincidently Darla is there. Jeremy goes over to her and asked for a second chance; Darla’s hesitant at first but she allows him the second chance. Meanwhile Ralph is taken out of the restaurant at gunpoint by McCarthy. Jeremy is wondering where Ralph went off to but see McCarthy’s van driving away; he goes after them with Darla in tow. Jeremy manages to catch up to them but Grimsdyke sees them approaching and attempts to lose them. While this is going on Jeremy tells Darla that he’s a vampire and she takes it immediately well. The chase continues until Jeremy’s car gets tipped on two wheels and gets wedged onto other car. Jeremy and Darla got out of the car just fine as cops show up at the site. Jeremy tries to explain to the cops about the whole “vampire hunters trying to kill my best because they think he’s a vampire” situation but of course they don’t believe him. Let’s face it cops in 80s horror films can be severely dumb sometimes. They put Jeremy in the backseat of the police car while Darla quickly jumps into the front seat and drives off. Shortly after the two switch places and continue to search for Ralph. Darla spots the van outside of a church and the two quickly head into the church just in time to stop McCarthy from killing Ralph. Jeremy convinces him that he’s about to kill an innocent person instead of a vampire, McCarthy eventually let’s Ralph go.

Jeremy and the other were about to leave the church but the jig is up when Jeremy reacts to the string of garlic on Ralph’s neck. McCarthy and Grimsdyke chase after them as the three head to a nearby cemetery. The three are cornered and McCarthy proceeds to slay Jeremy. Jeremy uses his vampire strength to stop McCarthy and decides to let him instead of killing him. Jeremy only asks for vampires to live in peace but McCarthy isn’t seemed too generous of that request and attempts to slay him again. The conflict comes to an end when Nora (still alive) appears; she persuades Jeremy to drink McCarthy’s blood but he refuses. This pleases Modoc who shows up as well; McCarthy takes out a gun shoots him but has no effect. McCarthy is still rather obsessive to eradicate vampires, so Modoc calls forth a group of sexy vampire women to help him…..reconsider…. Yeah let’s go that and all I can say for McCarthy be happy that Mathilda May isn’t among these women; just saying. Also the time it takes for the transformation to take hold must be insanely sporadic, because about a minute later McCarthy is now a vampire. Modoc simply explains to Jeremy that one way to get rid of your enemy is making them an ally; not sure what sense does that make but OK. Anyway Modoc, his sexy vampire entourage, and the newly McCarthy vampire run off into the night as they turned into wolves. The film ends with Jeremy and Darla now together, Ralph is hitting it up on one of the sexy vampires, and Grimsdyke…..ah fuck it who cares about him.

My Final Verdict: The comedy may not be rolling in the aisles humor but still funny at times. The characters are likable and not balls out annoying. The rules about vampires don’t insult your intelligence in comparison with the rules of Twilight. At least in this film they explain the rules after they’re been established. Such as how Jeremy can walk around in the daylight is explained that he’s a “living” vampire instead of an undead one. Yeah the explanation sounds silly but it’s not as retarded as “vampires that sparkle in sunlight” because a shitty writer says so.

Well that’s one horror comedy done and you know what I’m gonna review another one. Next time it’s Once Bitten stay tuned.