New Years Eve Review 2012

Hey everyone it's that time of the New Year again where I review films that I've watched in the theaters in 2012. So here we go again.

Prometheus: I was really brought into watching this after seeing the trailer but it turns to just another pretty looking film. This film just keep missing the point it tries so hard to get across as it met to established the Alien universe.

Total Recall: OK lets be honest here this film was no way gonna surpass the original hell it can't even surpass the short story. Just another short -sighted action flick that fails to grasp the story.

Looper: The concept is interesting enough and can be enjoyable to watch on its own merits.

Chronicle: Out of all the crappy found-footage-films this one in a good way shines above the rest clearly because this film wasn't made of dumb.

Wreck-It-Ralph: This film has a beautiful moment that actually made me cry it's a beautiful film.

Cabin in the Woods: My god.........this film...........is EPIC WIN good. This film is self-aware yet it plays itself straight it's flipping brilliant.

The Raid: The two words that'll explain on how AWESOME this film is borderline brutal. The current action films these days can actually learn something from this film.

Dark Knight Rises: Well it may not be as epic as Dark Knight but it's still entertaining and has a good closure to the franchise.

Skyfall: I got no words describing the beauty and greatness this film has displayed on screen.

The Avengers: PURE NERDVANA....nuff said.

12 Days of Christmas (Film Vindicator Edition)

That's right folks I'm singing a film version of the 12 Days of Christmas enjoy.

"On the First day of Christmas a film buff gave to me A Twilight on an open flame"

"On the Second day of Christmas a film buff gave to me Two Expendables and a Twilight on an open flame"

"On the Third day of Christmas a film buff gave to me a Three Dark Knights, Two Expendables, and A Twilight on an open flame"

"On the Fourth day of Christmas a film buff gave to me a Four Crystal Skulls, Three Dark Knights, Two Expendables, and A Twilight on an open flame"

"On the Fifth day of Christmas a film buff gave to me FIIIIIIIVE DIE HARD FIIIIILMS, Four Crystal Skulls, Three Dark Knights, Two Expendables, and A Twilight on an open flame"

"On the Sixth day of Christmas a film buff gave to me Six Hulks a Smashing, FIIIIIIIVE DIE HARD FIIIIILMS, Four Crystal Skulls, Three Dark Knights, Two Expendables, and A Twilight on an open flame"

"On the Seventh day of Christmas a film buff gave to me Seven Samurais, Six Hulks a Smashing, FIIIIIIIVE DIE HARD FIIIIILMS, Four Crystal Skulls, Three Dark Knights, Two Expendables, and A Twilight on an open flame"

"On the Eighth day of Christmas a film buff gave to me Eight Bellas Whining, Seven Samurais, Six Hulks a Smashing, FIIIIIIIVE DIE HARD FIIIIILMS, Four Crystal Skulls, Three Dark Knights, Two Expendables, and A Twilight on an open flame"

"On the Ninth day of Christmas a film buff gave to me Nine Crappy Remakes, Eight Bellas Whining, Seven Samurais, Six Hulks a Smashing, FIIIIIIIVE DIE HARD FIIIIILMS, Four Crystal Skulls, Three Dark Knights, Two Expendables, and A Twilight on an open flame"

"On the Tenth day of Christmas a film buff gave to me Ten Black Swans, Nine Crappy Remakes, Eight Bellas Whining, Seven Samurais, Six Hulks a Smashing, FIIIIIIIVE DIE HARD FIIIIILMS, Four Crystal Skulls, Three Dark Knights, Two Expendables, and A Twilight on an open flame"

"On the Eleventh day of Christmas a film buff gave to me Eleven Ranting Critics, Ten Black Swans, Nine Crappy Remakes, Eight Bellas Whining, Seven Samurais, Six Hulks a Smashing, FIIIIIIIVE DIE HARD FIIIIILMS, Four Crystal Skulls, Three Dark Knights, Two Expendables, and A Twilight on an open flame"

"On the Twelveth day of Christmas a film buff gave to me Twelve Bays Exploding, Eleven Ranting Critics, Ten Black Swans, Nine Crappy Remakes, Eight Bellas Whining, Seven Samurais, Six Hulks a Smashing, FIIIIIIIVE DIE HARD FIIIIILMS, Four Crystal Skulls, Three Dark Knights, Two Expendables, and A Twilight on an open flame"

Thanks a lot everyone Merry Christmas.

The Film Arsenal: The Mini-Gun a/k/a Old Painless

Merry Christmas everyone and welcome back to the The Film Arsenal. The Gatling gun or the mini-gun; the most powerful machine gun ever created. In most films it’s used in helicopters, tanks, and other military vehicles; mostly just a turret weapon. But as far as I know, in 1987 all that changed in the film Predator. Used by the character Blain (played by Jesse “The Body” Ventura) to mow down groups of enemies in sight. Though the Gatling gun was made to be a handheld gun for the film it’s not exacting lightweight and controllable, one squeeze of the trigger and it’s like you’re in a rodeo. Not to mention carrying around a 1,000 rounds in a backpack. This gun is so awesome in the film that it even has a nickname Old Painless. The handheld mini-gun was used in other films that followed such Terminator 2: Judgment Day used by none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. And in Resident Evil Apocalypse where the antagonist Nemesis uses a one handed mini-gun that fires 5,000 rounds. In 2010 Old Painless makes an epic comeback in the sequel Predators also in 2010 a shoulder mounted mini-gun is use in the film Iron Man 2 by the armored hero War Machine.

The Film Vindicator Review: Brain Smasher A Love Story

Hey everyone and welcome back before we started I would like as to ask for a moment of silence for my sister of 27 years Karen Wilson who passed away on December 10th. She will be missed but not forgotten by the Wilson Clan...................................thank you now on with the review.

We start off with a guy on a pay phone; this is our main character Ed Molloy a/k/a Brain Smasher (played by Andrew Dice Clay). After he's done on the phone, he then breaks the forth wall taking to the audience like he's Frankie Muniz. Right away I'm not impressed with this film folks. After the opening credits we cut to London, England we're introduced to Samantha Crain (played by Teri Hatcher). She receives a letter from her sister Cammy Crain (played by Deborah Van Valkenburgh) asking her to deliver a package to Portland, Oregon. At Portland Samantha arrives at a warehouse where she's confronted by Shaolin Monks of the Red Lotus sect who has captured her sister. The leader of the monks Wu (played by Yuji Okumoto) demands Samantha to give them the package which is a red lotus. As soon as Samantha is about to hand them the package Cammy breaks free from the monks and the two escaped. Before I go on the film has a shitty running gag of Samantha calling the monks ninjas that gets annoying rather quickly and Samantha is flipping retarded. Or at least the writer of this film is flipping retarded. On the run Cammy explains that the red lotus possesses some type of ultimate power and the monks want it. Cammy takes the red lotus and the two split up with the monks on the trail follow Samantha. She stops at night club where Ed works as a bouncer and don't get your hopes that this film will be just as awesome as The Bouncer video game. Even though Ed is rather competent that he took out two of the monks with no problem. Samantha enters the night club and Ed follows; the rest of the monks enter the night club and immediately start beating up everyone. Ed catches up with Samantha and she explains her situation but Ed doesn't believe her until the monks. The two escape night club and hitch a ride on a bus. They stop by Ed's parents’ house....for some reason and trust me there's nothing important here so let’s skip it. The monks catch up to them at Ed's place and the two make a run for it; Ed takes out a few of the monks before he and Samantha are arrested by the cops. At the police station they told the cops of what's gonna on but cops in this film are made of useless and kinda racist; so another pointless scene to skip. The monks arrive and as usually they beat the crap out of everything that moves. Ed and Samantha got out of the station leaving the asshole cops to die and honestly I don't blame them. Ed complains that he's in way over his head and decides to leave Samantha; I don't know what he's complaining about he's been doing just fine against the monks. Later Samantha tries to contact Cammy at a hotel and the manager asked her to come to the hotel. But little does she know that IT'S A TRAP by set up by the monks. Samantha waits at a strip club for a ride at the hotel until Ed arrives and soon after the monks. A fight breaks out as Samantha tries to get away; Ed holds off the monks as much as he could enough for Samantha to get away. Samantha arrives at a church where she meets up with Cammy. The two called the monks making a trade for Ed for the red lotus at a closed night club. The monks arrive with Ed as the sisters wait for them. And with that another fight breaks out; Cammy armed with a gun takes out the remaining monks leaving only Wu. Wu knocks out Cammy and starts beating on Ed but he gets an upper hand and punches Wu's face in...quite literally. Wu still around has the red lotus and proceeds to eat it GAME OVER right..... Nope it turns out not only the lotus is a fake it's also poisonous and Wu dies. OK....if that lotus was poisonous why bother fighting the monks? Just let them have it and just maybe they would all eat it and die. Anyway Ed and Samantha get together and the film ends and THANK GOD IT'S OVER.

My Final Verdict: Back in my Timecop review I said it was the perfect definition of 90s action. This film is the polar opposite of that; it's just one of the worst I've ever seen. And ever more worst it tries to be funny and FAILS! You want a good action comedy look up The Golden Child. This film kinda got something going for it but there's just so much stupid that makes your brain scream. I would really want to like this film if I wasn't so distracted by the stupid in most scenes.

And with that garbage out of the way stay tuned next time as we look into a film as a celebration of Twilight FINALLY DONE and hopefully to be forgotten in time. Next time it's The Vampire Effect.

The Film Vindicator Review: Blood: The Last Vampire

Well it's finally come down to reviewing crappy live action films based off of popular animes and mangas. Just like with popular video games turned into shit-stain films due to the piss-poor decisions by the filmmakers. So does Blood: The Last Vampire fails to live up its anime film counterpart?

We start off on a train in 1970s Japan as we're introduced to Saya Otonashi (played by Jun Ji-hyun) in an opening scene that's downright similar to the opening scene from the anime film. In fact this film does a almost scene to scene from the anime film. Anyway Saya stares at a man who starts getting nervous of being watched by her. The nervous man tries to leave into the next train cars but Saya pursues him until he's cornered. The man rips out a metal railing and proceeds to attack Saya but she pulls out a sword and cuts him dead. When the train stops at a station Saya is approached by a group of men led by Michael Harrison (played by Liam Cunningham) who are basically a cleanup crew after every vampire she kills to leave no evidence. So it's revealed that Saya works for an organization called the Council that hunts down vampires for centuries. In this film there is flashback that explains Saya's backstory but I'll just tell to you for the sake of time Saya is a centuries old human/vampire hybrid whose father was the most revered vampire hunter. At a motel room Saya receives a new mission from Harrison to investigate some gruesome killings at Kanto High School near a US air force base in Tokyo. This may lead her chance to find and kill Onigen the oldest and very powerful vampire. At the high school we're introduced to Alice McKee (played by Allison Miller) (who's the daughter of the base's general) as Saya arrives at the school. Cut to a kendo class Alice is being asked to stay and practice only to be left at the mercy of two classmates coming at her with swords until Saya arrives and kills them both. Alice leaves after witnessing what just happened but shortly returns with father but the Council has already clean up the scene. Later at a Japanese restaurant Harrison receives word from his contact that Onigen has arrived in Japan as we cut to Onigen (played by Koyuki) arriving at a fancy hotel. Cut to Alice following her kendo instructor Powell (played by Colin Salmon) believing that he knows something of what's going on. Alice trails him down at a bar and questions him but it turns out only he's a vampire but everyone in the bar are vampires. Alice runs away and the vampires chase after her; she gets cornered but is saved by Saya. The scene breaks out into a pretty good action sequence which luckily the camera stays perfectly still instead of shaking around like you're having a seizure. Powell arrives and turns into a beast like creature snatches Alice and runs off but Saya pursues. Saya catches up to him and saves Alice again as Powell sprouts wings and flies off. Saya and Alice drive to the Kanto Air Base and spots Powell heading towards a plane about to take off and once again the film takes a similar approach from the anime film as the girls in the jeep catches up to him and Saya cuts him down dead. Saya tells Alice to just go home and forget what she had seen.

Later Alice's father has been investigating on the Council agents disguised as CIA; this unfortunately causes his own life when one of the agents Luke (played by JJ Feild) arrives and shoots him dead. Alice then shortly arrives witnessed the aftermath and managed to take out the agent temporary. Alice locates Saya from a notepad and immediately Luke orders to open fire on Alice. But since Saya has no loyalty for the Council only providing info for her, she protects Alice. Luke corners Saya and Alice but Harrison arrives to stop him but Luke shoots him down. Damn the one film where Liam Cunningham isn't the bad guy and he gets killed off; that's honestly a real let down. Anyway Saya kills Luke but not before getting wounded and the two run off in an army truck. They stop at an ancient house in the middle of the forest; Alice putting two and two together cuts open her hand and gives blood to Saya enabling her to recover. The next morning the two continue driving searching for Onigen until they are attacked by her underling. Saya and Alice are run off the road and the truck gets stuck in a chasm. Saya continues to fight the underling until she manages to defeat it but the truck starts falling further into the chasm. Miraculously the two survived the fall...somehow and they woke into a place straight out of Inuyasha. Seriously I have no clue where they are so I'm just gonna assume that the chasm was the ancient well and the two ended up in Inuyasha's time period...whatever. This is where the final showdown between Saya and Onigen takes place and it's revealed that Onigen is Saya's mother. Insert your own Empire Strikes Back joke here. So far it appears that Onigen has the upper hand until Alice attacks her from behind with a pitch fork before Onigen knocks her out. Saya gains the upper hand and finally kills Onigen ending the Inuyasha zone and returning to the real world. Yeah try to make sense of what the hell I'm talking about. The film ends with Alice being questioned about the events that happened mentioning that Saya is still out there searching.

My Final Verdict: OK this may gonna surprise all of you but this film is not all that bad honestly. When watching it the first time before I started reviewing films I thought it was average. But watching it again it's a decent film; the source material isn't all deluded and was put together just fine. Unlike films such as Dragonball Evolution where everything is slapped together like a puddle of piss in a pothole. So I think it's safe to say that yeah Blood: The Last Vampire is one of the rare good films based off an anime/manga. Pretty much on the same level of Mortal Kombat being one of the rare good films based off a video game. And may I dare say that Saya has better emotional range than Bella Swan. Anyway stay tuned next time as we look into Brainsmasher: A Love Story...I'm getting a feeling that the title sounds like a lie.